Hey there! Sorry, I couldn't help to write this one-shot, I felt the need and I think it's good so I thought "why don't I upload it?" lol. Remember my one-shot "Easier to Run?" Ok, so this is like a sequel to it, so if you want to understand this, you have to read the other one.
This is another song-fic :) and it's Miley the one telling the story.
The song I used is "Forever" by Fireflight, VERY AWESOME BAND! I suggest you listen to it!
Hope you like it, and if you do, pleeeeeease leave a review (: it will make me really happy! Love you guys, and thanks!
Reasons, Purposes, Tunnels and Holes
Two months. It's been two months since my hell started. Two months since my life fell down into a hole and nobody was there to rescue it.
I've been two months looking crazy, with no road, lost in the game (or more like a game-over). I lost count of how many tears I've dropped, how many times I've put a knife on my wrists and slidden it out, how many nights I've survived, sleepless, restless, hopeless.
Sometimes I feel so cold, like I'm waiting around all by myself.
Loneliness gets so old, I'm in the lost and found sitting on the shelf.
I thought of suicide, ending my life in just a second. Don't know, a bullet, a knife, poison… I wished it was so damn easy. I wished killing myself would've been as easy as Romeo did, or even Juliet did. No second thoughts, no waste of time, no looking back, anything, just bang! And life's gone. So damn easy.
Been stuck for way too long. You're who I'm counting on…
I thought I was never going to see the light at the end of the tunnel again. Because it was no tunnel, it was a hole. And at the end of a hole, there might be more of the same hole or just the floor. If you fall, you crash your body against it, so you die. I was dying already, dying alive... loving someone who didn't love me back. Dying daily, with everybody around me unable to understand me.
I know that you can tell when I start to let my hope fade away.
I need to catch myself, open my ears to hear you calling my name.
Been fighting way too long, you had me all along.
I used to ask myself everyday: "why was I even alive?" "do I have a purpose to keep living for?" "does somebody need me?" "does somebody love me?" . My mind used to be the one answering "Because you're so damn coward" , "No, you don't" , "No, nobody needs you" , "No, nobody loves you". And my mind's voice was the only one I could hear, and everyday it repeated the same to me. "You're useless, worthless". I thought people hated me: Yang hated me, Yin hated me, Yincky hated me, I hated me...
Oh, tell me you're here, that you will watch over me, forever.
Oh, take hold of my heart, show me you'll love me...forever, forever.
But one day, one single day, it all changed. All of a sudden, as if someone cast a spell, said a few magical words and turned this hell into heaven. I would thank that person, but... I don't even know who it is.
It was a day I was finally up to end my life. I prepaired everything. I went to the highest building, I went upstairs, I climbed the roof. I was there, above my world, my hellish world, in top of everyone, of everything. I thought "This world is going to be better off without me, and my purpose was always to save the world, so if ending my life means that, so welcome it". I took a step forwards, and bang, I felt the bullet, I felt the knife, I drank the poison, all at once, while I was falling, fast and faster, to the end of the hole. The floor I would crash against and finally, die. Death was going to welcome me, and I was so damn happy about it. I closed my eyes, felt the wind, the soft wind that slapped me instead of caressing me. But then, when I was only a few meters away from the end, two hands stopped my death.
"What the...?" I could only whisper and I dared open my eyes. Then I saw, those violet, full of life eyes, staring at me with a fear I've never seen before. Concern, worry, confusion, despair... swimming in those violet seas I could finally recognize as my lover's eyes.
When I'm starting to drown, you jump in and you save me.
When my world's upside down, your hands they shake me and wake me!
"Yang? What are you-?" he put me on the ground, and placed a finger on my lips, shushing me up. I was ready to listen whatever I had to listen.
"Miley, I... I don't know where to begin. I caused this to you, I made you want to suicide... Oh my Gosh, kill me if that makes you feel better because I don't think I can live with this guilt" he confessed, and I had no reasons to believe him, not after everything he's done to me, but something in my heart told me that his words were sunken in truthfulness.
"Dying is easier than living. That's why I was going to do this. Why would I make it easier for you?" I asked aloud "WHY DID YOU STOP ME!" I screamed, full of anger. He stopped me from doing what it took me months to decide.
"I CAN'T! I can't let you die!" he answered, nervous tone of voice.
"Why? Because of your guilt? No, let me die, if it's only guilt what makes you stop me from doing this, I beg you... leave me alone, I don't want it" tears began to struggle with me. They wanted to fall, I didn't.
"No, Miley, it's not guilt, it's love. I love you, I LOVE YOU! You have to believe me, I love you!" he began to yell, and he seemed to be struggling with his own tears too, and he lost the battle. "I don't know why it took me so long to realize that... I wasn't myself, I swear to God I wasn't myself. Look what I've done to you, you'll never forgive me, but... I only want you alive, don't leave, I love you, Miley, I LOVE YOU!" he repeated that over and over... The more he said it, the more I believed it, but it was so hard for me to do it.
"WHY! IF YOU LOVED ME, YOU WOULD'VE NEVER DONE SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO ME! YOU LEFT ME! YOU KILLED ME! YOU KILLED THE HAPPY GIRL I USED TO BE! YOU RUINED MY LIFE!" I spat harsh words that I truly meant. I wanted to hurt him, I wanted to make him feel as guilty as he's never felt before.
"I know, I know" he cried. "I don't even deserve to talk to you right now... But I swear, it's like I wasn't myself. I've been a jerk, a dumbass. I wasn't a man, not a real one" he added. "I'm not asking you to forgive me, I never will, I just... want you to be alive, please... If I can't have you anymore, at least give me the chance to see you alive, please" tears were blurring my sight of him, his tears were. I never saw him cry the way he did then. Why shouldn't I believe him? Well... I did believe him, but I was hurt, and no, I wasn't going to forgive him.
Now there was someone talking to me. I could ask that person all the questions I made to myself and compare the answers.
"Why? Why should I be even alive? Do I have a purpose to keep living for? Does somebody need me? Does somebody love me?"
He looked right into my green, full of hate, eyes and put a hand on my shoulder that I didn't fight to get it off.
"Because you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, the one I loved and never stopped to, the one that keeps me alive. You do have a purpose to keep living. Besides saving the world, it is to make me happy only with your presence. I do need you, more than anyone could ever do, and I love you, more than I did before"
Oh, tell me you're here, that you will watch over me, forever.
Oh, take hold of my heart, show me you'll love me...forever, forever.
Wait a second, those weren't the same answers my mind said. No... how was that even possible? There was a reason of why I should still be alive. I had a purpose to keep living for. Someone needed me. Someone loved me, exactly the person I wanted to be loved by. The hole turned into a tunnel, and the end of it wasn't the floor, it was a light.
"If what you say is true, give me time to think of it, and show me that it is really true..." the battle with my tears came to an end, and I was the loser.
"You'll see, I'll show you. Thanks Miley, thanks..." saying that, he hugged me. I couldn't help to hug him back, slowly but I did. Then, he stopped hugging me and kissed me, his lips meeting mines after so long.
I finally found myself. I was finally happy again.
Oh, tell me you're here, that you will watch over me, forever.
Oh, take hold of my heart, show me you'll love me...forever, forever.
After that, things got much better. We began to be a couple again, and he truly showed me everything he's said back then. After this, is when I see some sense in the phrase"Don't give up even if you've already given up". I gave up, but life gave me a second chance, and I wasn't going to drop it.
...
So? What you guys think of this? Is it good? Bad? PLEASE! I need to know, so leave a reviiiiewwww! I'd be really thankful :3
Thanks to everybody who reads this, hope you enjoyed it!
~A.