Chapter 20
Robin's muscles felt weak as he ran from the hospital and out to his car. It wasn't until he was almost at the exit that he realised how much blood he was losing. Although none of the cuts to his chest or his stomach had been serious they had all been bleeding steadily and his white shirt was now dripping with blood and dark red all over. The pain started to register a little more now too but he tried to ignore it. His job wasn't over yet. He needed to make sure Kim and Molly were safe. Until then, his job was only half done.
He jumped in the car only to find the radio sprung instantly to life with more Wham warblings. He screamed and thumped at the controls. The radio station changed as he turned the key in the ignition and began to accelerate away from the hospital at Gene Hunt speed, sending honking ambulances left and right, tooting their horns in anger.
He focused all his concentration on the road ahead. His head was swimming and he felt dizzy and faint. He hated to imagine how much blood he had already lost. There was no time to think about that now. There was too much still riding on this.
Through the radio David Bowie played at an almost intolerable volume. He realised he must have hit the volume control at the same time as changing the station but he didn't turn it down. The louder the music, the more it kept him focused and awake. The lyrics bore deep into his mind as the music played. It felt as though the song held a message for him. It told the story of the day, of all he'd been through.
"Why does Bowie always pop up when you least expect him?" Robin muttered to himself.
# …He swivels his head
Tears his eyes from the screen
As his past puts him back
in Atlantic City
There's not even a demon
in Heaven or Hell
Is it all just human disguise
As I walk down the aisle… #
Robin shuddered so deeply at the lyrics that he almost lost control of the car and some angry driver honked at him. Is it all just a human disguise? He breathed deeply as he thought about Keats somehow finding his way into Layton's body. He shook his head in disbelief that the whole thing had even happened. He couldn't bring himself to think about it for long. It sent his stomach churning.
# …And I'm gone gone gone
Now I'm older than movies
Let me dance away
Now I'm wiser than dreams
Let me fly fly fly
While I'm touching tomorrow
And I know who's there
When silhouettes fall… #
Was this it, he wondered? Was this his purpose in life? If there had been a reason that he'd had to stay in this world instead of being with Simon then had he fulfilled it now? Surely defeating Keats's plans – such as they were – earned him the right to be with the man he loved again, didn't it?
# …And I'm gone
Like I'm dancing on angels
And I'm gone
through a crack in the past
Like a dead man walking
Like a dead man walking… #
The lyrics were almost choking him now. Gone through a crack in the past like a dead man walking? That set Robin thinking about something else, something that he hadn't even considered until that moment. With a gasp of horror he whispered to himself,
"My god… where is he now?"
His eyes closed just for a moment as he remembered what Kim had told him about Keats's coma.
"Shit… I've sent him back."
He shook his head angrily as he realised what had happened – but then, what alternative did he have? The game of Keats tennis was continuing… back and forth, back and forth…
#' …Two young men dancing under the lamplight
Shaking their sex and their bones
And the boys that we were
An alien nation in therapy
Sliding naked and new
Like a bad tempered child
On a rain slicked street… #
The windscreen wipers moved back and forth as a few droplets of rain hit. How far away was he now? Was he even going in the right direction? He felt so weak now that he could hardly stay upright and awake. Got to focus. Got to concentrate. He didn't know how much time Kim and Molly had left if the bomb was real – and even if it wasn't, what kind of a state would he find them in by the time he got there?
# …And I'm gone gone gone
And I'm older than movies
Oh let me dance dance dance
Now I'm wiser than dreams
Let me fly fly fly
While I'm touching tomorrow
And I know who's there
When silhouettes fall
And I'm gone… #
"Come on, come on," he hissed to himself. Flashes of Keats's sneering face played through his mind over and over; the horrifying encounter that could have ended so much worse and the strange turnaround that had occurred. It made no sense to Robin. He'd been in such a state of fear that he remembered little about the whole thing now and trying to piece the fragments of the day together got him nowhere.
# …And I'm gone, like I'm dancing on angels
And I'm gone,
through the crack in the past
Like a dead man walking
Like a dead man walking
Like a dead man
Like a dead man walking… #
Robin could stand the lyrics no more. They were taunting him, torturing him, reminding him of the day all over again. He thumped at the radio and changed station. For a horrible moment he feared that he may have put it back on the Wham station but thankfully a thoroughly more recent song, Bigger than us by White Lies started to play loudly.
"That's more like it," Robin mumbled to himself. He was seeing spots before his eyes now and his head was swimming, He knew he was close by; he just had to keep going for a few moments more. The music helped him to focus and to push on through the pain and the fingers of unconsciousness that were trying to drag him down. He thought about Kim, he could still hear her screams in his head from where she had watched Keats dragging him away. He thought about the strange, intense hours on the boat; Kim helping him through the trigger song, their realisations about Robin and his mortality, the strange and unexpected kiss – after all of that, everything they'd been through, he wasn't going to lose her now.
# …You took the tunnel route home,
you've never taken that way with me before.
Did you feel the need for change?
Apologies on your fingernails,
love flickered in the city of lights,
Like intermittent radio waves… #
He was close. He was almost there. He remembered this road. The boat wasn't far away and his heart began to speed up as he thought about it. Was the journey almost over in more ways than one? Was this really his destiny? And if so… if so, why was there a tiny part of him that suddenly didn't feel ready to go?
# …I don't need your tears
I don't want your love
I just gotta get home… #
He found tears falling from his eyes now. He had never felt so strange; so mixed up, so fearful, so confused or so unsure but at the same time he'd never felt so determined or so absolutely focused. The whole day had torn him apart – it had shattered everything he thought he knew. Something even bigger was brewing. Something that was bigger than he knew how to cope with. He could feel it. He wiped his eyes roughly with his blood-soaked sleeve wiping red staining across his face and gripped the wheel a little tighter.
# …And I feel like I'm breaking up,
and I wanted to stay,
Headlights on the hillside,
don't take me this way,
I don't want you to hold me,
I don't want you to pray,
This is bigger than us... #
He hadn't appreciated until right then how much more he had in his life than he realized before. He'd spent his life a near-loner, almost always by choice. Aside from Simon he'd never really let anyone get close to him, and only now was he starting to understand why. His history, his family…. It had made him scared of having special people in his life. And the only special person he did have, he'd lost. But it was too late now – his life was changing. He sure as hell wasn't going to lose someone else.
# …You went where the horses cry,
you've never taken that way with me before.
Did you feel the need for change?
Guilt smeared across your lips,
I was tired and cold from the window
You're cold, nothing has changed… #
He drew to a halt as the road reached its end and the boat was calling. He took a few deep breaths, begging his strength and his body to hold out a little longer. He was almost there, he was so close. He wasn't going to let Kim down now. With one last breath for courage he threw open the door of the car and left it just how it was. He heard the music playing as he ran towards the boat, the voice becoming more distance with every pace. He told himself firmly that when he heard the music again he'd know that he was close to safety, and that the ordeal was over.
# …I don't need your tears
I don't want your love
I just gotta get home… #
He was almost there now. The boat was so close, with Kim and Molly within it. The sound of the music faded and disappeared as he came ever closer. This was it.
~xXx~
"Come on… come on…" Kim hissed as she worked tirelessly at the ropes. Keats leaving his knife behind had been a moment of sheer luck and it had taken her several moments to shuffle close enough to take it in her hands. She gripped it between them and rubbed it back and forth against the rope, over and over. She'd been working at it for almost an hour when finally the last of the rope frayed and gave up its hold on her wrists. She gave a huge gasp of relief and dropped the knife, flexing her arms and trying to get some feeling back into them. Once her hands were free she was able to untie her legs fairly quickly.
"Molly," she called out, "Molly, I'm free… I'm coming to untie you, OK? We're getting you out of here."
She slowly got to her feet but stumbled. The lack of food and water had left her weak and lightheaded and being tied up in one position for hours had fixed her limbs awkwardly. Unable to take full control of her body she tripped over the abandoned radio which sent her hurtling forward with a cry of fear which turned into a scream of pain as she tried to stop herself from falling too hard and her arm caught awkwardly against the floor of the boat. "Shit!" she screamed, howling as her elbow hurt beyond compare, "my fucking arm!" she realized that she was swearing in front of Molly again and tried to backtrack. "I mean, my bloody arm. I mean…" she closed her eyes and gave a silent weep. Did it matter what she meant? The fact was she'd done something awful to her elbow and she was in seven shades of agony. She tried to scramble to her feet, holding her arm gently as she did so and made her way to Molly. "Molly, I'm here," she hissed, "I'm going to untie you." But as she reached out her elbow was too painful to even attempt it, "Shit!"
The sound of footsteps thundering towards the barge caused Kim to freeze and Molly to whimper in fear, both expecting Keats to have returned. The sound of Robin's voice was unexpected and sent a wave of relief through Kim, the likes of which she had never felt before.
"Kim?"
"Robin?" she cried. She scrambled to her feet and staggered towards him where she threw herself against him, just desperate to feel that he was still alive, still safe. She'd thought the worst, she truly had. She pressed herself against his chest, breathing heavily. She could feel his heart beating. That brought her to close her eyes, the relief washing over her again.
Robin blinked, trying to adjust to the darkness of the boat.
"Kim, we've got to get out of here now," he cried, "Keats says he's left a bomb on the boat."
"What?" Kim cried.
"It could be a bluff," said Robin, "I'm not taking any chances."
"Rob, I can't untie Molly," Kim said a little desperately, "I've fucked up my elbow," she bit her lip, "I mean I buggered up my…" she gave a loud groan. "My elbow is busted up!" she declared.
"Molly," Robin had almost forgotten about her. He knelt down beside her and quickly pulled off her gag. She choked and spluttered a few times as he began to fumble with her knots and untethered her from the side of the boat. Her knots didn't seem to be as intricate as the ones Keats had used on him and Kim. "Molly, we have to get out of here now," he said, but as Molly started to get to her feet her legs gave way beneath her.
"Ow!" she whimpered.
"What's wrong?" Robin asked quickly.
"My legs," Molly cried, "they're numb…"
Kim looked at Robin.
"She's been lying in one place for hours," she said.
Robin took a deep breath. He wasn't sure he had enough strength left for this, but he didn't see any other way.
"Right," he said through gritted teeth and scooped up the girl the best that he could. He staggered a little, his legs almost buckling beneath him but he closed his eyes for a moment and gathered up every bit of strength and determination he had left in his body. Just listen for the music, he told himself as he set one foot in front the other, taking strong, sturdy paces, as soon as you hear the music you know you'll be alright.
With Kim following quickly by his side he began to head towards the headlights of the car. They were his focus. They were his direction. He knew where to go. For now, they were all he could see.
As he drew closer the sound of music began to filter through his ears. Almost there… I'm almost there… his heart was beating harder and his strength starting to fail, but he kept on going, he knew that he had no choice. It was all that he could do. It was his destiny.
# …And I feel like I'm breaking up,
and I wanted to stay,
Headlights on the hillside,
don't take me this way,
I don't want you to hold me,
I don't want you to pray,
This is bigger than us... #
There he was now, the car right before him. Bathed in the light of the headlights, he could hear distant sirens as help was on the horizon. For the first time Kim caught sight of his shirt and gasped in horror.
"Rob, look at you… your shirt… oh my God…"
But Robin could barely hear. There was a thumping in his head and deafening pulse ringing in his ears. As the final chorus of the song played out he felt himself sink to his knees where he lay Molly on the ground, in front of the car. Drops of rain fell from the ends of his fringe onto his nose. He took one deep breath. Another. Then he closed his eyes.
# …And I feel like I'm breaking up,
and I wanted to stay,
Headlights on the hillside,
don't take me this way,
I don't want you to hold me,
I don't want you to pray,
This is bigger than us... #
The last chorus ended as the last of his strength ebbed away and his torso came crashing down to the ground. The mud and the rain soiled his bloodstained shirt even further and the sound of Kim screaming was the final sound that he heard before darkness, blackness, overcame him. The last thing he felt was somebody taking his hand. Then a mess of blue lights and sirens smothered the night.