I Married A Dead Man
"I'm so pleased that we were able to have this talk," Bella says warmly to Thomas' new undead godfathers. "Edward, can you go let Carlisle know? I've got to go put Thomas down for a nap." She takes Thomas from Caius and lets all the vampires say goodbye to him, and then she leaves the room. With me so close behind her she might as well have a tail.
"Bella," I hiss at her, and grab her arm as she walks towards the garage to find Carlisle. "Did you mean what you said in there about getting married? And changing?"
She stops and turns to me. She buries herself and Thomas in my side and looks up at my face. "Edward, I feel bad that you had to find out like that and not in more…romantic circumstances." She takes a deep breath and looks at me cautiously. "Are you upset?"
I stare at her blankly. "Are you kidding me? How can you finesse a room full of scary-ass vampires and then be this clueless about us?" Seriously. I do not get her.
She shrugs her shoulders at me. I wrap my arm around her and kiss the top of her head.
"I'm thrilled that you agreed to marry me." I shrug my shoulders before adding: "And a little weirded out about that whole Kissinger act you just pulled in there with the creepy brothers."
She just laughs. "Yeah, sorry to leave you out of it. I figured it would sound too planned if we were both in on it. Plus, Aro can read your mind and not mine. I think that the element of surprise was important."
"You're actually pretty intimidating like that," I say. "It's kind of hot. In a 'holy shit, don't kill me' way."
"Edward, you think it's hot when I take out the garbage." She smirks at me.
"True," I say. "Why? Are you going to take it out now? 'Cause I want to watch."
She hits my arm as she pulls away. And then she shakes her hand and winces.
"Come on, we have to let your family know that the Christmas card list has gotten bigger." She smiles at me and walks out to the garage, where Rose is revving the engine of her restored Mustang while Demitri and Felix grin and point at stuff under the hood.
Carlisle is making polite small talk with Jane, who is sulking in the corner, her feet hanging off the stool. He looks up when we come in.
"How did it go?" he asks nervously. Bella smiles at me and then turns to Carlisle.
"I think we worked things out. I've got to go put Thomas down, maybe Edward can fill you in?" Carlisle nods and gives Thomas a head kiss. Vampire crack, I swear.
Bella leaves and my family looks at me expectantly. Where to begin? Do I start with the fact that we're going to need some of those nasty pastel almonds because Bella and I are getting married? Or the fact that we're going to be spending a lot more quality time with the Volturi because Marcus thinks Thomas is cute and Aro may have a crush on my girlfriend?
"Uh, we should get back in there before Aro starts rearranging the furniture. He seems kind of controlling like that, don't you think?"
Demitri snorts and mumbles: "You don't know the half of it."
We all walk back into the living room as I fill Carlisle in on the details of our agreement. We get there in time to see Marcus taking an unusual amount of interest in a vase full of flowers that Esme has put on the end table, and Caius and Aro bickering quietly.
"Everything ok here?" Carlisle asks, smiling. Aro brushes imaginary dust off his suit and smiles.
"Of course. My brother and I were just discussing the rest of our itinerary for our time in Washington. I thought it best that we go to the Boeing museum, but Caius thinks that the Experience Music Project would be more entertaining." He says "entertaining" in the way that most people would say "maggot-filled."
"Oh, Music Project, totally," Emmett interjects. "What do you want to go look at a building full of airplanes for, anyway?" Emmett mimes an exaggerated yawn. "Snoozefest!"
"Are you kidding?" This time, Rosalie speaks. "Who needs to see another one of Jimi Hendrix's outfits? The Boeing museum has a great collection of spacecraft. Plus, they have an exhibit on women in aerospace right now." Aro and Caius just look at each other nervously.
'You know, Babe. I'm not sure that uh, Aro is that into women's history, as, uh, fascinating as that sounds." Emmett is trying hard not to offend Rosalie. Good luck, champ.
"Well, Rosalie, that does sound, um, interesting but…" Aro speaks but Rosalie cuts him off. I'm going to say that again. Rosalie cuts off Aro, the big brother of all the spooky vampire brothers.
"Sure, Aro, I guess maybe you'd be more into the "Spruce Goose" or something, what with that Howard Hughes haircut you got going on."
Demitri snorts and then looks horrified with himself. Then Emmett decides to try to save his wife the only way he knows how - by making the situation worse.
"Naw, it's really more Gene Simmons," he says, appraising Aro's hair.
"I think it looks kind of David Carradine in "Kill Bill," Caius interjects. "Only black." He smiles maliciously at his big brother.
"That's an interesting observation, Caius. Especially since I know that the only reason you want to go to the Music Project is because they have a Nirvana exhibit." Aro leans back and crosses his legs. "Did you know that my little brother belongs to a Kurt Cobain fan club? He also is a moderator at their online forum. Talk about being controlling!"
"Discussions in that forum can get extremely contentious," Caius says, sniffing. "I'm just there to make sure everyone remains civil." Aro smirks at him and stands up.
"Well, I'd like to bid farewell to the lovely Isabella and we'll get on our way." Esme volunteers to go get her. Felix then gets Marcus' attention and points to the bag he has sitting next to him.
"Don't you want to give Carlisle his stuff?" Marcus stares at him blankly for a second and then a look of comprehension spreads across his face.
"Ah, yes, thank you, Felix." He picks up the bag and holds it out to Carlisle. "I came across some things that you left in Voltura when you were last there."
Carlisle frowns slightly. "When I was last there in the eighteenth century?" he asks incredulously.
Marcus nods. Carlisle opens up the bag and looks inside. "Great, Marcus," he says. "I will totally use this...ascot. And these shoes." He pulls out a pair of those goofy man-high-heels with the big buckle on them. Emmett snorts.
Carlisle is saved from further embarrassment by Bella's arrival.
"I'm so glad I got to meet you, and I hope we'll see you again soon," she says to Aro, extending her hand to him to kiss. Eeww. Then she says goodbye to Caius and Marcus.
"That's it?" Jane spits in disbelief. "You're really going to let them get away with this?"
"Jane, that's enough," Aro says, still smiling at Bella. But Jane, like most adolescents, cannot simply let it go. I suspect that's why they have such a high homicide rate.
"You're going to let the Cullens have this big coven? I mean, if she's such a big powerful shield, are you sure you want to let them add her to the family?" Jane says, her hands on her hips.
"Jane, I don't want to be rude, but, have you met this family?" Bella gives Jane her teenage attitude right back. "I mean, they're my family and I love them but they are like the least ambitious family in the world."
Bella points to me. "Edward can read minds and you know what he does? He finds lost cats." She points to Alice. "Alice can tell the future. You know how she uses it? Two words: Prom Committee. Seriously? You think they're going to all of a sudden decide that they want your jobs?" Bella shakes her head as my family laughs. Jane scowls and looks at the floor.
"Come along, Jane," Aro gestures to her. "Perhaps we can find someone else for you to persecute on the way home." Jane joins him with a glare over her shoulder, which Alice responds to by sticking her tongue out. Demitri and Felix tip their heads at us and Demitri says, "This was fun. We'll have to do it again."
Everyone lets out a big sigh when we get the Volturi stuffed back into their minivan, still arguing about where to go. Aro and Caius are trying to get Marcus to break the tie, but Marcus keeps voting for things that aren't even in Washington, like Hollywood Boulevard and the Alamo.
As soon as I'm done laughing hysterically in relief that we didn't all get toasted like vampire marshmallows, I run upstairs to my desk and get out the box that I haven't even looked at since the "Oh, you're going into labor?" marriage proposal. Way back when I was much more naive about women. You know, two months ago.
Bella sees what I have when I come downstairs and she groans. "You've got a one-track mind, Cullen."
So I present her with all the reasons why she should marry me.
1) She told the Volturi that she would.
2) Providing her baby with a stable home. (At which Emmett says,"You're going to live in a barn?)
3) We love each other and that's what people who love each other do.
4) Tax deduction (you wouldn't believe the taxes we pay!)
5) So I didn't worry for my non-existent soul if we had sex out of wedlock. (Victorian era, remember?)
6) Because if I never saw the Cubs win the World Series again, it would lessen some of my despair.
She agreed, laughing, and put on my mother's ring. She told Alice that she could plan the wedding but, if she went too far overboard, revenge would be had. Bella squinted her eyes at Alice and said, "And I'm going to be around for a long time, Alice."
I love the sound of that.
It occurs to me that I have definitely neglected my business of late, and, in light of all the romance and joy that had come into my life, I start to question if I really was as committed to those detective stories as I had been for the endless decades of my life. Maybe they were just something to fill the time while I waited for Bella and Thomas.
But when I thought more about it, I realized that just because this part of my story had a happy ending didn't mean that the stories didn't still resonate for me. The characters in the stories I loved had flaws and dark pasts, they tortured themselves over who they were. They tried to help the innocent and they sought redemption while being forced to hover on the outskirts of society.
Well, hadn't Bella and I done just that? She and I weren't perfect, we had made mistakes, we had our quirks, if you will, like blood-drinking. But we managed to find each other, and to try to create a safe place for our family, even if that meant that we would never have a "normal" life. We had our families and each other and our boy.
And that's justice, right?
a/n: The lovely and talented Betham betas this, poor thing. This is the last regular chapter; there is a two-part epilogue: "The Charmed Life of Thomas Swan-Cullen" that will post on the regular schedule. Thanks for reading and reviewing and not flogging me for not replying. xoxo JuJu