AN: Thanks for reading thus far! :-)

I'm really not one to bitch about reviews, but it would be cool to have a few more; if only because, to be honest, I thought this story was kind of so-so in the beginning, and is just now getting really good; so I'm curious to know if you guys agree.

I'm cutting it here, because I think Part Two will have a slightly different vibe; more a Western, sort of like Kill Bill, vol. II. God, everything I do comes back to Kill Bill. Anyway, I like to do an omake of some sort between parts of longer stories, so enjoy…

Back to The Well

Meanwhile, behind the scenes at the Square-Enix ranch...

Tseng: …A man like that will never amount to anything.

Director: Cut! That was pure Hollywood, baby.

Rude: *snerk*

Tseng: *pfft*

Rude Ha-haa, ha-ha-ha! Oh God, your face, Tseng, your face!

Tseng: I c-couldn't keep it straight one more second! What does this writer think I am, some kind of tough guy? Alright, now I'm gonna say Jesus eight times in a row, cause I'm sick of making up oaths and swears like "by Jenova's waxen forehead". Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. There, I'm good.

Reno (glancing at his watch): C'mon you two, let's leg it to Studio Four, we gotta do our scene for the new OVA…

In Studio Four

Director: Okay, scene six of "Final Fantasy VII: Friendship is Magic"….and, action!

Cloud: What a lovely day for a picnic, Aeris! I'm so glad you magically came back to life.

Aeris: Tee-hee! How could I die for reals when all our fans…I mean, our friends, love me so much?

Cloud: Hey, look, it's our pals the Turks! Over here, Tseng!

Tseng: Hi, Cloud! I brought you a little present to say, y'know, sorry for all that kidnapping and attempted murder and stuff.

Cloud: What is it, a bomb?

(laugh track)

Tseng: Oh, you're such a kidder, Cloud. Ha, ha, ha!

Cloud (unwrapping it): Wow, it's a Friendship Ring!

Tseng: Mine is the same color!

Reno: All I wanna know is, can we turn these goddamn fans down? It took me an hour to get my hair like this.

Director: No! The script is very specific, dramatic wind in every scene.

Tseng: Um…sir? I have one question…

Director: Yeah?

Tseng: Doesn't this all seem…just a bit out-of-character?"

Director: What do you mean?

Tseng: Well, here I am giving Cloud this present. Are you with me so far?

Director: Sure.

Tseng: When previously, I dropped in on a helicopter to taunt him with having kidnapped Aeris, while my employers were about to crush him and all his friends to death. On top of which, I distinctly recall laughing maniacally.

Director: Ah…that? A simple mistranslation. I have it on good authority that in the Japanese version, you were sobbing with remorse for your terrible actions.

Tseng: What…Japanese…I think I know what I did!

Producer (entering, excited): Boys, boys! I just got my hot little hands on the script for Final Fantasy XV! We lucked out, cause after XIII and XVI, them two characters in "XV" will save us like a billion yen in printing costs!

Director: Alright, let's hear it.

Producer: So the protagonist is called Cumulus War, there's some chocobos, some dude named Cid, and for the final boss you fight Jesus, then God, then plant the Japanese flag on top of a mountain. Only we can't call him Jesus, we'll call him Susej or something. We'll fill the rest with old tropes from Evangelion, like "you're not alone," "kids can do anything," oh yeah and, "the white man's God is an evil tyrant."

Director: We got away with Sin, didn't we? Anyway, I like it. But can't we just call it FFVII part II, and it's set in like an alternate dimension? I don't think Final Fantasy by itself has enough brand recognition. Also, cram it chock full of characters so we can put 'em all in Kingdom Hearts III: Keyblade-o-pocalypse, and make action figures out of 'em.

Producer: Done, and done! You are a genius, my man.

Director: Can we get that same guy to do the music?

Producer: Um…we don't really know what happened to him. Doesn't matter, no one liked him anyway. People only want continuity on the important stuff…not like flying around in the airship and buzzing towns and shit, nobody really liked that. Oh yeah, we got Biggs and Wedge as saxophone players in a nightclub.

Tseng: You people are sick! That's it, I'm walking off this set! Unless you apply another coating of diamonds to my trailer.

Director: No problem-o. Johnny? Grab some new diamonds for Tseng's trailer, and y'know what, order up some huge rails of coke for everyone.

Square Exec (bursting in): You guys, you guys! I just had the greatest idea! Okay, so…Rufus? Was secretly Cloud all along. C'mon, nobody likes that boring asshole Cloud, but Rufus is so bishie!

Cloud: Hey!

Director: I thought this guy was a genius, but you, you're, like, a super genius! I could kiss you!

Elena (to Tseng): Do you think…success…changed us?

Reno: I think you're jealous cause you didn't get your own action figure.

Delivery boy: Who ordered the uh, huge rails of coke?

Everyone: Yaaaaay!

Seriously, I hear the main character of FFXIII was specifically commissioned as a "female Cloud." Yeesh, these guys are worse than George Lucas. Now who wants a pizza roll? Oh yeah and Square, don't sue me for using your characters in my story, making fun of you, or predicting the plot of FF XV with 100% accuracy.

Also, I have nothing against Kingdom Hearts. My only issue is the second one was more Square than Disney, and the third looks like it's going to be much, much more Square than Disney.