Kiss Me, Deadly
Tanya, Irina and Kate arrive the next week in a cacophony of luggage and swarming cloud of perfume and a stampede of their high-heeled leather boots. The sisters are the truth behind the succubus myth, and they are like sex on legs. Watching them walk into the house is like watching a music video.
That is, until they see Thomas. At which point they drop their bags, squeal, and start begging to hold him. It's pretty entertaining to watch, actually. Thomas is drooling on Irina's suede coat and pulling Tanya's hair, and they adore him. Seriously, the next time I start a business I'm going to rent human babies to vampires. He's like vampire crack.
I've been making myself a little scarce in my profound embarrassment about throwing myself at Bella and having her shoot me down. I'm just not sure how to proceed, to be honest. Vampires don't just change their minds like humans do. I'm pretty sure I'm stuck like this now. The only thing I can think of to do is to try to wear down her resistance with my continuous, unrelenting presence. Romantic, huh? Maybe I'll throw in some candles.
Plus, Alice is no help whatsoever. She gives me just enough encouragement to not give up, but not enough to make me feel any better. She just keeps saying that she needs to stay out of it. And then blocking me with the most annoying thoughts. I mean, she knows I hate Virginia Wolfe.
Day two of the occupation rolls around and I'm sitting in the living room, reading Sherlock Holmes - my version of comfort food - when Bella comes in with Thomas. Apparently, she was able to wrest him away from his vampire fan club by explaining that he needed to eat.
"Hi, is it ok if I stay in here?" she asks me shyly. I nod. "Of course," I say, gesturing to the other couch, but she takes a seat next to me and stretches out, to my surprise. She props herself up with her head next to me on a bunch of those annoying little throw pillows that Esme is in love with. It feels oddly domestic and cozy.
Bella lulls Thomas back to sleep and then lets out a yawn.
"Will you read to me?" she asks, looking at me over her shoulder. She could be asking for my leg and I would give it to her if she asked like that.
I read to her for a few minutes before she interrupts me.
"Edward? Irina and Tanya and Kate? They're not really your cousins, right?" She's twisted herself around so she's looking at me.
"No. They're not sisters, either. It's just that we prefer to think of ourselves as a family rather than a 'coven.' That's what groups of vampires usually call themselves, but they tend to be wilder, more aggressive. I think it has to do with us not preying on humans. It makes us more peaceful, able to have caring relationships." You know, if we can get anyone to go out with us. But I'm not bitter.
"Oh," she says, but I can tell she isn't done. "So if you wanted to have a relationship with one of them, you could."
I nod. She frowns at me.
"Then why don't you? I mean, they're beautiful and they share your, you know, values and they seem really nice. You could be, what do you call it? Mates?"
"Well, you don't chose a mate, Bella. Someone is your mate or they're not. It's like the concept of soul mates. You don't control it." I take a deep breath. Bella pushing me on the sisters is just making me miserable. It's like your wife signing you up on an online dating site. Uncomfortable.
Speaking of misery and discomfort, Tanya walks in at just that moment. She sees us and pauses, a curious look on her face. I can't read what she's thinking, though; or, rather, I can't decipher it. It's a series of faces, men and women. And Tanya's been around for, like, centuries, so she's known lots of people. I don't understand the context; but then, sometime, the murkier Tanya's thoughts are the less likely I am to be grossed out.
"Hi, Tanya," Bella says, and she gets up. "I'm going to go take a nap." She picks up Thomas gently and leaves the room.
I frown at Tanya. Then I remember I'm supposed to encourage her advances.
"Hey, Tanya," I say, giving her a smile that I hope is alluring and not creepy. I'm not exactly an experienced flirt.
"Edward, I'm sorry I interrupt," Tanya's Russian accent hasn't gotten weaker in centuries of speaking English. When I've questioned this, she's said, "Man does not care what comes out of my mouth, really, just what goes in," accompanied by some really frighteningly specific porn imagery. You can see why I've learned not to ask her too many questions.
"No, it's no big deal. You weren't interrupting anything." I wave my hand casually, and she looks at me with a frown. I take a step closer to her and touch her elbow.
"Come sit down, Tanya. Tell me how you've been." I give her another smile and Tanya shakes her head with disgust.
"You know I always like you very much, Edward?" She crosses her arms and looks at me with a raised eyebrow. I nod.
"I decide last time you turn me down, you are little boy, not interested in such things. Now I see you have grown up, you have woman you love." Tanya gestures to where Bella had been sitting. "And you give me smile? Say 'Tanya, talk with me,' like you do not have pretty girl who likes you? I think you are very stupid, now."
"You don't know what's going on here at all, Tanya." God, she pisses me off! She can't even be counted on to be appropriately slutty! "Bella has no interest in me."
"So you are doing clumsy flirting with me for no reason?"
I shake my head. "Emmett said that maybe if she saw someone else being interested in me, she would change her mind!" Wow, saying it out loud like that really makes it sound dumb.
"You think Emmett is stupid for many years now, but you decide to listen to him? Both of you are stupid men." Tanya is shaking her head in disgust. I have disgusted Tanya. Tanya, who has shown me her purchases from adult book stores. Tanya, who lived through the middle ages. Tanya, who has lived in Las Vegas. This is a new low point for me.
"I'm sorry, Tanya. It was wrong for me to manipulate you like that."
"I don't care you manipulate me. It makes me angry that you are smart man and acting very stupid." She makes a huffing noise at me. "I try to fix things for you. You promise not to screw up with little Thomas's mother."
"Tanya, she doesn't like me. I proposed to her. Twice. She said no." Tanya glares at me.
"Edward, I have sex with many, many people. Men, women, vampire, maybe other things." I shudder at the image that pops into Tanya's head. "I am not mind-reader but I know liking person." She turns away in a huff and walks out, probably to giggle with her sisters about what a moron I am. And then have sex with something.
I'm not going to lie, at this point, given the choice between staying at home so more people can make fun of me and going to work where I can at least pick the music, I go to work the next day. Plus the house is getting pretty crowded, and I've mentioned that I'm living in a closet, right?
So I return some calls and check emails and just generally pretend I'm a productive member of society. The problem is that I am totally unmotivated by being here, fighting crime, when Bella's in MY bedroom, potentially nursing. Yeah, I know that was pervy, but give me a break.
After two hours of pretending I care about my job, I understand people who abuse office machines. This is really soul-deadening when you want to be somewhere else. I guess if I was out there detecting or whatever it'd be different.
Then I get a text message from Alice: YOU'RE AT WORK, RIGHT?
I key in: YES. WHY?
I get no response. WHY? I type in again.
They've probably just decided to move the "bag on Edward" party to a new location. I sigh and go out to the office to see if I can find the name of the website designer Alice asked me to call. I'm rummaging through the drawers of Bella's desk when I hear someone coming up the steps.
The door opens and Bella walks in.
You know how I said that watching the cousins enter the house was like watching a music video? Well, this is like watching one of those scenes in the movies where you hear music and time slows down and there's a wind machine and stuff. Which is crazy because I'm a vampire and I don't get disoriented or experience auditory hallucinations. Still, that's what happens when Bella walks in.
She's wearing some kind of denim skirt and a button-up shirt and I only notice this because she looks really…well, I don't want to use the word "nice" because she looks better than "nice." It's kind of a sexier outfit than I've ever seen her wear. I am staring at her legs because I think it might be only like the third time I've seen them, and then I realize that I'm staring at her legs so I try to move my eyes up to somewhere they might stay respectably when they get caught on her breasts. Which is not a more respectable place for me to stare but she's got like one more button unbuttoned than she normally would and so then I'm staring at her cleavage because I'm a pig.
When I drag my eyes up to her face I expect to see disgust or anger or something but she just looks mildly surprised.
"Hi," she says. "I convinced them to let me come to work for a few hours. I was getting cabin-fever." She smiles at me and starts to walk towards where I am at her desk.
I realize that the thing that's different is that Bella has made more of an effort with her appearance than she usually does. I suspect Alice. I mean, I think that she always looks pretty, but today she's got make-up on and I've never seen her dressed like this. She's usually pretty casual. In fact, there's been quite a few tense moments since she's moved in where she insists that new mothers have the right to dress like slobs and Alice tells her that she has vampire nannies so she has no excuse to look like a hobo.
She has to walk around me to get to her desk chair and, to my surprise, she runs her fingers lightly across my shoulders as she passes. I look at her curiously.
"I was just looking for that guy's number that Alice wanted to do the website." I glance at her as she turns on her computer. I really should think about getting her a Mac. After not being turned on for almost a month, her PC is taking a lifetime to do virus scans and shit.
"I think I have an email from him," she says, tapping her fingers as she waits. She smiles at me again and this time I get a subtle eyelash flutter. I swear I have taken hallucinogens. Vampire LSD. Hallucinogenic toad blood.
"Yeah, uh…great." I watch her warily as she opens up her mail program. She pulls up an email and points to the screen.
"Is this it?" As she points to it she slides the computer towards the edge of the desk closest to her, effectively blocking it with her body. I am forced to stand up and lean across her to see the email. Despite my super-vampire vision, this puts me level to her cleavage. Which I am staring at. Then I look at her face to see that she isn't looking at the computer, either. She's watching me watching her boobs. I am perplexed.
"Yepthatlookslikeit," I say, jumping up and hightailing it into my office, as only a totally confused undead teenager can. I start pacing, pulling on my hair and contemplating calling Alice to try to figure out what the hell is going on with Bella. Damn her impermeable, lead-lined skull!
I spend a half an hour not doing any productive work unless you count wringing my hands and spying on her as she answers email. I am tapping my fingers on the window sill and still trying to figure out what to do next when she walks into the office. She leans against my desk and does that hair-toss thing that girls do, except that I've never seen Bella do it before.
"I don't really have anything pressing to do," she says, with that slow smile and little eyelash flutter thing again. "Is there anything I can do for you, Edward?" The inflection she puts on "Edward" is the final nail in the "she's not really flirting with me, is she?" coffin. Or maybe it's the emphasis on "do."
I look at her for a moment, considering my options. Then I walk towards her slowly, tilting my head at her curiously. When I get to where she's leaning on the edge of my desk, I lean forward and put my hands down on either side of her, trapping her.
"Bella, …are you flirting with me?" She looks at me wide-eyed for a second, and then tentatively nods. I nod, taking this new plot twist in.
"Do you mind my asking why?" She looks intimidated but I refuse to let her off the hook. I proposed, for Christ's sake! Twice! She can handle a little embarrassment.
"I, uh…didn't really understand that you were…interested in me. It just seems a little improbable, what with you ..." She makes a gesture in my direction and raises her eyebrows. 'And I'm…" She points her finger back at herself and makes a slight huffing noise. "You know what I mean?" I nod again slowly, planning my next move. I am so far out of my comfort zone I might as well be selling Tupperware right now.
"So," I lean in a little more. I can hear the increase in her heart rate. "Does this mean that you're willing to consider…" She cuts me off.
"Going out on a date with you?" she asks, with a smirk.
"Uh, yes, of course," I realize that I have been premature. Humans go on dates; vampires see each other and skip the "dinner and a movie" stage and go right to picking out overcast locales to live in. I take a deep breath and start over.
"Bella, I wonder if you would be willing to go out on a date with me?" She smiles at me. It's like stepping into the sunlight from a dark cave. No bat jokes, please.
"I'd love to," she says. I grin at her. She smiles back at me until eventually she is forced to clear her throat and gesture to the fact that I have her trapped against the desk. Not that that's a horrible place to be but, again, I get ahead of myself.
I step away from the desk to let her go back to work. She gives me another smile.
"So, um, I guess you don't have anything else for me to do?"
"Just go out with me," I answer. She nods and looks around.
"So, I guess I'll get going," she says. "I'll see you at home?"
I nod at her, still grinning like an idiot. 'Yep," I say. "Is six o'clock tomorrow night good?"
She smiles. "Um, yeah, that would be good. I can't be out for too long, though"
"Of course," I say. "Thomas."
"Yeah, uh, because of Thomas." She is backing towards the door. "Well, I'll see you at home."
I just stand there with my hand up, waving goodbye to her, stupid grin on my face.
Then, suddenly, she walks back in and leans up and kisses me on the cheek. She smiles, blushing, and runs back out.
I, on the other hand, have just gotten my first kiss from a girl. So I just stand there like the complete dumbstruck freak that I am.
a/n: Thanks to Betham for being the coolest, bestest beta ever! She brings the joys of commas into my life. I only got to about half of my review replies this time, I figured you guys would rather see the update, right? So, sorry if I didn't get to you.
I don't usually write for causes because I just can't see asking people to PAY to read my writing, but I am in California so I volunteered to write for Fandom Fights Tsunami to raise money for the Red Cross's efforts in Japan. I was thinking that I would do Bella's POV for one of the chapters of this. So, let me know which one you want to see? The site is: http :/ fandomfightstsunami (dot) blogspot (dot) com.
Thanks! JuJu