Trigger warning. I really appreciate all of your reviews guys :)
Rachel waited until long after the last person had left the bathroom to come out of her stall. She didn't want to risk bumping into anyone who would make another snide comment at her. That day had been worse than she had experienced in a long time. Karofsky had hissed 'fag spawn' in her ear on three separate occasions, Quinn had called her man hands, hobbit and Rupaul, Santana had told her to get a nose job and lose some weight while she was at it, Brittany had sheepishly mumbled that she was prettier than Rachel and she had been slushied three times. For the third one, she had no change of clothes, so had taken residence in a toilet cubicle until everyone else had gone.
Ten insults, and that was if the laughter while the drinks were flung in her face didn't count. They might not be direct words, but she heard the name laced in each laugh that followed her down the hall: loser. Rachel didn't even know if she had room for ten. She didn't want to move any further down her leg, her habit had spread enough as it was. It had only ever meant to be her stomach, confined to one easy to hide place, but it had flowed across her body like a disease for which there was no cure. It certainly felt that way.
The bathroom mirror had a large crack running through it, splitting Rachel herself in two as she stared into it. What was it other people saw in her that made them hate her so much? They all gave their own reasons: she was fat, she wore the wrong clothes, she was obnoxious, her nose was too big for her face, she had an irritating voice, she was exceedingly annoying, no one wanted her, she was too confident for her own good, she was uppity and sometimes rude. Perhaps they would change their minds about her if they knew the truth. Or perhaps they would just see her as even more of a freak than they already did.
Rachel wiped the soap that had lathered on her hands onto the mirror, blurring her reflection and blotting it from view. Good. She didn't want to look at her own face any longer. Her ugly, rounded face that stared back at her with such pathetic sad eyes. She hated that part of her more than anything else. The part that actually let them get to her, that was so weak that she had resorted to hurting herself so their words didn't sting so badly. The one who cried all alone because of the effort it took to smile in front of everyone. Of course no one would like her better if they knew that, they would hate her as much as she hated herself.
With a heavy sigh, Rachel wiped her hands dry on her already ruined top and slowly left the bathroom. The corridor was deserted when she walked into it, and her feet clacked against the hard floor, echoing through the silent walls in an eerie manner that reminded her of the dream she had a lifetime ago. The walls were covered in nothing more than posters about the dangers of drinking and slushies stains, but Rachel could see the words that scarred her skin etched there, as bright and bold as the midday sun.
To avoid them, she kept her eyes firmly focused on the floor. The feeling of freedom at not having to look where she was going at all times in case of an oncoming slushie was a nice one, as was being able to walk down the corridor of her school without being shouted after, or being plagued by laughter. There was no one else around but her, and for the first time in months, Rachel felt lighter as she walked through her school. She didn't have to worry about the next insult that would come her way, and it made her wish she'd never thought of hiding before.
The relief was short lived when Rachel felt a strong grasp close around her arm as soon as she stepped out of the front doors and she let out a short scream. With a quick spin, she found her fears were justified as Karofsky stood leering at her, a smug smirk lingering on his lips at having scared her. "If it's so easy to make you scream, this is going to be a blast." He spoke casually, but there was an edge of a threat in his voice that Rachel couldn't ignore. She swallowed hard and tried to pull her arm from his grip, but he held fast.
"If you do not take your hand off me right now I will scream so loudly that everyone within a two mile radius will come running," she warned, but Karofsky merely chuckled.
"I know you've got a gob on you Rupaul, but if you dare open it, I'll make this so much harder on you." He dug his fingers hard into her arm, tightly enough to leave bruises to prove he was serious. Rachel bit her bottom lip so it stung painfully, the only weapon she had against the footballer who was more than twice her size.
Karofsky stormed down the steps, his hand still wrapped around her arm, and Rachel had no choice but to follow him, stumbling as she tried to keep up with his long strides. By the time they reached the back of the building, Karofsky was practically dragging Rachel behind him, who had began to cry, silently. She hated herself for showing such a weakness, but controlling her emotions had never been her strong point, not even after all the years of practise. A blind, naive part of her still believed if people saw her tears, their conscience might kick somewhere inside them.
In the next moment, Rachel felt her body slam heavily against the wall and the tooth that was still chewing on her bottom lip sunk right through it. She tasted blood. She let out a noise, somewhere between a cry of pain and a gasp of shock. He had handled her more aggressively than that in the past, but there was something different about the way he was doing it then. Before, there had always been others around. He'd 'accidentally' knock into her, sending her flying into the lockers. But now it was just them, and Rachel could not remember ever feeling so afraid.
"I heard you never even did it with Hudson," he murmured, his face just inches from hers. He was so close, Rachel could see the different flecks of colour in his eyes. "Maybe the fags passed the gene onto you. Now there's a disgusting thought. What's the world gonna do if it's catching?" Rachel could not even find the words to lecture him on ignorance, she had left her voice somewhere on the steps.
"Shall we test that theory? Either it isn't catching, and the world is safe, or it is and...well then we'll have to do something about that won't we?" Rachel's breath hitched in her throat. She did not even dare to blink. If she closed her eyes for a second, just a split moment, he would kill her. She was sure of it. She heard the no so hidden threat in his words. He was going to do what he liked with her, and she either enjoy it, or she wouldn't live long enough to tell a soul.
Karofsky's hands slid onto her waist, and Rachel's mind was instantly thrown to God. She had not prayed in a long time, not since Finn had broken up with her and she had lost the one good thing in her life. As far as she was concerned, that was the day God had turned His back on her, and she had done the same in retaliation. When she had lost everything she had hung on for, her God had stopped being one she wanted lean against. She'd learned the only one she could really depend upon was herself. But now she willed Him to be there, just one last time to stop the thing that would surely kill her, one way or another.
She squeezed her eyes tightly shut as she prayed and felt his hands slide up her top, his fingers running along her stomach. Her stomach. Rachel froze. Karofsky did too. His hands pulled away, suddenly, and she felt the hem of her top being whisked up to a blast of cool air, and her eyes shot open to meet her tormentor's shocked ones. The shock quickly turned to malice. They glinted with a glee that she had not seen on anyone for a very long time and it made her feel sick that someone could look so happy about something she knew was so horrifying. It was like watching someone point and laugh as a car ploughed into the body of a child.
"You're even sicker in the head than your fag dads," he spat with a chuckle. "You know what Berry? It's your lucky day. I've just found something so much more fun to play with." He laughed again, that time throwing back his head and letting the sound boom out around the empty grounds before turning and striding away from her.
Rachel finally let out the breath she had been holding since he had threatened her and slipped down the wall where she sat slumped on the floor, shaking. She did not know what was worse, what had almost happened, or what had happened. He was going to tell everyone. But he hadn't touched her. God had listened to her prayer, but He had answered it in the most twisted way possible.
…
A thumping on his front door that sounded as if someone were attempting to break it down was not what Puck wanted to hear just as he sat down to watch the hockey match. It was one of the rare occasions both his mom and sister were out, and he wanted to make the most of it with popcorn and having the volume on the TV turned up as loudly as he wanted with whatever show he liked. He did not appreciate it being interrupted by someone who did not even know how to use a doorbell. But what he was not expecting was to be met with a sobbing Rachel Berry, who looked so relieved to see him, despite the pissed off look he could feel on his face, that his anger soon dissolved.
"Noah!" She cried, and launched herself into his arms. Puck stumbled but regained his balance in time to catch her and held her fast against him as he felt her body shake with sobs he couldn't hear. At least his mom was out, if she walked into the hall to find him in such an intimate embrace with Rachel, he would never hear the end of it. Puck's mom was their greatest shipper, and had been sourly disappointed with their failed relationship at the beginning of the previous year.
But his mom was the least of Puck's worries as he held a crying Rachel Berry, locked tightly in his arms. He did not do soppy, and he did not do feelings, but neither did he do being called Noah, and she got away with that. She was also probably the only girl in the world who could cry into his new shirt and not send him running for the hills. With a gentle sigh, Puck slid one arm under her knees and the other around her back and hauled her into his arms, bridal style before backing into the hall and kicking the door shut.
She was light, much easier to carry than she should have been, but at that moment, Puck was more concerned with the damp patch he could feel forming on his shirt. Not because his mom had just bought it for him, but because they were Berry's tears. His little Jewish princess, and the only girl he had ever really cared about without getting into her pants. He dropped her gently onto the couch and sat down next to her. Not that he had much choice, she was still clinging to him as if he were the only thing stopping her dropping through the floor into the ninth circle of hell.
"My life's over Noah," he heard Rachel sob. At least, he was pretty sure that was what she said, but it was hard to hear her through the combination of his clothes and her cries that muffled her voice. He was used to Rachel and her dramatic, but there was something in her tone that told him she really meant it that time. That and the fact that it had been so long since he had seen her cry. "He knows. Karofsky. He saw them." Her broken sentences barely made sense to him, but there was only one thing she could really be talking about. But how the fuck would Karofsky know?
Rachel let out another harsh sob, and Puck raised a hand to stroke her hair, awkwardly. He wanted to say something comforting, or at least bad ass to make her laugh, but he had nothing. He was seriously out of practise with the crying girl on his shoulder thing. "So? He's just some wanker. If he tells anyone, threaten to tell the whole school he's gay or something."
He felt her head shake against his chest, but he could have sworn he heard the faint sound of a giggle through her sobs. "Can't-can't you tell him to back off?" She pleaded without taking her head away. "Although I do not condone violence in any way, in this case I will not protest to you less than politely warning him that he dare not breathe a word of a secret that is not his to tell."
Puck resisted the temptation to roll his eyes. Even when she was so upset, she couldn't just say 'beat him up for me.' But then he thought about what she was asking. She wanted him to stop her secret from getting around the school. Once again, she wanted him to be the one to make sure no one else ever knew. Now he didn't really want to pass up any chance to fight Karofsky, but he also didn't really want him to stay quiet. Puck himself couldn't tell the world, he could never do that to her, but that didn't mean he was going to stop someone else.
"No," he said, bluntly. Now that, he was used to. "If this is what it takes to get you to stop doing that to yourself, I'm not gonna stop it," Puck explained as he felt her body become rigid against his.
She finally pulled away from him, backing away enough so that he got a full view of her face and almost wished he hadn't. Her cheeks were streaked with tears, both stained and those that were still wet, and more clung to her eyelashes and welled in her eyes, which were already a deep red from all of the tears she had already shed. That was the only colour on her face, the rest was pale enough for her to be a corpse and there was a wildness in her features that matched his mom's desperation as she pleaded with his dad not to leave them.
"Please Noah," was all she said, her voice no more than a whisper and trembling with emotion. He almost caved then. Even what she was doing to herself had to be better than seeing her so distraught. But then he thought of what she had never allowed him to see. He imagined the scars, old and new,scattered across her body and needed no more convincing. He wasn't going to help her keep it a secret any more.
"You're staying here tonight Berry," he snapped, keeping his face and voice hard. It was the only way he could deal with her, the only way he wouldn't fall right into the trap of her tears and agree to whatever she asked of him. "I don't trust you on your own."
Heatherbelles: You're probably sat there thinking 'well that was quick'. I just got an email to tell me you'd added me to alerts :)
Right, how on earth can Quinn expect to ever get Beth back? There are many things wrong with this.
1. She has legally handed over all rights. She is no longer recognised as Beth's family. At all.
2. I do psychology and last year one topic was attachment. The cricitcal period for a child to form an attachment to his or her primary caregiver is up to 6 months. Therefore, Beth will already have formed an attachment with Shelby. To take her away now would cause psychological damage and serious issues with Beth maintaining healthy and stable relationships in the future.
3. Quinn is single, 18, and has no income of her own. Shelby has a stable income, plenty of savings and a house of her own.
4. As much as Quinn wants Beth back, she has to think of the child. It was best for Beth to go to Shelby last year, now, it is even more critical because they already have a bond, and if Quinn were to get Beth back, she'd just scream for Shelby.
5. Quinn is a selfish cow and only cares about herself. I don't even like Shelby, but it's clear she loves and cares for Beth. Quinn needs to grow up and get over herself before she can even think about becoming a mother.
Sorry, just really really hate her. There are three Glee chracters whom I hate, Shelby, Jesse and Quinn. I can tolerate Shelby, I am even willing to put up with Jesse, but Quinn can just go die as far as I'm concerned.
If Quinn really cared about Beth, she'd realise this. She doesn't though, all she cares about is having something in her life. Last year, she didn't give a toss about her baby because she was too focused on getting her popularity back. That was the only reason she didn't keep her. She had a support system, money, a home, a willing baby daddy, but she chose her popularity. Now she doesn't have that anymore, she wants Beth back. I get she's her mother, she probably does geninely love her, but it's best for Beth now to stay with Shelby, with Quinn still in her life, but not as her primary caregiver.
Okay, another rant over. My author's notes keep ending up almost as long as the chapter, but I find this is a good place to rant, so long as I include actual story as well because this is fan fiction after all, not rants 'r' us.