Hi, all! It's been a while yeah? Oh god, I'm starting to talk like Deidara. Thanks to NOBODY for NOT reviewing chapter three AT ALL, even though I begged and pleaded. Some readers you are.

Hmph.

Well, here's chapter four. This ones less crazy than chapter three…I think. Sorry it got kind of crack-ficy…crack-ficcy…crack-fiky…fici…whatever.

Need I say it? REVIEW!

REVIEW!

DO IT!

NOW!

I do not own Naruto or any of its incarnations. Nor do I own Alice in Wonderland. You just have to rub it in my face.

With that he left, but when he was nearly out of sight, he turned back and shouted, "By the way, your bill's now 200 grand, since you paid for all the animal's tickets to my poetry recitations."

"Okay…WHAT?"

Sakura stood there for a moment, watching Kakuzu's receding form vanish over the horizon. Inner was ranting in her head the thousand and one things she was going to do to Kakuzu when she got a hold of him next. It's not like it really matters, Sakura reminded her. It's not very likely that we'll ever see him again.

But it's the concept that matters! We can't go around with a huge debt hanging over our head! Something must be done! Something painful, and illegal in many American states. And think of the fun we could have coming up with several themes of torture.

I wasn't aware torture had themes.

Of course! There's medieval torture, modern torture, high tech torture, physiological torture, psychological torture, ancient torture, Asian torture, Indian torture, Russian torture, Native American torture…

Sakura left inner to her mutterings and began to search the coast for an indication of where to go next. In the opposite direction, there was a forest much like the ones near Konoha, so she made her way towards it, in hope that she might be able to go home and rest. Of course, it only occurred to her when she reached the line of oaks that she was barely four inches tall. "Well, shit," she muttered as she stared up at the trees that towered over her small body.

With a shrug, she walked into the forest, treading softly and carefully around twigs and tree branches as big as normal trees at her full height. After a few hours of travel, she decided to rest under a nice shady mushroom and rest. Of course, the world wasn't about to let her rest, heaven forbid. She was soon interrupted by a murmured, "Excuse me," not half an hour into her nap.

She cracked open one eye, feeling a sense of déjà vu as she stared up at the person who had addressed her. But instead of a puppet and a person, she saw two bright red eyes staring at her from above the mushroom. She slowly rose, and the two eyes became a man with two creases under each eye socket and pitch black hair tied back loosely at the base of his neck. He was wearing the same coat that the puppet/rabbit/bunny-eared guy wore. Come to think of it, Kakuzu was wearing one of those too. My spidey-senses are tingling.

Inner snorted. Spidey-senses? Why are you so obsessed with such shitty super heroes? (A/N: Inner Sakura is an entity that lives in my head and is her own person. The views of Inner Sakura are her own and not the views of the authors in any way. If this offended you, go cry somewhere else you baby. Oh no, she's got the authors note button! That's right bitches, I'm in control now!)

The man on top of the mushroom studied Sakura boredly from his fungusy perch. (IS/N: What the f---? Who writes this shit? Give the mike back Inner Sakura. Never!) Sakura cleared her throat uncomfortably under his stare. "Who are you?" he asked after a while.

"Sakura Haruno."

"Hn." (IS/N: What is it about gay emo dudes that makes every fan girl hot? I mean really. I repeat: The views of inner Sakura are her own, and not the authors-Quiet! I'm the author now!)

Sakura twitched at his blatant dismissal of her name.

"Well WHO are YOU, then?"

"I don't need to introduce myself to one such as you."

Okay this guys getting a beating. Sakura thought to herself as she was yet again insulted by him.

She jumped up onto the mushroom, but stopped as she saw the rest of Itachi's body. From the waist down, he was a caterpillar. (IS/N: Ha ha! Take that bitches! Not so sexy now is he! Okay that's it!)

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Thank you for the wait. We're back on air.

(A/N: Due to grievous bodily damage, Inner Sakura will no longer be a character in this program. We regret the inconvenience.)

Sakura regarded the caterpillar man with unease. He regarded her with boredom. She was pretty much fed up with him, so she turned to leave. "Wait!" he called after her, "I have something important to say!"

She turned back to his slowly, distrust evident on her face. "What is it?"

"Keep your temper."

"Is that all?" She said quickly, swallowing down her anger as best she could.

"No."

She waited. He pulled out a bottle of nail polish and began painting his nails purple.

"You've changed haven't you?"

She looked at him, confused at his meaning. He sighed impatiently. "As in your size, foolish little girl."

"Oh, yes I have. It keeps changing on me, which is really irritating, if you know what I mean."

He nodded gravely. "What size do you want to be?"

"Well, I wouldn't mind being a bit taller, because four inches tall isn't exactly a great height."

She was trying to be more polite, because she hoped that he could help her. Of course, things were rarely that easy. He looked at her angrily, and rose to his full height, which happened to be four inches exactly. "I assure you that four inches is a wonderful height, foolish little girl."

"Stop calling me that! I told you my name is Sakura, not foolish little girl."

He "hn'd" once more, and began to inch/slither away, in a way that caterpillars have perfected over the ages, but called over his shoulder, "One side makes you grow, one makes you shrink."

"One side of what?"

"The mushroom, idiot."

"Oh."What is it with people calling back to me over their shoulder as they leave, to tell me things that should be told face to face?

You guys know what to do: Review. I want at least 10 reviews before I post the next chapter. That right, I'm resorting to threats.