Hi, guys. Sorry for the late update, but to be honest, I have quite the hard time progressing this story right now. I don't know if the story can keep its quality up in the following chapters, I'll give my best to keep it as high as possible though. And thanks for the many reviews, by the way! Finally, over 10 reviews! Good job! Looks like I just have to scold you ;) Enjoy chapter 12.
"Kuchiki Rukia…I love you. I loved you since I can imagine."
In just one split second the words repeated themselves in her head a million times.
This just can't be happening…oh god no, Renji, just…why?
After she regained her composure she softened her expression and tried to get rid of that stupid shocked face. Rukia looked down at her lap, trying to think of something useful to say.
How do I do this…without hurting him to much?
Letting out a ling sigh, Rukia slowly looked up with kind, soft and caring eyes. "Renji, you dummy. I…" She looked down again. She couldn't bare looking at him, when she would say what she needed to say. Sighing again, she continued. "I don't love you like that, Renji." She whispered softly. "I…I'm sorry."
"I see…" Was all Renji could reply as his heart broke into an uncountable number of pieces. He wanted to withdraw his hands from hers but was surprised when she pulled him towards her and hugged him.
"Please don't hate me, Renji! You are like a brother to me; I couldn't bare you hating me! Don't talk to me, ignore me, but just…don't hate me…" Rukia whispered into his kimono. She wasn't close to him as she used to be, but that didn't change the fact that he was one of her dearest friends. Turning his feelings down and becoming the target of his hatred, it would be too much for her.
Renji was shocked at first, but softened at her reaction. He hugged her back awkwardly and patted her back in what was supposed to be a comforting manner. "Stupid, I could never-"
Rukia suddenly broke their embrace as she looked down the hill and saw a white haori. With her mind clearer than a few minutes before she also recognized the reiatsu. Only one person would have such an extraordinary amount of reiatsu and only one person's reiatsu felt so out of control.
"That was Ichigo…it's his reiatsu! Oh god, please tell me he didn't see us like that!" Rukia said hysterically as she freed herself from Renji. Everything they had built over the time since Ichigo was a taicho would fall apart because he would be too stubborn to give her a chance to explain the situation. She knew that.
"What would be the big deal if he saw us? It's not like…" He trailed off as it slowly began to dawn to him.
Rukia just looked at him with slight annoyance. He really was slow sometimes. But she didn't have the patience to deal with him now. She had to see Ichigo.
"Renji…I…love Ichigo. And…I just…I…I'm so sorry Renji…I have to go now…" Rukia mumbled absentmindedly. Rukia felt slightly like she was in a daze, too shocked how in not even half an hour this beautiful day became one disaster after another.
Renji clenched his fists as he stood up. Ichigo again. Since Ichigo suddenly showed up in their lives Renji felt like he and Rukia grew even further apart.
"What do you see in him, Rukia? What makes him so special that…that you put him…someone, who you haven't seen even once in two years…over someone who you knew your entire life…over a friendship that lasted so many decades? I don't get it, Rukia!" Renji yelled angrily.
Rukia's body stiffened at his words. She looked down, her face expressionless. Turning around she answered him with a voice, barely above a whisper. "Even if I told you, Renji…you wouldn't understand." With her back turned towards him she used shunpo to follow her strawberry in hopes that once, just once, he wouldn't be too stubborn to give her explanation a chance.
Renji just watched how her figure vanished in the horizon and turned around to look again at the sunset before he pulled Zabimaru out of its hilt and swung it with all of his might down to the ground, destroying a giant part of the hill.
Ichigo was never good at controlling his temper. As he saw how Rukia suddenly hugged Renji with this expression on her face, with this soft and tender expression, he just snapped. He didn't know what she said to him after his confession since her voice was way too low to understand, but that wasn't necessary. Actions spoke louder than words. He felt so angry, sad, hurt, confused, everything at the same moment. He was sure if they noticed and he didn't care. He had no intention in interrupting their precious moment.
Ichigo didn't know where he was going and he didn't care. He just jumped from rooftop to rooftop in hopes that he would be far away enough from everything that could interrupt his solitude.
He came to a halt when he noticed his surroundings. It was a clearance in what seemed to be a small forest. He looked back and saw that he was quite far away from the Sokyoku Hill. Confident that he would be alone for awhile he sat down with his back leaned against the tree. Closing his eyes he tried to sort out his feelings.
Why the hell did I react this way…I mean…if I would just feel uncomfortable, that would be normal but…it felt like nothing I felt ever before. It felt like she betrayed me.
He let out a sigh and opened his eyes again. It became finally dark. The stars shone brightly but what caught his attention most was the moon. It stood there proudly in the sky, illuminating the Seireitei. It was truly a sight to behold. In the real world the moon mostly didn't have this pure white color; it was more an obscure milky color. But here, in the sky of Soul Society, it was the purest white he ever had seen in his life.
It remembered him of Rukia. It was the first dance of Sode no Shirayuki. Tsukishiro, White Moon.
"It really suits her…" He whispered so softly, he wasn't sure if he said it at all. "The moon…it really looks beautiful."
He looked up as he heard soft footsteps walk towards him. He instantly knew who it was. With his eyes still lingering on the moon he spoke up. "Hey…shouldn't you be with Renji right now?" He asked softly.
"Of…of course not!" Rukia answered firmly. "I know what you think right now, Ichigo. But…it isn't like you think!" She thought over how she would explain him the situation and thought it would be best to come to the point directly.
Ichigo just chuckled softly and looked at her for the first since she was there. She stood before him nervously and had a clearly worried expression on her face. He got to his feet and walked towards her. Putting a hand on her shoulder he smiled softly, the sadness he felt only evident in his eyes. "Rukia…you don't have to hide it from me. If…if you are happy with him…than…" He looked down, for a split second his mask falling before he looked up again with the same expression. The whole scene wasn't unnoticed by Rukia. Ichigo took a deep breath to regain his composure, before he continued. "If you are happy with him…than I am happy for you. Your happiness… that's the only important thing here." Without another word he left Rukia were she was and headed back to his room, were Aiko was already asleep.
Rukia just stood there, unable to react in any way, not believing how this wonderful day turned out to be one of her worst days of her life. All the happiness she felt, all those wonderful feelings disappeared and left nothing but sadness, confusion and anger. She turned around and headed back to the Kuchiki manor to get some sleep. She didn't know how she finally arrived their but she sure as hell knew that sleep was something she wouldn't achieve this night.
Rukia didn't go to Ichigo's office, like she did the past days. It was always one of her favorite times, bickering with Ichigo, laughing with Aiko about Ichigo's foolishness, acting like Ichigo hurt her feelings so Hinamori and Aiko would scold him without an actual reason…starting her days that way brightened her mood considerably and working with a good mood was always a whole lot more efficient then working with her current mood.
She didn't sleep at all and had bags under her eyes. Her hair was slightly tousled and she looked paler than usual. She entered her office without a word or without bothering to look up, something she never did.
"Good morning, Kuchiki-fukutaicho…you look awful! Is something the matter?" Ukitake-taicho asked with obvious concern.
"Good morning, Ukitake-taicho…I'm…fine…just didn't sleep…well…" Was her week response as she silently began with her work.
Ukitake just looked at her with concern but let the matter drop for now and began his own work.
Rukia managed to finish her work in a robotic manner, no talking, just signing and stamping documents. All the while she fulfilled her duties as a fukutaicho she thought about that stupid strawberry-taicho.
Why didn't he listen to what I had to say when he looked so…hurt? I saw it…in his eyes. He smiled…but it wasn't genuine…you stupid strawberry…you can't fool me. I will always see through every single of you façades…because I can read your eyes.
She was determined to confront him after her work was done. If he was in his office or not, it didn't matter to her. She would search him and she would find him. After all, she was a woman of actions. Sitting back and hoping that everything would turn out fine was never her style. Especially not if it concerned a certain strawberry.
It always comes out to that…something gets to you…you take the wrong solution…and I have to kick your ass to get you back on track.
Ichigo was done with work, lucky for him there wasn't much to do today. Aiko was left again with Hinamori, who wanted to go out with Matsumoto and since Aiko had fun with them both and since Matsumoto and Hinamori adored the girl Ichigo was grateful. They both didn't question were Rukia was since she would come to their office first thing in the morning since the last few days. Ichigo was grateful for that too. He didn't have the patience for answering those questions.
She probably was with Renji…
Ichigo's scowl deepened at the thought and he felt a sickness rise up in his stomach.
I don't even know why I let myself get worked up about it that much. It's not like…we are together or something.
He chuckled darkly at the thought.
Yeah, right…midget and me. As if. She is way too small for my taste. And she is violent as hell. She also has a really boyish attitude at times…but that also makes her kinda cute. But she has a flat chest! Yeah, compared to Matsumoto-san, Yoruichi-san and Inoue she has nothing at all!
Frowning lightly he remembered how Yoruichi messed with him during his time as a ryoka in Soul Society.
That stupid woman traumatized me for the rest of my life…alright; it's time to be honest with myself.
Do I prefer well endowed women? No. It's not like they aren't attractive but they are most certainly no preference.
Does the woman need to be tall? No, not at all.
Do I think the midget is not attractive? Hell no. She is really…nice to look at.
What about her violence directed at me? Annoying but doesn't change the fact that I am most comfortable around her. Wouldn't change it for anything.
What about her personality? Her personality is as pure as it can be. No flaw, nothing. Absolute perfection.
He sighed. He couldn't deny how he felt attracted to her. She could be as petite as possible; she still would be attractive to him. Her personality alone gave her a beauty beyond comparison. Realizing that he felt even worse about the fact that she and Renji…
I can't even bring myself to think it…
He searched for close an hour the clearance he found yesterday until he finally arrived there. He liked the solitude and silence there. It gave him time for himself and that was what he needed most at the moment. When he sat again at the spot where he sat yesterday he closed his eyes. All the times he spent with Rukia rushed through his mind.
All the times she hit him…
All the times she insulted him…
All the times she protected him…
All the times she helped him out of his despair…
All those times…she was by his side.
He remembered the fights, he fought for her. Against Ikkaku, against Kenpachi, against Renji, against Byakuya. The first fight against Grimmjow.
He remembered how he got his shinigami powers back, after Byakuya destroyed the source he got from Rukia, how he got his own powers, with the risk of turning into a hollow, for her sake.
He remembered how he achieved his bankai in only three days- for her sake.
He remembered how he wanted to drop the actual mission to save Orihime in Hueco Mundo after he felt how her reiatsu dropped down to nothingness after her fight with the 9th Espada.
He remembered their last fight…how he actually threw away his own life- to save her.
And he regretted nothing. Every scar on his body he got for her sake would always be especially important for him. He would never forget how she just jumped through his wall…the first words he ever heard her say, the first time he heard her voice, her deep yet soft and female voice.
"It is near…" Ichigo chuckled loudly at the memory. "What a stupid thing to say the first moment you jump into some stranger's room."
"I told you already that I couldn't know that you could actually see me…" Said a weak voice.
Ichigo's head snapped towards the voice and he saw a rather tired looking Rukia. He smiled weakly.
"Hey…midget."
"Hey, strawberry-taicho…"
She sat in front of Ichigo and stared him directly in the eyes. They were bloodshot from the lack of sleep and the bags under her eyes were clearly visible, her hair slightly tousled, an evidence that she didn't spend the actual amount of time on her hair she usually did. She couldn't care less about such trivial things when her heart feared to lose the man she adored more than anyone else.
"What are you doing here? Does Renji know you spend your free time with me and not with him?" Ichigo asked, his voice betraying his calm exterior.
Rukia looked at him, her eyes looking hurt at his words, but her tired face stood calm.
"Ichigo," She began. "I want you to listen to me now and if you interrupt me even once or make a move to leave just like yesterday I will beat you up so that you won't recognize yourself in a mirror ever again."
Even though her voice was tired and weak Ichigo paled slightly at her words and nodded once. She obviously meant business.
"Good. Ichigo…listen…" Rukia began. She reached out for his hands but pulled back as she saw how his body tensed slightly as if he was uncomfortable with holding hands with her. It hurt her deeply. She took a deep breath, looked down at her lap and continued. "What you saw yesterday…it meant nothing." She frowned lightly as his scowl deepened and his gaze shifted to the side. "I…Renji said that he loved me…I'm sure you heard that…but I don't love him back Ichigo. Not like that."
"What?" Ichigo's face held utter confusion. "Then why did you hug him with…that face?" He asked with an raised eyebrow as he eyed her warily.
Rukia's eyebrow twitched at that. "What do you mean, 'that face'?" She asked with a threatening voice.
"Uh…well, you looked like a lovesick teenager!"Ichigo replied with annoyance.
"WHAT?" Rukia yelled with a flushed face and punched him directly in the on the nose. "I DIDN'T LOOK LOVESICK YOU IMBECILE!"
Ichigo yelped in pain as he clutched his nose. "Stupid midget…" Ichigo muttered in response while he nursed his bleeding nose. "Then tell me why did you hug him like that anyways? From my point it was very clear…"
"Your point is foolish like always, Ichigo! I hugged him because I was afraid…I was afraid of losing him because I could never ever love him like that. I was afraid of him hating me because of that…he is like a brother to me Ichigo, I know him since…ever! How could I bear losing him because of something like that? I never showed ever affection like that to anyone, Ichigo…besides you."
He slightly raised an eyebrow at her last statement but didn't say anything. After he listened to her explanation it made at least a little bit sense. He never really paid that much attention to Renji's facial expressions as Rukia replied to his confession. But when he thought about it now, he remembered how Renji's face fell after Rukia spoke to him.
He began to feel like a jerk and looked down shamefully.
I should have listened to her yesterday as she tried to explain…
Timidly reaching out he took her hand in his and tightened his grip slightly.
"I was kind of stupid, huh…" He said softly without looking her in the eyes. Sighing deeply he placed his other hand on the back of his hand and looked to his side. "Look, I'm really sorry…I should've listened to you and…sorry." Glancing at her from the corner of his eyes he waited for her reaction.
She just smiled at him softly before she sent another punch at his face, this time bruising his cheek.
"OI! I APOLOGIZED DIDN'T I?" Ichigo yelled at her.
"If you wouldn't have acted like you did there wouldn't have been a reason for you to apologize in the first place." Rukia replied smugly before letting out a huge yawn.
"Are you tired? You sure look so." Ichigo asked with slight concern.
"I'm fine." Was her stubborn answer before she yawned again.
"Come here." Ichigo pulled her next to him, wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close to his side so she could snuggle to him. He looked away with his scowl as he blushed a deep shade of red.
"I-Ichigo?" Rukia blushed too furiously as she looked at him with a questioning gaze.
"You can take a nap here, I just wanted to make it comfortable for you, midget." He answered with annoyance clear in his voice.
"Fool, I told you I'm fine…" She mumbled tiredly before she snuggled closer to him and leaned her head on his shoulder as she dozed off with her hands folded between her and Ichigo's side.
"As if, midget." Ichigo whispered before he winced slightly after Rukia tweaked his side while she was asleep. Her face sported now a slightly pleased smile and Ichigo could just look at her in disbelief. He shook his head as he couldn't belief that she even could hurt him in her sleep.
Doesn't change the fact that I am in lo-
His eyes widened in shock as he realized what he was about to think. He looked down at her and couldn't help his shocked face softening into an affectionate smile. She looked so beautiful and carefree when she was asleep. His smile grew into a grin as her soft, barely audible and so feminine snoring sounds escaped her slightly opened her mouth.
Who couldn't fall for her after hearing that?
He pulled her closer to him and she snuggled more into him and let out a content sigh in her sleep.
"Stupid midget…"
He winced. She tweaked him again.
Ichigo moved slightly, trying to get comfortable after sitting for two hours against a tree in the same position with a midget sleeping in his arms. With all his moving and shifting Rukia began to stir in his arms and woke up. She began to stretch her limbs and let out a high pitched sound as she did so. Ichigo just grinned down at her. As she shifted her head so she could look up at him and raised an eyebrow as she looked at him questioningly.
"What?" She demanded.
Ichigo chuckled noisily as he smirked down. "That noise that you just made…it sounded almost as cute as your snoring sounds."
Rukia blushed furiously at that. She jumped up and glared down at the still sitting and smirking Ichigo. "I don't snore!" She pressed out through gritted teeth.
Ichigo's smirk just grew at that. "If you want I can record it when you sleep next time."
Rukia could just sputter at that and since she didn't have any good enough comeback she decided to do the natural thing.
"OW! RUKIA! STOP IT YOU INSANE BITCH!"
She pressed both her fists on either side of Ichigos head and applied as much pressure as she could and rubbed them back and forth.
"Take back what you said!" Rukia demanded with an angry voice.
"NO!" Ichigo yelled at her as he tried to get out of her vicious grip.
As a response to that Rukia just managed to apply even more pressure and rubbed even harder with her fists across Ichigo's already tormented head.
"Alright, I give up! I didn't hear anything, you don't snore, just stop that already!" Ichigo shouted in pain.
Rukia pulled back and crossed her arms above her chest with a smug look in her face. "I knew you would come to your senses if I just pushed you a little."
" 'Pushed me a little'?" Ichigo stared at her with disbelieve written all over his face. "You were about to kill me! This was way beyond pushing a little!"
Rukia rolled her eyes at that. "Don't be a baby, Ichigo. You went through way greater pain then that."
Ichigo just mumbled darkly under his breath and glared at her. He rubbed his head with his hands to sooth the pain as he stood up and looked down at her. She really was beautiful. The sky had already darkened as Rukia took a nap in his arms and she looked a little refreshed even though it was still evident how tired she was.
"Want me to take you home so you can actually sleep? You still look pretty tired." Ichigo asked her.
Rukia shook her head. "No, I want to stay here a little more with you. I really missed you today, you fool." She mumbled with a slight blush.
Ichigo looked away from her, trying to hide his guilt. "I'm sorry…Aiko missed you today too, you know. She didn't say anything, but it was obvious. She wasn't half the sunshine of the office like she used to be." He glanced at her and saw a slight happy blush on her cheeks that the girl he adopted into his family actually missed the raven haired shinigami. "She's grown really attached to you." He added with a little smile.
Rukia felt bad for not showing up, since she could have at least said 'hi' to Aiko but she would make up for that tomorrow. On the other hand she also felt a bit happy, that that girl seemed to really have come to like her and that was important to her since she would be a constant part of Ichigos life from now on.
"I'm glad to hear that." She said softly.
"Yeah…"
Ichigo really wanted to know if she saw Renji at all today and if they talked things over but didn't want to destroy the moment they shared. It never ceased to amaze him how they would act at one moment like they would love to rip each other's throats open and at the other like…they were right now.
Rukia wanted Ichigo to hold her but they just stood there in front of each other, neither looking the other in the eye. She looked at her feet, Ichigo somewhere to his side like he did so often. It wasn't like they were uncomfortable at the moment. It wasn't something that occurred rarely with them. But right now she'd prefer physical contact with him. Yet it didn't feel right to her, so shortly after their…misunderstanding.
She looked up with slight surprise though, as Ichigo reached out to take hold of her hands.
"Ichigo?" Rukia wondered what he was up to.
Ichigo stared intensely in Rukia's eyes. He always thought that Rukia had the most wondrous and unique eyes he ever saw. It was a shade of blue and purple he never saw in his life before and he was sure that he will never see someone out of her coming bloodline that will have eyes even come close to this mesmerizing color. He felt privileged to be able to stare at her eyes every day. If you would just look at Rukia from the outside…her eyes were what he loved most about her.
He couldn't deny anymore that he had more than very friendly feelings for her. He dreamed of kissing her. He loved holding her hands and hearing her voice. He loved staring in her unbelievably beautiful eyes and he loved hugging her snuggly into his arms. He loved her beautiful, feminine and unique smell. He loved the many facets that were Rukia's personality. He loved her shitty drawings and he obsession of that creepy rabbit but that he would never admit.
But the most important part was:
"Ilyurukia." Ichigo blushed furiously and cursed himself for not being able to say what he wanted to say without sounding like a moron.
"Huh?" Rukia raised an eyebrow. "What did you say?"
Ichigo struggled to calm himself. It was way harder than he thought. He took a deep breath and tried it again.
"I said…that…that…" His nerves failed him again.
GODDAMMIT, WHY IS THIS SO HARD?
Rukia just dropped a sweat. She wondered what his problem was.
"Ichigo, what is it? It can't be that hard. Come on already." She grew impatient.
He released her hands and turned around so that his back faced her and rubbed his face with his hands. He took several deep breaths, hoping that he finally could calm his nerves.
I have no problem with facing death, but just saying…that…argh!Go figure…
Finally, feeling way calmer and more relaxed he turned again and with new resolve he pierced Rukia with his intense gaze.
"Ichi…go…" Rukia gasped as he locked his eyes with hers. She couldn't look away, even if she wanted to.
"Rukia…what I wanted to say is…" He took another deep breath. "That…Iloveyou." The last part he said with such speed, all he could do was curse himself again and his blush became even worse.
Rukia's eyes grew wide at what he said and her heart took on such a speed it nearly hurt in her chest. Her entire being felt a million times lighter, her mind repeated what he said again and again and again and she couldn't get enough of it. It felt like the moment she thought of something else it wouldn't be real anymore. It felt like she has to repeat it over again so it would stay real.
He said he loves me! I can't believe it!
"Ichigo…" She clutched the front of his kimono. "You…you love me?"
Ichigo's face softened as he cupped the side of her face with one hand. "Yes. I love you, Rukia." He said softly.
All Rukia could do was to pull him down to her face and press her lips on his.
Yeah…what do you think? Ichigo realized finally what he felt for Rukia-chan, they ki-ki-ki…kissed. To rushed? I don't think so. The pacing in the story was ok, I think. Or did you hope for some twists in the story, angst and stuff? I don't hope so, because their won't be such in this story. To OOC? Hm, I wonder...
I have to warn you guys though….I don't see many chapters following. I would say…about 3 to 4 more chapters and this story will end :/ So, enjoy what will follow, review like there is no tomorrow!
I'll do my best to update earlier to the end!
garganta.