Hi everybody! I is back! With mys perfect gramer an sppeling!
I don't own Naruto or Alice in Wonderland...but I can dream...
When the mouse, whose name was Kakuzu, and Sakura finally reached the shore, they were surrounded by an angry mob of all sorts of animals who had fallen in Sakura's pool of sweat and wanted an explanation from her of why they were sweaty with someone else's sweat.
Shit. Sakura thought. How will we get out of this one?
Sakura wasn't about to let herself be killed by a bunch of fluffy creatures, so she discreetly drew a kunai from the pouch around her thigh and clenched it in a tight fist behind her back. She glanced at Kakuzu to see what his plan was to get them out of this mess, and nearly fainted when she saw him sitting about ten feet away from her, filling out his tax returns.
"Hey!" She barked at him, "What about me?"
He glanced up, "What about you?"
"How are you going to help me from over there?"
"Who said I was going to help you?"
"The fact that I'll pay you double the negotiated price of the boat ride the moment I get my next pay check."
"Alright animals, what seems to be the problem here?" Sakura sweat dropped at how quickly he rose up and was by her side once more.
"We want to know why we're soaking wet," piped up a small frog near the front of the crowd.
"Why would you care if you got wet?" Sakura asked. "I mean, you're a frog, shouldn't you like to swim? I would understand if you were a chipmunk or a bird or something, but seriously, you're a frog. Frogs grow up in ponds and places like that…"
She trailed off under the glare she received from the frog. "For your information, young lady, I am a forest frog. I have never been in a pond in my life, and I was quite happy that way. What are you saying, hmm? That all frogs look the same? Huh huh?"
He poked Sakura in the chest indignantly. "Really, I find that speciesist."
Gasps echoed throughout the crowd as he uttered that word. Sakura looked around confused. "Speciesist? What's that?"
"It's the worst accusation an animal can declare," Kakuzu said. "Under the basis that all animals are created equal, if one animal makes a rude comment about another animals species, things must be decided by a caucus race."
It was obviously supposed to be an explanation, but it left Sakura even more confused than before. What the Hell? Inner said. These animals are crazy.
Says the voice that lives in my head, Sakura replied sarcastically.
When she came back to reality, Sakura saw that the animals had constructed a rather large racetrack on the shore, and were steadily making their way to the starting line, stretching as they went. Whoa, how long were we talking? She thought as she watched preparations continue.
"What are you doing still standing there?" Kakuzu demanded angrily. "You have to participate too!"
"In what exactly am I participating in?" Sakura asked blankly.
"I already told you, the caucus race."
"Umm…what was that again?"
"A way to dry off," proclaimed a passing heron.
"Wait, I thought it was to combat my speciesism."
"It is." Kakuzu said, eyeing her as if she were a bit odd.
"But he just said…"
"Racers take you starting positions!" A voice echoed through the beach, and all the animals hurried to their starting places, as well as Sakura, who was shoved by an annoyed Kakuzu.
"ON YOUR MARKS…GET SET…CAUCUS!"
The racers took off, running, skipping, hopping, and dancing their way along the track. It was utter chaos, because no animal seemed to actually get ahead, nor did they seem to want to. Sakura could have sworn that she passed a turtle at least twenty times in one minute as she jogged around. Which was rather hard to believe since she hadn't completed twenty laps yet. She looked a but more closely and saw that the turtle was taking two steps backward for every step forward!
Well this is just ridiculous, she thought, but decided to think of it as a chance to exercise and build up stamina, so she went along with it. After about half an hour of solid running, the race ended, and all the participants gathered to hear the results.
"WITH MUCH CONSIDERATION ON OUR PART," the judges announced, "IT HAS BEEN DECIDED THAT WE ALL WON!"
A cheer went through the gathered animals at that. "GOOD JOB ALL AROUND. THAT IS ALL."
"Wait!" A brown hare shouted. "What about our prizes?"
"Yeah!"
"We won, so we should get awards!"
"I agree with the general consensus!"
Kakuzu nodded. "That is true. All should be awarded. Luckily, Sakura has volunteered to hand out prizes."
"I what?!" Sakura could barely get that out before the animals swarmed her. Pulling a forgotten tin of mints from her pocket, she proceeded to hand them out until all the animals had a mint, and was sucking on it happily. "Now a story!" Someone shouted from the crowd.
A happy murmer of consent swept around and Kakuzu stood, cleared his throat and said this:
"There was once a farmer on a farm
With plenty of legs, but only one arm.
His cruel wife cut it off,
In an attempt to cure his cough.
Now the poor farmer had only legs,
But contented himself with gathering eggs.
And his stupid wife was now stuck
With hard work galore, she was fat out of luck.
But that's what you get when you're such a bitch
When you injure the cripple to whom you're hitched.
And far up in heaven, three certain mice
Were laughing their heads off, hi-fiving Christ."
A blank silence filled the crowd as he finished his recitation and sat down looking pleased with himself.
"Well…" said Sakura. "Wasn't that…nice."
Several animals muttered some random phrases, and the crowd started to leave quietly, afraid of hurting Kakuzu's feelings, but a bit afraid of his thought process at the same time.
Seriously? Inner said incredulously. Of all the things that happened today, that was what freaked everyone out?
I suppose something's just aren't healthy, no matter where you are.
Inner snorted. What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Sakura mentally shrugged, and looked over at Kakuzu, who was muttering to himself about no one understanding his poetry.
"I guess its true what they say."
He looked up. "What is it that they say."
"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you trip into an open sewer a nd die."
He stared at her. "…?I don't know what to say."
"I'm just saying that things look differently to people not intimately related to your mind. Not enough to understand your poetry, at least." She added the latter as an after thought, as she reminisced about how the animals all seemed to understand each others insanity.
He shrugged and rose. He looked down at her and said, "I better be going home if I'm going to get enough sleep for work tomorrow."
With that he left, but when he was nearly out of sight, he turned back and shouted, "By the way, your bills now 200 grand, since you paid for all the animals tickets to my poetry recitations."
"Okay…WHAT???!!!!"
Whew. It's been awhile since my last update, but I just didn't really feel like writing...yeah.
Kakuzu's poem is my creation AND MINE ONLY. Unlike everything else in this story...
Anybody who gets the allusion in his poem gets a cookie. Hint: Shrek despises them.
You are feeling sleepy...verrryyy sleeeeppyyyy...you want to review this fanfiction...your mouse is moving to the review button....You will review this NOW.