Hey! In the Review in the last chapter a friend of mine asked me what was the song on GEES (FINAL) POV, I would have 'PM' you, but some reason your profile wasn't showing up on the search engine! EEeek, Any whoo... The song was The Great Escape- BoysLikeGirls. ON the last chapter I asked you guys to help me get to 100 reviews and we smashed it! SO THANK YOU!!
This chapter is mainly in Gees POV coz I think we need to get a bit more 'Gee' action...lol.
I love you guys, so step it up, suck it up and GIMME SOME SUGAR!
Early Sunsets Over Monroeville- My Chemical Romance (HEHEE, Because we all love)
Meds- Placebo (god, so good, so fucking good.)
Rain- Breaking Benjamin (*cries*)
Die Romantic- Aiden (LISTEN!)
Cloud Nine- Evanescence (...Okay, I don't need to say anything because I know you all know how good it is)
Tilted images of perfection and jilted glee...
Yep...that was a crappy way to start.
But it's a start.
And you need to start.
Or there is nothing to be.
I twiddled my thumbs shamefully as I sat in the cab with Mikey, Frank, Bob and Ray. As the cab stopped and I climbed out my eyes dropped onto my weeping mothers... I sucked my breath in sorrowfully and that's how Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge started... a year later and here I was.
This place, it's...it's so...
Humiliating. All these expectations were pulling like strings on my finger tips and tongue. I had no control any more. Everything was anything and too much.
My fingers curled around the toilette bowl as I sourly threw up. Coughing and spluttering, sweat running down my chest and back.
"Gee!" I heard someone say from the hall in a calling tone. I couldn't function any more. I was in mute deliberation. Next thing I know was toppling over onto the ground, my eyes to the celing, I pulled my knees onto my chest laughing manically, sick still filling my mouth. I spat it out, it landed on my pants. Then as cliché and uninventive as it sounds...it all went dark.
Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I'd do
It's the wrong kind of place
To be thinking of you
It's the wrong time
For somebody new
It's a small crime
And I've got no excuse
Is that alright?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright?
If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it
Is that alright?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright
With you?
Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I'd do
It's the wrong kind of place
To be cheating on you
It's the wrong time
She's pulling me through
It's a small crime
And I've got no excuse
Is that alright?
Give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright?
If you dont shoot it, how am I supposed to hold it
Is that alright?
If I give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright
Is that alright with you?
Is that alright?
If I give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright?
If you don't shoot it, how am I supposed to hold it
Is that alright?
If I give my gun away when it's loaded
Is that alright
Is that alright with you?
Is that alright?
Is that alright?
Is that alright?
Is that alright?
Is that alright?
Is that alright with you?
No...
My face leant painfully on my arm, leaving a red sore mark on my skin.
I let the surrealistic temperament of life blunder me before I attempted sitting up. Sitting up to my band mates and manager, they all sat around the room on the couch, head in hands or on stools, eyes guiltily seeking the ground.
"Here..." Mikey said softly, handing me a glass of water. I drank it down, but it didn't do much for getting the taste of sick out of my mouth. There was, but silence- my eyes flickered in the awkward pauses. They ended up on Frank, his eyes had been on the ground, but they slowly travelled up meeting mine. His face distorted with tears, his eyes red, his lips suckered in. I held my breath, anticipating what they were going to say.
"Gee we need to talk." He said throatily. My eyes stuck on him as Mikey coughed awkwardly.
"We know what you've been taking...and we're asking you as your friends to stop."
"No." I said simply, they all looked taken back accept Mikey.
"Gee you don't need it! Or them or whatever..." Ray said. I shook my head... I wasn't going to listen.
"Gee Look at me!" Mikey shouted, my eyes flickered to him. I was unused to Mikey being like this, infact most people were. He was sitting at the end of his chair, his neck crooked over so he was closer to me.
"You're not just killing yourself Gee, you're hurting us. You're fucking you're life up for a moment of pleasure."
"It's not pleasure. It's pain and hate and every little bit of remorse and crud you can scrape of the curbs of the grey stained streets."
"Then Stop."
"NO"
It was getting worse with every day that drew closer and every moment that passed. The heavy sensation of apathy and selfishness, humiliation and loneliness, seclusion and insanity. Shows went by with pitiful words, the tour was closing to a halt, but nothing else was. It was at full speed of nothingness.
"He calls the mansion not a house, but a tomb, he's always chocking from the stench and the fumes..." Cries of desperation. Why did they care? Why did they want to help? Why couldn't they hate me? That would be so easy...so, so easy.
No one listens.
Everyone knows that they know; Know nothing of everything of importance. To be mere actors to a stage.
To be amusement to a higher power. Dolls. Broken, cracked, cheap rag dolls. Cracked mirrors reflected my face and trust as I stared into them. My eyes were shadowed and framed by black. My fingers brought up to the cold glass, tracing the cracks.
You couldn't fix them. Once you had dropped that motherfucker, not matter how much duck-tape you stick on it, it'll still be ugly in comparison to its former innocence and simplicity. It's function blotchy in parts and...well people don't like it.
They never will like it when that was a mistake. Like me. I let my eyes lull away from the mirror to the ceilings again as I fell back on the bed, desperate to rest my dazy eyes. The bubbled paint on the walls made me stomach turn with its being. Phenomenal it's being as it is.
"Hey Gerard..." Alicia said simply. I looked toward the figure in the door.
"Just got here, huh?" I said sitting up. She nodded, before sitting beside me and giving me a hug.
"How you doing?" She asked.
"Like every other day...You?"
"I'm okay, just wondering wee Mikey is..."She sniffled. I wrinkled my nose trying to recall blurry dialogues and monologues in my memory.
"I think he went out to get something to eat..." I said. She bit her lip and looked up as Ray walked in.
"So, you feel like getting up today, Gee?" Ray asked. I shook my head before burying it deep into the pillows I heard a muffle between Alicia and Ray, but soon the room was empty as they left in a state of undue haste.
RAY
"Yeah, I have no idea where he is." I said solemnly as we walked down the hall of the hotel to my room. I opened to door quickly before sitting on the bed.
"A hotel, huh? It's a bit of a change from your usual scene." Alicia laughed timidly, sitting beside me.
"Yeah, well, we needed to find somewhere for Gee to stay..." I muttered...
"He's a mess." Alicia sighed.
"I know, These past few months he's just became, just so...messed up?" I said, pulling an arm around her "Yesterday Mikey found him throwing up in the toilette, looked like he had been for about half an hour, we tried to talk to him...but...he won't listen."
"What exactly is he on?" Alicia asked.
"Fuck knows..." I sighed, rubbing my eyes.
"Mikey's so worried about him..." Alicia admitted, I looked down to her.
"What you looking at?" Lic asked.
"You..."
GERARD
-3 days later-
My fingers glided over the keys on my computer pad. My eyes were hurting from the burning light from the screen. I read through Blakes emails, knowing she was possibly the only one who could ever understand. After unsuccessfully trying to write some sort of readable excessive email, I closed my computer screen annoyed. I couldn't help but notice the little brown tub/tube of medicine. My sleeping pills. I felt myself pop the cap before taking a couple. Not enough to kill me, just enough to make me feel nice. I let out a sigh and got up and lay on my bunk, rubbing at my eyes, they were closing drowsily. Letting me...fall asleep.
MIKEY
"Brian, its no like I don't know this stuff, he's my brother." I muttered in response to Brian as I walked into the bunks. I immediately stopped talking when I saw Gee lying on his bed, in fear that he had head, but he didn't move. My brow furrowed in confusion. I tip toed over to see if he was asleep. I saw a bout of his sleeping pills, my eyes flicked between him and them before I realised. I shook Gee rapidly, hoping he'd wake up. He groaned, before his eyes drowsly opened.
"WHY THE FUCK DID YOU TAKE THESE?" I screamed at him.
"Well, they were given to me by the Dr." He muttered.
"You're not supposed to take them when you're drinking..." I huffed, "Do you know what these could have done to you? They could have fucking killed you."
"WELL I FUCKING WISH THEY HAD!" Gee screamed before jumping up, tears in his eyes. I watched as he ran out, clenching my fists.
It was happening all over again.
BLAKE
"Can we turn the radio up, Ms?" I heard one of the girls in the back of the class ask the teacher politely. The teacher said yes. It was a cool Friday and we were just sitting sketching and working on our projects. It was all good except two excruciating details: Jason was in my class and My Chemical Romance was playing on the radio.
I'M NOT OKAY.
"And that was our summer hit from My Chemical Romance..." The presenter voice boomed.
"Dick heads..." Jason muttered from the other side of the room.
"Shut up." I snarled, bitter fully. The air had never cleared since last year and what had happened...there wasn't much time really; before we could talk about it I pushed him out into some other girls apartment.
And we haven't talk since, really.
"Don't tell me to shut up." He directed towards me.
"Jason stop shouting, we're trying to work." The teacher said without much authority.
"Exactly." I huffed toward him.
"That's it." He said getting up from his chai and walking out of the class. I bit my lip before getting up and following him out- again the teacher didn't do anything.
"What do you want?" He asked sensing my presence.
"Nothing, I just wanted to come and watch you cry." I said laughed harshly, he looked at me for the first time without a look of complete aversion.
"After all this time, I thought you might have forgiven me." He sighed, sitting down on the floor, leaning against the wall.
"That's never gonna happen." I said sitting next to him.
"The why don't you go back to your precious art class and My Chem? Huh, why are you still out here?" He exclaimed.
"I told you, I like watching you cry." I laughed, his eyes connected with mine.
"I never meant to hurt you...I never wanted this to happen, this...void." He said leaning closer to me, his lips closing near to mine. I turned my head away.
"It's been a whole year, Blake..." He said almost pleading.
"Exactlly...we're just not that close anymore." I said honestly. He stared into my eye with hurt before getting up.
"I'm going back into class before I get killed, do what you want." He said before going back into class. I let out a long breath, letting my head fall back onto wall. My phone buzzed in my pocket. It was Mikey.
"Blake?"
"Yeah..."
"Oh god, you need to ring Gee, he's ran of crying and he's not answering any of my calls and I'm really worried..." Mikey said almost on the verge of tears.
GERARD
I looked over the edge of the building. It seemed a bit of a shame that my last sight would be of the concrete, ugly floor. Tears were just forcing themselves out, my mind didn't have ay control any more. I raised my arms defensivly over my face, hands clenched as the wind swung at me. My knees weak and my feet unable to keep my weight.
I needed to kick some sense in myself. I needed something to change.
Something had to happen. My phone rang, I pulled it out of my pocket and looked at the user ID. It wasn't Mikey, it was Blake. I bit my lip. I knew if I talked to her 'd start to feel guilty about this or she'd talk me out of doing this...but...
I wanted to talk to her. I looked out at the horizon before answering it.
"Gee, where are you? Your brother's going insane..." She demaned. I didn't answer, my breath just hummed down the phone line.
"Gee? GEE! What's happening with you?" She asked.
"I'm going to kill myself." I said, my voice shaking slightly.
"Don't, please, please dear god don't." She said, down the phone her voice soft.
"I don't want to be alive any more Blake...I don't..I don't..." I chocked on my words before giving up speaking.
"Gee...It's okay. I'm here. I'm right here." She whispered down the phone. I sniffled, looking down at the longing depths of the earth.
"Tell me where you are..." She said firmly.
"No..."
"Gee, I can't help you unless I know."
"I'm...I'm on top of this warehouse building near the vans..." I whispered down the phone, picturing her face in my head.
"Gee, I'm going to hang up, but I'll ring back. I just need you to sit tight and do nothing stupid and when all this is over, I'm going to fly straight ove to see you, okay?"
"Gee?" She said again, trying to get me to respond. I muffled a yes before she hung up and I sat on the roof, choking back tears. About five minutes later I had given up. On everything. On her calling back and The pain in my chest subduing. I was humiliated. Humiliated phenomenally. Phenomenally humiliated. I can't believe she knew... My feet seemed to be getting closer to the edge now...on the verge of slipping off...
"GERARD!" I heard a familiar voice scream, I looked down. Mikey...arr, crap.
"Please don't do anything! Don't move!" He commanded, I attempted to rub the tears from my eyes. I could see him looking for a way up to the roof, he finally got up here, the wnd pushing him back with his every movement. Is hands wrapped around me.
"Don't you dare even think about it, Gee." He said with a commanding tone. I cried into his hair, limply standing.
"We're gonna get you help... okay?"
BLAKE
---2 DAYS LATER----
I zipped up the spine of my bag with an anxious sigh. As I had prmised Gee I was going to see them on their last show, which happened to be today- You see, turned out their last gig was in New York, where I live.
But the idea of seeing him was crippling me. I could see the girls waiting for me outside in the car, as I looked from my high window and with my mind picturing the lines on Gerard's face I stepped out of the door of my apartment.
1-SweetRevenge-1
Ashkie Sage
His Friend Helena
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ThanksForTheMemoriesDarling
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TiLlyLoVeSMcR
WeAreAllABunchOfLiars
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I love Frank and Gerard
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Thank you all of you for either Faving this or putting it on your alerts. You guys are the best and I'm going to give you all your own hug!
ALSO thank you to all of you that reviewed, I'd go through the names but there are too many! Lol! Love you!
(THIS IS NOT THE END OF THE STORY!!!)
Xoxo
You Put The Hate In My Heart.