Disclaimer: I don't own How To Train Your Dragon, I'm just a fan :)
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Hand on my Heart

Chapter 11

Once Camicazi had explained everything the boys needed to say to Stoneclaw and had given them a note to give to the ship maker, she figured she would try to talk to Hiccup. This proved easier in her head. She followed him down to the cave where he sat slumped against Toothless gazing dazedly out at the rustling of the waves. He hadn't even noticed her arrival until she spoke.

"Hiccup?" She asked and he jumped to his feet, hiding the previous expression from his face. The one of devastation.

"The guys get the papers and stuff?" He asked as he turned his back on her to withdraw the pile of small pouches he had made from one of Toothless' saddle bags, kept three and replaced the rest. Toothless was looking at him with concern and whined quietly at him. Hiccup just scratched his neck scales in response.

"Yeah. I also gave them a note for the ship maker giving them our permission." She told him calmly, studying his movements and body language in attempt to gage how he was feeling.

"Good thinking. How much gold do you want to give them?" Hiccup asked as he opened one of the heavy bags of gold they had.

"I don't know." She sighed. "Five each? Maybe an extra one for Fishlegs for being so nice?" She answered with a shrug that Hiccup didn't see.

"Five?" Hiccup exclaimed. "Seriously? I was thinking like one with maybe a couple of silver coins."

"They helped us with the fight as well, Hiccup. They didn't have to get involved, but they did." She reminded him.

"Fine, five for Lout and Tuff and six for Legs." He reluctantly agreed, then counted out the coins and put them in the pouches.

"What's going on?" She asked, crossing her arms over her chest and gazing intently at his back as he still hadn't turned round. Toothless looked at her with a pained expression that she didn't understand.

"Nothing." He answered flatly.

"I have no qualms about torturing it out of you, Haddock." She joked.

"You know, I was thinking. Maybe we should sail back to your village... Maybe Bertha needs you for something. We've already been away from there for three weeks." He told her absently.

"Hiccup." She deadpanned.

"I could even make you a saddle for Stormfly and you could try riding her." He said trying to convince her. As much as Camicazi loved the idea of riding Stormfly, she wasn't going to let him push her away. It would be just like him to take her back to the village and disappear.

"Is this about what that stupid oaf said?" She asked him.

"Which oaf?" He asked, frozen on the spot.

"Bloodguts." She answered him.

"What about it?" He asked after a moment's pause, returning to his fidgeting with Toothless' saddle. He knew exactly what she meant.

"Are you upset about what he called you?" She asked him bluntly.

"No. He's right. I am a cripple. I shouldn't have ever thought otherwise." He seethed.

"Hiccup..." Camicazi started but he spun round, cutting her off.

"No." He said as he started to climb on Toothless' back. Camicazi rushed forwards and yanked on the ties of his leg fitment and it clattered to the ground. He stared at her in shock as she picked it up and walked a few feet away from him. "What the Hel are you doing?" He asked her wide eyed.

"You are not running away from this conversation." She told him fiercely. Toothless watched the two in confusion but he liked Camicazi immensely and knew she would never harm his rider.

"Cami, give me it back." He said to her calmly.

"No." She replied.

"Cami, give it to me." He said angrily.

"Nope." She said, popping the p.

"Stop being like this. Please. Just give me it." He pleaded with her.

"Come and get it." She shrugged, dangling it from her fingers with the ties.

"Camicazi! Just give me the damn fitment!" He yelled at her frantically.

"No!" She yelled back. He awkwardly slid off of Toothless and hopped towards her only for her to step back. His jaw dropped at her move.

"Why are you doing this?" He shouted at her as he felt his emotions bubbling to the surface.

"Because." She answered calmly. He hopped towards her again and she tossed the leg behind her. Hiccup tried to hop around her but she blocked him each time. He grew frantic. He didn't understand what she was doing. Why was she being so cruel?

"Please!" He exclaimed and she just blocked him again. This time he tried to push her out of the way but she just held on to his arms and he lost it. He pushed and nudged and tried to slap her arms out of the way, trying his best to keep the tears away from his eyes. "Just... Get out of the way!" He was frantic but she held him still and his shoves and slaps grew harder until the flood gates opened and he crumpled on the floor and buried his face in his hands, rocking himself back and forth for comfort. Camicazi looked at the broken figure before her and the tears that she herself had been holding in slipped out. She quickly crouched down next to him and pulled his shoulders and head into her arms, holding him against her chest as he sobbed. "Why did you do that?" He whispered to her, his voice cracking. She soothed him by rubbing slow circles on his back and weaving her fingers in his hair.

"Because, I love you." She whispered shakily to him. "And I'm not going to let you push me away ever again." She had noticed that he never willingly talked about the loss of his leg. He had never mourned it and clearly it had been bottling up inside of him for the past year since he lost it. She realised it months before and knew that at some point it would have to be addressed. It broke her heart to force it, but she thought he would come out better at the end of it.

"He was right." Hiccup whispered so quietly that she almost missed it.

"So what?" She asked him softly.

"What do you mean? This isn't something that will ever get better." He told her, unable to look into her eyes. Vikings were not meant to be this weak. He was embarrassed beyond belief at the meltdown he was having... Having it in front of Camicazi just made things worse.

"Don't you see, Hiccup? It doesn't matter. You're still you, deep down... Even if you do have fancy battle skills now." She smiled against his forehead.

"It does matter. I'll always be weaker because of it." He whispered venomously.

"It only matters if you let it matter. I don't think you're weaker because of it. Do you think Chum is weaker? Or Gobber?" She asked him.

"No... But I'm not them." He said.

"No, you aren't. You... You are so much better. You have a big, kind heart that neither of them could ever have. Your battle skills are far superior. If you ask me, you're a better blacksmith too." She laughed. "Hiccup, you and Toothless beat the Red Death single handed and you're name is known throughout the Viking world... Perhaps even in other parts of the world. And let's not forget the fact that you got a Bogburglar to commit..." She laughed. "How many men can say that?" She asked and he frowned.

"You could do way better." He told her sadly.

"No, Hiccup. You're the only one for me. It's probably always been that way and I just didn't notice." She kissed his forehead. "I know that accepting your missing leg will take time, but I'll always be there for you. You can talk to me about it anytime you want to. Even if you don't want to talk, I'll be there. Some days you might want to cry or scream or take your anger out on me and that's ok. You're mine, Haddock." She said possessively and tightened her arms around him.

"You'll get annoyed with it soon enough then, because I think about it constantly." He told her honestly.

"There's a reason I helped you train without your attachment. That way you'll be just as good, either way." She shrugged. "I won't get annoyed. But please talk to me." Toothless watched them intently but didn't intervene on what seemed like a private moment for them. He looked at his boy's leg and couldn't help feeling guilty again.

"I can't." He eventually told her.

"Why?" She asked him.

"Because... you're... you." He hung his head in shame. The Viking ways had been drummed into him since he was a baby and it wasn't easy to dispel them.

"Is this because you think I'm some tough Viking that doesn't like shows of emotion?" She asked him while trying to keep her annoyance reigned in.

"Yes." He answered with a sigh. He might as well be honest with her since it appeared he wasn't going anywhere until she was satisfied that their discussion was finished.

"Well, I'm not. You should know that better than anyone. I believe emotion makes a person strong and being able to control your emotions in battle make you a better warrior. When are you going to get it through your thick skull that I'm in?" She asked, tapping his head for effect. He couldn't help the small smile that spread over his face when she said that.

"I'm sorry." He said to her meekly.

"So let's talk about it." She said with an edge of finality.

"What do you want to know?" He asked, defeated.

"Does it hurt?" She asked straight away. She thought that the best thing for her to do would be to get out all the questions she's had about it while he seemed willing to give her answers. It may not happen again for a while.

"Not really. Since the training began, a hard skin film set in over the original wound, making it not hurt from movement anymore. I get the odd phantom pain but that'll happen for the rest of my life." He told her, still not meeting her eyes. She was pleased he had given her a proper answer and not just a 'no'. She tilted his chin up so he was forced to look at her, then she gave him a peck on the lips and he smiled.

"How did it happen?" She asked and he looked downward and over at Toothless who whined again sadly.

"It's ok bud." Hiccup smiled at him. "When Toothless was trying to catch me before I hit the flames, he couldn't reach with his arms so he ended up grabbing me by my leg with his mouth and hoisting me up. It's not his fault though." Hiccup said while looking at the dragon warmly. Camicazi gasped. Everything finally fell into place and it made sense. Every time Hiccup had a pain or removed his fitment around Toothless he always looked pained and guilty. It finally made sense to her.

"He saved your life." She said.

"He did. I wouldn't have survived the fire without him." Hiccup agreed. He would never blame his friend for it. He knew Toothless felt the same about his tailfin but Hiccup still felt guilty about that. Camicazi kissed him again. A lesser man would have blamed the dragon.

"Can I see the scar?" She asked him and he gulped.

"I don't know, Cami." He hesitated.

"I love you, Hiccup. All of you. Even this." She touched the stump lightly. He stared at her face as if assessing her answer then slowly pulled up the shortened legging to his thigh which was covered in a sock then rolled the sock down slowly. Camicazi saw the tell tale tooth marks above and below his knee and purposely didn't react. Although she and Hiccup had been intimate the night before, he hadn't removed his leg so the sock had still been in place. Once the sock was off, she looked at the stump and noticed the minimal scarring on it. She reached down and put a soft peck on the stump then sat up and smiled at him. He looked taken aback by her actions. "I meant what I said." She told him and he grinned at her.

"I love you, Cami. You have no idea how much." He said to her then pulled her towards him for a passionate kiss.

"Good. So are you going to stop pushing me away, Haddock?" She mock glared at him.

"I'll try." He nodded.

"Good." She said then leaned over and grabbed the leg she'd thrown and handed it to him. "Sorry about the way I handled this. I just had to stop you." She explained.

"I get it." He nodded. "Sorry for crying." He said, looking away.

"Don't ever be sorry for crying." She said. "You're human. We all cry sometimes." She said as he pulled the sock back up and refitted his leg.

"I'm glad I have you in my life, Cami." He said to her when he was finished. He got up and stretched his hand out to her and she took it gladly and hoisted herself up.

"Good, 'cause you're stuck with me." She laughed and kissed him again. "Let's get everything ready for the ship arriving. They'll probably be here soon if they don't get any trouble from Stoneclaw." She said.

Everything was ready to go minutes later. They hadn't unpacked much so there wasn't much to do. Stormfly was lying cuddled up next to Toothless, just watching everything that was going on. Hiccup and Cami went to sit at the mouth of the cave and watched the sea for the arrival of their ship. Hiccup wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her into him. They sat that way in comfortable silence just enjoying each other's company and the sound of the waves crashing on the rocks. They felt closer than ever after their serious conversation. Hiccup was still uncomfortable with it but finally felt like he had someone to talk to about it. He'd talked to Chum about it a little bit but didn't go through much detail. Camicazi relaxed against Hiccup's chest and found his steady breathing and even heartbeat was making her drowsy. Just as she found herself being lulled to sleep...

"Cami! The ship!" Hiccup said excitedly. Cami's eyes snapped open and looked to the direction Hiccup was pointing in. The ship looked even more breathtaking out on the open water. The dark wood and black sails only served to emphasise the regal appearance of the beautiful ship.

"She's beautiful." Cami whispered. Hiccup looked down at her face as she gazed at the ship.

"Yes, she is." He smiled as she looked up at him and grinned, understanding his meaning. Because of the rocks below the cave, the ship couldn't dock close enough for them to jump aboard. Toothless and Stormfly came out of the cave to see what all the fuss was about. Hiccup took the opportunity to settle on Toothless' back and Cami jumped on behind him. They took off from the cave and headed for the ship. "Come on Stormfly." Hiccup called to her once they were in the air and she swiftly followed. They landed on the ship minutes later and were greeted by the three young Vikings.

"Hey, Hiccup!" Fishlegs said. "She sails like a dream! Have you had a look in those cabins?" He shrieked.

"Hey, Legs. Not yet." Hiccup smiled as he jumped off of Toothless.

"How are they going to get back on land?" Camicazi asked.

"Well, I was thinking we could sail out a few miles and drop the anchor then maybe all have a drink. They can stay on board tonight if they want to, then in the morning Toothless and I will fly them back." Hiccup offered.

"Hel yeah!" Tuffnut said. "I've been dying to get on that Fury." He laughed.

"Sounds great, Cuz." Snotlout said while clapping Hiccup on the shoulder kindly and Fishlegs just nodded with a smile.

"Great." Hiccup smiled. "I'm just going to have a quick look around the ship and check all our stuff is here. Cami do you want to sail her out a few miles?" He asked her, knowing how much she loved to sail.

"I'd love to." She grinned at him and he leaned down and kissed her nose.

"Thought you would." He winked and she just rolled her eyes.

"I hate to break up this mushiness and all... But where's the mead?" Tuffnut smirked and Cami shot him a death glare.

"You never mind the mead and help me sail the ship." Cami snapped. "Hiccup will bring up a barrel and some mugs."

"You got it." Hiccup smirked at her bossiness. He liked it. "Come on Legs." He gestured for the stairs and Fishlegs followed him down. Hiccup checked the inventory and was pleased that everything was there. He was also insanely happy with the build of the ship and how nice Stoneclaw had made it for them.

"It's really beautiful." Fishlegs said sadly. Hiccup motioned for him to sit in one of the chairs in the cabin. Fishlegs took a seat and Hiccup sat across from him.

"What's going on?" Hiccup asked full of concern and he saw Fishlegs visibly hesitate.

"I'm really unhappy at home... You just seem like you've got this great life and I just wish I was a part of it. Nobody gets me at home, Hiccup. They all think I'm weird and usually I just shut up so the ridicule stops but anytime I try to talk to anyone they end up telling me to shut up or go away. Snotlout and Tuffnut have been better with me since the advent of the dragons but I still feel like the odd one out." He confessed. Hiccup was angry with himself that he never noticed Fishlegs' predicament before since he was in a similar situation not long ago.

"Berk isn't one of the kinder places to live in." Hiccup shook his head annoyed. "That's why I'll end up living with the Bogburglars when our adventure is over." Hiccup told his friend.

"Is it better there?" Fishlegs asked with a tone of desperation that made Hiccup's heart clench.

"Much. You know, Legs... I know Cami and I said you could come along next time but you're more than welcome to join us this time if you want to." Hiccup told the boy with a smile. Fishlegs' face lit up with joy then as fast as it came, it left.

"I wouldn't want to impose like that." He said.

"Honestly, it wouldn't be an imposition. It's not really practical for us to be sailing a ship with only two people on board. Especially if we want to attempt dragon awareness. You'd be doing a good thing for dragons if you came with us." Hiccup explained. "But listen. Think it over and let me know. You don't have to give me an answer now."

"Are you serious?" Fishlegs asked vulnerably.

"Completely." Hiccup nodded.

"Would Camicazi be alright with it?" He asked.

"She really likes you. In fact, I have the gold that she told me to give you. Here you go." Hiccup handed him the pouch from his pocket and Fishlegs looked inside wide eyed.

"There must be 10 pieces of gold here!" He said surprised. "I can't take this from you."

"Are you kidding? We have plenty. After Tuff and Lout leave, I'll explain how." Hiccup winked and Fishlegs smiled. "So are you coming with us? We'll be gone for a while but it will be worth it." Hiccup said.

"I would love to. But don't say anything to the guys. They'll want to come." Fishlegs told him worriedly.

"Oh, I know. They're not getting to come with us though." Hiccup laughed. "I'd end up throwing them overboard eventually."

"You so would. They both complain so much. About everything. I'm sure Camicazi would be able to sort them out but it'll be more fun without them."

"Agreed. She'd end up killing them, no doubt. It will be tough, but I think you'll be happy that you came." Hiccup grinned.

"Thanks." Fishlegs smiled weakly.

"What are friends for?" Hiccup shrugged. "Once the other two are asleep, you and I are going to sneak back to the island and get Horrorcow." Hiccup explained.

"Just keep the mead flowing and they'll be asleep in no time. I'm so glad you mentioned Horrorcow though... I didn't want to ask." Fishlegs admitted.

"Legs, seriously. You're my friend and if this ship is going to be your home for the foreseeable future, you need to make yourself at home. Of course your dragon is welcome." Hiccup told him.

"Aye, aye, Captain." Fishlegs grinned.

"Let's not kid ourselves... Camicazi is clearly the captain of this ship." The boys chuckled.