On Dangerous Ground
I've decided to postpone the whole "I'm a vampire and you're not" conversation with Bella for a little while. I define "a little while" as the length of time it will take her to actually return my feelings, if that seems like it's going to happen. It just seems like she might be more likely to concede to my wish to change her if she actually wants to spend eternity with me. Just sayin'.
And, yes, I know that wanting to change her is selfish. I know. I'm selfish. Don't bother beating me up because I'm already flogging myself about it. I just want to keep her forever. Like a selfish person. Let it go.
We get the new, less-likely-to-end-in-Tyler's-death agreement signed and fly back to Washington. Have I mentioned that flying with babies is kind of difficult? I guess it's the air pressure in the airplane that makes their ears hurt, but the alternative is driving between Arizona and Washington in the summer and that just seems like a bad idea given that California is kind of a sunny state. Not to mention that the last time Emmett and I were trapped in a car together for longer than ten hours we actually destroyed the car, part of a bridge and my ability to listen to any Dave Matthew's song without going into a homicidal rage.
During take-off, poor Thomas is crying and we can't do anything for him and Bella's getting upset and I'm going to kill the suit across the aisle from us if he doesn't stop thinking negative things about my baby. Seriously. I'm about to show him what it's like to cry like a baby.
"Stop it, Edward," Bella hisses. I look at her. "You are scaring the crap out of that guy." I realize that she's right. I have been giving him the death stare and he is shaking in his seat and looking at me out of the corner of his eye.
I smile at him, which totally doesn't help. Then I decide to just not look at him anymore.
Thomas settles down when we reach cruising altitude and Bella sighs with relief.
"You know, I read that if you feed babies during take-off and landing their ears don't hurt from the pressure." I tell Bella to be helpful. She looks at me skeptically.
"Really? And you didn't mention this before, why?"
"Well, he didn't have a problem on the way down here. I noticed that you were feeding him during take-off on the flight out, by the way. I didn't want to act like I was telling you how to parent." She nods at me.
"I appreciate the sentiment, but if you think something might keep him from crying like that, you should mention it." She smiles at me. I don't think I'm in trouble but you never know with a woman whose mind you can't read.
"Dude, look at these sunglasses that float!" Emmett is sitting behind us and Rosalie has unfortunately let him get his hands on the Sky Mall catalog, even though I specifically asked her not to. Last time this happened we all ended up with monogrammed golf bags. I don't even play golf.
"Emmett, don't buy stuff from that magazine. Seriously."
"Why not? I can get a replica of one of those statues from that island with all the heads on it."
"You mean Easter Island?" Bella asks.
"Yeah, we could put it in the backyard."
"Esme will love that," Rosalie interjects.
"Do you think she'd like the Yeti one better?" Emmett asks. Rosalie grabs the magazine from him and throws it over the seats into my lap. Bella picks it up and opens it.
"Hey look, you can get one of these portable cabana things so if it gets too sunny you can just set it up and hang out there!" She looks at me curiously for a moment. "You know, I still don't know what happens to you when you are in the sunlight."
"I sprrkmmle," I mumble. "What?" she says, smiling. I take a deep breath.
"I sparkle. Like glitter." I look at her cautiously. She stares at me blankly.
"Like glitter?" she asks. I nod, embarrassed.
"That's…funny," she says, starting to grin. I roll my eyes.
"Yeah, hilarious. It makes me look really manly."
She's laughing now. "I have to admit, it does make me feel a little better about having, you know, stretch marks and stuff. I mean, sometimes I feel kind of inadequate since you guys are all pretty and strong and stuff. But the thought that you look like a six year-old girl's birthday present makes me feel better."
"I'm glad I can help you with your self-esteem, Bella." I am never going out in the sun with her. No guy wants to look like Enchanted Princess Barbie in front of the love of his life.
Bella feeds Thomas during the landing, shooting me a smirk, and we are on our way to collect our luggage when I get a text from Alice.
Meeting you at baggage claim. Something's up.
We get over to the luggage spitter and wait. Emmett's making a game out of challenging some young guy for a position closest to where the bags come out.
I smell Alice before I see her, and I also smell her surprise guest.
"Jacob!" Quil calls out from next to me, and I turn around to see Alice, Jasper and Quil's nephew walk up. I know it's summer, but it's summer in the Pacific Northwest and this guy isn't wearing a shirt. In an airport. I shudder to think what international travelers are thinking of us.
I eye Alice warily, gesturing to the dog. "Is that a service dog? Because I don't think they allow animals in here." Jacob shoots me a glare and Bella smacks my arm. And then flinches and rubs her hand.
"I'm sorry about the change in plans," she says, reaching into what looks like a tiny bag and pulling out some clothes, which she tosses in my direction. I catch them and look at her curiously. She ignores my look and pulls out some more clothes which she tosses to Emmett. Jesus, her bag must have a freakin' wormhole in it or something.
"You guys need to get changed. Bella and Thomas are going to drive back with Rose and I, and you're driving with Quil and Jake." I try to figure out what's going on in her head but it's confusing in there; the images keeps fading and reforming as something different. Jasper pulls me away towards the men's room.
"What's going on, Jasper?" I am getting really anxious and Jasper tries to do his mood mojo on me. I swat at him. "Stop that shit! It makes me feel weird. Just tell me what's going on."
"Alice had a vision…well, a couple of different visions, of some, uh, other vampires showing up. She thinks that we're going to be able to head them off and keep them away from Bella and Thomas."
I freak out. Just internally, but that's all Jasper needs. He swats his hands around his head maniacally, like he's being attacked by gnats. "Dude! If you can't keep that in check I'm going to have to fuck with your feelings! You're freaking me out!"
"Well, tell me what her plan is and maybe I'll feel better."
"Alice saw me letting them catch my scent and leading them to the bar. With Jacob with us, he can phase and let the pack know if we need back-up."
"I hate getting them involved. Not only are we letting a sixteen year-old hang out with us in a bar, but the pack gets an excuse to tell us that we're a danger to the people of Forks."
"I know. But if we hadn't gotten them involved, they would have found out on their own and assumed they were friends of ours."
"That's ridiculous. Are they friends with everyone who's too hairy and smells? Of course not!" Just then I am interrupted by the sound of the side of the bathroom stall falling. Emmett stands there with his shirt half on.
"Jesus, these stalls are not big enough to change clothes in!" I sigh and prop the side of the stall back up against the frame.
We get changed and go back out to where Alice is waiting for us. Bella and Thomas are already gone.
"So you guys are going to drop Jasper a few miles out of town and go straight to The Liquid Diet. The vampires should show up there." Alice is frowning, and I can see from her thoughts that the content of her visions; the scene keeps changing. It's confusing both of us.
"I've never had this happen quite like this," she says to me apologetically. "I'm going to keep them safe, though. Don't worry." Yeah, right. I'm going to not worry. That was sarcasm, by the way. I'm going to freak the fuck out.
We get our baggage and start walking out to the parking lot. I'm really hoping that Alice took my Volvo and left us a larger vehicle, because being stuck in a small car with Emmett, Jasper, Quil and Jacob is going to be a major pain in the ass. Something on the ground catches my eye and I realize that Thomas must have lost one of his little slippers, because it's lying on the ground in the parking structure.
I pick it up, laughing because these things fall off his feet like crazy, and I had just been telling Bella that she needed to think about putting tape on his feet or something. I swear babies have no bones in their feet. I stick it into my pocket and sigh with relief when I see that Jasper has brought Emmett's god-awful obnoxious Escalade. I hate that thing because Emmett thinks that it makes him such a gangster, but at least I won't have werewolf knees up my ass the whole way to Forks.
I roll the window down so I don't start dry-heaving from the dog smell. Jacob snorts.
"You think it's much better for me? It smells like rotten caramels in here." He rolls his own window down.
"At least I'm wearing a shirt. Did you spend all your money on Milk-Bones?"
"Eddie. You're going to verbally abuse a teenage boy?" Quil laughs.
"Sorry, Quil. No disrespect to you. I like you. Especially the way you wear clothes out in public." I shoot Quil a smile.
"I'm here to help you guys protect Bella. Maybe you're afraid she'll get a look at these guns and have no interest in your pasty ass." Jacob taunts.
"Jacob." Quil's voice is stern. Jacob looks at his uncle, chastened. "You're a sixteen year-old boy. What are you gonna do with a woman with a baby? Drive her around on your dirt-bike?"
It's silent for a while and then Emmett decides to turn on the radio. Which is cool because it gives Jake and I the opportunity to fight with Emmett about his choice of music. It turns out that me and wolf-boy are united in our opinion that auto-tune is an abomination.
That argument gets us almost all the way to Forks, and we drop Jasper off about 10 miles out of town. We drive Emmett's gangster-mobile to the bar and go in and wait. Except that I'm feeling pretty antsy, especially since Alice's vision looked like a trip to crazy-town. I'd feel a lot better if there was one really clear resolution. Preferably the one where we didn't have to deal with strange vampires coming to town at all.
Emmett's talking with his manager, Frank, since we've been out of town for a couple days, and Quil is advising Randy, the town asshole, about his best options for getting his girlfriend to lift the restraining order as a way of getting him out of the bar.
I slump at the bar, drumming my fingers until Emmett tells me to stop because I've made a big dent in it. Then I wander over to the jukebox, which just makes me more irritable because Emmett's got crap music in there. Every once in a while I complain about it, because real private eyes need a bar to hang out in and I just really can't listen to that Billy Ray Cyrus song again or I'll set myself on fire. Then Emmett does something lame like puts the soundtrack for "Jesus Christ, Superstar" or some William Shatner album in there and tells all his bar patrons that he did it for me.
Jake is hanging out by the back door, both to keep a nose out for the vampires and to be able to make a quick getaway if Chief Swan shows up. Right as I'm about to find out whether I still hate Hall and Oates, he runs back in.
"Jasper's coming!" Quil has gotten Randy out of there with the promise of the number of a good bail bondsman, and Emmett insists one last time that Frank take the rest of the night off.
A minute later Jasper comes in, looking pretty excited. I have to cut him some slack for this. I'm really not excited about having to confront a bunch of vampires because I'm worried about Bella and Thomas. But Jasper is a former soldier. He's a brilliant strategist, and he hasn't been able to plan anything more serious than a camping trip in a long time. The most action he's seen since he came to live with us was the year he and Emmett got into watching World Federation Wrestling and they went through a dozen folding chairs before Carlisle stopped them.
"I know they were following me for a while," he says, confused that they didn't come in right after him. I'm not picking up anything, and neither is super-nose.
Then Jasper gets a text from Alice:
They're on their way.
We take what we all assume are good battle positions, except that we probably look like idiots. I know they do. Then Emmett says, "Is that a…Trans-Am?" as I hear it, too. The distinct sound of a poorly maintained 1980's Trans-Am comes down the street. It has to be them, because it doesn't sound like anyone from town. What kind of crappy vampires drive around in Trans-Ams? As the car reaches the parking lot we can hear Motorhead coming out of a crappy stereo. Of course.
The door opens and I almost start laughing. The vampire that comes in is a dark-skinned man with long black dreadlocks.
I have to take a moment to tell you something funny. A lot of vampires, especially ridiculous ones, have a tendency to wear the style of clothing that they wore when they were alive. Which has got to be pretty difficult to do, considering they must have to raid costume shops and theatre departments. This isn't really an option for us since we try to blend in, and wearing a boater and spats just isn't going to do that.
So either this guy was changed in the eighteenth century or he escaped from a production of Cyrano de Bergerac, because he's got the full-on velvet coat, fluffy shirt, tight pants wardrobe going on.
He looks around at us, clearly trying to look confident and in control, but the more we look at him the funnier he looks, and when Emmett and I make eye-contact we burst out laughing. He glares at us and fluffs his cravat. Which makes us laugh harder.
Jasper shoots us a glare and greets the stranger.
"My name is Laurent," he says, with a slight accent, looking at us huffily.
"These are my brothers, Emmett and Edward," Jasper says. "Where is your companion?"
"Probably hitching the pumpkin to the bike racks!" Emmett says, and I lost all the composure I was trying to gather. I don't know what made me so giggly. Probably just the stress.
"My companion, James, is parking the car." Laurent says. At the thought of the Trans-Am, Emmett and I laugh again. "That is very rude," Laurent says to us.
I take a deep breath. "You're absolutely right," I say, composing myself. "I'm sorry, I just so rarely hear a Trans-Am referred to as a 'car.'"
Laurent sighs, "Tell me about it. He insists upon backing it into parking spaces, as well. It is the most annoying thing." Despite how freakish he looks, Laurent actually seems pretty cool, from what I can tell from his thoughts. He's pretty fed up with his companions, which could work to our advantage. We just need to get him some better clothes. He looks like he escaped from an Anne Rice novel. Don't even get me started on that. I've never even had sex with a woman, let alone carrying on with every man I see.
Wait, companions? I can only hear the thoughts of one vampire outside. There's a also a red-haired woman, Victoria, from what I can see in Laurent's thoughts.
"There's another one, a woman." I say, looking at Laurent. He raises an eyebrow at me.
"She preferred to come on foot. I think she does not like this 'Motorhead,' either." As far as I can tell, Laurent is telling the truth.
At that moment, James comes in. Looking like someone who would drive a Trans-Am. He's skinny and blond, wearing tight jeans and a jean jacket. Seriously guys, it may be summer, but that doesn't mean I want to see your chest!
"James, this is Jasper, Emmett and Edward. We have stumbled upon their territory. It would be best if we move on, no?" James smiles at us, kind of a devious smile. He is thinking that we are not as strong as they are because of our diet, and is sniffing us surreptitiously to see if he can tell how many more of us there are.
I growl at his thoughts and his attention fixes upon me. He inhales openly and then his eyes narrow and dart down to my pocket.
My pocket? Then I remember picking up Thomas' slipper. Shit!
"A young one? Surely the humans don't trust you with their young?" James says, taunting me.
At his mention of Thomas, I can't stifle the louder growl that comes from my chest.
"James! Come, we will go. We had no intention of intruding, gentlemen." Laurent is pulling James out of the bar, but I can tell it's too late. James' thoughts all center around finding Thomas.
Fuck. Now I'm gonna have to kill some vampires.
a/n: OMG! Plot! And Vampires! And a Cliffhanger! The lovely and talented Betham betas this, please do not hold her responsible for my gross errors in grammar and judgment. So, I neglected to tell you last week that "pitching woo" is gumshoe slang for romancing or making love to someone. I use this excellent website: www (dot) miskatonic (dot) org/slang (dot) html for my detective lingo, if you're interested.
I got an amazing rec from deedreamer16 on RAoR on Sunday: http: / bit (dot) ly / hSv6EZ. The most incredible part about it is that I am sandwiched between Whatsmynom and 107yearoldvirgin. Which I mean in a totally non-sexual way. But like, to paraphrase Sesame Street, which of these kids is totally showing up on the same page as awesome people that she admires?
Thank you all so much for the great reviews and recs and not verbally abusing me for not replying to reviews this week or finishing this story in 20 chapters like I claimed I was going to do! xoxo JuJu