Chapter 19 – Penguins On Ice Skates
After signing a few autographs, doing some pictures and dodging the President of the Doctor's Appreciation Society, the Doctor, Yash, and Yash's Aunt Peli finally got back to Yash's house. It was a relatively small one at the back end of town – the lower end of the middle price range. The Doctor did wonder how they were all going to fit in there. But regardless, Yash strolled up to it, encouraging his aunt and the limping Doctor.
"Hey, Mum!" Yash yelled happily as he opened the front door, kicking off his boots into the middle of the hall.
"About time!" came a shrieking voice from beyond the sliding metal door and it buzzed back to reveal a blue-skinned elderly woman, hair tied back in a bun, wiping her impeccably manicured hands on a tea towel. "And where on Grabbylox have you been, Yash?"
The Doctor watched as Yash seemed to shrink where he stood. "Sorry, Mum, I said I'd be back in the evening..."
"It's ten o'clock!" the woman shrieked. "And how many times, Yash, shoes on the mat! And now there's mud all over my floor! You clean that up right now, Yashotophemonolinzo!"
"Yes, Mother," Yash said quietly.
She finally noticed the Doctor, standing there with his clothes torn and his bandages in full view. "And who the hell is this? A tramp?"
The Doctor stared at her, feeling very awkward before he smiled his most charming smile and extended out his hand that wasn't in a sling. "Pleasure to meet you, Mrs, umm... Yash's mother."
She stared at him, then at his hand, and made a big point of not shaking it. "You will address me as Mrs Kilkaqimazkznthnajk whilst you are a guest in my house!"
"Really?" the Doctor asked, a little winded.
"Who are you, anyway?" she asked rudely.
Yash jumped in, eager as a beaver. "Mum, this is the Doctor."
"Oh that bloody Doctor!" she realised, exasperated. She looked at the Doctor again, regarding him up and down like a sheep at the market. "Is this it?"
"I told you, Mum!" Yash said quickly before the Doctor could begin to even think of a reply. "He saves planets and fight monsters and..."
"He's a bloody humanoid, that's what he is!" she shouted, spittle flying into the Doctor's face. "They're nothing but trouble, he's going to mess up my house and leave his disgusting humanoid scent everywhere!"
"I'm very hygienic," the Doctor said lamely.
Mrs Kilkaqimazkznthnajk's blue face turned almost completely red with utter anger, making her look like a sunburnt smurf. "Do not talk back to me!" she roared.
The Doctor decided that not saying anything else would probably be for the best. Thankfully Mrs Kilkaqimazkznthnajk decided to move on and saw Peli standing there just behind the Doctor, watching the whole thing happen.
"Oh, hello, Peli dear!" Mrs Kilkaqimazkznthnajk greeted warmly, hugging her sister. Then she turned back to the Doctor, and her face changed again faster than light itself. "Get out of my sight, humanoid! And Yash, I don't hear floors being cleaned!"
"Yes, Mother," Yash said, and ran into another room as Mrs turned on her heel and strutted after him.
"Upstairs, third door on the left," Peli told the Doctor quietly. "Let Yash know if you need me."
He nodded. "Thank you."
She followed after them, leaving the Doctor standing alone in the hall. Then he realised there were stairs. He looked at his leg, then at the stairs, sighed, and started to slowly make his way up.
He got to the room Peli had indicated around ten minutes after he'd begun his painful journey up the stairs, his leg and shoulder screaming their protests in equal measures. As soon as he'd opened the door to the room, he knew it was Yash's.
It looked very much like the bedroom of a 10-year-old human boy. There were many Earth things spread out over the shelves, posters of TV and films from Earth all over the walls. In the corner there was Yash's computer, the desk messy and completely without order - the wall around the desk covered with drawings and notes... and pictures of the Doctor himself, in several incarnations.
The Doctor turned his attention to the shelves, peering with interest through some of the things. There were DVDs, videos, CDs, books – all things you would only get from Earth. But the really interesting thing was something placed up on the high shelf, sealed in a box, as though precious. The Doctor did not have the pain tolerance in him to take it down and really look at it... but it appeared to be a piece of scrunched up tin foil.
He figured he had a bit of time to himself, so he sat down at the computer, plugged himself in to the alien interface, and spoke.
"Command, Search. Key words, Doctor, arrest, news."
The computer bleeped, bringing up an article about his arrest. He scanned through, hoping to maybe get some news on the current situation, but there was nothing new from this article updated 6 hours ago. He was still a Universally wanted man.
He unplugged himself again, leaning back in the chair and staring up at the ceiling. It was covered in those glow-in-the-dark plastic stars that frequented children's rooms.
Thoughts quickly turned to his growing son. He hadn't had a chance to think anything about getting prepared for his son's arrival. He and Rose hadn't talked about names. They didn't even have any clothes, yet. It wasn't like they could use Leah's old ones, what with them being bright pink and all.
Then he started thinking about how his son's room would look. For Leah's room he had spent a few days painting tiny bonnet and cap-wearing teddy bears along the walls; skipping ropes, having birthday parties and doing all the other cute things teddy bears were apparently supposed to do when you weren't looking. So no teddy bears, this time. Something a little manlier for his boy. He thought for a moment, deciding spaceships was far too corny, and instead turning to the thought of animals. Yes, he could do that. Monkeys hanging from trees, penguins skating on ice, Gralax leaping over rivers... He could even sneakily stick in a few Gallifreyan ones.
He grinned at the thought, mapping it all out in his head. This one would probably take a little longer to paint than Leah's, but he would enjoy it. Rose was far more into the practicalities, colour and placement of objects when designing a room, while he just liked decorating walls. Plus the TARDIS didn't mind him putting paint all over her when it came to nurseries, which was always a bonus.
The door suddenly opened, jolting the Doctor from his thoughts as Yash entered, and grinned.
"Sorry," he said, closing the door behind him. "You'd better not go out my room, Mum's really insane when it comes to humanoids."
"I noticed," the Doctor murmured.
"What d'you think?" Yash asked, gesturing around the room. "Cool, right?"
"Very cool," the Doctor replied, gazing around again. "You really like Earth, don't you?"
"Yeah!" Yash said, beaming. "I collect stuff from zBay and when I went on field trips to Earth. Look what I got!" He ran over to the shelf and reached up to take the box the Doctor had noticed earlier down from the shelf. "It's real precious metal from Earth, it's called tin foil and I've got a bit! My Dad gave it to me, he loved Earth too."
"Very impressive," the Doctor replied with a smile, not wanting to crush his dreams.
"Mum hates me keeping this stuff," Yash said, putting it back on the side. "But I like it so screw her. I wish I could live on Earth, you know? I bet it's awesome. But I don't think they've got any blue people there, so I can't."
"Yeah, you'd stand out a bit," the Doctor mused. "How about a morphic box? They wouldn't notice through the illusion, then."
"I was saving up for one," Yash said. "But I've got no job now."
"What happened to your police one?"
"Something about not helping the prisoners to escape," Yash said, tapping his chin. "Which is fair, yeah? But I said it was you and they still wouldn't let it go! Can you believe that?"
"Oh, I'm sorry," the Doctor said quickly.
"S'alright, wasn't that good at it anyway," Yash replied, and gestured to a pile of clothes and equipment on the floor at the end of his bed. "I gotta take those back, tomorrow."
"Yash!" came the undeniable shriek of the racist mother from downstairs.
"Sorry," Yash said quickly, running speedily out the door.
Captain Jack Harkness woke up, and then panicked.
The Master had shot him, the Judoon had taken Leah, the Doctor... surely dead. Now Jack appeared to be in a dark room, the structure and materials would denote it as Earth.
A little light came from the corner, and he struggled to his feet to find it was coming from the edges of a closed door up some stairs. He was in a basement. The Master's basement?
He was pretty sure the door would be impossible to pass through, but he decided to try it anyway, jumping up the stairs and trying the handle. He tried ramming his shoulder against it, but there was something placed on the other side.
He checked his pockets for anything that could help, but he had nothing. And quite literally – nothing. He didn't have his phone, his gun, his... TARDIS key.
… And there was only one person who could have taken them.
A few hours of nothing particularly interesting had passed and the Doctor was sat at Yash's desk with Yash fast asleep in his bed, snoring loudly. As the morning arrived the Doctor was drawing out his son's bedroom, planning how he was going to decorate the walls. He wanted it to be absolutely perfect.
He hoped Leah, the Master and Jack were all getting along. In truth, Jack and the Master were probably having a staring stand-off while Leah would be watching TV... But they could do what they liked. As long as she was safe, that was all that mattered. He did feel guilty for having to leave her again, though. She had been right to yell at him. But once this whole thing was sorted out he and Rose were going to give her all the time she wanted, taking her to the best planets and playparks in the Universe. Her third birthday was on the horizon as well. Not to mention they would have to explain that she had a little baby brother now.
Then suddenly he remembered his phone. He could call Jack to see how they were getting on – to talk to Leah. He looked up, realising Yash had it. He got up and limped over to Yash's coat, rummaging through the pockets until he brought out the slim silver device. It was switched off. He took a few moments trying to recall how to turn it on, before it sprang into life. He sat back down in the chair, careful not to disrupt his shoulder or leg before he started trying to remember how to phone someone on it.
But he didn't need to, because suddenly the phone started vibrating, an incoming call – from Jack, if the contact name was anything to go by. He pressed the green and held it to his ear.
"Jack?"
"Doctor!" it was the Master. "You're alive!" he sounded surprised. "I saw the thing Jack was watching on the news. Where are you?"
"Umm..." the Doctor looked at his current surroundings, Yash still snoring loudly on the bed. "Long story. How's Leah?"
"Oh she's fine, fast asleep," the Master said.
"Thank you again for doing this," the Doctor said.
"Well I do owe you," the Master replied. "Where are you off to?"
"I'm gonna get a flight to Sol Central Station in the morning and catch a lift back to Earth to get the TARDIS," the Doctor said.
"Mmm," the Master said. "I've been listening in on the Judoon communications and I don't think your wife is safe, anymore. They know you're coming and they're scared, sounds as if they're planning something."
The Doctor paused to consider this. "You heard that?"
"Yep. There's something definitely going on."
The Doctor fell silent for a moment. It would take him almost a day to get to Earth and find the TARDIS when he could walk out the door right now, attract their attention and be at the Shadow Proclamation in two hours flat. Sure, this would make him a prisoner along with Rose, but as long as Leah was safe that was all that mattered.
"... You sure you can keep Leah hidden?" the Doctor asked.
"Are you doubting me, Doctor?" the Master asked incredulously.
The Doctor laughed. "No. I'll be back as soon as I can, thank you."
The Master hung up. The Doctor pocketed the drawing he'd been doing and quickly scribbled a note for Yash before he looked at the man himself sprawled on the bed snoring loudly, somehow completely sleeping through all of that. Then he saw Yash's guns from his police job propped up against the wall. He took one, checked it was loaded, put it into his jacket and slipped out of Yash's room.
He decided the quickest route would be to slide down the banister of the stairs, so he did, reaching the other end to land on one foot. The green moon medical bag was placed at the side, so he quickly eased himself down to sit on the floor propped up against the wall, opening it with one hand.
It had the things he needed, but with very basic equipment – obviously a low budget first aid kit. There was nothing to sterilise his skin... He'd just have to risk it. Syringes were about as sophisticated as the first aid kit got in this house, which wasn't great, but it was his only option. He got out a syringe with one hand, and the medicine he needed for the pregnancy symptoms, filling it up before setting the needle back down again.
He tried desperately not to cry out in pain when he manipulated his bad arm out of its sling, his broken collar bone screaming its protest. It was almost completely useless; rendered unusable by the pain that came with it. He reached up one-handed to his tie and pulled it over his head, up his bad arm and over his elbow. He pulled it tight and grabbed the end between his teeth, reaching for the needle. He located a vein and slid it in.
He felt partially relieved now that was over – but that had been the easy bit. He would have to inject a localised painkiller under his kneecap so he could walk.
As he was filling the next syringe with painkiller he heard footsteps on the first floor of the house – someone was getting up. And from the direction of the footsteps, he could discern it was Yash's Mum.
Deciding he didn't want to confront her, he made haste in unwrapping the bandages from around his knee and picking up the syringe. He took a breath and lowered the point of the needle, sliding it under his kneecap.
He struggled not to make a noise or even flinch at what he was doing as the footsteps continued on the floor above him. He pushed in the painkiller and carefully pulled the syringe out again, gently bending his knee as much as he could to get it circulating.
A door upstairs opened. He had no time to do his collar bone. He quickly re-bandaged his knee and cleaned up the area, scrambling to his feet. There were feet coming along the upstairs hallway towards the stairs.
He made it to the door with his arm pressed against him, trying desperately not to move it as he pulled it open and slipped outside quietly. The painkiller was starting to work now as he started limping less, emerging out into the streets of early morning Grozax. People were buzzing around to get to work, the atmosphere quite quiet. Well, that was about to change.
He walked out into the middle of a street, picked up a bin one-handed and hurled it at a shop window. It smashed inwards instantly, the alarms bursting into life.
"Come on!" he yelled to the sky as everyone around him suddenly stopped and stared. "Come and get me! I'm right here!"
He pulled out his gun and held it up in the air. People took one look at him, and instantly started screaming, scattering around him before he started walking, shooting into the air as he went. He reached an information column in the street, and shot straight at it.
"Come on!" the Doctor yelled again as it bursts into sparks, more people running and screaming. "I'm here! What are you waiting for?"
He started off down the street again, shooting into the air. He climbed onto a platform in the centre of the street, watching the people flee before him...
"Hello?" he screamed to the sky. "If you don't come and get me I'll kill everyone here! You hear that?"
He looked back down at the fleeing people, so scared. As if he was going to shoot them.
It was a matter of minutes until the police arrived, pulling up in their transport in the street. Instantly they surrounded the platform, their guns aiming straight at him.
"Tell the Shadow Proclamation the Doctor is in!" the Doctor yelled down, and then aimed his gun, shooting at the ground near one of the policeman's feet, who yelped and stumbled back. "And don't keep him waiting."