The Red Eye chapter 22: Pitching Woo
I wait for Renee to show up, thinking about Bella's new, more assertive, personality. I think that it's perfectly appropriate for her to advocate for herself and her child. It occurs to me that we were perhaps heavy-handed with regard to this whole "not letting her ex-boyfriend live" thing. In our defense, we are used to dealing with things in a very different way than humans. Most humans don't have to move every ten years. Most of them don't have to be as secretive as we have become accustomed to being. And most humans don't have the kind of "throw money at it" attitude that we have developed, and that really seems to drive Bella crazy.
So, we'll have to get better at compromising. But in the short-term, I'm going to have to get better at skulking around in the corners of hotel rooms, because Bella's mom is about to show up and there is a disturbing amount of sunlight in this room. I try to determine how much time I have before I will have to hide behind the couch to keep the sun off me. I calculate about an hour, and figure I'll have to tell Bella that she needs to get her mom out of here before then.
Bella comes back in from checking on Thomas and walks around the room closing the curtains.
Oh. I guess I could have just done that.
"We'll tell my mom you have a headache, OK?" Bella smiles at me as I watch her, musing on how easy she just made that. Or how hard I made it. Whatever.
There's a knock on the door, and Bella turns to me and asks: "Ready?" before she opens it. I nod, and she opens the door to reveal her mom. Renee is wearing a pair of orange shorts and a pink shirt. I think I actually do have a headache, now that you mention it.
Renee embraces Bella and then closes in on me, her mind fluttering with thoughts about how cute we are together. She hugs me and, thankfully, instead of thinking about how cold and inhuman I feel, she thinks I'm really muscular. Which I am, if by "muscular" you mean "made of cement".
Bella gets her mom seated and flops down on the couch facing her. I stand around awkwardly until Bella pats the couch next to her.
"What's up, Mom?" Bella asks. "Surprise visit? Don't you think you should have done that before I got knocked up?" I wince at Bella's words, but I realize that her mother is laughing.
"I wanted to see this handsome boyfriend of yours," Renee smiles at me and I can see the resemblance between her and her daughter for a moment.
"I apologize for not coming to see you sooner, Mrs. Dwyer. I get terrible headaches and I've been cooped up in the hotel room." Renee shakes her head at me.
"Edward, call me Renee, please. It's bad enough being a grandmother without being called 'Mrs. Dwyer', too. Or call me 'Mom.'" Bella snorts at that and Renee shoots her a look.
Bella and her mom sit and talk about Bella's plans to go back to school and I listen, interjecting at appropriate moments. Renee's mind is the most interesting sort of non-linear place. She seems to think in pictures and sometimes her pictures are a little surreal. It's a little Fellini-esque (without the dwarves) and I am getting kind of disoriented. I figure that this must be what it's like to do hallucinogenic drugs.
Thomas rescues me before I can go too far down the rabbit-hole. He wakes up, and I offer to go get him. I bring him in and there's a bit of an awkward moment when Bella sets herself up to nurse him discreetly. Some people might wonder why Bella was going to such towel-intensive lengths to hide her breasts from me, on the presumption that we were already at that stage of fooling around. These above-mentioned people would probably think it and then let it go because it's such an embarrassing and completely inappropriate thing to ask out loud.
These people are not Renee. She just blurted that shit out. Seriously.
"Mom!" Bella said, glaring at her mom. I just looked at the floral arrangement. Interesting, them using tiger lilies and…
"Edward." Fuck, Renee was actually talking to me, and I had to answer some of her embarrassing-ass questions. "You're not thinking of waiting until you get married, are you? Charlie said that you were kind of 'old-fashioned' and I hope that doesn't mean you're going to keep my baby girl waiting to…"
"Actually," I cut her off before she can finish that sentence the way she wanted to. "I've already asked Bella to marry me." Bella jabs me in the ribs with her elbow and then winces. I look at her, and she glares at me and shakes her head.
"Ix-nay on the arriage-may," she murmurs. But it's too late. Renee's eyes get big, and she has a flurry of wedding-related images flood into her brain/thought-blender/swirling vortex of crazy.
"I had no idea," Renee said, looking at Bella pointedly. "Bella, were you going to tell me about this?" Bella shakes her head and looks at me, mumbling, "You started this, ok? So don't get upset." I shake my head at her. What would I get upset about? Oh, wait, yeah, the fact that she said "no." Or, more accurately, blew me off and never answered me. No biggie. Yeah, Renee, let's talk about the fact that I proposed to your daughter twice and she ignored me. Good times.
"Mom, Edward and I aren't getting married." Bella looks down, as if transfixed by Thomas's eyelashes. Wait, what? She didn't say, "We're not getting married yet." She said, "We're not getting married." Period. Fuck.
"Bella, what's wrong with…" Renee continues to argue. I decide to interrupt.
"Renee, it's OK. Bella and I have only been together for a short time. I think she's trying to make sure of her feelings before she commits to a life with me." Especially since I drink blood and sparkle in the sunlight. Oh, and that whole "life" thing? I guess it depends on your definition of the word.
Bella looks at me gratefully, and stretches out her free hand to rub my arm. I feel emboldened by this to bust out some more "mature adult" style talking.
"My proposals were premature, I was thinking of her sense of security. But, Bella, I think rightfully, has insisted we wait rather than put Thomas through the trauma of a divorce." Renee nods her head slowly, thinking of how fundamentally boring and grown up the two of us are.
"You two are certainly made for each other." She means to say this sardonically, but I really like that she said it, so I agree with her.
We manage to get through the rest of the visit without a major event and – because we are staying for at least another day – we promise to see Renee the following day and usher her out.
Bella sighs and collapses on the couch again. Thomas and I need a spit-up related clothing change, so we go find some clean stuff to change into. He and I discuss taking his mom out for ice cream once that pesky sun goes down, and decide that she would really appreciate that.
Bella wanders in, yawning, as I'm finishing up with Thomas.
"This has been the longest day and it's only four o'clock," she says, rubbing her face wearily. "I think I'm going to take a nap. Do you think he's sleepy?"
Really, Thomas always looks sleepy to me, so I nod. "Good, I'll lie down with him. Do you want to pretend to nap with me?" Bella looks at me shyly. Seriously, it's like the best offer I've ever had.
"If you don't mind," I say, totally nonchalantly. At least I think I'm all casual and stuff. Bella nods and smiles at me.
"No, it's fine. You just have to pretend to not be watching me until I fall asleep."
"And then all bets are off?" I ask, hopefully. I can't believe my girl is accepting what a freak I am.
"Yeah. What I don't know can't hurt me, right? Just wake me up if I snore, OK?"
I nod, having no intention of doing so. Bella lies down on the bed (my bed!) and puts Thomas down next to her. I lie down carefully on the other side of him, facing her. I disregard her instructions and just stare at her for a minute, until she opens her eyes back up and smiles at me. "You're not holding up your end of the bargain," she says gently. "I know, sorry." I say, reaching for her hand. I hold her hand and keep my eyes closed until I can tell she's asleep, and then I watch her and Thomas for the next hour.
I am reluctant to have to wake her up, but she needs to eat and Thomas's sleep patterns will get all wacky if they sleep any more.
Emmett and Rose show up at the same time as room service. Bella shyly asks Rose to hold Thomas and then sits down to eat. After a few minutes she looks at Rose apologetically.
"I'm sorry about all the extra work, Rose," she says. Rose waves the manicured hand not holding Thomas.
"It's OK, Bella. We got it resolved. Tyler will come back tomorrow to sign the papers, and you can sign when you're done eating." I stare at my most bitchy of sisters for a moment, concerned that she has been replaced by an imposter Rose and the real Rose is tied up in the basement somewhere, getting more pissed at me by the moment. She notices me staring and says, "What?"
I shake my head. "Nothing, Rose. "It's just that I would have kidnapped a baby for you years ago, if I had known it was going to make you so much less hostile." Emmett nods his head vigorously. "I know, right? She hasn't mentioned hating you or Arizona in almost three days. She ate a lizard last night and said that it wasn't that bad."
"You're kidding," I say. "She won't even eat possums at home, says they're too 'reptilian'. She ate a lizard?"
"I'm right here, you jerks," Rose says, but she says it in that sweet, 'baby' voice that she uses with Thomas. "It's not too late for me to make you wish the flu had wiped you out." She tries to glare at me but she's got "goofy-baby" face and it falls flat.
"Thank you, Rose. I appreciate your help." Bella speaks up, smiling at my sister.
Rose smiles back at her. "I don't mind helping you, Bella. I can't say that I agree with you, but I admit that we're a little…draconian in our methods."
"Yeah, I need to remember that you guys are a little out of practice with stuff like this."
"Don't forget that Edward never had any practice being a normal person. I mean, one minute he's a teenage boy, playing sissy music on the piano and trying to look at girl's ankles and the next he's…a vampire playing sissy music and trying to not hear everyone's thoughts about his ass." Emmett laughs, looking quite pleased with himself.
"Yeah, Emmett, you had a lot more experience, what with drinking something your Pa made in a barrel in the woods and making out with your cousin Adelaide." Now, the reason this is so effective in getting Emmett's ass in a sling with his wife is that it's 100% true. One of the rare moments when I think mindreading rules.
"Adelaide?" Rosalie asks, looking at Emmett archly. I laugh and flip him off.
"You guys are pathetic," Bella laughs, finishing off her dinner and taking the tray out to the hallway for room service to pick up.
We've got a few hours before it's dark enough for me to venture out for ice cream, so we settle in to watch "Gosford Park", which is always a good way to get Emmett out of the room. Sure enough, he complains about all the talking and the lack of bloodshed until his wife kicks him out. He leaves, muttering about "three hours of English people shaking hands and not one sword-fight", and we watch the rest of the movie.
When it finally gets dark, Bella and I take a walk down the street to get some ice cream. I have Thomas strapped onto my chest in one of those things that look like baby slingshots, and I am taking full advantage of my newly granted hand-holding privileges. I have to admit to being pretty pleased with the way things are going, which is why I decide to broach the conversation about marriage.
"Bella?" I ask, watching her take a bite of her ice cream. My sweetheart loves her cold stuff, lucky me. "I'm wondering what your take on the conversation we had with your mom was. I mean, do you think that you might consider marrying me? At some point?"
Bella regards me calmly as she licks the chocolate off the corner of her mouth. "Don't you think that we should talk about the whole 'vampire' thing first? I mean, I think that we should talk, in private, about what we're going to do about our…differing life expectancies." She actually does the air-quotes when she whispers vampire.
Shit. I was really hoping she wouldn't ask me about that yet. I was actually hoping to slip a clause into the pre-nup about her being changed. I guess I need to develop a plan B.
a/n: Saint Betham of the righteous red pen betas it. I did my best to respond to reviews this time, if I missed you, please don't be sad! Thank you for all the reviews and pimping and sweet things you guys say about this, I am continually shocked that anyone thinks the product of my crazy-head is funny. Thanks again! xoxo JuJu