VIII

Concerning Cryptic Matters

My formal request for a 'Go to Jail' card was denied. No, more than denied, it was rejected, torn up and thrown right back in my face. The best part was I hadn't even asked yet. Before I woke up, I knew the answer. Finally, I was learning the trend of Hueco Mundo, "no" was the white sheep in this flock.

The next day, Ulquiorra's meetings avoided being canceled to my relief. I cleaned his room in a peaceful, sore, crabby and generally half sleep manner. Something about getting run around and whacked with a sheath until Starrk yawns takes it out on you. I couldn't imagine why.

I was managed a painfully average job until I slipped on a wet patch of white concrete. It wasn't like I mopped it a second earlier. Slamming into the Espada's desk, I sent a plethora of happily stacked papers screamed into a wet puddle. My luck seemed to have taken another sick day, that meant every day was one. How did I not get one personally? I rolled down the side of the furniture and scrambled to gather the damp pounded pieces of trees.

I placed the papers to dry on the bed, hearing every single rip, plop and tear. It wasn't me. I hadn't made this mess. Some other fracción, somebody with a pinhead brain had done this. The papers smearingly sighed at me.

My mind pinged at my written name as I straighten the leaning tower of pisa. Ulquiorra wrote about me? At the current moment, I was under the impression I was worth less then trash. I oozed over the waterlogged paper. His handwriting was so neat and straight that a puppy could read it if it hadn't disintegrated.

"To: Lord Aizen" I wondered who else he might write to, a girlfriend? I tried to think of the only possible Espada to be his girlfriend. I quickly moved on.

"Subject: Concerning matters previously stated." Why must Ulquiorra be cryptic? Was it in his blood or something? What if Lord Aizen couldn't remember the "matters previously stated"? Huh? Then what?

Of course, the first half of the memo thing was illegible. It dropped into legible land mid-sentence: "-as of the delicately of this matter, I will continue with the course of action that is most logical. With your approval, all will continue as planned." I wished that the beginning of this paragraph hadn't been sacrificed in the flood.

"The knowledge that you, the Octave Espada, and I share has not be revealed and will remain so until it becomes truly necessary, as it is your wish." What was he writing about? This thought was smashed with the intervening of next sentence.

"The fracción, Sola Kiri, remains incompetent;" no surprise there, "her only good attribute is her reaction time. She is still frankly trash and will remain so unless her condition changes. This, I highly doubt, will happen. She carries a full sword now, as per your orders. She continues-"the words blurred into a blob of black.

Ulquiorra Schiffer was reporting my condition and actions to Lord Aizen. What was going on? I wasn't even important in his plan for world domination. I reread the paragraph a million times until every readable word was recitable. Checking through the other papers, it was only the usual: written insults of being trash, shopping lists, orders, and other boring factors of daily life.

I settled everything into some sort of order. I slugged the rest of the mop water around quickly, I really didn't want to be caught red handed now. A quick death sentence anybody? I thought not.

That night the Espada kidnapped me again. Inconveniently for him, I wasn't hungry. That meant I wasn't wandering the halls. Instead, I was drooling in my bed. Do you think he bothered to knock? Ulquiorra popped straight into my room. There wasn't anything remarkable about the space unless you mentioned that even a spider could feel cramped.

I was asleep. You must realize something. Nothing can wake me, minus loud screaming and/or a good slap in the face. Again, to his shagrin, I was still dreaming of lollipops when he entered. Hanging an inch and a half over my head, he locked onto my shoulder and woke me up. 'Woke me up' was an understatement. I was injected into the real world. Screaming at the face in front of me, I rolled off the bed. Unfortunately, in such a diminutive space there was one place to roll off of and on to.

I bowled into the stomach of Ulquiorra Schiffer and together we crashed to the ground. In a mess of arms, legs, fingers and toes, I landed on his head. A horn stuck into my kidney, there wasn't much else of an explanation. Another Arrancar, the big fat one, stirred next door.

Banging the wall, he shouted, "Knock it off! What is a matter with you idiots?"

'Ulquiorra Schiffer's kidnapping me again' never got the chance to walk into the stratosphere, it would have drawn too much attention anyways. We froze. Luckily, big and fat didn't walk in, because I can imagine what he would have thought of our…pile. A hand jerked for my neck and my bed flashed away.

The desert wind moaned as we invaded it. Ulquiorra ungentlemanly like flung me off and into a dune. Lovely. I took a mouthful of sand as I tried to figure out which way was up. The moon rolled its eyes as I struggled to my feet.

I had about one second to realize his sword stood in position. Pulling my limbs together, I fell into a roll. Bingo! The oh-so-familiar sheath zipped across where I had been. I couldn't help but grin at my own personal triumph.

"Now what trash?"The question completely emptied my mind of any action that I was thinking about doing. I glared up at the Espada. If looks could kill, I would have just melted an ice cube. Really? I just avoided your sheath and now it was pop quiz time?

"Huh?" I replied intelligently. His sheath came down into the sand right next to my ear.

"Think. You're on the ground, how do you suppose you're going to get back up?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Easy, on my two feet."

"No, you just gave your opponent a clear advantage. You're dead the second you fall to the ground unless your enemy happens to trip over his own toes," 1% chance of happening, I was sure.

He allowed me get to my feet, "So what am I supposed to do then? What would you do if someone jumps out at you like that?"

"Simple, sonido."

"Well, I can't do that well."

"Then figure it out," the Espada lunged again. I tried to fix the puzzle multiple different ways. Nothing worked, jumping, dodging, and even running away, all failures. I kept trying to predict where the Arrancar would come at. I was wrong. Every time. I blocked left, he came right. I jumped backwards, he lunged from the back, it became very annoying.

I gave up finally. I stood statue still, hoping that he would get the drift. Ulquiorra attacked anyways. Bracing for impact, the flash came from behind. I guess it was fear or something but I automatically reacted. Raising the sword, I caught the blue sheath in my weapon's grasp. I blocked Ulquiorra's attack. Confetti, cheers and general party goers exploded into my head.

The Espada's face didn't change as he pulled back. I swept my mind clean as he came again. Bang, bang, bang, I stayed on my feet for almost a minute before the sheath swept me to the ground.

"Ha! I did it!" I cried as I pulled my head from a drift.

"You died," the unimpressed reply came from Mr. Doom and Gloom.

I found my sword, "So? I held my own for a minute there, not like ten seconds."

"Yes, that's because you stopped over thinking your actions and started trusting yourself," I smiled, Ulquiorra Schiffer just complimented me, "that will only go so far. Don't think you'll survive a second in a real battle." I crossed out my first thought, tore it up and threw it out a window. He continued to be a still a jerk with no soul.

"Fine, but still!" I attempted to spin my sword in the epic way that he had. No, I wasn't that good. I did manage not to disembowel myself though.

"Again," Uquiorra commanded. I hit the ground again a second later. I sighed into the sand, I could never win.

Thanks to Rose202 & N0izuna Fujieda for reviewing!

I really have nothing to say about this, I had to cut a chapter in half so that I would manage to get this up in time. But if you want to blame someone for not getting a longer chapter, blame my best friend, who kept bugging me while I was working on this. Thanks BF!

My best friend has something to say now: "Yeah I do. You are falsely accusing someone for your own laziness. Shame on you. Besides today we were having a discussion about favorite Kingdom Hearts characters and your funeral."

AXEL ALL THE WAY! *sigh*, yep that's my best friend. ANYWAYS, there will not be a chapter next week because my school starts and I am sure all of you understand that.

I will say I love the metaphor: "If looks could kill, I would have just melted an ice cube."I love twisting things so they go beyond the typical cliche.

Reviews get a unhappily forced hug from Ulquiorra.

-Quin

Bleach, Ulquiorra and co. do not belong to me but to the awesome Tite Kubo. Sola is my own creation, therefore copyrighted to me (she disproves of this).

Friend: Why do people always put disclaimers in every chapter? Most people already know that the author doesn't own this otherwise it would not be fanfiction.

She's invading everything now. Great.

ROXAS ALL THE WAY! He has two keyblades, Oathkeeper and Oblivion.

AXEL is awesome and when he cares about you enough not to back stab you he's your best friend. Come on, how much better can you get then sea salt ice cream! He even goes after *spoiler* after he's forgotten everything about their friendship!

Now we are just repeating our earlier discussion. Well readers if you know what Kingdom Hearts is then you should review saying your favorite character.

you know, I really highly doubt that, since this is in the Bleach section of fanfiction, possible though. Anything more best friend since this is longer then any of my other author comments?

You should really post this you know. Also the longer author's note makes up for the shorter chapter word count wise. Haha, you might have 21 chapters now unless you do a super long chapter, Lazy.

Nah. I am too lazy to do that.

SEE?

Like I said, my BEST friend. Enjoy!