Hey y'all :D Thanks so much for your reviews and such, they really make my day ^_^
Alright, so I dunno if you know this (why would you?) but I just turned 16! I think it's a sign I need to mature more, but meh... like hell will that happen XD Anywho, on with my poster~
Just To Say: YES! I do character bash! But you don't know where I live so there ain't nothing you can do about it XP MWAHAHAHAHAHA!
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21.) Are better than me
"Woah! This looks so cool!"
Everyone looked at Snow as he said this, because until that moment he had been sat quietly reading. Yes, I did say reading. This in itself came as a surprise to the others, because the Sentinel wasn't exactly known for literary pursuits. However, when they saw that he was just reading a gaming magazine, they relaxed because Snow was quite a big a fan of games and they knew that he wouldn't hurt himself (unlike the time he tried to read a Shakespeare play... it took Hope and Vanille a whole day focusing on healing spells to snap Snow out of his coma).
As the NORA leader had a huge grin on his face, it was Hope who deigned to ask what was 'so cool.' The silver haired teen found the magazine thrust into his face by the overly enthusiastic man.
"See? It's totally awesome right?"
"Snow," he said flatly, "I can't see anything if you shove it in my face like that."
"Oops," he laughed before pulling the page back to a more suitable range. By this point, the rest of the group were also curious as to what was so interesting. It had been a while since Snow had been so enthusiastic about a new game being released.
Now able to see the pages contents, Hope read, "'The new Square Enix endeavour is set to be the greatest game of all time in the series. Introducing, Final Fantasy: XIII Versus'... what on earth?"
"It's the new game from Enix!" Snow said happily, "Doesn't it look amazing?"
"Let me see that!" Light barked and snatched the magazine, perusing the page quickly and muttering, "A real breakthrough in gaming huh? It can't be that great..."
"Wow! The main character looks so cool! And look at his weapon! Omigosh, this looks so good~" Vanille had sneaked a peak over Lightning's shoulder and was clearly impressed. Snow nodded in agreement with Vanille's statement before Fang also came over to take a peak at this new game.
"'Noctis Lucis Caelum,'" she read the caption under a picture of the protagonist. "Dude, that's totally depressing. He's way cooler than any of us..."
Sazh also came over to take a look. "Hot damn! This game looks like dynamite!"
"No." Farron said this in such an evil tone, that shivers went up everybody's spines. "This is the best game in their series? I refuse to believe it! We are a million times better than this stupid pretty boy!" She stabbed the magazine venomously, glaring daggers into the page.
"Hey, calm down sis," Snow tried to subdue the angered woman but this only resulted in her getting more hostile.
"I WILL NOT BE BESTED BY SOME RICH KID! I AM A MILLION TIMES BETTER THAN HIM! Besides-," her voice turned very sinister at this point, "-this article says that this so called 'amazing' game is only announced for the PS3. My game got on both PS3 and Xbox, so that means that I'm better!"
"Your game?" Fang asked sceptically, but Light was already storming off somewhere. "Hey, where are you going?" the raven haired woman called.
"I'm going to talk to my agent! I'm going to find this Noctis guy and kick his ass, and then become the hero of this Versus game!" And with that, a very pissed off Lightning went to go and make a 'phone call.'
"I feel sorry for this Noctis kid," Fang said with a look of sympathy.
Meanwhile, in a place far far away, a guy with jet black hair felt a shiver run down his spine. Noctis wasn't sure why, but he suddenly had a very bad feeling...
22.) Talk on the phone whilst you're driving
"Can ya really pilot this thing?" Fang asked Sazh in disbelief as they looked at an old airship.
"Sure thing, there isn't anything that I can't fly!" he said proudly, the chocobo surfacing from his hair to let out a "Kweh" in agreement.
The two of them had gotten bored with endless training recently, and so had gone for a walk in search of something interesting to do. When they came across an old crashed airship, they both thought of the exact same way to get rid of their boredom. However, the Pulsian was still sceptical on whether or not the tin can would actually fly.
"I bet you'll crash it," she said with a smirk, "No way you know how to fly a Pulse machine."
Sazh grinned, "You underestimate me little missy. What are you willing to bet?"
Fang considered before saying, "Loser of this bet has to make out with Snow."
The other just stared before laughing. "Interesting, you're on!"
Sazh hopped into the aircraft and set about familiarising himself with the various components. Once he felt relatively comfortable that he knew what he was doing, he activated the engine. Fang looked on, still confident that she would win their little bet. However, after two minutes of flawless flying from the gun wielder, she bit her lip and started to worry. "Damn, I really don't wanna lose this one!" she muttered to herself as she thought of the sickening prospect of kissing that idiot.
"Heh, I've totally won this," Sazh grinned to himself as he started to get cocky and performed an aerial flip. This was when his phone started ringing. He pulled it out of his pocket with shock on his face, it was next to impossible to get a signal on Pulse. He recognised the numbers (it appeared to be a three way call) on the screen as the NORA co. that Snow hung out with. The blonde had insisted that everyone should take the NORA gang's numbers in case they needed their help for whatever reason. As he was doing pretty well flying the aircraft, Sazh thought that he'd pick up.
However, he didn't say hello because it appeared that a conversation was already taking place.
"So you're okay?" a guy's voice from the other end of the line asked.
"For the last time Yuj, yes. Why are you so worried?" It was another guy who replied.
"Well, because you and Lebreau had to go somewhere else, and I got worried..." The voice paused before it asked, "So, what are you wearing Maqui?"
"Huh? I'm just wearing my usual-" the other guy gasped when he realised the connotations of the question. "Yuj! Stop it already!"
What on earth is going on? Sazh thought to himself as he carried on eavesdropping. It was blatantly obvious that he had been added to this conversation by accident.
"I just want to know Maqui... I want to know everything about you." The voice was all low and husky as it said this, and the gun user was beginning to worry about where this was headed...
The other voice sighed, "I don't have time for this. I have to go."
"No, don't hang up!" The other guy was practically begging, before switching back to the husky voice and saying, "I'm only wearing my underwear. And do you want to know where I'm touching?"
"What the Hell?" Sazh exclaimed, so shocked that he forgot to focus on steering and the aircraft began to descend rapidly. The chocobo let out a frantic "Kweh" and Fang was cheering from her lookout spot on the ground.
"Yes!" she cheered, "He's gonna crash!"
Just as Sazh was about to regain control, he heard the pervy guy say, "I'm thinking about you... touching me like this..." and then he heard some faint gasps and moans from his end on the phone. As well as freaking out the other male in the conversation, it also freaked Sazh out and so the aircraft ended up crashing spectacularly.
Fang went over to inspect the damage and to make sure that no one had died. When she saw that the pilot was fine, she grinned as she said, "You gotta make out with Snow!"
And the morals of this story are: Don't make stupid bets, don't eavesdrop on phone conversations, and don't talk on the phone whilst you are flying an aircraft. Understand that children? Good.
23.) Consider shopping to be a family outing
"Daddy~" a small boy moaned as he was forced to come out shopping yet again. "This is always so boring! Why can't we ever go out anywhere interesting?"
Sazh looked at his son, Dajh, with a perplexed expression. "You don't think shopping at Tesco is fun?"
The small boy shook his head vigorously to convey the fact that he thought these so called 'family outings' were the most boring thing ever.
"What about Asda?" Sazh pressed, "Or Aldi? Morrisons?"
Dajh continued to shoot all these ideas down, saying, "Just once I wanna go to a proper place that's cool!"
It was that night, when Dajh was fast asleep and Sazh was catching some well needed R&R and watching television, that he saw it: an advert showing what looked like a major tourist attraction. It would make an interesting place for a proper family outing, thought the Afro man.
"Euride Gorge, huh? I guess I'll take Dajh there at the weekend," he said to himself.
It was as he was sat on a purge train with some strange pink haired woman who proceeded to kick the crap out of all the officers aboard when Sazh thought to himself, That is the last time we do anything other than shopping for a family outing!
24.) Speak patois when you're a white boy
Seeing as the whole 'black' incident had gone terribly wrong for Snow, he decided that he'd try something else. Sadly, as all he was good at (more like, thought he was good at) was sounding black. He sighed sadly as he tried out yet another accent and failed.
He even attempted to mimic Fang and Vanille's accents but he epically crashed and burned.
It was when he was just about to give up hope on himself ever finding a cool accent, that he saw an advert on T.V about some cereal called 'Lucky Charms.' The guy in the advert had a very thick Irish accent, and when Snow tried to copy it, to his delight, he really did sound Irish.
This led to the NORA leader pretending to be Irish for the day, even substituting his favourite coat for a green one and sticking a clover in his hair. It was when he stole Sazh's boom box and started blasting out Celtic tunes (in an attempt to do river dance) that Light finally snapped.
"Stop mocking my heritage!" she shouted as she landed a critical hit on the dancing man.
Snow was out cold for the next three days.
25.) Are a vegetarian but still eat fish
Once Vanille had made friends with all the sheep on Pulse, she suddenly felt extremely guilty whenever she ate meat, because they were animals that she could have befriended. Thus, she decided to become a vegetarian... although not a vegetarian. She was one of those infuriating people that try to take the moral high ground with vegetarianism when in fact: they still eat fish. That's right, she was a Presbyterian... wait, what? Oh sorry, that's the holy thing. No, she was a Pescetarian.
Anywho, because of this Vanille would often go to Sulyya Springs to catch her food for the upcoming evening. This appeared to work well for about a week, which is when the great water Fal Cie (Bismarck) overheard the pink girl say to herself, "Wow, this whole eating only fish thing is hard!"
Angered that there were people in the world that would only consume fish, as if they were inferior to meat from land animals, Bismarck called up a mighty tidal wave which swept the Pulsian off of her feet. Bismarck then continued to release powerful attacks, while poor Vanille was left to wonder what the hell was going on and if anyone would come to her rescue.
"Hey, where's Vanille?" Fang asked the others at Base Camp that night, while they were all eating their tea. Everyone merely shrugged.
"I haven't seen her since this afternoon," Lightning said matter-of-factly.
Vanille has been mysteriously missing for five days.
26.) Think shouting proves your point
"And so I dream of a world born anew, without the treachery and corruption of the human race! I am Orphan! And I will destroy you here and now!"
"Okay... mind if I ask a question?" It was Light who asked this, slightly raising her hand with her eyebrow quirked. The others looked at her curiously, surely now wasn't the time for this? After all, they were about to face the final showdown.
"What is it? You insolent human!" Orphan's voice boomed throughout the room, casing Hope to nearly break down crying and cower in fear (although, that isn't exactly hard to do).
"Is the shouting really necessary?" she asked coolly.
"WHAT!" screeched the entity.
"Look, not to sound rude or anything, but we've been though a lot of shit to get here, and to be brutally honest, I have a headache. I don't see why you always have to shout is all, surely you can tell us about your hatred of us in a calmer voice." Lightning kept a steady glare on Orphan, who descended into a frenzy.
"You insolent human! How dare you lecture me? I am Orphan! I gave you life! I hate you!"
The pink haired woman merely said in a cold voice, "I hate beings that think shouting proves their point," before commanding the others to charge in head on.
Orphan was slayed mercilessly. That is why you shouldn't be a dick and shout to get your point across.
27.) Read over my shoulder
Vanille was humming to herself happily as she was sat at her computer, on some website that she had recently become obsessed with. She always looked so happy whenever she was on the site, and she would occasionally let out a tiny squeal or start blushing. This got Hope curious, wondering what site she was on.
As the Pulsian was listening to Sazh's iPod (Light forbid music listening on iPhones or any other phones for that matter), she failed to notice Hope sneaking up behind her. He looked at the URL.
Fan Fiction dot net, huh? I think I've heard of that... isn't that where people write stories about stuff? the silver haired teen thought to himself.
It was at this moment that Vanille let out a delighted gasp, as the story she was currently reading appeared to be getting good. Curiosity getting the better of him, and Hope peeked over her shoulder discretely so that he to could read the story. This is what he saw:
"But what about Serah?" the teen asked, a bitter edge to his voice.
"What about her?" Snow asked as if his fiancee was truly irrelevant. The other looked up with curiosity. The blonde continued his sentence, "I know that it's wrong... but I honestly love you more than anything, even more than Serah. Hope, I'm in love with you."
"Snow," Hope whispered, tears of happiness coming to his eyes, "I... I love you to! So, so much..."
"I know," the NORA leader said softly, as he gently took hold of the teenager before him and pulled him into a deep, passionate kiss.
Hope moaned as-
This was where said boy stopped reading the story, bight red in the face. "W-What the hell?" he asked in confusion, glancing at Vanille who had still failed to notice his presence. She currently had a nosebleed, and Hope didn't want to know why.
"What kind of sick person would write something like that?" Hope asked angrily as he stormed off and tried to forget what he had just read.
"Hey Hope!" came the cheery voice of a certain blonde.
Blushing, Hope quickly turned to face Snow and yelled, "Don't get any funny ideas! It's not like that all! I hate you! You pervert!"
And with that, he ran off, leaving behind a very confused Snow.
28.) Go on a bar crawl in fancy dress
"Dan, dan dan dan dan daaaaaan~ Bee bop, shawadada dan dan~ She is Sailor Lightning, saving the day using love and justice~! Her beauty and skills are just the bestest~! Lalalalalala~"
Lightning glared at the television. Everyone had insisted on watching this new anime show that was to premier that day, and they were all totally engrossed, munching on popcorn and marvelling at the fact that one of their own actually had their own anime series.
"WHAT. THE. HELL. IS. THIS." she said in a voice of death, the look on her face matching her tone.
As the awful opening theme ended (which consisted of her skipping around in a sailor uniform), she saw the contents of the episode.
It showed her staggering out of a bar, slurring, "Ha~ That's the fifth one and I'm still fine~" She was clad in a sailor uniform, and looked at the camera as she said, "I will protect the world with love~!" Before dashing off. The camera crew followed her as she began to take on low-level monsters, using moves she never even knew she had such as 'Moonbeam Love Love Ray' and 'Kissy Lovey Dovey Huggy Strike.'
The episode drew to a close with Sailor Lightning 'saving the day' before the alcohol finally took it's toll and she collapsed, face down in a puddle of mud.
Lightning didn't say anything, she just slowly walked up to the T.V, drew her sword, and wiped the world of it's existence. She glared at her companions, who all ran for their lives because Farron looked possessed. She swore there and then to never drink again, and also added the creators of the anime series to her 'List Of People To Kill.'
29.) Put lol at the end of all your emails
From: Snow
Subject: Hey sis~
Message: Hey sis, just wnted 2 try owt my new laptop and so I sent u dis email, lol
From: Lightning
Subject: Please don't do that
Message: Snow, first off I am not your sister yet and so don't refer to me as such. Secondly, please don't use 'lol,' it is annoying as hell
From: Snow
Subject: Huh?
Message: Why? 'lol' is freaking awesome! lol
From: Lightning
Subject: I am warning you
Message: Seriously Snow, I hate that phrase. No one actually 'laughs out loud' because that would make them clinically insane. So stop using that damn abbreviation!
From: Snow
Subject: Okay, chill!
Message: Fine, I dnt gt y u gt so precious bout it though...
...
...
...
lol
From: Lightning
Subject: You'd better start running
Message: I will kill you, and then I will **** with ****** and not to mention ***** and *** for *** and then ****** and then I will enjoy ****** [Note, as the author I thought it only appropriate to blank out what was written, it even shocked me :O]
From: Snow
Subject: O_O
Message: DON'T HURT ME! I WON'T DO IT AGAIN!
From: Lightning
Subject: Too late, start running! And also...
Message: lol
30.) Wear playboy bunny clothes when you should know better
The annual, "Final Fantasy 13" party was being held, and this year it was fancy dress.
Vanille skipped along merrily, humming some random tune to herself while Fang seethed beside her. "I can't believe I'm wearing this," she groaned.
"But Fang, it's fun to match~" she sang cheerily.
The warrior just sighed and prayed that there wouldn't be that much of a turn-out this year.
Her prayers were not answered. Practically everyone was there, and all of them clapped eyes on he matching playboy bunnies that entered the hall where this year's party was taking place.
Suddenly, a snooty, "Hmph! I look much better," sounded. Jhil Nabaat emerged form the crowd in a skimpy purple leotard, complete with fluffy purple bunny ears and tail. The pink bunny (Vanille) giggled and said gleefully, "Yay~! Now there are three of us!"
The black bunny (Fang) just wanted to die.
It was at this point that Lightning exited the restroom, already drunk and for once not in her sailor uniform. This time, she had opted for a red playboy bunny costume in her drunken state. "I think you'll find~" she slurred, "That I look the best."
"No way!" It was Lebreau, clad in a blue bunny costume, who objected to this. "I look the best!"
The five women began arguing over who looked the best (Fang joined in because she never liked to lose at anything) and an all out bitch-fight/foxy-boxing tournament broke out. The men were more than happy to watch as the bunnies fought each other, as it started off nice and light-hearted. Sadly, as all of these women were exceptionally skilled fighters, things soon turned extremely... messy.
While the ruckus was going on, Maqui was busy trying to protect his innocence by running away from (the still delusional) Yuj. Gadot was laughing at everything that was going on, along with Sazh. Rosch and Cid were busy getting drunk and in the space of two minutes, they were both crying and hugging each other because 'life was just so hard.' Hope and Snow were watching the bunnies go at it near the punch bowl.
"You should put on a bunny costume and join in the fight as well," the NORA leader joked to the silver, who proceeded to blush deeply as the memories of that horrifying piece of literature he had read the other day were still fresh in his mind.
"I will not wear a bunny costume for you!" he yelled defiantly.
"Huh? I didn't mean-"
"I know exactly what you meant! It's not gonna happen Snow, so just stop already!
"Hope," asked the perplexed blonde, "What are you going on about?"
"I DON'T LOVE YOU! I HONESTLY DON'T! I HATE YOU! THIS IS NOT LOVE!" screamed the teen before dashing off.
"What?" Snow asked himself. "That's kinda random... maybe I should go check on him?"
Meanwhile, Light, Vanille and Fang had teamed up against Jhil and Lebreau and currently had the upper hand. Well, that was the case, until Lebreau pulled out a machine gun.
Long story short, Square Enix had to pay to rebuild the whole building that their characters had destroyed, Maqui very nearly got taken by Yuj, Gadot and Sazh became firm friends and thoroughly enjoyed the night, Yaag and Raines continued to cry all night about their 'many hardships', Hope refused to talk to Snow and would constantly run away from him, and all the bunnies ended up on a Casualty ward.
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Alright~ So how was it peeps? Good, bad, neutral? Lemme know with reviews ^_^
Okay, now for explanations for some of 'em:
21- Let's be honest... Noctis looks badass!
25- Okay... you guys don't make sense to me. I have nothing against you or anything, but I just want to know why. Do fish not count as living animals or something?
26&29- C'mon, those people are annoying right? I mean, if someone puts 'lol' all the damn time drives me insane! And 26... I refuse to even debate with those people -.-
27- Wow, these guys together have a LOT of love... who knew? XD
Oki doki, see ya next time~
xx-animeXalchemist-xx