Chapter 13: Behind the Eight-Ball
I am thrilled that Bella is staying in our house. The only downside is that I can't visually stalk her while she's sleeping. I mean, I can hang out in the hallway outside my/her room and listen to her heartbeat and breathing and nonsensical sleep talking but I can't actually see her. I guess you can't have everything, huh?
What is less than thrilling is the way my calendar is shaping up for this weekend. I was looking forward to just lying around at Bella's feet, fetching things for her, impressing her with my profound intelligence and sensitivity, maybe make her a milkshake or two. God, I mean that in such a suggestive way that I give myself the creeps.
But what I really have to do, according to Alice, is take Bella over to her dad's house and, while Alice is helping her pack some things, have an uncomfortable conversation with her dad about my intentions with his daughter. Cool.
Alice drags me outside while Bella is eating the enormous and varied breakfast Esme has made for her. When I see what's in her head I start shaking my head vigorously.
"No way, Alice. That's just not going to happen. You set me up last night, who knows what's going to happen when I talk to the Chief." Alice puts her hands on her hips and points her finger at me. I hate that. I just know I'm gonna lose when she busts out the finger pointing.
"I "set you up' to have Bella under the same roof as you. Are you really going to pretend that you didn't get just what you wanted?" Oh, fuck. Air quotes. Plus, she's right. I hate that as well.
"Yeah, but it was uncomfortable," I whine. At this point I'm on the ropes. I've already lost this one.
"Uncomfortable?" Alice's voice becomes uncomfortably shrill. I'm guessing that there are dogs in Seattle that can pick up on her frequency. "It was uncomfortable for you? Was it uncomfortable for you when she opened up to you last night? Did it cause you discomfort when she cried in your arms? Are you really going to play that card, Edward? Because I can stop trying to do all the work here for you and just leave you two to work it out on your own and maybe by the time her kid is going to college she'll be willing to share a toothbrush with you." Alice is pissed. I decide not to mention that I don't really need to brush my teeth.
"You are right, Alice. I'm sorry I doubted you. You've done nothing but help me out and I should just trust you." She nods, still squinting at me with annoyance.
"What else?" she says. This isn't my first time at the "Alice is right" rodeo and I know what comes next.
"I should consider myself lucky to have a sister so concerned about my well-being and desires. I am going immediately to get my credit card and buy you something to show you how much I appreciate you." Alice nods and then gives me a brilliant smile.
"Oh, Edward, I love them!" I see a picture in her head of the earrings I am going to buy her. At least shopping for Alice is easy, if expensive. If she's feeling generous she'll tell me where they came from so I don't have to spend the next three days searching the internet.
We drive over to Chief Swan's house in Esme's minivan so we have room for Bella's stuff. I figure it would be good to get used to the whole mini-van thing if I'm interested in a pregnant woman. Bella is not making a lot of eye contact with me this morning so I'm guessing she feels uncomfortable after opening up to me the night before. Alice fills up the silence. With annoying nonsense. Something about "Top Chef" and a trip to Montreal she wanted to make and the Grammies. I don't know where she even gets this shit.
I spend the drive repeating to myself "I am the world's most dangerous predator" over and over again to psych myself up for facing the Chief.
We arrive at the Chief's house and Alice and Bella scurry upstairs as fast as they can. Well, Alice scurries and Bella moves as quickly as a woman who's about to have a baby in a month can. They leave the Chief and I staring at each other.
"Chief Swan," I nod at him in greeting. He gives me the guy nod back.
"Mr. Cullen." I start whistling and looking around awkwardly. I know I have to initiate this conversation and I repeat to myself the line about being a dangerous predator one more time, just to give me courage to face the mustached terror in front of me.
"So, I was hoping we could have a talk, Chief." I try to give him my most charming smile. Go figure Charlie and his daughter are the only one's that it doesn't work on.
"Come on in," Charlie ushers me into the kitchen where he was apparently cleaning his gun when we arrived. Cleaning his gun and drinking a beer. Great.
"So," I take a deep and utterly unnecessary breath. "I thought you might be concerned about Bella moving in with my family and I was hoping I could alleviate some of those concerns." Charlie gives me a slight frown and then speaks.
"Well, I'm concerned about my daughter for a lot of reasons. No father wants to see his daughter pregnant at eighteen. And my Bella is a smart girl and I am afraid that she won't get the opportunities that she deserves if she's got a kid." I finally get something from the murky thoughts of Charlie Swan. I see him agonizing over his ex-wife's departure seventeen years before and then seeing Bella take her place in this house terrifies him.
"I understand completely, Chief." And I do. Most of the time the Chief's thoughts are hard for me to read but right now I get that he is just a dad scared that his smart, talented daughter is going to hate her life the way her mother did. That she will regret having her child and spend the rest of her life playing "catch-up."
"I want to tell you that my family and I appreciate how smart Bella is and we want to help her. My sisters and mother are really excited about being able to help Bella out with the baby and I'm sure that having them to help out will make it so that Bella will be able to go to school or do whatever it is she wants to do. To be honest, the baby is a pretty big selling point for them. Not that they don't like Bella, sir." I hasten to add. The Chief smirks at me.
"And how about you, son? Are you excited about helping baby-sit?" I know what he's asking and I remember that Chief Swan is more perceptive than he looks.
"Well, sir, between you and I, I am rather fond of Bella and am hoping that she will eventually feel the same way. But she doesn't share those feelings right now and if she never does, well, I'll accept that." Yeah, and then go kill myself. Somehow.
Chief Swan squints at me for a minute. "Well, Mr. Cullen, I'm going to trust that you and your family will do right by my daughter. I can see that you care about her. But if I hear any different you will hear from me." What he doesn't say is that he knows there's something different about me but can't put his finger on it.
I see clearly in that moment that Charlie Swan doesn't know what I am but he's got a hunch I'm not what I appear to be. But then he also knows that there's something up with his best friend's son, Jacob. Add into the mix the hostility the Quileute's have for me and my family and how much my sister and I have helped Bella and Charlie Swan is left wondering just how much he needs to know.
I can see in his head that the Chief has decided to trust me, not a lot, but at least for the time being, based on his instincts, and I am so grateful I want to thank him. Which would confuse the shit out of him because he knows I'm not human but hasn't even considered that I might be able to hear his thoughts. I manage to refrain from hugging him in gratitude but I decide to ask him something I've been curious about.
"I appreciate your trust, Chief Swan, but I have a question for you. I've asked you to call me Edward. Why do you always call me Mr. Cullen?" Charlie smiles.
"Well, I don't know how old you are." When he says this he gives me a momentary sharp look. "But you don't honestly look much older than 17 and I figured I'd try to give you a little credibility if I called you Mr. Cullen. You know, so that people might take you a bit more seriously as a detective." He winks at me and I look down at what I'm wearing.
"You mean, I've been wearing khakis and sweater vests this whole time and I still look like a teenager?" The chief laughs.
"Sorry, Edward, maybe if you grew a mustache or something." He strokes his own cop-like facial hair.
The women coming downstairs with some of Bella's stuff interrupt this episode of "Chief Swan's Makeover Show". Bella pauses at the bottom of the steps to see if everything is copasetic in the dining room, like that Charlie isn't trying to shoot me with his shotgun and then dodging the ricocheting bullets. When she sees that Charlie is smiling and I'm not cringing behind any furniture she smiles at me.
And just like that I'm the dumbest, most stunned man in the world, standing in the dining room of the Chief's house gazing at this girl like she's the Holy freakin' Grail or some shit. Seriously. I'm standing there locked in her gaze hearing birds sing and angels and shit.
"Hey, uh, Edward?" I hear my sister's voice cutting into my Bella-trance. "Can we get your help with this stuff?" I wake up from my coma and grab one of the bags Alice is handing me, totally embarrassed.
The good news is that we are able to get out of there without running into Renee, which Alice sees would be totally embarrassing for me. Unlike the rest of my life.
So we get Bella's room set up with her stuff but my sisters get all "You don't have any baby stuff" on her and decide to take her to Port Angeles to go shopping. I consider going with them but Emmett reminds me that while I want her to think I'm sensitive and nice to have around, I don't want her to think that I have a vagina. His words, not mine.
So I pretend I'm going to do manly stuff while they're out but really I'm going to hang out in her room and touch her stuff in as non-creepy a way possible.
I also spend some time doing some reading about pregnancy and birth and stuff, just so I know what to expect when it happens. Emmett and Jasper have been watching those reality shows where they follow women's pregnancies and stuff but really, that's a little too graphic for me. Some things cannot be unseen; you know what I mean?
"Do you think Bella is going to want us to film the birth?" Emmett asks. By now they have moved on past the pregnancy show and are now watching "Pawn Stars." I swear, that Rick guy has a buddy with like every area of expertise you could think of.
"I don't really see her being into that," I say from the dining room where I'm flipping through books on child rearing.
"Yeah, Bella's pretty private," Jasper says. He's still thinking about how her emotions have been getting harder and harder for him to read. Welcome to my world, Jasper. Bella and her baby are giving me total radio silence. Nothing. Zilch. Nada.
"Not to mention that it's totally gross," I add. I mean, I love Bella and I'm sure that every part of her is beautiful but, just…no.
"Come on, Eddie, childbirth is a miraculous, beautiful act!" Emmett is just doing this to piss me off. Dick.
"I don't know, Em," Jasper looks contemplative. "Edward's already the oldest virgin ever. Having his first sight of a woman's, you know, be in the act of childbirth might turn him off sex forever." I look at Jasper, thinking about how mad Alice might get if I tore his leg off and hid it.
My phone buzzes. It's a text from Alice. You can do better than that. I think about convincing the family to watch "The Joy-Luck Club" again tonight. The last time was a classic. All the women in the house, plus Emmett, sobbing dryly and Jasper rolling in agony in the corner. My phone buzzes again. That's better.
a/n: I didn't answer any reviews nor did I send out teasers this last week. Epic. Time. Fail. So if you didn't get a review reply or a teaser, don't be sad, it's not like I only sent them to the cool kids.
Not only am I telling myself that I will get them out this week but I'm going to try really hard to post on Sunday. Like in the good old days. Thanks for your reviews/love even if I lag like a mo-fo. JuJu