Hi. Okay, I have some explaining to do, don't I? Well, I was having a really bad day, and I decided to take it out on my computer, A.K.A., you, the readers. So I posted the message about me canceling the series out of frustration, and here we are. I'm sorry. Really.
I want to thank SeverousHermione for reminding me that the notice was posted, because I kind of forgot...he he..whoops, my bad.
To make up for it a little bit, I made an extra long chapter for you! Yay!
Enjoy!
He "hn'd" once more, and began to inch/slither away, in a way that caterpillars have perfected over the ages, but called over his shoulder, "One side makes you grow, one makes you shrink."
"One side of what?"
"The mushroom, idiot."
"Oh." What is it with people calling back to me over their shoulder as they leave, to tell me things that should be told face to face?
Sakura turned and regarded the large mushroom warily. She wasn't exactly an expert on mushrooms, but it looked as if it could be poisonous, and she didn't want to die of poison in this strange place so far away from home.
But then again, she couldn't stay four inches tall, no matter how content the caterpillar was with that height. Plus, she had just been laying under the mushroom for an extended amount of time, and if it was poisonous, shouldn't she have been a little affected by it?
With that thought in mind, she reached up and broke off two pieces of mushroom, one form each side of the mushroom's cap. She looked back and forth between the two pieces, debating which one she should try, since the caterpillar hadn't specified. With a mental shrug, she brought the left one to her mouth, and took the smallest bite she possibly could manage. Almost immediately, her neck began to stretch up and up and up until it broke through the tops of the trees.
A mother birds saw her and began to attack and tear at her viciously. "Stop!" she cried. "Why are you attacking me?"
The bird replied, "Because you are a horrible snake that going to eat my nest."
"But I'm not a snake! I'm a human being. Surely you can tell the difference?" Sakura tried to explain, but the mother bird refused to listen to her attempts at persuasion.
"Ha! I know what a snake looks like, and you are definitely a snake if I ever saw one. Now get away from my nest! I wont let you near my eggs! Get away! Away I say! Go on! Move!"
Sakura gave up on trying to convince the bird of her humanity, and ignored her constant squawking. She bent her neck down until she had access to her hands, and took a bite of the other mushroom piece in her right hand. She sighed with relief as her neck returned to its normal length. But she was still the same height as before. Now what was she supposed to do? Of course! She would try both pieces together! That was sure to work! With a deep breath, she took medium sized bites of each piece and found herself at a comfortable five foot four height (approx. 193 cm). Good thing that worked, she though to herself.
Without further ado, she marched off through the woods.
A short time later, she came to a path. A sign on the other side had two tines. The one pointing left said "right way". The one pointing right said "left way". Sakura looked between the two choices and felt rather confused, which was becoming rather commonplace in this place. She decided to choose by eenie-meenie-miney-moe. She ended up pointing left, so she took that path, or, as the sign declared, 'the right way'.
After a while, she found the path blocked by two people standing side by side. Each was wearing the same cloaks that the others people had been wearing but were also wearing red and gold striped propeller hats. She was so entranced by the hats that she forgot to say anything, so the first one said, "If you think we're sculptures or something, you could at least pay to view us, yeah."
The other one then exclaimed, "Contrariwise, if you think we are alive, Tobi thinks you should say something to us. Tobi would, since he is a good boy!"
Sakura jumped, and then said, "I'm sorry. Would you please tell me how to get out of these woods? I really want to get home."
The two looked at each other and grinned happily. The looked exactly like mischievous schoolboys that Sakura felt a bit nervous at what they might be planning.
"Wrong, yeah.
The first thing you do
When you meet someone new
Is to say how do you do. Yeah."
"And then shake hands!" The second added excitedly. Or at least Sakura thought so, since the person had his entire face covered with an orange swirly mask, she couldn't be sure or what he was feeling.
Sakura felt a little annoyed at the two and said, "It's only polite if you two introduce yourself first."
"Contrariwise!" The masked one said. "Tobi thinks that since you were staring at us rudely for so long a time that you should become a good girl by introducing yourself first."
Well Sakura could hardly argue with that argument, so she introduced herself to the odd pair. "I'm Sakura Haruno."
The first one, who had blond hair in a high ponytail with bangs covering one eye nodded. "I'm Tweedle-Dei, yeah."
The masked one jumped up and down happily. "And Tobi's name is Tobi!"
With that his partner smacked him on the head angrily. "No, yeah! Your name is Tweedle-Dum, yeah!"
Tobi sniffed, "B-but T-t-tobi isn't dumb. T-tobi is a g-g-good boy."
"Dum, not dumb, you idiot, yeah. We're supposed to be Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum, yeah."
Tobi…er, Tweedle-Dum cocked his head to the side thoughtfully. "But senpai, you said that you were Tweedle-Dei, not Tweedle-Dee. Tobi thinks that you cheated and should apologize for being mean to Tobi."
"It was a pun, yeah!"
Sakura began to twitch. The pair were really starting to irritate her. She finally snapped and interrupted their argument. "Wait, we only started introductions. Weren't we also supposed to shake hands?"
Tweedle-Dum, his unhappiness forgotten, clapped his hands. "Yes, yes! We must shake hands to be properly introduced!"
With that, both Tweedles seized Sakura's arms and began to swing her in a circle, bellowing out Ring-around-the-rosy. When they exclaimed, "we all fell down", they threw themselves (and Sakura) onto the path, hitting the ground hard. "Ouch!" Sakura yelped, "What was that for?"
Tweedle-Dee grinned at her. "The only way for that to be a good song, and therefore a good work of art," he explained, "is if it ends with a satisfactory proverbial bang. All art is a bang, yeah."
"Plus," Tweedle-Dum added, "it's really fun!"
Sakura noticed that Tweedle-Dee was rather out of breath and asked, "Are you tired?"
"Not to much, yeah, but thanks for asking, yeah."
"Your welcome!" said Tweedle-Dum. "We should recite a poem for her. Do you like poetry?" He asked Sakura.
"Um…well…some poetry," she said, remembering Kakuzu's poem. "But I would like it more if you told me a way to get home, or at least out of these woods."
"What poem should I recite?" Tweedle-Dum asked Tweedle-Dee, ignoring Sakura.
"The Tale of the Farmers Horse it's the longest."
"If its really long, maybe you could tell me how to leave before hand," Sakura said quickly, but was once again ignored.
Tweedle-Dum rose to his full height and declared:
"In the city, a farmer stood
watching his crop grow
by standing rigid in mid-street
tasting the new snow.
His grass grew tall and verdant green
Making his lawn grey,
His only horse, a pink gelding
Used it as bitter hay.
Then one bright day, as midnight struck,
A friend came to call
And shot the farmer in his back
They were not friends at all.
The farmers gelding saw it all
Damn shame he was blind,
And so nothing was reported
(Not that I really mind)
And so the gelding was then sold
To an orphanage
Where all the rich folk left their kids
While they went to play bridge
The horse was used for pony rides
To punish the bad
Until one day when he collapsed
Though no one was quite sad.
They honoured him by stuffing him
Right above the door
And there he was forevermore
Happily on the floor."
"What did you think?" Tweedle-Dee asked.
"I really don't know what to say", Sakura replied. Switching to a different subject to avoid hurting their feelings, she said, "It's getting kind of dark, do you think that it's going to rain soon?"
Tweedle-Dum opened an umbrella that he seemed to have pulled out from thin air, looking up at the sky nervously. "I hope not," he said. "Tobi doesn't like the rain."
Sakura was rather tired of them, and turned to continue down the path. "Wait!" Tweedle-Dum yelped, reaching out and grabbing her wrist. "What's that?"
She looked over to where he pointed, while Tweedle-Dee held the umbrella. Under a nearby tree was a silver dented piece of metal. On closer inspection, she saw that it was a rattle, like what babies use to occupy themselves. She explained that to he, but he only seemed to get more distressed.
"Tobi knew it!" he wailed. "It's ruined!" He looked over to Tweedle-Dee, who flinched and hid himself under the umbrella.
"It's really not a big deal. No use getting worked up over an old rattle." Sakura tried to explain calmly.
"It's not old! It's brand new! Tobi only bought it yesterday!" Tweedle-Dum wailed. "MY BRAND NEW RATTLE!"
Tweedle-Dee was trying to close the umbrella, but it was so large that he ended up folding himself inside it. Sakura found herself rather distracted by his struggle. She was only brought back to attention when Tweedle-Dum said gravely, well, as gravely as he possibly could, "Of course you realize, this means war."
Tweedle-Dee, who had extracted himself from the umbrella when Sakura wasn't looking nodded, and both Tweedles marched off into the woods to come back with an assortment of pots and pans before Sakura could make her escape.
As Sakura helped tie Tweedle-Dum's helmet onto him (only it was rather like a sauce pan that for the wars purposes was being called a helmet), he asked her, "Does Tobi look pale to you?"
"Umm, a little." Sakura said.
"Tobi's usually much braver, but Tobi thinks he has a headache."
"And I have a toothache, yeah. I'm far worse off than you, yeah!" Tweedle-Dee interjected, having eavesdropped on them.
"Well, Tobi thinks that this war should be post-poned until Senpai's feeling better."
"Agreed, yeah."
And with that, both Tweedles locked arms and marched off down the path without a backwards glance.
Sakura stared down after them for a moment in confusion, but shrugged, accepting the turn of events as one of the many oddities of this world, and continued down the path to hopefully find a way home.
There, all done. Did you enjoy it? I hope so. The poem is dedicated to the aforementioned SeverousHermione for being awesome and crazy. Until next time!
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