The Lake

by nemthegemeverdeen

Nico's gone through a lot, including a suicide attempt at the lake. To get past it though, he needs to accept it, with the help of Will. A 3 days in the infirmary fic. Please check trigger warnings in each chapter. Main themes of suicide, self-harm and eating disorders. Chapters are about 1k after chapter 4. I do not own any of these wonderful characters, Rick Riordan does. Enjoy!

1. Prologue

A/N- TW- EATING DISORDERS, SELF-HARM AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND AN ATTEMPT IS IN THIS FIC, READ WITH CAUTION

Helloo readers, this is a Nico angst fic. I'm using this to vent so I think I'll update this when I need it, you know if you know. Read carefully, and enjoy! what i've learnt is: listening to As the World Caves In by Matt Maltese gives it a dark kinda vibe. stay safe demigods!

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Nico POV

Flashback (TW- SUICIDE ATTEMPT)

The lake. Dark waters that could swallow me whole. The ducks are gone.

My mother is gone. Bianca is gone. Jason is gone. God, even Percy's gone, with Annabeth.

One misstep, I could be gone too. Just like them. Like Leo, but I never really liked him.

Then again, I never really liked myself. Hades was right. Bianca would have been better. At least she wouldn't mope. She'd try and help other people, through the Hunters of Artemis. Not like me. Who have I helped in my entire life? No one. Useless.

That's what my fourteen-year long life has been. Useless.

Bianca would have been better

I was being so goddamn pessimistic it made me want to cry and laugh at the same time. I let out a small manic giggle, because "Laughing is better than tearing up."

Will's words, not mine.

Oh my gods, Will.

Another part of my soul broke that moment. Another failed relationship. Will thought I was some terrible monstrous demi- no, not even a demigod. A creature.

A heartless creature. Who also happened to murder two people.

The dark thoughts swirled around me like the night sky. Bleak and empty. The moon was nowhere to be seen.

Because I was beyond sanity at this point in the night, I began to think if I was the sky, who'd be my moon? Who'd be the clouds, the stars, the sun, the rain, the thunder, the lightning-

And ever so suddenly, I just lost it. My giggling turned into sobs. Not even heavy loud breaths. Just quiet tears.

I was just so tired. I took a step into the murky waters.

The tears didn't stop. They flowed, like the current that was slowly taking me to my death. I couldn't swim. I couldn't feel the panic that should have settled in by now, I couldn't feel the cold water, I couldn't feel anything, apart from an inner- an inner happiness, I guess.

It was the best I had felt in weeks, if I was completely honest.

And it shocked me that it took that long for me to realise, that it was this, an ending to my life, that I really wanted.