America trotted in the direction of his house in his little cowboy outfit. He had that feeling he was being watched, but he dismissed it as nothing. He was the hero after all, so whatever was following him was in DEEP shit. Suddenly he smelt hamburgers. Oh, the glorious aroma of the grease-coated sammiches. He turned around to see a short Taiwanese girl with a bag of McDonalds. America looked at her for a minute before asking, "Are you gonna eat that?" in response the girl handed him the bag. In an instant he took the burger out the bag, threw the bag on the ground, and started munching on the burger furiously. Took him about 2 minutes to finish. Fatass. He started holding his head,"W-wow...That uh..." he started wobbling and mumbling you'd think he was wasted. He fell to the ground after a little while and the girl started dragging him down the street. "Heheheheheheh..."

A couple hours later, 2:30 in the morning.

Alfred woke up feeling light-headed and in a poorly lit room. "Damn... That was an AWESOME BURGER!" Watching him intently was the Taiwanese girl from earlier. "Hey...aren't you the girl who poisoned me?"

"I didn't poison you though."

"Yea you did! I totally felt drunk! Then I started wobbling and then I fell asleep!" America started rubbing his head. The Taiwanese just smiled. Creepy, huh? "Would you like some churros?"

"What?"

"Some churros. They're nice and chewy and moist."

"...Who are you?"

"I'm a fangirl. You can call me Kermit or Polar Red. I'm more known as Polar Red though. I write fanfiction about you and Iggy having fun times and you dying by the hands of an Italian."

"What the-"

"Would you like a burger?" She dangled a McDonalds bag in front of his face. America looked almost hypnotized. "Burger...burger...Gimme the burger.." Kermit, or as we will address her in this fic, Polar Red, threw the bag in the corner. "Go get it, boy! Go get it! Go get the shitty food!" America, like a dog, started chasing after the bag on all fours. You can't be serious... He brought it back to Polar Red with an adorable little face."Good boy! You can have you treat now! And if you're extra good, you can have a McFlurry!" America's eyes lit up. He'd never been this happy in his life. He started waging his ass like a dog would his tail...Ugh, I hate myself. Polar Red had this, "I'm going to rape you when you sleep" sorta look. She wasn't going to do it, but she looked like she would.