Hey! I love you guys...(That's what you get- Paramore and Weightless-All Time Low are the songs of the week.) I know a lot of the songs I'm using in this story weren't made in this time, but it's fanFICTION AND I'M ALOUD TO DO WHAT I WANT! HAA!

BLAKE

"Wow...this is so awkward." I said under my breath.

"A little." Oh god, it was awful. So awful. I could barely look at him. Last night replayed over and over again in my head.

"It was completely drug induced...Right?" He asked.

"Completely..." I said, my heart falling as I spoke.

"So...we're just going to forget about it?" Gerard said surely. My heart fell further. I didn't know what I had expected from him, but it wasn't this. My chest was swelling with a compelling feeling of worthlessness. My ruddy cheeks traced by sunlight.

"Yeah, it's not like it's going to happen again is it?" My question was rhetorical really, I was sure of his answerer. I looked around at the mess of Rays room. I breathed out heavily, sunlight streamed in from his window, straining my eyes.

"I guess not..." I got up without another word and walked out of the room. I could hear the clashes of Gee behind me; crashing against the door and with a striding step. The house was a mess. People were lying in their own shit, others puke and mangled on the floor, that included Mikey and Alicia who were wrapped in each other's arms. Mikeys eyes were open, he watched as we walked over to him.

"You need a lift home?" Gee asked as if nothing had happened. Mikey looked down at Alicia who was deeply asleep.

"No thanks...I'll wait for her." He smiled. Gee nodded, biting his tongue.

"I'm sorry for being such an ass, I didn't mean what I said; I was of my face..." Mikey said solemnly.

"I know..." The convection had taken a sinister turn in my head though as I drifted off into my own world, pictures of fights and savage passions painted on the canvas of my bleak being.

"Blake..." Gerard prodded me, the two boys now starring at me.
"Hmm?" I said half consciously.

"You totally just zoned out." Gerard laughed, taking my hand as he pulled me to the car. I wanted to tell him how much I loved the feeling of his hand in mine, but I stayed silent and content and paralyzed in thought until the car started with a groan. I switched on the radio, Cupid De Locke came on by the Smashing Pumpkins. I smiled innocently, the hot beams of the sun burning my face through the windows. I raised my hand in my ever seamless way and let my fingers stretch out as the light filtered between them, shadowing my eyes. The ever childish stabs on the piano and playful melodies of Smashing Pumpkins entranced me. I pulled my feet up for my knees were tightly against my chest. Gerard watched me soberly as he drove.

"See the devil may do as the devil may care. He loves none sweeter as sweeter the dare. Her mouth the mischief he doth seek..." I sang along, my fist now banging of the headrest of the seat as energy pumped through my veins and a headache clouded my mind.

"You're so random." Gerard laughed.

"And you like it, which is the best thing." I said, my head turning as it pressed against the seat, so I face him. My purple hair covering my eyes awkwardly, my eyes digging into his. A smile played onto his face.

"And you know it..." I whispered, closing my eyes.

"We're taking a detour before we go back to ours..." He said intently. I opened one eye, fixating it on the road trying to figure out where we were going.

"So...do you want to talk about it?" He asked. Hid eyed where firm. They cut into mine, making me bleed deep tears of antipathy.

"Nope."

"Not even the fact you ga-."

"Shut up Gee." I laughed, but I shot him a serious look. I didn't want to talk about it.

"It's going to be awkward if we don't talk about it..."

"It's going to be awkward from now on, no matter what, better soak it up."

"Don't say that..." Gee said, a taint of sorrow in his voice.

"Well it is Gee, it's not like we're going to be discussing boyfriends any time soon..." I moaned.

"Did we ever do that before?" He laughed as we pulled into the waste ground. Notorious for BMXing and getting high.

"Why are we here?" I asked as he got out of the car and walked by the ramps people were grinding on.

"Just watch."He said, grabbing my hand and squinting as the sun streamed passed us. My hands sweated as he grabbed mine, my chest pounding, Couldn't he see what he was doing to me? Couldn't he hear my heart skipping beats? I did as he asked, I sat down and watched. I watched them skate and ride and flip and I let the cool breeze warm my body. Gee sat next to me, casually picking at pieces of mud and rubbing them between his fingers.

"You confuse me." Gerard stated blandly. I looked towards him.

"I do?"

"Most certainly."

"How do I confuse you?" I asked...

"It's your..." He paused "I don't understand what you are; you always act so cynically and sarcastic, but at times..."

"At times..." I said urging him to carry on, He was confusing me.

"you're so broken. Like the frayed edges of threads and materials...you're..."

"Insane." I finished for him.

"Yeah, kind of." He laughed. I rested my head on his shoulder.

"I don't care if you see me cry...I don't care if you find out, just don't let any one else find out." I told him. He looked so confused by my twisted words... A smile crept on my face.

"What do you want?" He asked as if it was a perfectly sensible question as the putrid smell of waste entered our nostrils and the jeers and screams of audiences watching eagerly as the ruddy cheeked adventurous jumped over the ramps.

"That's the point. I don't know. I can't comprehend anything any more. I just can't. My mind is ignorant and blank and I can't try. The strain of thinking about it is making my hands shake so violently and my chest is heaving. I don't know anything anymore and I hate it." I said, pushing my head into my hands. A loud echo of the drums marched and strained my minds, my eyes blurring. My nails dug into my head as I tried to block it out.

"It's not always going to be like that..." Gee whispered stroking my hand.

"It'll get better, the fog will move on. I know it will Blake..." He said. I breathed out sharply. This whole conversation had just came out of no where...Out of the blue...

"Tell me about it." I looked up to him, his eyes digging deep into me as her lit a cigarette, taking a draw of it and then with a sigh looked up to the sky, his eyes wincing.

"It hurts to wakeup in the morning and it hurts to tell myself to try. I can't see a point. I can't feel anything because numbness has taken over my body. I shouldn't think of suicide as an escape route, I know, but…it's becoming painfully attractive." I said honestly, the lump in my throat growing. He didn't seemed phased by my brutality.

"I don't want you to die."

"I don't want me to die either." I said.

------------------------------------------------------------------------back at the house-------------------------------------------------------

Gee strummed lazily at his guitar, his lips circled around his cigarette. The familiar smell of coffee elated me as I took a mouthful.

"II suck so bad..." He laughed as He strummed out Weightless by All Time Low.

"Manage me, I'm a mess. Turn a page, I'm a book; half unread. I wanna be laughed at, laughed with just because..." We sang together. The microwave beeped, I jumped up and pulled out of poptarts.

"Catch!" I laughed, throwing him one, he caught it and dropped it due to its temperature.

"I WANNA FEEL RECKLESS AND WANNA LIVE IT UP JUST BECAUSE..." Gee screamed, bashing his head around and 'attempting' to jam.

"You're right. You suck." I laughed.

"You're such a meaniieee." He exclaimed handing me his guitar. I fiddled with it, for some reason Gees guitar was always one turn out of tune.

"Ballad Of Johnny." He said as if he had read my thoughts. I smiled as I thoughts back to the Bouncing Souls lyrics.

"And you call me inane? You tune your guitar according to lyrics from a Bouncing Souls SONG!" I said, my lips trembling as I watched him wriggle his nose and turn the TV on. There was a knock on the door, I sighed and put the guitar down and answered the door. It was Bert.

"Hey..." I heard him say.

"What do you want?" I snapped. Gerard came behind me, peering out of the door in disgust.

"I wanted to come and say sorry, to both of you, I acted like an ass. I shouldn't have said any of those things..." He smiled apologetically. I looked around uncomfortably, Gee was staring at me in one of those ways meaning 'please dear god, don't do what I think you're going to do..."

GERARD

I sat and watched them talk, uncomfortably with a look of horror on my face. What the fuck was she doing? Was she trying to hurt me on purpose? I mean...with what happened last night then just going back to this complete asshole who had made my life hell. I grabbed me coat. Blake looked up from Bert.

"Where are you going?"

"Band practise." I snarled and slammed the door behind me. Couldn't she fucking see what she was doing to me? Couldn't she? How could everything we had talked about mean so little to her? How the fucking hell could she forgive him? He called her a kid! Well, to be fair, I have too...but that's not the fucking point! He's a jackass! I kicked the brick wall with such fury that I let out a high pitched scream as I did so. I ran to Rays, trying to block all thoughts of Blake out of my mind.

"Hey..." I huffed running into the room full of people, I noticed Alicia and gave her a quick smile. I grabbed the mic and impatiently waited for everyone to stop staring at me...

"What?" I snapped.

"Nothing..." Mikey said, before smirking at Alicia.

"Woah, is it some sort of new rule that you can only show up to band practise pissed off?" Ray asked. I shook my head.

"Sorry..."

"I thought Blake was going to come tonight..." Bob said as he messed around with his high hat.

"Nope, she's busy with Bert..."

"I thought they weren't speaking. Frankie said, the dick...he could tell I didn't want to talk about it.

"Well he showed up all apologetic and Blake decided to go and swoon all over him." I spluttered, turning my amp on impatiently.

"I think someone is jealous." Ray sung under his voice. I shot him a look.

"Maybe not..." He laughed. I grinded my teeth and stared down into the microphone.

"Maybe we could go from Our Lady Of Sorrows..." I said, the guys all nodded and Alicia sat up straight awaiting our 'performance.'

BLAKE

What was I supposed to do? He just showed up and it's not like Gerard's giving me any offers... So why the hell should he be so annoyed about it? I sat in the restaurant, looking around apprehensively. Bert scratched his chin whilst looking at the menu, highlighting his stubble. Stubble was okay. I mean...I guess Berts apology was sincere. I assumed it was anyway. I still had no idea why Gerard hated him so much, it always seemed like there was history between them... My train of thought was interrupted by the waitress.

"So what can I get chu kids?" She said in an incredibly southern accent.

"I think I'm going to have an orange soda and some fries." He said simply, both of their eyes on me.

"Gimme the same, but with some steaming hot, black coffee." I smiled. She nodded and walked off. He smiled from over the table.

"Thanks for seeing me again..."

"It's okay..." I said, watching the woman now scurrying back with a pot of coffee and pouring me out a steamy mug full.

"Everyone has bad, drunk memories...right?" I smiled; I knew I certainly did, except they weren't THAT bad, if you get what I mean.

"Totally..." He said smiling. He did have a cute smile, it was toothy and cheeky, but when I thought about it it wasn't as cute or cheeky as Gees. Gees smile was cheeky yet innocent and completely insane, but sure and mysterious... That's when it started, I started comparing everything Bert did to what Gee would do. Bert stood no chance, really. Bert was sweet, but my best friend Gerard was the guy. Bert took tiny sips of his soda whilst listening to me, Gerard would have glugged it all down, snorted it out with laughter and go bright pink with embarrassment; as gross as that is, it's really, really amusing- So one more for Gerard.

"So how are you finding The SVA?" I asked.

"It's cool. I have most of the teachers wrapped around my little finger so I manage to keep on top of it all..." He said with a air of un-interest. Gerard would have dived into a convocation about his tutors and projects he was doing, probably ending in us talking comics; So I was a little confused by Bert's lack of interest.

"I thought you'd be more excited about the topic..."

"The thing about me and art is it was less like a passion and more like the only thing I could do... It's not like I eat, sleep and shit it like some of the kids there." I knew who he was referencing to.

"Really? So you don't enjoy it?" I asked curiously. He just gave me one of this 'Meh' sort of looks so I decided to move on from the topic, allowing Gee another point. I stuffed a few fries into my mouth and watched him as he played around with his food.

"And how's high school?" He asked in a sarcastic voice, almost condescending.

"It's the shits. I can't wait to get out of it in the end of the year..." I said surely.

"So what's next for you then?" He questioned.

"SVA, Some sort of internship, getting a job in commercial art, spend the rest of my life eating take out... That's about it. What about you?"I asked.

"I'll end up getting some shitty job doing some shitty paper pushing stuff and get married, have kids, get old." He said with a smirk. Gerard never thought of life like that, everything he did was a massive adventure and he hadn't even began thinking about marriage...I think. Bert called for the bill and started handing some money over.

"Now this is my treat." He said.

"Oi! I can pay for myself!" I laughed, he smirked.

"Okay, if you're sure..." He said. I pulled out a green and handed it to the waitress, I wasn't pissed because I had to pay; I didn't like other paying for me...No, I was pissed because Bert seemed to have only offered to pay for me for browny points.

"So where now?"I asked. He bit his lip.

"Do you want to come back to mine? Or maybe..." I blinked, processing what he was saying in a flush.

"Mines closer." I nodded. I felt him take my hand and lead me out of the diner. The rest of the walk was a whiz. I was tying to figure out what I was going to do. What he wanted. What I wanted What about Gee? This thought only occurred to me as I opened the door to the house, leading Bert in. I switched the lights on before walking into the living room. I chucked my keys onto the table and faced Bert who was slipping of his jacket.

"Do you want somethi-." I didn't get any further because my speech was stunted by Bert lips pressing against mine. His hand pulled around my back, pressing me closer to him. As I kissed back awkwardly between his hands and I tried to think of an excuse to get him of me... I pulled back.

"I was going to ask if you wanted a drink..." I said, blushing insanely. What could I say? He'd just fucking kissed me. My eyes lifted up to the clock, wondering how time had passed so quickly. Gerard had left almost 4 hours ago!

"Nope, but I know something else I want." He said, pulling me back into his arms, He kissed my neck, but viciously. Nothing like how Gerard di-. Oh shut up Blake! How could I compare Bert to Gerard? Bert WANTED me, GERARD DIDN'T. I felt myself kiss back, but as my hands gripped at his hair, I felt a pang of guilt. I was literally using Bert to help myself get over Gerard. I pulled back, wiping my mouth.

"You have to go..."I told him sternly.

"What? Why?" He asked.

"Just...not tonight. Not ever..." I said with a sigh. He stared at me with confusion.

"Are you okay? Are you ill?" He asked.

"Yes, that's it Bert. I'm ill, I'm sick. You have to go."I said, opening the door for him.

"Get better soon then...I'll see you soon." He winked walking out of the door. I flopped onto the couch, breathing out heavily. I was such an awful person.

GERARD

I walked out down the street, my house coming into view. I couldn't wait to go home. The front door opened and I watched Bert walk out. What? It was 6 o'clock he'd been there all day! My teeth grinded with jealousy and aversion. He smirked at me as he walked toward me. His eyes flicking back to the house, his hair all over the place and on his face a merry smile.

"Nice to see you Gerard. Look after Blake for me, won't ya?" With that we walked briskly on. I ran into the house and into the living room to see Blake sitting on the couch, hands over her eyes and breathing deeply. I bit my tongue in disgust.