Don't You Trust Me?
Bleach and its characters do not belong to me.
I spent the rest of the day staring at that piece of paper with the mysterious address.
'Go here. You'll like what you find.'
I couldn't be sure, but I felt like Kenny was telling my I'd find my mysterious asshole there.
He had made it explicably clear that I should stay away from him, so why did I keep looking for him?
Why was I so driven to find him, be near him?
I sighed and laid my head down on my pillow.
I couldn't explain it, but whenever I was around him, peace engulfed me.
I felt whole and safe though it had been danger that brought him to me.
It made no sense, I barely knew him yet I was ready to give him my everything.
Wasn't I the girl with trust issues? The girl that had her heart broken time and time again? The girl who thought all men were liars and cheats? The girl that had sworn off love?
Thinking of love brought me up short.
I couldn't deny the attraction I felt towards him, but I was sure if just being around me was bad; a relationship was definitely out of the question.
I sighed again and these thoughts continued to assault me into the night.
Before I fell asleep my phone started to vibrate.
I had received a text from an unknown number.
Sorry…
I had never seen the number but I somehow knew it was him.
I made up my mind to go that addresses rooftop on the 4th.
I had to see him again. I was tired of the games.
I had been sure a week ago when I made up my mind.
I had been sure when I was getting ready.
I had been sure when I started walking to the building.
But now, standing in front of the elevator, my certainty was wavering.
What if he wasn't here? What if he was?
What if he sent me away? What if he wanted me to stay?
What would I say? What would he say?
These questions and many more were making me hesitate to press the call button.
I gathered my resolve and pressed the button.
I needed answers and there was only one way to get them.
The ding as the elevator doors opened sounded ominous to me.
I took a breath, stepped inside and pressed the button for the rooftop.
Nervousness and uncertainty engulfed me again as I slowly ascended the building.
I started when the elevator jolted to s top.
The doors opened with a ding and… nothing. Nobody.
The rooftop was empty.
My resolve faltered but I told myself there was still time.
I'd wait. I sat down and took a beer out of the bag of food and drinks I had brought.
After an hour of drinking and waiting, the sun had set.
It was dark and soon fireworks would be exploding in the sky.
I wasn't sure how much longer I should wait.
I heard a ding, footsteps and a surprised, familiar voice.
"Rangiku…?"
I turned around and breathed a sigh of relief.
"You showed."
I had just been talking myself into going home.
He was still shocked.
"What one earth are you doing here? How'd you find me?"
I felt sheepish and wrung my hands behind my back.
"Your friend Kenny gave me the address. He said you wanted to see me…"
I hoped he wouldn't deny it.
He looked confused.
"Kenny? Oh Kenny! I told him to keep out of it actually. Should've known he wouldn't."
I frowned.
"So you didn't want to see me?"
He shook his head. I didn't understand why he had to be so blunt.
Hadn't he ever heard of sparing someone's feelings?
I nodded my head and turned away when I felt the tears coming.
"Right. Of course. You're probably thinking I should learn to take a hint right?"
The night air stung my wet eyes. I gripped my arms.
"I can't want to see you Rangiku. It's bad. For both of us. Why can't you understand that?"
I hung my head as the full impact of his words hit me.
Wanting me was bad.
"Maybe cause I don't understand what your referring to. I don't know a thing about you. You won't even tell me your name."
It came out as a whiny plea. I sounded pathetic.
He sighed and walked over to my bag a took out a beer.
"What are you doing?"
He sat down and popped the lid off.
"You said I could drink with you whenever didn't you? And I'm sorry, but I really can't tell you anything. I'm too tightly bound."
I smiled and took another drink of my beer.
I was dying to sit next to him, but I was scared he'd move away or stand up, and I wouldn't be able to take the rejection.
I thought back to the night I had first met him.
"What you were doing that night we met… Is that what's binding you?"
He choked on his beer and started coughing a bit.
"You're very observant aren't you?"
I shrugged my shoulders and took another drink.
"You still wanna know my story?"
He looked surprised but nodded for me to continue.
So, I proceeded to tell him about my mother leaving me. Resulting in abandonment issues.
About my abusive father which resulted in my constant fear.
About leaving that town, which led me to here.
About my numerous exes that had trampled my heart which led to my trust issues.
He started to apologize but I shook my head. I didn't want pity.
We didn't say much else.
Once the fireworks started going off I was thoroughly drunk.
The pretty colors in the sky mesmerized me. I wanted to be closer to them.
I stumbled over the raised ledge of the roof and hopped up onto it.
Once I had my balance I reached up into the sky, wishing to touch the myriad of blues and reds and greens.
"Rangiku! What are you doing?"
I giggled at his reprimanding tone.
"I want to touch the pretty colors Maru!"
I looked over at him and smiled.
He looked taken aback.
"Maru?"
I nodded and started walking up and down the ledge.
"Yepp. Kenny said I could call you that since I can't know your name."
A bird flew through the night sky and I admired its graceful flight.
"You ever wish you were a bird Maru?"
I started moving my arms like they were wings.
"No, I can't say I have. You should get down."
I ignored his suggestion and continued walking the ledge and flapping my arms.
"I do. I wonder how the freedom feels. How nice it would be to be able to take flight and leave all your worries and troubles on the ground."
The desire hit me so strongly that I stood on my tip toes for a few seconds.
"That's just running from your problems Rangiku. It won't get rid of them."
With that my wings were clipped.
I stood flat on my feet and looked at him sadly.
"Alas, I'm only human. If I wear to jump from this ledge, I wouldn't fly. I'd fall. Bringing my problems to a bitter end."
I leaned forward a bit feeling the rush as I felt myself start to fall.
I lost my balance and I started flaying for purchase.
Just as I was about to fall strong arms grabbed me around the waist and pulled me back.
We fell to the ground with an oomph.
I started to untangle myself from him, but his arms around me stopped me.
"Idiot! You could've died!"
His embrace took me by surprise but I leaned into it and inhaled his familiar smell.
My head was now surprisingly clear compared to a few moments ago.
What had almost happened hit me hard.
"It's not like anyone would miss me…"
The truth of that statement crushed my heart.
He pulled away but his arms didn't leave my waist.
"I would."
I gasped at the seriousness of his words. The intensity in his eyes.
Maybe I had been wrong all along. Maybe he was interested.
"Really?"
I came out as a breathy whisper.
His eyes were hesitant as he nodded.
I scooted closer but his arms held me away.
"Please…"
He voice cracked when he started to talk.
"We can't do this. Don't you trust me?"
Me made it sound like he wished I didn't. Like I shouldn't.
"I know I probably shouldn't bu—"
He cut me off.
"You do!"
He sounded incredulous.
"Does it change anything?"
I sounded desperate.
He sighed and I smelled defeat.
"I can't tell you my name or much about me…"
I could tell he was giving me rules. I grasped onto my chance.
"That's fine."
He couldn't doubt the sincerity in my words.
"I can't guarantee when I'll be able to see you or call you…"
I shook my head.
"Don't worry about it. I'm not clingy."
I grabbed his hands and held them in mine.
"As long as I'm with you… That's all that matters."
I saw a slight smile tug at his lips and I smiled at him in return.
He leaned forward and I anticipated the kiss.
It didn't come. He stopped. He still looked unsure if this was right.
I leaned in the rest of the way and pressed my lips to his.
I smiled at how right it felt.
Our lips melded together like puzzle pieces fit for each other.
He brought his hands up to my face and returned the kiss.
He ran his fingers through my hair and I pressed myself against his chest.
The last firework of the night exploded above us.
Yay! I was looking forward to writing this one.
Turned out good if I do say so myself.
Reviews please. :O)