HI! Thanks to The Patchwork Cat , Inner Jashinist, and amaya-rain night-23 for reviewing, you guys are awesome. All you people who are reading and not clicking that awesome little button at the bottom of the page could learn a thing or two from them. Hint Hint.

I had won a contest, where I owned Naruto and Alice in Wonderland and all things related to those works of fiction. Mr. Kishimoto and Mr. Carroll were pretty angry…and then I woke up.

'Kayso, chapter 2. Sakura, wanna give a review of the previous chapter?

Sakura: Alright. I saw a bunny puppet, fell down a hole, and made a sandwich.

Me:…Can't you be a bit more elaborate then that?

Sakura: (cracks knuckles) what was that?

Me: Great Job!

Sakura: Damn straight!

Itachi: Hn.

Sakura: Itachi! What the hell are you doing here? You haven't come into the story yet.

Itachi: Are you telling me what to do?

Sakura: Um…no….why would you think that? Hehe…

Me: Yay! Onwards with the story! たのしみなさい!（enjoy)

After a few more hours, she landed softly on a pile of leaves. Don't ask me how; she was a ninja after all.

Sakura slowly rose and examined her surroundings. She seemed to be in some kind of hallway made of jaggedly carved stone. At the far end she could see a speck of light. Since that seemed to be the only exit, she crept towards it cautiously.

NO! DON'T GO TOWARDS THE LIGHT! YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR! Her inner screamed in her head. She rolled her eyes, sometimes inner really pissed her off.

She peeked around the corner as she reached the end, and gasped. There was a huge ballroom with marbled floors and perfect white walls broken by doors every few feet. The doors all ranged in size from enormous 10-foot tall behemoths, to so small, Sakura doubted a mouse could squeeze in.

There was only one problem: each and every door was locked.

Sakura glanced around the room worriedly. At the exact center of the room was something that had escaped her notice beforehand, when she was focusing on the walls and doors.

It was a table, made of welded iron bars, with a glass top. The iron was twisted in beautiful designs, with metal roses dotted sparsely within. All in all, it was a beautiful piece. Sakura cautiously approached the table. On it were two things: a glass bottle with a strange blue liquid inside, and a package of Twinkies. The bottle was emblazoned with the words Drink me! And the Twinkies had the words Eat me!.

Sakura was conflicted. On one hand, she could have the evil looking substance that could quite possibly kill her, but on the other hand, she could drink strange blue liquid. It was a tough choice. She glanced back at the table, and saw something else she had missed.

That's it, you're getting an eye exam once we get out of here. Inner muttered. Sakura didn't want to admit it, but inner might be right. She was a jounin, but she repeatedly missed vital pieces that could potentially help her. Especially since what she missed a tiny brass key.

She picked it up excitedly, and raced to the first door. She shoved the key in the lock, but it didn't turn. Shit, she thought, as she moved to the next. Slowly, she worked her way across the room, her curses getting increasingly more colourful as she worked her way around the room.

Finally, the key fit in a door. The bad news was that the door was so small, that she could never be able to fit in it, no matter how much she squeezed. With a sigh, she went back to the table, and picked up both "food" items. She was rather thirsty, and as she tried to come up with something to help her situation, she unthinkingly took a drink from the blue liquid. Immediately she noticed that the tabled seemed to be rising until it towered above her. It took a few seconds to realize that the table wasn't growing, but that she was shrinking. When she stopped, she was about three inches tall.

Which means that she was the perfect size to fit in the door! Happily, she ran over to it, only to see that it was closed and locked. She realized that she had left the key on the table, and raced over to get, but the iron that the table was made of was slippery, and her chakra had decreased along with her size, and she wasn't even half way up before she was exhausted.

Jumping back down, she considered her situation. Well, she thought, If the drink made me small, maybe the Twinkie will return me to my original size. It was risky, but what didshe have to lose?

She took a small bite and held her breath in fear. At first, nothing seemed to happen, but then she noticed the tabletop coming at her, then shrinking as she rose above it. She grew and grew, and didn't stop growing until her head crashed into the ceiling. She winced, and brought her hand up to rub her head where it got hit, but since she was so unused to her proportions, she punched herself in the nose, and gave herself a bloody nose.

You know the whole deal about heat rising? Well, Sakura was lucky enough to experience that first hand. It was roasting up there. Within a few minutes, she was sweating profusely.

Large drops of sweat cascaded from her form, as she reclined against the wall. After a while, she remembered the keys, and used the nails on her pinky and thumb to gingerly pick up the scrap of metal. She then swallowed the rest of the blue liquid and shrank back down. Unfortunately, she had sweated more than she had thought, and when she stopped shrinking, she was swimming in a stinky vast ocean.

Suppressing her gag reflex, she started swimming across the pool. She soon heard some humming, and she came up on a mouse sitting on a raft counting money.

He looked up as she climbed aboard. "Hey," He said, "who said you could come onto my raft?"

Sakura raised an eye-brow at his tone. "Well, sorry, but I don't feel like swimming in a giant oily pool of bodily excretions." She replied angrily.

The mouse, who was covered almost completely in bandages scowled back at her. "You'll have to pay me then. I don't do anything for free, so pay up."

She blinked. "Sorry, but I don't have any money on me."

"Then why the hell should I cart you around?" He demanded.

"As an act of good will?"

He snorted. "Not a chance."

Sakura sighed, "Fine, how about an I.O.U.?"

He looked at her calculatingly. "20% interest."

"10"

"15%"

"deal."

They shook hands, which was hard for Sakura, because she was still treading water. He then pulled her out and onto his raft, and they drifted in the water for a very long time.

Finally, Sakura got bored.

"Where are we?"

"Slightly south of our destination."

"Which is…?"

"The shore, idiot."

Sakura looked up and saw that indeed, the were quickly approaching a sandy beach.

Wait a minute. If we were in a room, then we flooded the room, how are we approaching a beach?

Oh, just go with it, Inner replied. What's the worst that could happen?

You know that when they say that in movies, something very bad happens right?

Your point is?

When the mouse, whose name was Kakuzu, and Sakura finally reached the shore, they were surrounded by an angry mob of all sorts of animals who had fallen in Sakura's pool of sweat and wanted an explanation from her of why they were sweaty with someone else's sweat.

Shit. Sakura thought. How will we get out of this one?

So Sakura and Kakuzu are trapped by angry birds, bunnies, and all sorts of ferocious bits of fluff. How will they survive? Find out in the next installment of It Ain't a Wonderland.

I'm sorry. That was unbearably cheesy. Feel free to berate me unmercifully. I regret my actions and beg your forgiveness. Yada yada yada…