I Didn't Mean Too Chapter 1, a castle fanfic

Didn't Mean Too

by Castlefan6

Authors Note: This is AU; Kate's mom is alive, and still happily married to Jim. Kate and Rick think about their possible relationship through the words of a song, one at the end of season two, the other at Kyra's wedding. Who will blink first and utter those three words,

I don't own Castle; I only use the characters for amusement purposes, except the ones I create.

Also, we take liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events to make this more believable fiction, thanks. Remember TOTALLY AU, Johanna is alive but there are other surprises and changes to the main story plot. Hope you enjoy it,

Thanks for the notes messages and calls during my recent illness as well as my wife's. Happy to say she is improving more each day, still a way to go, BUT she is on the right track. I got a setback, I need one additional surgery in three months or so, and the ankle didn't heal the way the doctor had hoped. We will deal with that in a few months. NOTE! UPDATES WILL BE SLOWER THAN USUAL,

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Chapter 1

Castle's Office, The Loft

Two Years after their first case

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FLASHBACK TWO YEARS - New York Loft

Rick still could not believe the turn of events, of all the weddings in all of the cities, so many things were aligned with the universe for him not to show up at the crime scene but somehow, he did.

A Wedding, not just any wedding but that of the girl who got away from him years earlier, long before he went through the heartbreak of losing Meredith as she gave birth to their daughter, and the bitter pang of divorce from Gina, whom he married more for his daughter than the love he felt for his publisher. Yes, he loved her, just not deep enough to marry her if he wasn't a single dad with a little girl asking questions that were getting more and more difficult for a Dad to answer daily.

He knew he had done a terrible job trying to hide the importance of his relationship with Kyra from Beckett, she cut to the chase as usual with her question coming off the elevator. He closed his eyes remembering what a cluster today had been and what could he do to regain his composure.

(Courtesy of Dust Jackets Dot com)

CASTLE
So, who is the unlucky bride?

RYAN
Uh, her name is...

[KYRA turns enough for CASTLE to see her profile.]

CASTLE
Kyra?

KYRA
Rick? Rick Castle.

BECKETT
Do you two know each other?

CASTLE
That would be an understatement.

CASTLE
Kyra Blaine. Wow.

BECKETT
I take it she was someone very special.

CASTLE
She's the one that got away.

Kate did not push it then, but Rick knew the questions would come later, it was just her nature as a cop to ask questions, even personal ones. Sure enough, hours later back at the precinct on the ride up to homicide in the elevator, he could feel her eyes burning holes into his psyche, so he just gave in, before she started to interrogate him.

CASTLE
We met in college. We were together for nearly three years.

BECKETT
I didn't ask.

CASTLE
Yes. You were not-asking very loudly.

BECKETT
She's different from your ex-wife.

CASTLE
What do you mean?

BECKETT
She's real. I didn't think you went for real. Tough breakup?

CASTLE
It was a long time ago. He walked out of the elevator and away from the questions he knew would be coming, he just had to get a grip on Kyra getting married. Not to mention the little detail that a murder had occurred at the site of her nuptials.

He was surprised at how well he handled seeing the woman he thought for a long time would be his wife, the mother of his children, and in the setting where it occurred in. Who would ever have imagined Kyra in a wedding gown? Certainly, not him, not after Sheila Blaine had torpedoed their relationship, she even paid for a scholarship for Kyra in Paris and London knowing Rick didn't have the funds to visit, or probably even call regularly.

His eyes dropped down to his desk to a small picture of him and Meredith on their wedding day, she was already pregnant with Alexis, but the picture didn't reveal that, it only showed how lovely she was to him. She wasn't the typical actress, not so materialistic and for a short while Rick had forgotten, well pushed the memories of Kyra out of his mind. He hadn't seen or heard from any of her family much less her in the last four years. The last he read she was opening a string of high-fashion boutiques in London and Paris.

Who would expect a mother to die in childbirth in this decade? They had been so careful, or so they thought. Several risks of pregnancy; including blood pressure, nausea, and vitamin deficiencies, but the thought of something so severe as blood clots causing a stroke that would steal the life of the young mother was never on their radar. Rick wiped a tear as he remembered the day the doctor handed him the little girl with blue eyes, and fiery red hair just moments after telling him that he was a single parent.

His heart was breaking for his wife, well now deceased wife, but he felt the jolt of energy soar through his body, he knew it was unconditional and a type of love for his daughter he had never experienced before. He pledged to be the best Dad he could be, regardless of his desires, this little girl would come first.

His mother came to Los Angeles to help, it was a blur now, but he did remember Roy Montgomery and his wife Evelyn being there, Roy had been his Commanding Officer in the Marines where he learned to grow up. Roy had played a huge part in his maturity, and the man he was today was a credit to the gentle-spoken Captain. His wife was Alexis's God Mother, and looking back he didn't know how he would have made it through those days without his mother, and friends like the Montgomerys.

Meredith was transported to New York and buried in the family mausoleum, again the only way he got through that day was to remind himself that Alexis needed a strong compassionate parent, one strong enough to carry out both roles of mom and dad. The service was small, private, and intimate, just the way Mer would have wanted it.

He and Alexis never returned to Los Angeles, leaving the lawyer to sell and close on the home, and furnishings. He had shipped the most precious items Meredith wanted to pass along to her daughter, but now L. A. offered him nothing, it was time to come home. His career kicked off shortly after Black Pawn signed him, and a few years later, even though his heart was still broken he married Gina to be a mom to Alexis.

It was at the height of his career, and sadly the end of his marriage to Gina when Roy had called him to help on a copycat string of murders, resembling those in his Derrick Storm novels. He was impressed his old boss knew his books until Roy let him know that "Look I don't know a damn thing about your books but Evelyn pointed it out to me, and I checked with Detective Beckett and she agreed, the killer is using scenes from your book for his victims." Roy said with a smile,

"Here I thought you had graduated from those Playboys and True Crime novels Cap, you disappointed me. I should have known it was the smart Montgomery family member to put it together" He laughed.

"Well, Beckett is my best Rick, but she's tough to work with, has her own ideas, not a good person to think about sharing with if you get what I mean," Roy said, and looked out,

"In other words, you and our good friend Mr. Mayor are forcing her to accept my help, and she's fighting it all the way, not so hard to just spit it out Roy, I'm a big boy." He smiled,

"I forgot it was the other one that was the slow learner, you caught on fast. She can't fire you, but she can make things miserable, so let me know if she steps out of line, I know you can handle it, but orders from your Tweedle Dum partner Mr. Mayor" He laughed.

And so it began, the partnership, well, her allowing him to be in the same room as her at first until she got dressed down, once by the captain after he got chewed out by the mayor, and once by Commissioner Boyle for her flippant attitude to people volunteering to help her do her job. He reminded her that if she had been such a hot shot cop, she wouldn't need outside help, so shut up, take the help, and close the damn cases."

He had felt nothing for her other than contempt for her snobbery until he listened closely to her speak. His sense of perception allowed him almost a seamless view of her soul. She had been hurt very badly, only someone who had felt that pain would know, so he cut her some more slack.

That had been three years ago, and well, they still worked together, although she still refused to call him her partner, just a civilian consultant when she called him anything. He didn't push it, especially after the Demming Debacle of the second year they worked together.

It hadn't been the first lie he had caught her in, but it was a big one for sure. Added to the behavior she had displayed with Detective Demming in the stairwell, well he was sure it was best to keep it business only between the two of them. He had tried to cut ties altogether with NYPD but Montgomery and the Mayor had already reminded him of the civilian oath he took, knowing Rick was a man of his word.

Now today, this case, and her knowing or finding out more than he would have ever been comfortable with her knowing about HIS personal life. Kyra didn't talk, well she used to be private but it had been 12 years so who knows how she had changed. They would find out soon enough he thought as he closed his laptop, and headed to bed.

Kate Beckett Apartment

Same Time Frame

Today was one of the days she would rather not have had to endure and keep her strong face on. She knew she had felt something stronger for Castle than she would even admit to herself at first, but today, seeing the "One That Got Away" right before her eyes made her crawl back into the protective shell she had endured since Royce had rejected her.

Sure, she went through the motions with guys, hell she even lived with Will, but he was seldom home and didn't ask for too many girlfriend favors. So, what if he was lousy in bed, he was still a step above a package of D Cell Batteries and her toys, at least most of the time.

She knew the day she discovered her feelings for Rick, hell she had an entire summer to think about her stupidity and high school antics of trying to make him jealous of her and Detective Tom Demming. He had invited her for a "FRIENDS" weekend at the Hamptons during Memorial Day and she had lied to him, only to be caught in it.

To his credit, he didn't rub it in or insult her, rather he dropped a bomb on her that this would be his last case and he would be staying in the Hamptons to finish his book. She had tossed and turned the entire night, but finally decided to dump Demming and ask if the invite was still open, she would have bet her life savings that it was.

She was halfway through her plan, dumping Demming wasn't pleasant, he knew he had been used, but she got through with it in time to join the going away party the boys had thrown for Rick for a beer. Imagine her surprise when Gina, his ex-wife walked up just as she was about to ask about the invite, and marked her territory, and they walked out of the precinct, arms wrapped around each other when she pitifully called out,

"See you in the fall?"

To which he turned his head, never losing grip on his beautiful ex-wife, publisher, or whatever the hell she was now, "See you in the fall" which marked the first long lonely day of the summer. It was that night she discovered a re-recording of an old country song that fit her situation to a tee. It was easy to listen to, even easier to cry when she heard it.

"I Didn't Mean To Love You But I Do" by Tia Goans remake of Merl Haggard's classic hit.

"I Didn't Mean To Love You"

I didn't mean to miss you but I do

I didn't want to want you but I do

I didn't mean to think about you

Thought I could live without you