Story: Why don't you & I

Author: theherbflower

Chapter Twelve: Breathe

Playlist: Never Again – Nickelback. Someday – Nickelback. How you remind me – Nickelback. Breathe – Nickelback.

Disclaimer: I own nothing! Nothing I tell you! NOTHING = )

Would somebody help me stand?

And now I've told them,

Already warned them.

I didn't want this,

Somebody help me breathe.

The grounds of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry were quiet when Gideon Prewett landed on the scene. The rain had ceased and left behind a peaceful feeling in the atmosphere as he practically ran across the grounds towards the castle some thirty-five yards off. The tree's and rolling hills of Scotland glistened as he ran, giving off a contented feeling in contrast to the feelings residing within the man. Gideon was terrified that his brother had been hurt, or worse. The event of the day weighed down upon him, but he could not dwell upon them, for he must make it to the headmaster, for the ministry's sake. A few stray school children were loitering around the black lake as he ran by; Hagrid the game keeper's hut had smoke billowing up from the chimney into scattered cloudy sky above; the whomping willow was resting in the half sunlight contented as Gideon flew past without the slightest interest in anything but his mission. The castle was warm as he entered the entrance hall and turned down the main staircase to the left in search of the headmaster's office. He stopped when he seen Minerva McGonagall running up the stairs towards the hospital wing.

"Professor McGonagall!" he called at her. She stopped in her tracks and turned around to face him, she had tears in her deep green eyes and her usual bun that was tight about her head was undone.

"Prewett? Thank the heavens. Who's acting as head of the ministry?"

"Well so far we couldn't find Fudge, Mad-eye, Scrimgeor or Sirius. Gwen's acting as head of the Auror Department alongside Madame Bones." Gideon told her as he came to a stop on the stair below the transfiguration professor.

"Well at least that's good news, some good news at least. Are you looking for the headmaster?"

"Yes ma'am."

"This way." She sighed wiping her eyes. "Your brother's here, along with Caradoc Dearborn, Alastor Moody, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Arthur Weasley, Androne Abbot-Smith, Michael Bones, Nikita Smith, Amit Norkoff, and a few other people."

"Fabian's ok?" Gideon asked excitedly. "What about Moody?"

"Unconscious, took a really bad hex to the abdomen but I was assured by Madame Pomphrey that he would fully recover. Dorcas Meadows and Emmeline Vance are here as well, from Mungo's helping the injuries. I am aware however." She spoke as they turned down the corridor towards the hospital wing. "That there are four deaths. Rufus Scrimgeor, Ellenor Hopkirk, Richard Bones, and Sturgis Podmore."

"Oh." Gideon sighed. "That's horrible."

"It is, but it comes with war does it not?" she asked as they entered the hospital wing.

"Professor Dumbledore!" Gideon called out to the old man who was standing over the bed of Alastor Moody. "Professor!"

"Mr. Prewett." the elderly headmaster nodded at the man in front of him. "I take it you come from the ministry with news?"

"Gwen's running it. We couldn't find anyone else, she sent me to check in with you, to see what she is supposed to do."

"Well I must say this is good news, I was told that she was in a battle with Voldemort himself. Is this true?"

"Yes." Gideon nodded. "He wanted her to join him, she told him no."

"Of course she did." Dumbledore smiled sadly. "I take it you could not find Sirius Black, as he would be next in command after Scrimgeor and Alastor."

"No, we could not. She's in a right state, sounds exactly like Mad-eye sir."

"Well he did raise her to follow in his footsteps." The headmaster smiled. "I assume you would like to see your brother yes?"

"Yes Sir."

"I shall go to the ministry and check in on her, I suspect she will need the encouragement after the events of this day." Dumbledore sighed sadly. "Minerva, please take command here. I'll return as soon as it is possible." And with that, the headmaster strode from the hospital wing.

Realizing that he needed to see his brother, Gideon turned abruptly around and scanned the room for him. Located at a bed on the far east under the treatment of the Madame Pomphrey herself lay his unconscious brother. Quickly Gideon strode over and sat down in the chair next to his bed and waited patiently for him to awaken.

..scène..change..

"Lily!" I called out worriedly as I landed in the front parlor of our home. "Lily where are you?"

"James?" she came out with a raised eyebrow looking perturbed. "Where the hell were you?" she demanded striding up to me. "You've been gone for four hours! You told me you went to go and get milk! It should not take four hours to get milk! And you don't even have that!"

"There was an attack, I got the message and went to fight." I told her softly before pulling her into my arms tightly. "How are you? And Harry?"

"We are both fine James. What do you mean there was an attack? Where? On who?" she asked worriedly. "Is everyone ok?"

"Azkaban." I sighed letting my head drop on top of hers. "Voldemort took Azkaban over, I don't know who is all dead or who is alive. Gwen sent me here to check in on you."

"Gwen? But why didn't Moody? Or Scrimgeor? Or… or Sirius?" she asked her voice breaking with emotion. "Please tell me they're all ok?"

"Well we don't know where Moody or Scrimgeor is, nor do we know where Sirius is." I sighed feeling tears prick my eyes. "I don't know where he is Lily, I'm terrified. Remus is ok though, he's at the ministry securing it with Madame Bones."

"So how is Gwen? Oh god she must be in a right state."

"Actually she sounds just like Mad-eye. I do not think she is dealing with it yet, I left her at the ministry where she is acting as head of the Auror department. I am so worried Lily, what the hell are we going to do? If Voldemort has taken hold of Azkaban, then the Ministry is next on his list."

"Everything is going to be just fine." Lily told me softly rubbing circles into my back as tears escaped my eyes. "Don't worry, we will win this war. Come hell or high water."

"I need to mirror her; she wanted to know if you and Harry were safe, I told her I'd tell her as soon as I could."

"No, I'm going to make up some food for you, and then you're going to go back there to her. I am sure she is freaking out on the inside; she was always good at switching emotions on and off. I am just so glad that you are ok James; I was so worried when you did not come home. I thought they got you. I can imagine loosing you James; I do not know how Gwen is dealing without knowing where Sirius is. If he's alive or not." She cried looking up at me, her emerald green eyes clouded with tears. "I love you James, make sure you come back to me."

"I will." I told her before swooping down to kiss her. "Come on, I need to see Harry."

"Come along, he's in the kitchen with his cheerios."

Together we walked into the kitchen that seemed bright and content, unaware of what the country had just lost. Harry was happy slamming his small fists into his highchair crushing the cereal lily had laid there. For being only four months old, my son had grown so much. His hair has already started to come in, his eyes bright with happiness. I smiled at him and picked him up out of the highchair and held him in my arms. It could be any second I could lose him, in this war, the chances are that I could die. But he would not, I would make sure of that, and neither would Lily who was smiling at us sadly while fixing me a sandwich like she always did. I felt my throat clump up with emotion as harry reached his hand up and tugged my glasses. I grinned at him and kissed his forehead.

"James!" came a loud screech from my pocket. "James bloody Potter! I want a full report on Lily and my godson's safety!"

I chuckled and sat harry back don in the highchair where he continued to smash the circle pieces of cereal happily. I reached into my back pocket and pulled out my mirror and flipped it open.

"Everyone here is fine Gwen." I told her wiping my eyes. She looked frantic in the mirror, but seemed to calm down at the news I told her. "Lily is sending me back after she stuffs me with food."

"Alright. Good, I'm glad they're both safe. Have you heard anything?" she asked anxiously, her hand traveling nervously over her brow. "Remus came back and told me that he's got every single person that was in the ministry inside the atrium with the place backed up with security in case of another attack. Also," she sighed. "Fudge is dead. Gideon reported back from Hogwarts, my uncle is unconscious but not dead over there. Scrimgeor is dead though, and no sign of Sirius. I take it there isn't any on your end, or you would have told me already."

"No." I sighed sadly. "This is so fucked up. I don't know what we're going to do."

"Well, we will do the best we can. Get here as soon as you can, I've got to go and talk to Remus."

"Alright, I'll be there in ten." I nodded at her. "Tell Moony that I'll be there soon."

"Will do." She smiled sadly before shutting her mirror and her appearance was gone.

..scene..change..

Every available magical law enforcement officer, and few Auror's on Gwen's orders, was scanning the perimeter of the atrium in case of another attack. I sighed as I started to pace against the main entrance to the ministry of magic, everything was so fucked up. I am lost for words over the events of this day, it was simply insane. I could not figure out if we were getting closer to loosing or if there was at all any hope left for this war. I cannot imagine the number of people that have lost their lives this day; I cannot imagine the number of people that will give their lives for this war. Every second that passed seemed translucent to me, I was worried, so very worried. Padfoot hasn't been found, what would we do if he were dead? I did not even want to think about that, but with the circumstances, I was left with little choice. Prongs was already over a loss at loosing Peter three months back, how would he deal if he lost another brother? How would I? How would Gwen? I do not know how she is still up walking around, by all means, she should be in a crying mass, but that was never her style. I was worried about Lily and Harry, about everyone that was a friend of mine that I did not know where they were, I was worried for everything and the force of the terror and the weight of the unknowing was almost enough to drag me under. So following orders, I had every person that could be spared guarding the ministry and keeping everyone inside the atrium that was here already. That was odd to me too, here I was a known Werewolf, and they were obeying me. Then with Gwen giving orders, I guess it all worked out.

I heard the slamming of rushed footsteps on the stone corridors of the ministry approaching from ten yards off to the left and looked up to see Gwen streaming to me like a bullet. She stopped in front of me out of breath with a red face. She dropped down, rested her hands on her knees, and gave her lungs time to catch up with her mind and body.

"Remus, I need to go to Hogwarts to talk to my Uncle, and I need you to come with me."

"Where to?" I asked her curiously raising my eyebrow at her.

"My uncle's office." She sighed grabbing my hand and dragging me behind her. She shouted to Albert Morocco, one of the officers standing guard at the front doors to the ministry. "Make sure no one, and I mean no one comes into this building. I do not care if they look like your wife! Do not let them pass; they could be a death eater or Imperiused. If you really have strong feelings of letting them in, ask them something only they will know. Do you understand me?"

"Yes ma'am." He nodded and turned to tell everyone else his or her orders.

"Gwen." I stopped. "Why are you leaving? You do realize you could be killed?"

"Yes."

"And that he's going to send his death eaters after you to kill you? You are aware of that right?"

"I am Remus." She growled dragging me forward again. "But I don't care, I can't find Sirius, Dumbledore is here, he's going to stay in case that bastard tries anything."

"Gwen." I stopped again. "You need to stay here, it's not safe!"

"Don't care." She shook her head. "Now come on!"

"I really think this is a bad idea." I told her angrily. "You need to be here!"

At that moment there was a faint pop and a young girl with long mousy blonde hair popped into the ministry's atrium entrance looking frightened.

"Hello." I backed away from Gwen to talk to the little girl who had fear pummeling out of her. "What is your name?"

"Dora." She looked scared. "Mama sent me here to my cousin Sirius, she told me that bad people were coming and that I needed to go to him to be safe."

"I'm your cousin's friend Remus Lupin, why don't you come with me ok?" I told her slowly. She nodded her head franticly and took my hand. I looked up at Gwen only to find her standing there with tears in her eyes.

"Who's she?" little Dora asked curiously.

"She's your cousin's girlfriend."

"Oh. Ok." She smiled at Gwen. "How come you're crying?"

"What?" she asked wiping her eyes. "I'm not. It's only raining on my face."

"Ok." Dora giggled. "Do you know where my cousin is?"

"He's out fighting bad guys." I told Dora with a smile, however fake it was. "He'll be back soon right Gwen?"

"Of course!" she nodded. "Now follow me, I need to get to Hogwarts to see my Uncle."

"Mad-eye? He's at Hogwarts?" I asked incredulously. "Why is he at Hogwarts?"

"He's there being treated, he was attacked by one of the Lestranges, took a bad hex to the abdomen from what Gideon and Dumbledore told me."

"Alright." I sighed as we traveled down the hallways.

"Hold on." Gwen stopped and pulled out her wand. "Carmine iter scandalum." She pointed at the ceiling and with a wave of pure magic, a bubble like force field surrounded the atrium of the ministry no one else can portkey or apparate inside the ministry."

"But what about James?" I asked worriedly. "That would mean he can't get back!"

"Don't be such a worry wart, he's already here. I've got him up in my uncle's office waiting for me, now let's hurry!"

We made our way quickly to the Auror offices and Gwen ushered us into the room where James was sitting at the desk pouring over blue prints to Azkaban.

"Hey Moony." James grinned. "And who might you be?" he smiled at Dora who was still holding my hand and looking nervous.

"Hey Prongs, this is Sirius's cousin Nymphadora Tonks." I smiled at the girl recalling her name from letters Sirius would read out loud back in Hogwarts.

"Don't call me Nymphadora!" she huffed. "It's Dora! Just Dora."

James and I burst into laughter at her exclamation at how familiar it was.

"Smart kid." Gwen smirked rolling her eyes. "Now, let's get this show on the road."

"What show?" James asked with a raised eyebrow. "I thought you brought Moony up here to add his blood to the seal?"

"I did." She sighed. "Remus give me your hand." She ordered pulling out a pocketknife. "I need to give the door permission to let you in."

"Huh?" I asked confused. "Wait, there is a blood spell on the door?"

"Yes, my uncles idea actually, but in case I die out there…."

"Don't even joke about that Gwendolyn Rose." I told her with a growl, narrowing my eyes at her. "I am not going to let you leave this ministry to go chase down death eaters."

"I told you I was going to Hogwarts!"

"I don't think that that is a particularly bright idea Gwendolyn." I snapped. "You need to be kept somewhere safe."

"Screw that!" she shook her head at me. "What have I got to lose? I joined this cause knowing that one day I might die; I joined willingly, just as I willingly stand here ready to go and do what I do best, fight! I am going to Hogwarts to talk to my Uncle then I'm going to find Sirius."

"That's insane Gwen." James sighed stand up and walking over to her. "I'll go to Hogwarts with you, but I'm not letting you go off by yourself to find Padfoot, s'not happening Gwen."

"Fine!" she spat acidly. "Remus you stay here with Dumbledore, I'll take James and Nymphadora with me to Hogwarts where she'll be safe."

"Where is Sirius? Can you not find him?" Dora asked next to me.

I looked down at her and smiled sadly.

"He's fine, just off fighting bad guys, Gwen's just impatient and wants to go and help him is all."

It was then that Gwen realized there was a child in the room. She blinked and a look of sorrow passed over her face. She kneeled down next to Dora and smiled.

"It's going to be alright, your cousins just an idiot is all." Gwen smiled at her. "How old are you little one?"

"Nine." Dora grinned at Gwen happily. "My birthday is next month, I'll be ten, and then I'll get to go to Hogwarts next year!"

"Want to go and check out the place before hand?" Gwen asked reaching into her robe pocket. "Get a whole tour of the grounds?"

"Yes!" Dora cheered. "That would be awesome."

It was at this moment that I noticed Dora's mousy blonde hair start to change into a pink shade; I raised my eyebrow at her curiously.

"Well that there is a neat trait you've got kiddo." James grinned down at her. "Metamorphmagus are you?"

"Yeah, the kids at home tease me about it though, call me a freak."

"Well kiddo, I'm an animagus and wish I had that rocking awesome skill." James told her handing me the pocketknife. "Moony slice your palm, this kid needs to get a marauders perspective of Hogwarts."

"What animal are you?" Dora asked hopefully of James.

"I'll show you in a minute." James looked up at Gwen who was now holding out a sucker for Dora.

"Thank you Miss Gwen, Mister James."

"Welcome, come on James, do your thing." Gwen directed James.

While James was busy transforming and entertaining Dora, I sliced my palm open and placed my hand on an old portrait of a woman who looked a whole lot like Gwen herself just as Gwen had directed me.

"Signa Sanguine." Gwen spoke and with a flash of light, I felt blood being pulled from my hand into the portrait.

"Alright kiddo, Jimmy, let's get this show on the road."

.scene..change..

We landed next to the black lake on the grounds of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. James looked up at me with Nymphadora clinging to his neck in a piggyback ride. He let her hop down and turned to me with a serious expression.

"Gwendolyn Rose, if you leave this school without me I will make it a personal mission to drag your ass back from the grave only to send you back. Do you understand me? Go talk to your uncle, I'll meet you up in the Hospital Wing after I've given this one a proper tour."

"Alright." I told him with a sigh. "By Dora."

"Goodbye!" she smiled as James led her off towards Hagrid's hut.

I turned on my heel and marched as fast as my legs would carry me towards the castle. I passed a few schoolchildren basking in the late sunshine just yielded by the rain clouds that were moving far off in the east. My footfalls echoed against the stone of the corridors as I traveled down them to Dumbledore's office. Memories of my own school years seemed to fly back to me, even though I wanted nothing more than for them to be forgotten at this moment in time as I had only one thing I needed to do more than anything else, find Sirius. It was almost as if it were an obsession, finding him. I just had to, I needed to, and I would not rest until I did. I watched as Lily and I laughed at a joke James made at seventeen underneath the ledge if the charms corridor; I watched as Sirius and I argued over Quidditch on the moving staircase at the age of fifteen, he swore Ireland was better than the Cannons, and I disagreed loudly. Then Remus was kissing a girl a year younger than him under the mistletoe at sixteen to whistles and catcalls in the great hall in front of the whole school. I wanted them to go away, I wanted to find my uncle, and I needed to find Sirius.

The hospital wing was quiet when I entered. Minerva McGonagall was talking to Dorcas next to a covered bed that I was sure was my uncles. I walked up to them silently and peered around the curtains to see my uncle sleeping peacefully in the bed beyond.

"Gwen!" Dorcas chirped seeing me. Quickly she pulled me into a hug and started to cry. "I was so worried about you, it wasn't until young Gideon told me you were acting at the ministry did I calm down. What with Alastor being unconscious and Sirius being missing."

"It's ok Dorcas." I told her softly patting her on the back. "Uncle Al will wake up, and I will find Sirius."

"Oh I know darling, but I cant deny I was so worried." She pulled back and wiped her eyes with a handkerchief. "He's completely fine dear, should be waking up anytime."

"Miss Ackles." Professor McGonagall addressed me. "How are you holding up?"

"Oh I'm just fine." I smiled. "Waiting to ask my uncle a few questions."

"You can't be serious?" Dorcas asked me disbelieving. "You must be worried to death. I know I was when I came here and seen you uncle lying unconscious in a hospital bed. Not knowing where Sirius is must be tearing you apart!"

"I was taught to not let my emotions get to me in the heat of the battle." I told her simply pulling a flask out my robe pocket. "I am doing what I think is best, and that is withholding my fears and tears until everything is ok again."

"That's not healthy Gwendolyn." Professor McGonagall told me softly. "Turning off your emotions and drinking to keep them at bay isn't healthy, you need to sit and let the shock wear off."

"I can't." I said just a simply and put the flask away after I took a few greedy drinks of the aged scotch that was inside. "I have to find Sirius, I have to! He would do the same for me in a heartbeat. He has saved my life before, willingly laid his own on the line for me, I will be damned if I do not find him. He is the most important thing in this world to me, and I will find him."

"Oh Gwen, I'm sure wherever he is he's already trying to find his way back to you." Dorcas smiled at me sadly. "Why don't you sit down and I'll go and brew you some tea?"

Tea? I thought. Why would I want tea in a moment like this? But then, maybe tea was a good thing at this moment.

"Could you find some raspberry?" I asked her softly. 'Raspberry? Why the hell didn't I ask for earl grey?'

"I'm sure I can. I did not know you had a taste for raspberry tea?"

"I don't. I'm just." I stopped and looked up "Craving it."

"Alight dear." She smiled a little too sweetly. "Just stay here with Minerva and your uncle and I'll be back in a few minutes."

With that she left the hospital wing without the slightest waver in her step.

I looked up at professor McGonagall and sighed.

"How have you been Professor?" I asked with a smile pulling out my scotch again. "It has been a while since we last spoke."

"You can call me Minerva Gwen, I has been years since I was last your professor." She told me softly taking a seat in the chair next to me. "I have been great, teaching and doing what I love. How have you been? Though I must state that it wasn't much of a surprise to find that you and Black were dating, always hated each a little too much." She smiled. "He's talented and smart, he'll be just fine."

"I know." I sighed taking a sip out of my flask. "I'm just worried."

"You should be. I was married once, many years ago. I know what it's like to be afraid for someone that you love."

"What happened?" I tilted my head to the side and looked at her curiously. "If you don't mind me asking that is."

"He died, got a bad bout of the dragon pox and it took him under. I was heartbroken for years, until of course, I started to teach here at Hogwarts."

"I am sorry for your loss."

"I miss him, but I know he's in a better place. What was it that made you want to give Black a chance?"

"I don't know. One day I saw through his egotistical side that I hated only to find a caring man that I loved." I smiled sadly feeling tears prick my eyes. "It was almost as if I have always loved him, but didn't yet know it. Maybe I did, but did not want to see it. I just didn't want to make the same mistakes my mother did with my father, and was afraid that loving him, loving anyone, would be the same."

"And I told you time and time again that you were being stupid." The gruff voice of my uncle drifted over to me. I looked over at him quickly to see him sitting up in bed with a pained looked on his face. "Black's a good kid, wouldn't have let you date him otherwise."

"Uncle Al!" I smiled happily before jumping on him in a hug. "I'm so glad that you are ok!"

"It'll take a lot more than some lousy death eater to take out this old man kiddo." He grinned hugging me back. "I'm glad you're safe, I seen you out there with him fighting. How did you get out of the fight? Did you defeat him?"

"No." I sighed and sat back on the bed next to him. "He wanted me to join him, told me that with my pureblood breeding I'd be an asset. But I told him no, I did not even think twice. He got nasty after that, and told me that he would be sending someone along to have me killed. Then he vanished." I felt tears pricking my eyes. "Then Gideon and Marlene showed up and we portkeyed back to the ministry of magic. I could not find you or Sirius, Scrimgeor is dead and I was the only one who could act for the department. I came here as soon as I was able to." I sniffed tears back. "I'm just so glad you're ok. I was so worried that you were more than hurt, I don't know what I would do if I lost you Uncle Al."

"Well I'm right here kiddo. I'm not going to go anywhere anytime soon." He smiled up at me, his magical eye swiveling. "Now you said you didn't know where Sirius is eh?"

"No." I shook my head. "No one knows where he is." I felt more tears threaten to fall. "James seen him last battling against Malfoy and Bellatrix, that was it. And there are so many more people still unaccounted for."

"He's in Azkaban. Just before Lestrange hit me with that slashing hex he told me he was going to take a group of people further inside, to make sure no one was taken hostage."

My gut dropped at his words, if that were true, that would mean that Sirius himself was hostage or worse… dead.

"Oh." I told him softly trying with all of me to shut off the vortex of sorrow that had overwhelmed me. "Alright then." I nodded. "Get some sleep ok? I've got to go back to the Ministry, I've got Dumbledore and Remus there for now."

"I'm proud of you kiddo." He smiled at me crookedly. "I always knew you had it in you."

"Thank you Uncle Al." I said leaning forward and hugging him. "I love you."

"I love you too pumpkin." He kissed my forehead just as Dorcas walked back into the room with a cup of tea.

"Alastor!" she cried setting the tea down on the table next to Professor McGonagall and I. "Oh Alastor, I was so worried!" she dropped down and kissed him flat on the lips.

With a sigh, I stood up from the bed and picked up the cup of tea that Dorcas had made for me and walked over to the Professor. She gave me a sad smile and motioned for me to sit back down next to her in the chair to her left. I sat down carefully, raised the cup to my lips, and reveled in the smell that was raspberry tea. The first drink was pure and sweet, and made my insides go warm. The second drink made everything in the world melt away from me blissfully. The third drink made me feel sleepy, really really sleepy and with a wave of lazy realization, I knew there was a sleeping serum in the tea. I looked up at the Professor who was just smiling at me and pulling away the cup she sat it down on the table next to her and braced an arm around me as I tried and failed to stand. Then I felt the world slip away from me, as James and little Nymphadora walked into the room with smiles on their faces. Then my head fell back into the chair as my eyes drifted closed and I knew no more.

…scene…end…

Authors Note:

Here you all go, chapter 13 : )