VII

A Spiffy Sword

"So, I was correct," my eyes flopped open as my brain rebooted. The familiar feeling of having been chewed up, spat out and left to crawl away made me wish for my bed.

"What…?" Dropped away and my brain failed to tell me why I was stuck in the sand. Oh right, Ulquiorra Cifer kidnapped me, demanded my sword and knocked me out with it. The pain disappeared from the premises and I found myself sitting position for the second time that night. This falling over process had to stop, getting up from the sand was getting old in a timely fashion.

My eyes surprised me. The Espada's hand hovered somewhere above me, holding my sword. That wasn't surprising, the sword was. My sword didn't have a full blown blade or look completely awesomely normal. I wobbled to my feet.

"What's that?" I mumbled as I checked to see if Ulquiorra's weapon was still at his side. His sword…what was that thing called again? Murtag? Laggio? Merci? Merriclangi? I hit gold after a second of annoying spanish thinking, Murciélago. Whatever, the fancy named sword was still in it's sheath. Deduction only left one option.

"It's your sword," He confirmed. Tossing it at me, I barely stopped the blade from cutting open my face. I clutched the hilt and it flickered at my attention.

I nervously tested the swing and the point danced away in the air, "How can this be?"

Ulquiorra drew his own sword and forced it into the sand, "Simple, since you have such insignificant spiritual pressure, your sword simply lacked enough to be whole. All I did was take a tiny amount of my own spiritual pressure and seal it into your sword. You can't release it, but trash like you never stood a chance anyways."

I paused my gusto. He was in me now? That disturbed me. I immediately felt his disgust for his environment creeping into my feelings. The sword fell my side. I wanted my old one back.

"Hold it one second, you're in me? I didn't sign up for that," He frowned and left his sword behind.

"Idiot, no. I gave you my energy therefore when it transferred it became yours. I would never become…involved with anything dispensable," I wasn't sure if I was supposed to be happy or insulted. I glanced back at my blade again, now I owed Ulquiorra Schiffer. Great.

I stood there as I tried to figure out everything. That turned out to be the worst thing I could do. Ulquiorra's sheath randomly rammed into my side out of nowhere and I went stumbling. There was no way I was going to fall into that sand again. I wobbled around but proudly kept my footing.

"Pay attention," Came his voice as I grabbed harder onto my new sword. Was this his idea of training? Because it seemed more like let's-whack-up-a- fracción then any real help. As the Espada attacked at a slower pace, I jumped aside.

The jumping away didn't work, instead he somehow ended up behind me. The piece of wood bit my ankle. Clamping onto my tongue, I swung at him. What a surprise, the sheath shot up and blocked my weapon. Even if it did hit, I probably couldn't do damage, it would be like trying to cut a piece of wood with a needle.

A black foot rolled up into the air, I dodged carefully. The sheath moved again. I could see it's path this time. I raised my sword, but still a second late. I darted off to make sure I still had a shoulder.

Ulquoirra stopped to watch. I could see he was thinking about how inadequate I was at this. Boo hoo, you're stuck with me. I lunged forward, a plain and boring forward attack wouldn't metaphorically cut it. I knew that. Being smarter than usual, I used sonido. I zoomed right onto his coat tails. A piece of his black hair touched my nose. Sneezing, I cursed my height.

His hand jabbed in out of nowhere and my face became full of sand. I hated the stuff. I burrowed over and found the Espada a fracción toss away. "Distain" could have been stamped in bold letters all over his face.

"You have no skills with the blade," his eyes watched as I ascended to my feet, "Your normal speed is pathetic, your sonido was slower than a paperweight, your spiritual pressure could be called a joke, and you have no brain for battle. Cleaning my room is the only skill that you will ever possess," He forecasted my future abilities and fate in seconds.

"Hey!" I shouted. There was a difference between evaluating and insulting, clearly he couldn't tell the difference.

"My evaluation is correct, unlike your mind," I shoved my anger into the ground with my toe. He was right and I knew it, but at least I tried. Didn't that give me brownie points? I wasn't going to argue, Ulquiorra Schiffer didn't change his mind. He didn't have an eraser in that noggin of his, he was born without one.

Spinning the sheath lightly in his hand, the subject of my thoughts dryly commanded, "Again."

"Seriously? You aren't going to show me how to use this thing?" I looked at the weapon in my hand. What I knew came from watching others, nobody bothered to teach me due to the obvious nature of my sword.

"No fracción, I will not," Ulquiorra's form jumped. A blink and a slash later, my sword flew away and I fell right on my back again. Pinning the piece of wood to my neck, he tried to prove his point. I squirmed under his immense pressure that leaked out at close range.

"You're dead," the Espada stated.

"I got that," closing my hand on sheath, I pushed it away from my collum, "trust me, I got it. That's the second time today; there must a record for that."

I crawled away in search of my weapon, "You've got to give me a hint or else I am 'dead' every couple seconds."

The Espada didn't answer. He was just so much help. I wanted to write a Highly-Recommended-For-Higher-Management form and postcard it over to Lord Aizen. The sand relinquished my sword you'll get it back, I told it, trust me.

"Alright," I tested the swing thinking happier thoughts, "I'm ready."

Ulquiorra raised an eyebrow as I attempted to dance back and forth, pumping my sword. Others had done it, why wouldn't it work for me?

"That's not going to work," Mr. Pessimistic mentioned.

I found out why a second later. I dragged myself out of the ground. I tried something else. Did it work? What do you think? No, it did not. Over the course of multiple hours I became a very good acquaintance with the sand.

Finally, I laid there and felt the inflicted bruises on my arms, legs, shoulders, head, and practically everywhere in between. I just wanted snack, not a freakin' training session with the Espada that was getting the Worst Teacher Award a thousand years in the coming.

"Get up fracción," demanded the impassive voice that had driven me around a fake arena.

"No."

"You did not hear me, get up," I made a face.

"I did hear you, but I would rather not."

"You're not done, get up," the Espada bristled back.

"Nope," I raised a hand into the air, "you see, you are mistaken. I am done."

A face intervened into my view of the sky, "Get up."

"Sorry, no can do bossman. I'm beat, literally, metaphorically and everything in between."

His eyes narrowed. What? Never been rejected before? Welcome to the club.

"Get up before I force you to your feet," He commanded again.

"No," today I had the nerve not obey him, a feat in my option, "I am tired and hungry. I'm not doing anything else unless it includes going to the kitchen or to my wonderful bed."

Ulquiorra crunched over my words. A second later, his hand shot down and glued itself to my shoulder. Just as promised he lifted me to my feet. I relaxed my legs so they curved under and incorrectly set themselves on the sand. The Espada let go. My knees bent and down I went. A small cloud of sand poofed right into his frown.

I grinned as his eyebrows drew in and he looked completely miffed, "Get up fracción. I will not tolerate insolence."

"No," he was still an Arrancar, no matter how he acted, he had buttons. I could push them. I had just hit gold. We paused for a minor stare down. Both sides of this truly meaningless affair weren't caving.

"Up," Pointing at me, I could feel his frustration building in the air.

"Woof."

"Up now, trash."

"Upgrading me to trash? That's nice. No," The longer this went, I could feel my nerves start to fatten and grow. He had tried-abet failed-to help me with my sword skills. Then there was the matter of the sword.

His face went to ice and he stalked away. Had I, a fracción, really won? The very real sword in my face said otherwise.

"Get up fracción or I will kill you and leave here. Your death will be painful and no one will care. Even if your healing skills bring you back, you will still wander around until you starve. But, if by some miracle, you find your way back, I will make sure you end. You will die again and in any case I look at this course of action I will be rid of this stupidity."

That was just effective as a stolid punch to the face.

My confidence shattered like a glass window, "Fine, fine, fine. I'll get up. Don't get your tail in a knot."

I struggled to my feet, wondering why he was so stubborn all the time, like the world had to be his way. I wanted to step back for a second, couldn't this world go on without me for a bit? l wouldn't even mind to stay on the "Jail" in Monopoly a couple of turns.

I raised my head to see the desert spin away as a certain Espada grasped my jacket. The hallway in front of my "dorm" yawned open to intercept us. I once again fell from my feet and Ulquiorra Schiffer zipped away.

"He didn't even bother to say good night," I grumbled. I became distracted as my stomach spontaneously threw up. Soindo stunk more than this morning's breakfast I decided after a minute.

I dragged myself to bed and slammed the door. I cursed the Cuatro for good measure as I flopped on the bed. Oh yes, a 'Go to Jail' card would be perfect right now.

Thanks to Nizuna Fujieda & September Sky for reviewing!

I love this chapter, when I wrote this I thought to myself "This is the chapter that I am going jab at things I don't like." There was no offence meant at people who speak spanish, but when you have names like Ulquiorra Schiffer, Nnoitra Gilga, Aaroniero Arruruerie, Nelliel Tu Odelschwanck, and/or Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez swimming around your head, spelling can be an issue. Also, Ulquiorra gives a poke at one of my pet peeves as well. :)

Best of all, Sola goes "Woof", I love that.

I am running out the door (weekend vacation), so thanks to everybody who reviewed!

Review are amazing and people who do them get giant cookies,

-Quin

Bleach, Ulquiorra and co. do not belong to me but to the awesome Tite Kubo. Sola is my own creation, therefore copyrighted to me (she disproves of this).