What do you do when you realise your life is over? You scream.

And scream.

And scream. Until the nurse suggests a sedative to your doctor.

It was 2 days after I had got the news, The Doctors had planned out all these pysio sessions, told me everything I needed to know. Filled my mind with facts, but there were still blank spots...

Where would I go?

How would I look after myself?

Could I go back the SVA?
How long would recovery take?

I didn't have time to find these things out because I was going today.

"Your mom should be here soon." Gerard said leaning over my bed, his heads resting on the bars around my bed.

"What?" I exclaimed.

"Your mom is picking you up..."
"Why?"

"Because she decided you were gonna live with her..."

"Why wasn't I informed of this? I haven't talked with her properly in...for ever!"

"I thought you were!" Gee said confused.

"Oh god, oh god..." I rubbed my eyes. " I can't live with her! I'll live by myself!" I said desperately, still wondering how telling me of this arrangement could have escaped every ones mind.

"You can't live by yourself until your better." Gee said strongly.

"Oh so have you got any clever solutions?" Gee looked down for a second.

"Well you could live with me."

"What?"

"Think about it, you know me, you know the house since you lived there for a year and it means you wont have to live with your mom." He said, as if he wanted me to live with him. The idea was appealing, I mean, living with Gee again...

Very nice

"No, No... you don't want to have to look after me." I said, strongly. He shook his head, with a small smile.

"Yes, I do."

"Really?"

"Yes! It'll be just like it was again...but with less school work to do!" He laughed. I held my breath for a second.

"Okay."

"Then, I'll go get the nurses to ring your mom and tell her not to come."

"Thanks." I said, suddenly feeling slightly uplifted.

"This is not the most fashionable thing ever, is it?" I moaned as Gee pushed me out of the hospital in a wheelchair. He was the only one here as I requested that non of the others would come.

I just couldn't bear that.

It took about an hour and ½ to get back to Gees place in NJ and pick up my stuff from my place. It was dark when we got there. Gee opened the door, sliding his arms under my legs and lifted me up and into the house. It smelled un touched and old, which made sense since he hadn't been there for so long.

He out me down on the sofa, before going back out and pulled in my bag. I felt helpless and a nuisance. I bet he felt guilty; that's why he's doing this- and annoyed and irritated. I would be if I knew that I was going to be slaving away looking after some kid for god knows how long, but then this was Gee and I.

I'm not sure how I'd feel actually.

If our roles were reversed, I mean. I'd feel guilt and sympathy. I hope he didn't feel those for me because I hate being the 'mary sue' case. *MENTAL SHIVER*

I pulled myself out of my thoughts reluctantly as Gerard came back into the main room where I was. He said something about him going to bring my stuff to my room and how he'd be down in a minute.

It wasn't a minute though, I counted, it was 6 minutes and 28 seconds, but I didn't tell him that when he got down again because he'd probably bitch slap me. No he wouldn't, that was a stupid comment of course Gerard wouldn't bitch slap me. He COULD imagine doing it though, virtually in his mind: which is probably worse.

GERARD

She was quiet... unusually so.

I guess that it's normal after finding something out that would completely alter the way you live to be a bit...taken back? Shocked? That thought may have helped me understand why, but it didn't help the fact that the silence was un nerving as hell. Silence had fallen over us and it was strange, it presence sharp and humid and awkward in its shape. It was like it was constantly jamming at my side or blanketing my ears and eyes. I coughed, as I pulled in the suitcases just to make sure I wasn't going deaf.

Nope, ears are working fine. I told her how I was going to go and take her bag or whatever up to her room. She didn't reply, just sat there. As if she was mesmerized by the minute particles in the air, unable to concentrate on anything else but these insanely small things. Soon as I got upstairs I put her suitcase on her bed before running to the bath and splashing water on my face. I had to get a grip of this situation. One) I was in love with Blake. Two) Nothing could happen because she's under going massive changes in her life and also probably would rather salt her eyes than think of me that way. Three) She was going to need help for everything: Cooking, cleaning, washing...dressing.

Oh god. I was screwed. I came downstairs quickly to see her sitting on the couch still.

Of course she was going to still be there, how could she not be? I couldn't help but compare this girl to the one I had met those years ago. She used to be the of the tracks crazy, a little messed up raven haired girl with slightly mismatched tights and a cruel sense of humour, now she was a woman with fiery hair and eyes, with a smile and still that cruel sense of humour but her diminished sense of worth and love gone. She wasn't a teenager any more. She looked up to meet my eyes. I blushed and sat next to her. I looked down, my lips dry and tongue sticking to my throat.

"Do you want a drink or some food." She looked at me blankly for a second as if she hadn't really heard, then she spluttered out some words.

"I wouldn't mind some water, I've got a really sore fucking throat." She smiled devilishly. I smiled back, wondering where this charade of acceptance had came from before turning to get her some water. She thanked me before taking the cold glass from me, condensation from her dam hand steamed on the cold surface.

"It's strange being back here; so many memories." She smiled to me knowingly.

"Yeah... some good, some...not so good, right?" I said whilst chewing my lip.

"Mostly good." She looked back up to me again with those eyes of hers bursting, engulfing me in their whites.

"I'd like to think so." I nodded before getting up and turning the TV on.

Hit her with a hammer
Teeth smashed in
Red tongue twitching
Look inside her skeleton

My fingers sting
Where I feel your fingers have been
Ghostly fingers
Moving my limbs

Oh God I miss you
Oh God I miss you
Oh God I miss you
Oh God I miss you
Oh God I miss you

Daddy's in the corner
Rattling his keys
Mommy's in the doorway
Trying to leave

Nobody's listening
Nobody's listening
Nobody's listening
Nobody's listening
Nobody's listening
Nobody's listening
Nobody's listening
Nobody's listening

Oh God I miss you
Oh God I miss you
Oh God I miss you
Oh God I miss you
Oh God I miss you
Oh God I miss you

BLAKE

We were watching a documentary, on laws in other cultures and countries. Gee screwed his face up at the fact that if they steal they can get their hands chopped off.

"Horrible."

"It's their culture..." I murmered displacingly.

"Yeah but still... There is no thief without a course to do so...I mean..."

"I know what you mean," I nodded with a smile, " you mean why suffer the thieves whom values were corrupt from their state that was forced upon them, as it would be killing the product you made. Why kill the product of a problem when you could kill the maker?" I said phrasing it for him. He looked at me strangely.

"Yes, that's exactly what I meant."

"It's a vision of a utopia. I'm sorry to say that the possibilities are beyond anyone to change these things..." I muttered rubbing my head sorely. He kept staring at me.

"I should be getting changed for bed. It's late." I said, knowing the complications of this.

"Oh okay...umm, so how is this going to work?" He asked. I sighed thinking back to how the nurses had helped dress me in the hospital, which made me go a shade of scarlet thinking Gerard would have to do so.

"I can change my top, but for my bottom half I need you to pull my trousers down, eyes closed," I emphasised the last two words, "and pull my other ones half way up and I'll be able to pull them up the rest." I said trying not to increase my blush and failing. He looked at me hesitantly before speaking.

"Fine." Without another word he scooped me up and brought me upstairs. I couldn't help but giggle as he laid me on the bed and said seductvly:

"You ready for this Ms Reed?" I slapped him playfully.

"Shut up and let's get this over with."

I pulled of my top he handed me the other one, eyes closed, then waited for e to finish. That was the easy part, now it got awkward. He pulled down my skinny jeans quickly before handing me more bright yellow PJ bottoms, he had some difficulty pulling them up at first as he wasn't allowed to luck but I could reach when it got to my thighs and pulled them up myself, grimicing with a deep feeling of worthlessness.

"All done." He said with a wink. "And I didn't get to see a thing." He laughed, I put on a smile.

"Do you think I could go to bed now, I'm kind of exhausted." I lied. He nodded and left the room. Soon as he did so I let tears flood from me. I was angry and infuriated. I couldn't do anything, I felt disgusting and ashamed. Why did this have to happen to me? I let out sobs.

GERARD

As soon as I left the room I could hear her start to cry. I stood outside, lowering my head. I stood there for a second before opening the door again. Blake didn't notice me as the face was buried in her duvets. I walked slowly toward her, noticing her tightly clenched hands.

"It's not fair." She moaned. I pulled her up against my chest, hugging her tightly.

"I know..." I shushed into her ears.

"I hate this, I fucking hate this." She shrieked into my top and body for comfort. I stroked her neck gently, trying and failing at consoling her.