A/N: First I'd like to say thanks for sicking with me. :D I love reading your reviews, it makes me so happy to know that your enjoying this story as much as I am. Second, a lot of said reviews demanded the next chapter as I left it on a rather intriguing cliffhanger... (wicked grin) and as its christmas, I figure "your wish is my command".

The rating updated to M for this chapter. Hope you don't hate it or me.

For those still with me...Hope you enjoy :D Thanks to my Beta Magpieintheshadow

CHAPTER TWELVE

Sherlock found the peace of the library comforting. He hated parties. He'd never been the sociable type, vanishing at the first opportunity had been his Christmas tradition for as long as he could remember. Well before his mothers death and his fathers marriage. He loved the feeling of being shut away in the library knowing he wouldn't be disturbed by anyone, because they were too busy drinking.

Over the three year since removing himself from his family, it had been the only thing he'd missed. - Well, maybe not the only thing. He could probably add Anna to that list. - What he hadn't missed was the lying and the secrets.

When he'd begun his relationship with Jacob a few months after his father's marriage, he hadn't expected it to be a secret. Of course he knew they wouldn't be able to come clean right away, he as much as Jacob wanted time to get to know each other before the family found out, but he had assumed it would only be a few months at most. But Jacob had told Sherlock over and over that neither Percival or Mary would be happy for them, and that he wanted to have Sherlock to himself and Sherlock being the love-struck fool, had allowed himself to be persuaded.

And so what he'd thought would be a short secret relationship had turned into a three year one that brought with it anxiety, a lack of confidence and substance abuse, till he wasn't even half the man he was destined to be. Jacob had pulled Sherlock into his care free life of sex and drugs and to his amazement Sherlock had gone willingly. Because the high was just too intoxicating.

Sherlock was well aware that if it hadn't have been for Lestrade and Mycroft he'd probably still be stuck there… or dead. But with sobriety came boredom and the desperate need for that high.

The only thing he'd been able to find to replace it was the constant danger and adventure of being a consulting detective. There was nothing like being shot at, chased and challenged to relieve his boredom.

And for five years that's how he lived his life. One case after another, one criminal trying to out wit him and failing. One gunshot or sword fight. - Always on the edge of death because sometimes life was just too boring. He'd pushed away everything that had been a part of his old life, his lover and his family. He buried every desire and need, every thing that made him human, buried it deep beneath logic and science. He'd made his work his life and that had suited him perfectly.

Until one case, one criminal, one deathly challenge and he was saved again. Not by Mycroft or Lestrade but by an ex army doctor with a psychosomatic limp and a craving for same high. - Though he didn't know it.

Since that day, Sherlock hadn't been bored, that need for excitement, for the high, had diminished to the point where he wasn't willingly throwing himself into the path of danger. He hadn't felt alone. - Not that he would admit to feeling lonely before.

The problem now was that that intoxicating need was back. Everything he spent years locking away was now slowly creeping back into him. He'd known it would happen. It always did when he was around Jacob. That had been the reason he stopped coming to visit for the holidays, because those first two years after their split had felt living hell itself. He'd felt like that man in a boat. 'Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink'. Jacob had been his drug then and it had taken all his will power not to relapse.

His only saving grace this time was John. The man was like an anchor to him, but Jacob and his own hormones seemed determined to cut the rope of that anchor. Every time he was alone with Jacob it was a battle to remain strong and sensible and Sherlock was beginning to worry that he would not be able to hold out against his ex lover for much longer, as that intoxicating need grow and called for him to succumb.

"Hey there sexy."

A shiver ran through Sherlock at the all too familiar voice. The heat that resounded in that voice heading straight to his irrational idiotic libido, causing his heart to race. He tried to ignore it and the man himself, but neither would allow it. The need bubbling up inside him.

He felt more than heard the man's approach and with it the also familiar sweet odour of cannabis.

"What do you want Jacob?" trying to control every nerve in his body.

"Nice show out there earlier. - I'm sure most of them were convinced."

Sherlock finally glanced up from the book he hadn't truly been reading, his features schooled. "Show?"

Jacob grinned. "The kiss. - You think I don't know a faked kiss when I see one. - Especially when it involves you?"

Holmes swallowed hard, he hadn't wanted that kiss. He hadn't expected it either. He had thought John would rather face off Moriarty again rather than kiss him.

"…have to give your both credit though, you almost had me believing you'd moved on. Even though everything about the pair of you is quite ridiculous.

Sherlock frowned. "Ridiculous?"

"Yeah. I mean come on, you moving in with a guy after just six months? - Not to mention your sudden domestic route and the two of your running around solving cases together, huh, all completely over the top. - I know you Sherlock, and this whole thing isn't you. I really should have seen it instantly but I guess I was still a little surprised. - Who's idea was it? Mycroft? - Is this John guy one of his flunkies?"

Sherlock met his ex's gaze with a confident and slightly smug smile. "For your information Jacob, I moved in with John after a mere twenty seven hours not six months. We are very much domesticated, as can be attested to by anyone who knows us. - Oh and as for the cases, maybe you should check the internet once and a while, you'll find John's blog very detailed and informative." Sherlock concluded with his head high, meeting the other man's gaze unflinchingly.

Jacob stood there genuinely surprised. "Come on Sherlock, really?"

"Really."

Jacob frowned at his reply. "So you and John are together? - really together?"

You didn't need to be Sherlock Holmes to know that when a person hesitates it means their lying. So when Sherlock didn't instantly confirm the fact that him and John were 'really' together, Jacob smirked with triumph.

"Huh, I knew it. - He's straight right?" Jacob chuckled, a cloud of smoke floating from his lips and into Sherlock's face.

The detective tried not to inhale the substance but he need to breath and Jacob's statement had him inhaling deeply. The instant the smoke hit his system, his eyes flattered closed and he sighed softly. It had been so long since he's taken so much as a cigarette. Jacob laughed again causing Sherlock's eyes to snap open.

"You want?" Jacob asked, waving the joint at his ex.

Sherlock shook his head. He couldn't risk taking so much as a single puff. He'd been clean for five year and had every intention of staying so.

"Oh, come on Sherly. - You know you want it. - You want so much from me, don't you?" he said in a low husky voice that held so much promise.

Holmes clenched his hands at his sides. His mind telling him that he was a genius and that taking that joint and giving into Jacob was not the actions of a genius. But words meant very little when Jacob stepped into Sherlock's personal space and blew another cloud of smoke into his face.

Sherlock eyes closed again. He felt the small thin roll of paper and cannabis placed between his slim lips. He fought the urge to draw on it, but the ex addict in him was just too strong. He breathed in deeply, taking as much of the drug as he could into his lungs before holding it in while the addictive substance raced around his body. He realised it on a sigh of utter pleasure before taking another draw.

After repeating the action a few more times, the paper was replaced by firm lips, and another drug was reintroduced to Sherlock's system.

Sherlock hated himself as he gave into not one but two cravings. His hands snaked up so that his slim fingers could comb through his ex lovers dark locks. Pulling his mouth closer. His tall lean figure pressing itself up against the other man's more broad athletic one. Sherlock felt Jacob's hands roaming over his back and ass as he manoeuvred them away from the middle of the room towards the desk.

When the back of Sherlock's legs hit the heavy oak, he was forced to arch back against it as Jacob continued to press forward. His tongue skimming along Sherlock's. His long leg slid between Jacob's and he could feel the other man's arousal against his thigh and it ignited his own into full force.

Both men sort friction from each other, their kiss growing wild and heated. Sherlock heard his own moans and whimpers, gasps and sighs. He felt the unmistakable feeling of fingers brushing against his groin followed by the sound of his fly. He arched up into the touch.

Then it hit him. Something in his drug and lust addled mind cleared and with that clarity came a thought. A realisation.

John Watson had limped into his life and shown him what he'd been hiding from for so many years, given him a glimpse of what it meant to care again. Friendship had sprung to life and had kept Sherlock from deaths door more than a few times. Because there was one thing Sherlock knew above all else. John would always be there to watch his back.

Knowing that gave Sherlock a feeling of connection and security that he hadn't felt before. Not with another human being, especially not Jacob. John was his friend beyond all reason, he took his criticism, he ignored everyone who told him that Sherlock would get him killed, he faced ever danger at his side, he would take a bullet for him, he would blow himself 'til kingdom come if it meant saving Sherlock from his enemy. - He would swallow his pride and kiss him in public for a reason Sherlock still couldn't understand.

John Watson was the best thing in his life and right now, Sherlock had the sinking feeling that he was betraying that man. - Whether they were 'couple' or not, Sherlock Holmes and John Watson were a together.

Sherlock pushed Jacob away with all his strength, gasping for air as he did so. His head buzzing from the dope.

"Sherly." Jacob groaned. "Stop being a tease."

"I - I can't do this…." Holmes pushed more forcibly causing Jacob to step away.

Sherlock sat up on the desk, becoming fully aware of just how far they'd gone when he caught sight of himself. But what really caught his attention was the library door, hanging open with three shadows hovering in the light. Sherlock stared open mouthed at the figures as shame - an emotion Sherlock hated above all others - and guilt flooded him.

"John." he sighed, "I…" he fell silent as the doctor lifted his chin and excused himself, leaving Anna and Mycroft to deal with their brother.

~ SHERLOCK ~

"You're an idiot Sherlock! - A damnable foolish idiot!" Anna shouted. "What the hell were you thinking?"

Sherlock ignored his step-sister as he adjusted his clothing.

"I told you to stay the hell away from him Jacob!" Mycroft ordered in an uncharacteristically harsh tone.

"Why you do it?" Anna snapped. "You've got a great thing with John and you throw it away for my bastard of a cousin!"

"Hey!" Jacob snapped at the insult.

"Screw you Jacob!" Anna yelled. "You just had to do it, didn't you? - You just couldn't leave them be. What the fuck is it with you?"

"It's not like I forced myself of him!" Jacob snapped back.

"No you just hovered around making eyes and catching him when John wasn't there. We're not blind idiots Jacob. - Well at least most of us aren't." Anna turned hard eyes on Sherlock.

"I want you out of this house Jacob." Mycroft added glaring at his step-mother's nephew.

"What? - You can't…"

Mycroft took a dangerous step forward. "Leave Jacob and pray your body isn't dragged from the Thames." the man's eyes cold and filled with warning.

Jacob swallowed and looked from Sherlock to Anna. "You wouldn't dare." he said breathlessly.

"Stay a second longer Mr Harvelle and find out."

Jacob may have been a lot of things but truly stupid wasn't one of them. He grumbled insults as he marched out of the library.

Mycroft turned on his brother then, his temper easing considerably. "So?"

Sherlock looked up. "So what?"

"What were you thinking?"

"I wasn't, I believe that was the problem." he sighed, ruffling his hair. "I just needed…. You know."

Anna frowned at him. "So instead of going to your boyfriend, you go to Jacob."

Sherlock shared a look with Mycroft before turning guilty eyes on Anna. "John's not my boyfriend." he stated.

"Fine, partner." Anna groaned.

"He's not my partner either…. Not in that sense anyway. - He's my flatmate and my colleague. That's all."

Anna glanced between Sherlock and Mycroft.

"Mycroft told our parents that John as my partner so as to avoid your mother's matchmaking…"

"And this very situation." Mycroft added. "I had hoped that thinking Sherlock was in a steady relationship would have kept Jacob away from Sherlock. - I underestimate the man."

Anna was still staring between the pair. Finally she meet Sherlock's gaze. "Bollocks!" she snapped.

Sherlock gaped. "Pardon me."

"I said bollocks. - I've never seen two people so clear meant for each other as you and John."

Sherlock sighed, shaking his head. "Anna, you're being romantically childish again. And your supposed gaydar is on the fritz…" he smiled. "…John's straight."

Anna raised a brow. "Oh, really? - you want to make a wager on that?" she smirked. "Cause for a straight guy he's awfully quick to kiss you, and not to mention he looked rather angry when he left."

Sherlock looked to Mycroft before looking back at his step-sister. There was no way she was right. He'd know. John had been dating Sarah. He was straight. - He just had to be straight.

A/N: As always thanks for reading, review and faving :D I love you all for it.

I will try to get another chapter done as soon as possible but my plan to have this finished for Christmas doesn't look promising. But Christmas is the time for miracles so who knows.