XII

Shattered Emotions

I pulled myself together enough for my training session with the Espada. Ulquiorra couldn't know that I knew about… well, to put it frankly, myself. I pushed on a smile as we hit the desert. Everything had to be normal.

"Okay, Schiffer, ready for me to beat you today?" I forced out my sword. Feeling the muscles working in my arm, my gut satisfied itself by doing back flips.

He dug his sword into the sand and unclipped the sheath. "That is your illusion. It will never happen. Stop being delusional, fracción."

"Come on! It's possible."

I shoved my foot deep into my shoes, I couldn't help but wonder if there was some tiny spot somewhere that Ulquiorra couldn't find me in this dark world.

"You will never surpass me, the only way could be…"No, there is no possible way. Even if I was tied up, unconscious or drugged, my spiritual pressure alone will flatten you. This is child's play."

"Why not use your sword then? 'Cause if this is all 'child's play' it should be easy for you," I had no idea what was coming out of my mouth.

"I will kill you," he pointed at my chest, "Murciélago multiplies my power, even I can't control every inch of it. One slip and there would be a slit throat." At this point, I wasn't sure what I thought about that.

"So there is something that the mighty Ulquiorra Schiffer can't do," I taunted and spun my sword. This time around, I did a pretty good job of looking like I knew what I was doing. Unknown to him was how every muscle felt like steel, of course, now, they couldn't be.

He closed his eyes, "Was that your attempt at a taunt, trash?"

That was the 105th time he had used the word 'trash'. I noted to write it down, if I got the chance. We stared it off as he mulled it over.

"Fine," Ulquiorra's curt response almost scared the remaining hierro off of me, "If an overblown ego is what you have, I will have to pop it for the sake of my own sanity."

I knew he saw my flash of fright as he drew his silver blade from the sand. It hissed as it fell back in the logical place that it was supposed to be.

"Great," my chained smiled returned, "I can't wait to beat you at your own game."

"It won't happen and I will show you why not." The figure shimmered away from my spectrum. Today apparently, he wasn't going to play fair. He knew that I couldn't follow his path. Cheater.

Murciélago jumped from behind, right for my shoulder. My sword clashed as the rest of him appeared practically breathing on my nose. My arm cried at his new strength, he was right. An alien excitement bubbled up and I just didn't care anymore. I wasn't me anymore. I slid to the side, allowing the sword to pass into the sand where I was a millisecond before.

I quickly counterattacked the shimmer again. Schiffer popped up on at my left side. Murciélago zipped through the air. The sword hit gold and nipped into my leg. I jumped away; blood stained my pant and speckled my path. Did it matter? Did anything? A tiny voice asked me as I blocked another attack.

No, it didn't. Panic invaded in like angry ants. I pushed it aside. I wasn't going to let Ulquiorra win that easily.

My foot projected itself forward and he caught it. At a flick of his wrist, I flew across the sand. Rolling away, I dove for my sword. The Espada followed at a slower pace.

"Do you see yet? Do you see, trash? There is no way to win. It is futile." My fingers cried in pain as I superglue them tighter to the hilt and my lip cracked and bled. The almost human blood ran across my tongue.

"Nothing is futile, Ulquiorra," I cried and pushed myself to my feet, "stop being so depressing."

We clashed again. This time though, he started getting serious. Picking up the pace, I pushed myself faster. His sword danced right and left, some I dodged, others I didn't. My fake sword caught the swings and kept them from being anywhere that they weren't supposed to be.

Ulquiorra's eyebrows dug together as I barely matched his skill. Something wet dripped to my chin, I didn't want know if it was sweat or not. Murciélago shot forward and I got new bangs. I dropped my guard and lunged at him.

He skittered away and I ended up face in the sand. I rolled over and Ulquiorra's sword dove right where my head was seconds before. I avoided it again and again. Finally, my foot connected with his knee. There was a crack and it gave me enough time to jump to my feet.

It didn't stop him long enough. The opposing sword grappled into my shoulder. Pulling back, I shoved my hilt into the other hand. I attacked and he blocked it. The Espada's other hand slammed into my ribcage. Slowly, his attacks were getting more and more deadly. Did I want that…?

"Enough," Ulquiorra stated.

He flashed away and I jumped aside. I jumped straight into his blade. I heard the fabric rip as it entered my jacket. The end of Murciélago glared at me an inch from my chin. Schiffer's other hand pinned me to his chest.

There it was.

I watched the point shine in the stupid light. Ulquiorra Schiffer got me right in the chest. My breath slowed to the pace of snails and I leaned right up on him. Hopefully, he wouldn't mind too much.

I brought my finger to touch the tip and it bit back, binding its reality to my life. I realized how crummy everything in my life really was.

"Enough of this Sola, this is more than just a vanity trip," Ulquiorra's mouth breathed into my ear, "I cannot and will not kill you."

"You should do it," I replied. Enough of this deception, I really didn't want it.

"No." The Espada drew back and yanked the sword from me. My ripped jacket showed the gaping circular hole in my chest. I shook the hair from my face and my knees wobbled around. The fear of all these events hit my head like a sledgehammer.

Ulquiorra watched in amazement as I crumbled to the ground and cried.

It's okay though, crying was a very human emotion.

What more should I ask of myself?

Thanks to amaya-tsuki-chan (I like your version of Sola!) & Nizuna Fujieda for reviewing!

please understand. it is 4:45 AM here. I am asleep. I am also leaving for the weekend so this is the closest possible time to usual. I will make a better author's note when more of my brain is working.

Thanks to Rose202 for betaing, she is awesome and saw stuff in this chapter that I wouldn't dream of noticing. She made both Sola and Ulquiorra sound like they know what they are saying. Really. It's awesome. Also, at one time I wanted to pull out and delete this chapter completely, thankfully, Rose made me stop.

*yyyyyyaaaawwwwwnnnnnn*

-Q

oh yeah. Pretty good chapter eh? Yes? Review!

Bleach, Ulquiorra and co. do not belong to me but to the awesome Tite Kubo. Sola is my own creation, therefore copyrighted to me (she disproves of this).