It's been a long year
since we last spoke
how's your halo?

-Strays Don't Sleep, For Blue Skies

I think my father's confused.

No, I take that back. I know he's confused. It didn't take much to see it. It's been going on for years to be in fact, ever since that day when my sister and I were born.

So much blood and death suffocating him like a noose. Sometimes I imagine him walking around with that invisible noose around his neck, tugging on it tighter each time he thought of my mother.

You see, a long time ago, I killed my mother. My sister and I killed our mother.

We didn't mean to. It wasn't planned but it happened. Her death would always be hanging over our heads, whispered behind our backs as the memory of Bella Swan-Cullen permeated through our house like poisoned smoke. It would always be the one topic we never talked about.

They've told us countless times that it wasn't our fault. But I knew it was true anyway.

I killed my mother and my father hated me for it.

He hated and loved me both equally at the same time. He's so confused he didn't know what to do with himself. What he truly wanted was to join her, be with his true love again, and not be stuck in an existence where he had to care for children who murdered his wife.

He never mistreated us. Never indicated that he resented us to our faces or to others but it was one of those things you can feel. Like when Renesmee would laugh and he'd look so tortured because she looked so much like her or I'd say something that would remind him of her and he could barely stand it.

I can read his mind like he can read mine and we knew the truth. It was so obvious but never touched upon. He hated us and he loved us and it would always be that way. Renesmee and I were both angels and demons in his eyes and he would forever be torn between two polar opposite emotions. Love and hate, hate and love.

I was a monster to him but I was also his son.

I watched Breaking Dawn this weekend and was inspired. Edward Jacob Cullen got a mention (yay!) and Edward's "you can't expect me to love that thing after it kills you" was just too perfect for words.