II

Whom it May Concern-I Hate Ulquiorra Schiffer

It took a day before I hooked up with the Cuatro's gang. Honestly, I didn't want the break. The administrative stuff took that long to be official. Or to be less polite, for Ulquiorra argue with Lord Aizen. That day I spent being chased around Las Noches like a stray dog.

In a new, clean uniform, I sauntered into the Arrancar's room on my first day. There he was, in a white jacket, in a white room, sitting on a white chair, a white pen in his hand, and writing on a white-stupid-desk. Some days, I just wanted to go to the World of the Living, get a dozen and a half different neon colored spray cans and go loony. Until that day, I would just have to pretend that I was happy with the color scheme.

"What are you doing in here fracción?" Each one of Ulquiorra Schiffer's syllables was accented with a light dash of get-of-here-or-I-will-kill-you. He hadn't even bothered to remember my name. Ah well, I was always expecting too much anyways.

"I," I swooped into the lowest bow I could do without falling over, "am here to do your ever-wonderful bidding until the day that I die."

The song of scratching didn't stop as his green eyes slid to glare at me, "Aren't you a little cocky now for being on your last leg?"

It was true. If I didn't become chums with Ulquiorra, Lord Aizen would have no choice but to kill me. Who said it had to make sense? Most of the time, everybody was in the dark of what the head honcho was thinking.

I straightened up and returned the look, "Yes, I know that. I'm sick of trying to please you Espada. I mediated with Zommari for ten hours once. It was as boring as watching paint peel. Did he keep me around? Nope. I fought Nnoitra even though I can hardly hold a sword straight. Did he keep me around? Uh-uh. Aaroniero was the best. I saw him once, and then two months later, he just randomly threw me out."

"Yes, you are my last chance," I shrugged, "I'm done being what people want. If you don't want that, too bad, 'cause here I am."

He relined his gaze to his paper, "I was informed you were disrespectful, but you don't even try to sound respectful towards your superiors."

At this point in my short hollow career, I didn't care. I was expecting to receive the sharp of end of the sword any day, might as well forget the lies.

"Since you are obviously not aware of the rules of my fracción, I will explain, trash," the pen skimmed across the paper.

"There are only two, easy enough for your brain. Number one, you must stay out of my sight. Clearly, that means that this room is off limits until I leave."

He paused and I waited till he decided to finish. I didn't think that he would be the spacey type.

"Didn't you hear me? This room is off limits, now."

Yeah, I heard him. I thought he might finish with the new rules of my life before kicking me out. I reversed my engine and backed up until I was barely inside the room. He kept on writing. I went a tiny bit further out into the hall. Lingering there, he must have seen me somehow, contradicting himself.

"Two, you will never assist me beyond the daily needs of this castle. I work alone. Never come to my aid or follow me," What kind of stupid boring life did he expect me to live?

"Nor will you ask me anything, tell me anything or even speak to me. I don't have time for your empty mind," Well, that clearly put complaints out of the question. Ulquiorra's full attention returned to his paper. I wondered stupidly what to do next.

I stood there until one of his other fracción's arms dragged me away, telling me how stupid I was. Like I didn't know that.

The last thing I expected to do under Ulquiorra's wonderful and stunning leadership was make his bed. Yet, it was week #3 and every morning after he left for his daily Espada meetings, I was there, folding up his bed and mopping his floor.

I pulled up the last sheet and pressed out the creases. Never in a million years, did I think that I would be a housemaid. Every other fracción had something important to do but I was stuck with the house work. Hey, at least I got the rest of the day off to do whatever I wanted to do. That prospect flopped like a dead fish. There turned out to be nothing to do other than to wander the halls.

I positioned the steaming hot teapot on the table and yanked up his chair. The chair unhappily accepted my weight and I poured myself a cup of his tea. He wouldn't notice as I breathed in the leaf brewed mixture.

They were still talking about boring stuff. I could envision the Espada arguing over who was going to do the laundry and filing. They didn't even do the stuff they were assigned personally, yet they argued. It would take them another hour before they figured that out, let alone how to conquer the Soul Society.

I sipped his warm tea, enjoying the good life until I dozed off. It's really amazing how fast two hours speed by when you have nothing else to do.

I swear the door should have woken me up, but no, of course it didn't. It was the phrase that caused most hollows to scamper away or beg for mercy.

"What are you doing, trash?"

Ulquiorra's face was really not the first thing that I wanted to see when I woke up. It's like waking up with a sword leering in your face. Yeah, that pleasant.

I yawned and set the tea down, "Just enjoying your tea, it's really good. What's in it?"

"A sedative," the dead pan answer caused me to almost drop the cup.

"Oh, well then, I really suggest that you don't drink it," I slid his chair back and stood. Hopefully, he didn't notice that the hairs on the back on my neck were doing a little dance. I started walking to the door, hoping that he wouldn't stop me. No such luck.

"What are you doing in this room fracción?" He blocked the only exit. I redirected my path to the cleaning cart; hiding behind it was the only kind of defense that I could think of.

"I was doing your dirty-I mean, cleaning your room as per usual Master Ulquiorra." That word flaked rust. "Master", I hated that adjective, but at this point I didn't have much of a choice.

"Drinking my tea everyday is what you call doing my dirty work?" I winced, the cat ran far, far, far away from the bag.

"Uh…I was checking it for…poison! We all have enemies. I thought that I would be showing you my loyalty by risking my life for yours." Lying through my teeth, I rattled the cart towards the door.

A pale hand stopped the rattling, "Really? Now, if I believed you, then you would be seemingly off the hook. We both know that you don't care about me beyond that I keep you alive. It is a common fact you don't have any loyalty to anything or anyone."

I gave the cart a shove, yeah, it wasn't going anywhere. I tried to think of another way that I could get out of this mess. The air thickened up like some sort of evil witch's brew.

"Uh, kinda…" I had more to that sentence but it wasn't coming out. It probably had something to do with the two eyes that were trying to dissect my brain with mini lasers.

"I realize that you don't care about your welfare anymore, but still there must be some reason that you disobey my orders," I held back my responses, honestly I hadn't disobeyed his order until he walked in the door. That was his fault.

Ulquiorra started sliding closer from the cart, "I really dislike trash like you. You're a waste of my time."

I abandoned the cart's meager defense. It could have been more useful if I had thrown it. Alas, I couldn't lift a slug.

As he started getting within prodding-with-a-sword radius, my nerves sparked. I had seen him in action. It was like a flash! and a bang! and multiple enemies on their backs and filling out forms to find their missing organs. My zanpakuto climbed into my hands. It wouldn't be much use anyways.

"Do you really think a half grown sword is going to increase your chances?" His hand flashed and my sword danced over the moon with the spoon. Like I said, it wasn't going to be much help. The cart accordingly tumbled to the ground with the aftershock.

"No, but I would rather have it then not," My mouth tended to run on its own when I'm distracted with a life or death situation. I retreated a tad bit more from the sword and its master.

Ulquiorra paused and surveyed the progressing mess on the floor. Cleaning solution, polishing goo, snaky rags, and other various torture devises I used to clean were trying to make their escape. Slowly leaking from the cart onto the floor, they were turning into an unidentifiable, arbitrary shape.

A tiny flash of brilliance popped in my brain. I fell to my knees and grasped the closest escapee.

"Here, let me get this," I gibbered. The slime from the rag found a new home on my hands. Into a rolling bucket, the rag fell and I waited for my head to fly away. I got another rag in, then a handful of muck, and then an empty container. The espada brooded overhead as I gathered up more goo.

"Clean that up and leave."

I froze. He wasn't going to kill me now? Ulquiorra's feet tapped away and his chair groaned. In my imagination, it was complaining about the fact that he hadn't killed me.

My brain was in a confused traffic jam. I thought that I was ready for the strike. Was I supposed to be happy now? My fingers crept out from under me like snails and seized another rag.

I shook the stoplights from my head. I grabbed another bottle. There were other times to ponder my impermanence. I hadn't really thought of it as that: "impermanence". Suddenly, I wished that I had a shirt with the word: "permanent" in flashing yellow and spewing confetti. The bottle went bang into bucket.

Ulquiorra sat there and ignored me, fine by me. I shoved my thoughts from my mind and did my job. I dug in the cart for the mop. Stupid déjà vu, this wasn't the first time that I had to clean up this mess. Two days ago, another espada just had his lid flipped and went out of his way to nicely throw my cart into a wall. He had guffawed away happily. Karma was never on my side.

After getting most of the muck off the floor, I looked at the Arrancar that almost killed me. Ulquiorra was book straight in the chair; writing some piece of literature. I betted it was a formal request to kill me. He was such a stickler for rules.

I stuffed the mop away and surveyed the clean floor. I gave the cart a push and it ran from the room. Thanks for nothing Ulquiorra,I mentally sayonaraed. The sound that door made as it closed could be heard throughout Las Noches.

Oops.

Did I care?

Nope. Never have. Never will.

It's a miracle! Chapter 2 is finally up! Honestly this is really chapter 3-4. The real chapter 1 was cut for boring reasons, so that made chapter 2 number 1. Then this chapter is two chapters together because I thought that the first part was too short. Yes, before you ask, I am picky about my writing.

I like that word, guffawed (laugh boisterously). I want to be able to say: "I guffawed evilly as I stole a cookie." Doesn't that just sound awesome?

Review please!

-Quin

Bleach, Ulquiorra and co. do not belong to me but to the awesome Tite Kubo. Sola is my own creation, therefore copyrighted to me (she disproves of this).