A/N: Hey guys... don't kill me, okay? You see, my computer was infected by numerous viruses, and it took forever for me to fix it. I would have published this chapter via another computer, but I already had it written out and no way to access it. I hope that this chapter makes up for the extremely long wait... but I can only hope.

Just a heads up: this chapter is really just a lot of dialogue and information about what happened in the last 5 years. Fate's going to seem sort of OOC, but don't worry, it's part of the story.

And by the way, I do know that this is a NANOFATE story (I'm the one who wrote the description, remember?), so please don't send me any messages about how I'm screwing up the story because Yuuno and Nanoha are together and engaged. However, I DO appreciate all the awesome reviews and the concern that you all have for the story.

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha. That would be way to much work for my lazy ass. :)

ENJOY!

Chapter 3: What I Can Handle

I honestly didn't care that it was raining and lightning. I didn't care that I was covered in dirt and soaked to the bone. I really didn't care if I was speeding. I just had to get away. I didn't care that I was driving without a destination in mind. I just needed to escape from HER, from this hell.

…Aaaand that's what I repeatedly told Hayate as she drove me to her house in her black SUV. "I don't care if I caught a cold."

"I know," was how she chose to respond to everything I said.

"I don't care about the fucking traffic laws," I muttered to no one in particular.

"I know," Hayate responded yet again. Silence filled the car for the rest of the ride except for the steady rhythm of the raindrops on the windshield and occasional roll of thunder. I distracted myself thoroughly, thinking about how fun it must be to fit the whole Yagami family (Hayate and the Knights) into this car for trips, or just not thinking at all while staring out the window. It felt like my whole body was numb, but I just told myself it was because I was drenched from my ride.

After jumping out of the building, I just ran to my 'borrowed' bike and sped off. I don't know how long I drove, weaving carelessly through the traffic and almost wiping out countless times. But I do know that I was on a dirt road somewhere out in the country when I finally did crash and burn. I hydroplaned and swerved head-on into a rail guard, flipping over the handlebars into a deep ditch, which surprisingly didn't even hurt. Tears still streamed down my face that displayed no emotion. I just laid there with the rain pouring down on me.

Eventually, Hayate found me in that sad state. She picked me up and placed me in the passenger seat, no questions asked. However, she did mention that there was a tracking device in the bike, if I was curious. But I wasn't… and I'm still not. I'm… numb, really. I guess that I shouldn't be surprised at what I said when Hayate finally pulled into her driveway. It was truly silent now since the storms had passed and the engine was off. We were just sitting in the car for a few peaceful moments… but I screwed that up, too.

"Hayate?" I didn't move to look to verify if she was listening to me, but I continued anyways. "I don't care… about living right now." This time, I did turn to stare into Hayate's blue eyes that instantly reminded me of her eyes, pouring salt on my fresh wounds. "I wish that I didn't wake up… or that I died that day. Anything would have been better than this." The brunette's features remained indifferent… which is why I was completely taken by surprise when I felt her hand connect with my cheek.

When you see someone get slapped, you never really consider it to hurt that much compared to a punch or kick. But a stinging sensation remains in the area of contact; so really, a slap is really in a class of its own (separate from punches or kicks). I was unaware of this at the time, so let's just say I freaked out on the inside that 1) Hayate slapped me, 2) Slaps can really hurt, and 3)… Hayate just SLAPPED me! Only a hint of surprise developed in my expression as I reached up to touch my now red cheek. I shifted my gaze to Hayate's intense stare. So many different phrases popped into my mind, but only one really felt right.

"Thank you, Hayate," I said after taking a deep breath. She just smiled and nodded, as if saying "what are friends for?"

We made our way into the Yagami residence and becoming soaked in the process. "I'm home!" Hayate shouted as she peeled of her coat and hung it up on the nearby hanger. No response. "Everyone must still be at the office. There've been a lot of issues since your 'awakening.'" I couldn't help but chuckle when Hayate used air quotes like we did in high school. Hayate pouted. "Mou, Fate-chan is already laughing at me!" I couldn't help but laugh loudly now, spotting the relieved and satisfied Hayate wore out of the corner of my eye.

It felt odd, this familiar routine of bathing and eating a meal for the first time in years. It was even weirder when the rest of the Yagami family arrived and suffocating hugs followed. Surprisingly, Signum also gave me a hug, one that lasted longer than the others.

"It's been awhile, huh?" My eyes scanned the many faces, all so warm and comforting. I actually felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders, but what that weight was, I cannot say. "Heh, sorry for giving you so much trouble tonight, Shamal." I scratched the back of my head. My expression hopefully did the job of showing how sorry I really was.

"Don't worry about it, Fate. I'm… We all are just glad that you are okay." A bright smile graced the blonde's lips.

I felt my face distort to a look of sorrow and doubt, and I couldn't stop myself before saying, "I wouldn't say that I'm… okay."

All those happy faces practically melted of as the family exchanged glances. Signum spoke first, "I'm sorry, Testarossa. But before you start over-thinking everything, you should let us explain." Everyone nodded at the same time, as if they had planned this all out. I chuckled at the thought.

"Well, it's good that you think that because I have many questions that you have no choice but to answer." I walked over to the couch and sat down. Everyone else followed suit –except for Zafira who took his spot by the other end of the couch. I took a moment to differentiate what I wanted to know now and what I can handle right now. "Why was I in a coma for so long?"

No response.

My red eyes lifted. All I could see was shocked expressions. What? Did you not expect me to ask that? "The injuries that I had shouldn't have been bad enough to cause that. In fact, there are very few injuries that can cause someone to do that."

"I wasn't your wounds that made that happen, Testarossa. It was what caused them," Signum explained still mildly confused. Why is she confused?

I already knew that Signum wasn't referring to the gash that came from the combat vehicle crashing. But… it didn't make sense. The only other injuries that I had received were from when that man –what was his name? –shot me in the arm. Then it clicked. "There was poison in the bullet," I murmured. Shamal nodded, having heard my revelation.

"Yes, and it's a foreign one. We've never encountered it before. It's suspected that I came from Tantum—"

"That's impossible," I interrupted. "Tantum is a wasteland. Pure desert. No plant could ever survive in those conditions." Shamal was about to say something, but I held up a hand to silence her. "No, that's all I wanted to know about that."

Signum crossed her arms. "Kind of rude, Testarossa." I mirrored the action and voiced my previous thoughts out loud.

"Sorry, but there's a difference between what I want to know and what I can handle right now." A second passed before the pink-haired woman nodded. "Now," I continued. "Will any of you tell me the current status of Tantum's government?" More surprised faces. Why am I not surprised?

"Well, there simply isn't a government, not since you left the planet." I stared at Hayate with disbelief.

"You've got to be kidding me! What happened? The gang leader took over as soon as I left, didn't he?" A nod. "Who was it? Who is the Tantum Riders's ring leader?" Signum and Hayate exchanged looks. "Well?"

Hayate turned her blue eyes to my red. "…We don't know his name, but we believe that you met him firsthand, Fate." That can't be right. That only Rider that I met was—

"You must be mistaken. I only met one Rider, and his name was Raggul. He's merely a thug that knows how to threaten and fire a gun, definitely not their cunning and magnificent leader." It's true. I remember now seeing Raggul slightly tremble when he pointed his gun at me, and how his voice almost faltered when he barked orders at me. "Definitely not."

"We watched you deal with him on Tantum that day, Testarossa. You should know that I never forget the face of someone who hurts a person that I care for." I huffed.

"Does she count in that aspect? Or are you guys going to be surprised that I asked that too?" Yup, I knew it. More baffled expressions. I sighed. "I'm an Enforcer, you guys. In other words, I'm trained to notice human behavior, which also means that I have to read criminals' thoughts just by reading their expressions. You guys aren't criminals, though… You're much easier, like a book actually."

The entire family smiled at my humor –even Zafira did this weird dog-grin thing –except for Vita. I felt the chill of her icy stare but I merely glared back at her, hoping that it was just as cold as or maybe even colder than hers. The rich deep blue eyes narrowed before their owner stood and walked out of the room, her emotions made obvious by her stomps. What's with her?

"Testarossa…" I turned my crimson back to another deep blue. I noticed right away that her eyes are the same color as Vita's, but hers seemed softer, not nearly as much edge as the second lieutenant. I refocused my thoughts when Signum spoke again. "May I ask you something?"

"I believe you just did. What is it?" I recognized what flashed in those blue and knew the question before it ever left her lips. It was the one question that I really didn't want to talk about.

"Why did you leave your wrist communicator on? Why did you make Takamachi-san and… why did you make us watch that occur?" I involuntarily flinched when she spoke that name, but I knew that that she wanted to ask 'Why did you make me watch that?'

"If had turned it off, Raggul would have shot me point-blank. With it on, I was able to take him by surprise, especially since noise was still coming from it. I didn't want anyone watch anything, and I certainly didn't expect to get shot. So," I released a breath that I did realize I was holding. "I'm sorry that you had to see that, but it was… necessary."

"Fate, you need to know why Nanoha did what she did," Hayate suddenly stated. There was no getting out of this; I could tell by her tone. I t was that of a general.

"No, I don't. Not now." I never said that I wouldn't at least try to get out of it.

I stood up from the couch and walked in the direction that I remember their bathroom being. No one stopped me from doing so. In fact, no one talked to me until I had to ask where I would be sleeping for the night.

"We don't have any guest bedrooms," Signum answered. "But you are more than welcome to stay in m bed for the night. That is… if you don't mind."

I shrugged. "Whatever. I just want to sleep." Signum led me to her bedroom, which was rather plain. The only objects that really stood out to me were some picture frames on her dresser, which I approached to get a closer look. Out of the 5 frames, 3 of them were happy moments between Hayate and the rest of the Knights. The other two included the pink-haired woman and one other person. In a blue frame, Hayate hugged Signum with one arm as she held a diploma in the other's hand; it was obviously her graduation from high school, right before they joined the Bureau and served it completely.

In the black frame with red edges was a picture that made me blush. It must have been taken a long time ago because I was in my old barrier jacket and much shorter than the Knights' leader. I was blushing in the picture as Signum ruffled my hair affectionately; a soft smile that anyone rarely saw those days graced the woman's lips.

Weren't those the days… Back then I didn't have to worry about dating or prolonged missions on hazardous planets. Everything back then was… simple. At least, it was compared to things now. That was the time after the accident with Mother, when I had recovered from that horrid ordeal. It was after the Book of Darkness, but before Caro and Erio. Caro… and—

"Signum?" I turned to the Belkan knight. I imagine that my crimson eyes were blazing with a sudden passion. "How are Caro and Erio?" I paused as the next words were caught in my throat. "And… Vivio?"

Vivio… it's been more than 6 years since I've held her, since I've kissed her and told her how much I love her. She must be 11 or 12 years old now, which means that she's in junior high! Caro and Erio must be old enough to be going on missions by themselves.

"They are fine, Testarossa," Signum said softly, probably to comfort me. "They are both currently undercover right now, so you can't see them right now. And… Vivio is currently in her second year of junior high. She's 12 years old, but she will turn 13 soon. The school that she goes to is a boarding school, and she stays there during the week. She'll be home in two days because it's a school holiday. Vivio has grown up a lot… I don't know if you should see her yet."

"Of course I'm going to see her! Why would you suggest otherwise," I snapped. She's still my daughter.

"After Takamachi-san started dating Scrya, Vivio began to see you more as an older sister. She calls Scyra her father, but with a great reluctance. She knew about the possibilities of you not awakening, so she's doing her best to make Takamachi-san happy." I sat on the edge of Signum's large bed, holding my head in my hands. I felt my face grow hot with both anger and sadness, and my eyes stung from the tears I refused to let fall. No, I won't cry over Nanoha anymore.

After taking a deep breath, I asked the question that I dreaded most: "Do you think she even wants to see me?"

The pause that followed drove me mad. I felt so many emotions and had no way to let them out. Oh, how I wanted a punching bag right now. The mattress squeaked slightly as Signum sat next to me and wrapped her arm around my shoulder. I was surprised at the amount of heat that radiated from that arm.

"… She would give up everything to see you. For years, that is all she has wished for. The only obstacle is Takamachi-san… You would have to see her in order to see Vivio. You said yourself that there is a difference between what you want and what you can handle. Can you handle seeing Takamachi-san with Scrya?"

A lump in my throat made it hard to breathe. Could I handle that? Am I strong enough to?

I remembered the promise that I once made to Nanoha. 'I'll get stronger, so that I can protect you. I have to get stronger' is what I said.

"I may not be strong enough to accept their relationship, but I am strong enough to overlook it… if it's so I can see Vivio again." I stood up from the bed, taking a deep breath before facing Signum again. This time, I suspect that my determination made my eyes intense. "I wish to go and train in the training room tomorrow. Will you come with me? You know, in case something happens?"

"I believe that you are worried about the unknown poison, yes? Your body must have worked it all out of your bloodstream since you woke up, so there's probably nothing to worry about. I will accompany you, but only so you don't push yourself too hard. Your body is still weak, so you need to be careful how much you exert yourself for the next few weeks."

"Yes, mom. Whatever you say," I replied as I rolled my eyes. When I heard Signum chuckle, I joined her. "Well, I guess that we should get some sleep. Tomorrow might be a long day…"

A/N:... Okay. So this got some vital info out in the open. However, it also raised some questions, like Raggul.

Someone asked whether or not Fate will stay as an Enforcer. As far as her physical condition is concerned, Fate cannot go on any missions or anything until she is in tip-top shape. So until then, she probably won't even think about asking for a mission. Right now, Fate has to worry about Vivio and regaining her strength.

Hey guys, I really do appreciate all of your awesome reviews. I'm really sorry that I kept you guys waiting for so long. You guys are really great, and I love all of you (whether you review or not)! (Check out the poll on my profile, okay?)

Until next time! :3 ~Wolf-of-Wind