A/N: Hi guys! SOOO sorry about this delay in posting. My grandma had a stroke this week during her knee surgery, so things have been beyond stressful. BIG BIG thanks go out to TheTruthBetween for giving me much needed prompts for this chapter because I was so stuck it was unreal. Everything I wrote seemed so… meh. -_- So the prompt words were: trying, pancakes, clock, toys, cooking, crying, footprints, easy, birds, and figurine. So here it is. Emily's POV again

123456789 6 Months Later

"LORD you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.
The LORD replied, my precious, precious child, I Love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

–"Footprints", Various Authors

Emily woke up with a massive headache. The one of twins were crying, they probably needed changed again. She looked over at the clock on her nightstand. The neon blue numbers assaulted her tired eyes: 3:30; this seemed unusual because they had finally begun sleeping through the night. She frowned, turning over in the bed. Ian was gone. She sat up in the bed, rubbing her eyes. She felt like she was in the CIA all over again. No sleep, constantly listening for noises in the night, walking on eggshells, trying to establish a new routine. Where was he? She hadn't felt him get up when the one of the twins, Lauren, she guessed, had started to cry. She flung the red sheets off of her, before standing up and walking out of the room, down the hall. She had a feeling it was Lauren, she seemed to have inherited Ian's temper and she let it show whenever the mood struck her, just like him.

Emily paused outside the door that was cracked open slightly and listened. Ian was sitting in the rocking chair with Lauren cradled in his arms. She could hear Ian's Irish brogue softly talking to her. He was reading "Footprints in the Sand" to her. It was the poem that JJ had gotten a pretty wall mounted framed version of to hang on the twin's wall. It had become Emily's favorite. She read it to them every night before she laid them down to sleep. She had always thought that she had turned her back on religion, after all, it had never served her well. But, there was something about the poem that gave her hope. At least, for her children… She had a feeling after all she'd done, she was damned to hell regardless…

She watched from the crack in the door as Ian rocked back and forth, and before she knew it, Lauren had stopped crying. He had really been trying so hard to be a good father and husband lately. She paused, pursing her lips. She'd been referring to him like that of late, and on a deep level it disturbed her. When had she ever become his wife? But, what else was he really? Her boyfriend? That sounded too…casual for the complex relationship that had consumed her new life. Her lover? That sounded too… romantic. While their relationship did contain a romantic element, there were so many other things that compiled into it to solely classify him as her lover. Really all they were missing was a piece of paper…

She leaned her head against the doorjamb, it had been so easy to let herself fall into this situation…all over again. It had been why Sean and Clyde had ended her assignment in Italy. They had seen how easily she had fallen for Ian, besides what was not to love? He was attentive, affectionate, rich, attractive, had a beautiful son, oh and a massive weapons dealing organization… Everything a girl could want right? But, she'd done her job. She'd turned over the information he'd given her, let INTERPOL take him into custody, and watched as life she'd lived for almost a year crumbled in front of her. She closed her eyes, she could still see the worried expression on his face as he looked at her being shoved into the black armored cars. She'd given herself ulcers for months as she'd thought of what horrible thing she'd done. But, she'd saved lives…right? For the greater good…

She peeped through the crack again, Ian had stopped talking, just rocking quietly as little Lauren slept contentedly in his muscular arms. He looked exhausted, like he hadn't been to bed at all. She wiped at her face, she hadn't even noticed as a lone tear had started to fall down the side of her cheek. She took a deep breath to compose herself; she pushed the door open quietly. Ian looked up at her, startled.

"Hi," she whispered; tip toeing over to the cushioned alcove by the window careful not to trip over the billion toys her two newest children had acquired in their first 6 months of life, before sitting down on it, wrapping her arms around her knees. "Have you even gone to bed yet, Ian?" She asked concernedly. He had a look on his face that worried her. He was calm. Too calm, something was bothering him, and he was trying to hide it from her.

He shook his head no, looking back down at Lauren, his fingers gently stroking her white blonde hair.

"Ian, sweetheart, whats wrong? And don't tell me "nothing" you know I can always call your bluff." She reminded him quietly.

"Really, Love, it's nothing." He said firmly. He clearly didn't want to have this discussion right now. But when had he ever let her get away with that?

"Put her to bed, so we can go to bed…" she said putting her hand on his shoulder. He leaned the side of his face against her hand. His face was prickly against the soft skin of her hand. She reached down and took the sleeping baby from is arms, setting her gently down in the crib, careful not to wake baby Landen. Landen was possibly the most angelic baby she'd ever seen, he had the polar opposite temperament of Lauren, quiet and calm hardly ever cried. Ian insisted he was the spitting image of her, dark hair, dark eyes. But she definitely thought he was much cuter a baby than she ever was. She grabbed Ian's hand pulling his tired body with her out of the room and down the hall to theirs.

"Now. Tell me what's wrong." She demanded shutting the door behind them. She was tired too, but putting off whatever was bothering him could only hurt their relationship more. He'd promised her no more lies, no secrets.

"Emily, I don't want to talk about it. End of discussion." He said beginning to undress, unbuttoning his shirt, facing away from her.

"But Ian—"

"What part of "end of discussion" do you not understand?" He snapped. She stood there stunned. He'd seemed so calm in there with the twins, yet he wanted to give her attitude for caring about what was wrong with him? What the hell? "I'll sleep on the couch." He said, grabbing his pillow off of the bed.

She hurried to stand in front of the door blocking his way. She put a hand on his chest to stop him.

"Ian what's going on? You stay up all night, then when I ask what's wrong you won't tell me?" She asked a tone of hurt inflicting her voice.

"You're looking for an argument, Love, that I don't want to have right now." He said removing her hand, going to step around her.

"Ian!" She said moving, blocking the doorknob. "You're just going to walk away in the middle of our conversation?" She asked astounded.

"You should be glad I'm going downstairs. Most guys would stay and fight back." He said gently moving her out of his way. Emily stood there stunned, as she listened to his footsteps thudding quietly down the stairway. She walked over to the bed wondering what in the hell she'd done now to make him angry this time. She eventually drifted off into a restless sleep, worrying about Ian. It had been his idea to not keep secrets and now he wanted to act like this?

She woke up to the warm aroma of Vanilla Cinnamon pancakes. Ian was cooking, interesting… He usually only cooked for 2 reasons, either he was trying to apologize for something, or he was in a good mood. She reached over on the nightstand for her phone. The twins would be up soon. She opened a new game of Angry Birds, to kill some time before the kids were all awake. Soon she heard Lauren's unmistakeable fussy sound coming from the baby monitor. She sighed, putting her phone back onto the nightstand. She wasn't looking and accidentally knocked over the ballerina figurine she'd gotten when her mom had been stationed in Ukraine when she was a kid. Swearing profanely, she rubbed her head in frustration. Groaning she got up and picked up the little statue. She'd wanted to be a ballerina so bad when she was a little girl. Maybe Lauren could take dance lessons when she was older… she thought absentmindly, tracing her fingers over the tiny wrought iron ballerina's figure. She sighed setting the ballerina back down and quickly dressed, before going to pick up Lauren and Landen.

She changed their diapers and carried them both skillfully downstairs, so she could fix them some food. She put them in the baby swings, giving Ian a pointed look, before walking past him to the pantry where the baby food was. The twins had developed fairly quickly. They were already crawling, and Landen was almost standing holding himself up. She'd been worried about them being early, but they seemed to be doing well.

"Morning, Love." Ian said, stirring the bowl of pancake batter.

"Morning." She said shortly. She was still annoyed with his behavior last night. She couldn't fathom why he insisted on shutting her out and it was maddening.

"Emily—" He started grabbing her shoulder, turning her to face him.

"Ian don't." She said shrugging his hand off. She didn't want to make nice yet. She did, she wanted everything to be perfect, but why should she be the one to work on their relationship when he wasn't at least willing to be honest with her?

"Emily. Look at me." He said nudging her chin with his hand. She glared at him. She hated when he did that.

"Ian, I can't be the only one who is honest in this relationship!" She said hatefully.

"I know. I'm sorry." He paused. "It's just… I look at Lauren and Landen and I just can't help feeling awful. I hate myself." He said looking into her eyes. She always felt like his blue glacier eyes could see right into her soul. It was unnerving.

"Why? For what?" She asked confused.

"For all of the things that I'll get to experience in their lives that I never got to do with Declan…"

Emily felt her heart break into a million little pieces. She couldn't help but feel like, the reason he'd missed out on so much of Declan's childhood, was because of her….

1234567

A/N 2: If anyone else wants to give prompt ideas I'd love to hear them, and also you guys get to read what you really want to read! They can be random words or an idea or two! If you have prompt ideas leave them in a review or follow me on twitter! My username is kelsey_m320 )