Chapter 21

The first thing he heard was the bleeping of machines. It was dark… well, no, it wasn't dark… his eyes were closed, that was all. Why wasn't he opening them? Maybe… maybe because he wasn't sure he wanted to. Where was he exactly? He remembered the barge and the headlights of the car, he could feel the wet ground as he sank to his knees. His chest was stinging, throbbing, and his whole body felt drained and weak. Where was he? And further to that – where did he want to be?

He could feel someone holding his hand, right there and then. That was the last thing he remembered before he lost consciousness too. So slowly he opened his eyes, the harsh hospital lights a contrast to the never-ending stretch of darkness he'd just been inside of. He slowly turned his head to one side where a small, grubby hand was holding his own. There was a tattoo of a dragon curling around its wrist.

"Kim?"

Robin was shocked by how weak his own voice sounded. He tried to clear his throat but it was so dry he only made it worse. His eyes travelled up from the hand to an arm and final up to Kim's face. She was damp and dirty and her face looked drawn and haunted. Her chopped-off locks were scruffy and pointing in all directions. She seemed so small without all that hair somehow. As her eyes turned to him and she realised that he was awake her expression seemed to morph back and forth between joy and despair.

"I tried to stop them," she whispered.

Robin wasn't sure what she meant.

"Stop who?" he frowned.

"I told them you didn't want to be resuscitated but they wouldn't listen," Kim looked tearful and traumatised. "I'm so sorry, Robin."

Robin closed his eyes slowly. Kim should never even have to take responsibility for something so big. And while a part of him ached and yearned to have crossed to the other side - the part that was screaming with frustration at being kept apart from Simon, even after all he'd just fought for - there was a part of him that felt glad to still be alive. That was new. It took him by surprise. He wasn't even sure how to handle that.

He tried to adjust himself a little in bed. There was no horrid hospital smock for him right then, instead his body was dressed only in bandages, some of which seemed to be seeping. His chest and his stomach throbbed and hurt so much that he wanted to scream.

"Fuck… God, my body," he whispered.

"You've got a fair few stiches, Rob," Kim said, roughly wiping her eyes, "they're thinking of publishing your photo in Embroidery Monthly."

Robin tried to laugh but the motion hurt his chest and he flinched. He noticed that his other hand had been fitted with a cannula into which a bag of blood was flowing. He must have lost more than he'd realised. He turned to Kim again and asked,

"How long have I been out for?"

"I'm not sure," Kim said quietly, "my watch stopped."

"Mine never worked in the first place," Robin commented quietly. He noticed her arm in a sling and asked, "how's your elbow?"

"I dislocated the bugger," Kim sighed, "the treatment wasn't exactly pleasant." She paused, "for the doctor."

Robin frowned.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

Kim bit her lip.

"I managed to punch him twice," she said guiltily.

Robin took a few deep breaths. He felt so strange, almost as though he wasn't quite there. Maybe they'd given him painkillers? Or perhaps it was the blood loss? He squeezed Kim's hand a little harder and said,

"How's Molly?"

"Dehydrated," Kim said quietly, "got a few rope burns, but she'll be fine. They're keeping her in overnight for observation." She looked at him seriously, "they found a pretty poorly constricted, unfinished bomb outside the barge, Rob. He was bluffing about blowing up me and Molly, but…" she shook her head and sighed, "he had actually tried to build a bomb so someone was going to be for it sooner or later."

"Shit," Robin sighed.

Kim looked at him with anxious eyes. She chewed nervously on her lip and sounded like a scared little girl as she asked.

"Rob? Did he… did Keats…?" she couldn't even finish her sentence. Her heart broke even thinking about it. At first Robin wasn't sure what she was asking but soon the look in her eyes gave it away.

"Oh no, no," he shook his head, "No, Kim, he didn't." He watched her close her eyes and whisper a silent prayer of relief as he continued, "he had every intention of it… It was the worst thing I've ever been through… but something stopped him."

"What do you mean?"

Robin wasn't sure himself.

"I don't know," he sighed as the awful memories started to wash over him, "he stole a photo of my parents and just started going crazy, smashing up my room."

"What?"

"I couldn't understand what was happening," Robin flinched at the memory, "one minute he was ripping my clothes off and the next he was just going crazy, trashing everything."

"But he didn't…?"

Robin shook his head.

"No, he didn't," he said quietly.

Kim couldn't begin to express the relief that she felt. For a terrible hour on the barge she had thought the very worst. Whatever it was that saved Robin, she was just forever thankful that Keats hadn't gone through with it.

"What happened after that, Rob?" she asked quietly, "they say Layton is back in hospital, unconscious… some cop in a big hat has been hauled in for questioning about how he let Layton in Alex's room without recognising him."

"It's a very long story," Robin told her, "I think I need to understand it a bit better myself before I try to explain it to you."

Kim nodded slowly.

"Of course," she whispered. She began to look a little awkward, almost as though she couldn't meet his gaze for a moment. She cleared her throat and he felt her palms become moist with perspiration. "Rob… the Kiss," she said quietly.

Robin looked at her nervously. He felt every bit as awkward as she did. Even though the kiss had been initiated by Kim and he hadn't kissed her back he couldn't understand why he hadn't pushed her away or drawn back.

"Can… can we forget that ever happened?" he asked quietly.

Kim's eyes closed with a sense of relief.

"Oh, I'm so glad you said that," she breathed, "yes please. I'd like to do that very, very much."

Robin bit his lip. He felt a churning in his stomach as he said,

"I just wish… I wish I understood… why though," he began awkwardly, a little embarrassed to even ask. He saw Kim hang her head. He'd never seen her cheeks turn that colour before.

"I thought we were forgetting the kiss," she said.

Robin looked at her.

"We are," he said, "I just…" he fumbled for words, "I was just confused how…" he closed his eyes and let out his breath, then shook his head. "Doesn't matter," he said quietly. He tried to smile but it was a little crooked. "We'll forget it."

Kim's brow furrowed.

"I'm every bit as confused as you are, Rob," she admitted quietly, I have no idea what happened."

"It was an intense situation," Robin gave a slight shrug, "we were both scared and didn't know what was going on. And that song probably got you all confused. It was one of those things."

"One of those things," Kim repeated with a thin smile, but she only wished that she could understand how it even happened.

A nurse came through the doorway and gave Robin a warm smile.

"Back with us, Mister Thomas?" she said.

"That's Shoebury-Thomas," Robin sighed, "look, it's on my bank card and everything, why does no one ever get it…" he sighed, "give me the bloody chart and I'll write it in myself…"

"Uh… that's OK, I'll correct it on the system," the nurse said a little nervously. She turned to Kim. "And you're supposed to be in your room."

"My elbow did not require a whole bed," Kim told her.

"No but your cardiac incident did."

Robin turned to Kim, his eyes open wide with anxiety.

"Your what?"

Kim shook her head.

"Nothing," she said.

"Needing to use the defibrillator is not 'nothing'," the nurse reminded her.

Kim raised her top lip in a mocking gesture.

"I signed the form, I discharged myself, end of story," she said.

Robin breathed heavily as he looked at Kim. He felt his pulse rate rising and his mouth became very dry.

"Kim, what the hell?" he asked.

Kim just shook her head. This wasn't the time.

"I'll tell the doctor that you're awake," the nurse told Robin.

"Nurse," Robin said quickly, "before you go… Arthur Layton?"

The nurse sighed.

"He's regained consciousness," she said, "seems to be suffering amnesia. No memory of anything that happened since the car accident that put him in his coma initially."

Robin looked a little awkward.

"He… he stole a photograph from my flat," he said, "it's the only one I have of my parents. He had it in his trouser pocket. Big enlargement, folded in half. Man and woman, she's wearing a flowery top. Is there any chance…" he trailed off, looking at her hopefully and the nurse nodded.

"I'll see what I can do," she said.

Robin breathed a sigh of grateful relief.

"Thank you," he whispered.

Kim looked a little sheepish as the nurse left the room. She tried to look away, to not let Robin catch her eye, but there were questions coming her way.

"Wonder if they'll let you out tonight," she said, trying to change the subject.

"Well if not I guess I can just sign some forms," Robin told her, "when were you going to tell me your heart stopped?"

Kim closed her eyes.

"Look, Rob, it's not a big deal," she tried to say.

"What happened?" Rob demanded, I remember you hurt your arm, but…"

"Please –"

"Kim, it's me," Robin looked at her seriously, "come on."

Kim looked down she breathed deeply for a few moments before she whispered,

"It was when they were reviving you, OK?" She could feel his eyes upon her. "They said they had to try to bring you back because you didn't have a legal DNR order. I started to feel…" she shook her head slowly. "I don't know. Something wasn't right and then the pain…" She closed her eyes. "The next thing I remember, I was on my way to hospital in the ambulance."

"Shit," Robin's heart was racing, "Why… I mean, what happened…?"

Kim shook her head.

"They don't know," she said, "they want to do tests," she pulled a face.

Robin's expression fell as he stared at her.

"They never found out why my heart stopped either," he whispered, "after Alex's accident." He swallowed as he tried not to think about what his mind was trying to impress on him.

"I don't want to think about this now, Robin," Kim said quietly, "I just want to make sure you're OK, get a shitload of painkillers for this elbow and go home."

Robin closed his eyes.

"I never want to go home again," he whispered. The thought of returning to the flat that Keats had sullied turned his guts.

Kim felt awful. The look on Robin's face made her heart sink. She recalled her time in 1995 and the way she felt about going back to her home after Keats had left her, tied and gagged, on her bed. She understood only too well why he wouldn't want to return.

"Oh god, Rob," she sighed, "I wish I could offer you a bed but I'm going to be in enough trouble with Linda as it is for getting myself kidnapped and tied up."

"Is she coming home now?" Robin asked.

Kim nodded.

"She's been frantic," she said, "I think this is going to take me even more flowers and chocolates to get out of than the Alex thing."

Robin looked a little guiltily at her.

"Are you going to be OK?" he asked.

Kim bit her lip.

"Linda's not thrilled about me going back to the force," she said quietly, "she doesn't understand. Doesn't get when it's in your blood. I don't think this is exactly going to enhance my argument."

"I'm sorry," Robin said quietly. He tried to think of something more constructive to say but he didn't really have any advice. He and Simon had never really been in that position, they'd both understood. Luckily before the silence became too awkward the nurse returned to the room and held out a large photograph.

"Is this your picture, Robin?" she asked.

Robin glanced up. A wave of sheer relief and thankfulness washed over him as the familiar sight of his mother in a flowery top smiled back at him,

"That's it," he smiled, "thank you. Thank you so much." He knew it would most likely have been taken for evidence otherwise and he didn't want to risk losing it forever.

"There were two more photos in his pocket," the nurse told him, "are these yours?"

She handed Robin two pictures. The first one was half a photo, torn down the middle and half discarded. The existing half showed a reluctant Kim at the anti-beard awards. He sighed as he recognised it, then glanced at Kim.

"Yeah, that's mine," he said, "I suppose I won't be displaying our anti-Evan stance with pride any more."

"Maybe the magazine will send you a copy?" Kim suggested, "the local paper does that. They once took a photo of me pretending to hate a new bus stop and I got a free copy."

Robin shrugged.

"Worth asking, I suppose," he said. He turned to the second photograph, an older picture of a man and a woman, neither of whom were looking particularly happy. "That one's not mine," Robin handed it back to the nurse with barely a glance.

The nurse frowned.

"It's the same man," she said.

"It's not my photo, said Robin.

The nurse hesitated.

"Are you sure?"

Robin was feeling tired and frustrated.

"I've never seen that photo in my life," he sighed, closing his eyes as exhaustion took the fight from is body, "it's not mine."

The nurse felt a little taken aback. She took another look at the photograph, then back at the one of his parents that Robin was clutching for dear life. She looked a little awkward.

"Sorry, Robin," she said quietly, "Thought it was another family picture. It looked just like your father." She turned the picture over where in Keats's meticulously neat handwriting the words 'Mum and Dad, 1971' were written. She walked from the room, leaving Kim to look worriedly at the tired Robin.

"I think you need sleep," she said.

"Wishing nightmares on me again?" Robin asked.

Kim gave him a weary smile.

"Never," she said quietly. She leaned towards him, stood up and gave him a very gentle one-armed hug. He'd looked at her in surprise as she stood back again.

"What was that for?" he asked.

Kim gave Robin smile laden with emotion.

"You kept me sane," she said quietly.

Robin's mouth twitched into a distant smile.

"You did the same for me," he said quietly.

"Guess we're even then," Kim said quietly. She began to walk towards the door but Robin caught her hand as she walked.

"Hey," he said quickly.

Kim looked at him.

"Hmm?"

Robin hesitated.

"By the car," he said quietly, "when I," he felt a little stupid, "collapsed." He looked at her seriously, "did you hold my hand?"

Kim looked at him and slowly shook her head.

"No," she said, "I… I kind of panicked. I screamed and ran to the ambulance, showed them where to find you." She paused. "why?"

Robin's heart gave a strange flutter as he thought about the sensation he felt, someone taking his hand as he dropped to the ground. There had been a strange feeling… somewhere in the back of his mind… something he'd tried to keep at bay. His mind ran over other possibilities – maybe it was a paramedic, maybe Molly had done it…

No, he knew whose hand it was.

I was almost there. Again.

A strange warmth flooded his chest as he thought about it. Again he was so close to Simon, and yet still they were not together. He could see now why he had not stayed in 1995 – he had to return to send Alex home. He could see why he wasn't allowed to go to be with Simon even after the car accident – he had to come back to stop Keats. But why was he still there now? What more was there for him to do?

He was too tired and too confused to wonder or to worry about it. He looked at Kim with extreme fondness and smiled. No matter what they had been through, they'd survived. He was sure many people wouldn't have. He had lingering worries – Kim's cardiac incident, Keats's disappearing wounds as he morphed back, his violent reaction to the photo of Robin's parents and the kiss Kim couldn't explain – but if they could survive the combination of Keats and Layton all mixed up in one package of evil malevolence then they could just about survive anything, no matter what came ahead.

Kim stared at Robin from the doorway as he fell asleep before her eyes. She couldn't stop her stomach churning with anxious thoughts. The day had thrown her into more of a tailspin than she'd realised until now. She tried to swallow down the nervousness building inside of her. It was more than the horror of what Keats had subjected them to; the kidnapping, being tied up, the constant Wham records on repeat – it went way beyond that. Something far more profound happened that day Something Kim wasn't ready to deal with yet. Memories of voices calling her as the pain swelled in her chest, the pull of a world left behind so long ago and the strange way she'd felt ever since she saw something different in Robin's eyes. They all left her feeling lost, confused and well and truly out of her depth.

She supposed that, for now, she would just have to take those worries a step at a time. They would still be there tomorrow. And – heart permitting – so would she.