Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures

CHRISTMAS ANGEL

CHAPTER 3

CHRISTMAS EVE, 2403

Sitting alone before a simulated fireplace in her high-rise San Francisco apartment, Admiral Kathryn Janeway looked sadly at a handsomely decorated Christmas tree. It was a real tree, of real pine, and was adorned with tinsels and trinkets of all shapes and sizes. But it was one lone bauble that commanded her attention. A glittering green one. A beautiful little girl had given her the bauble on this very night thirty years ago, a little girl in an angel's costume who had come to Voyager with a message of hope. But, like so many futures that once had promised to be, that little girl's future no longer existed. For a long time Kathryn had been encouraged by that little girl's message, had truly believed that Voyager would get home and the future would be rosy, but when the years started to roll by and her chances of having a child became less and less, she could only conclude, and painfully conclude, that the little girl's future had gone forever. When Chakotay and Seven had got married, she knew then without a doubt that it had.

A tear ran down the Admiral's cheek as she gazed at the bauble. No one but her knew its history, its special history that made it so precious. For even though the little girl that had given it to her no longer existed, for a short time in some future she had existed, and for a short time that Christmas Eve all those years ago, their future's had intertwined just like their initials on the bauble. For that reason, she had treasured the bauble all these years. To treasure it was to treasure that little girl's memory. And yet...and yet a part of her wished that the child had never come. Having a hope, only for it to never to be realized, was crueler than having no hope at all. If the little girl had never come then...then maybe things would have been different. So many times on Voyager she and Chakotay had come close to the line, so close it would only have taken a kiss to cross it, but always she had held back, and especially after Angelica's visit. The child had said they were never a couple on Voyager, so to protect that future that had sounded so wonderful, she had kept her distance. Now a part of her regretted it. If they had crossed that line then maybe things would be different, better. Chakotay would never have married Seven, and this terrible future that was partly a consequence of that ill-fated match would never have happened.

Suddenly, a blue light flashed before the tree and, to Kathryn's astonishment, Angelica appeared. The child looked exactly as she had all those years ago and was holding a blue bauble in her hands.

"Hello again, Mommy," she smiled.

Kathryn said nothing, just gazed at her. Was this real or was she dreaming? Dreaming, she had to be dreaming. She had often seen this little girl in her dreams.

"This is for you," Angelica said, holding out the bauble. "Merry Christmas."

Dreaming or not, Kathryn reached for the bauble. "Thank you," she said.

"Are you glad to see me? It's been a long time for you, hasn't it?"

"Yes," Kathryn answered. "A very long time. But you're not.."

"Your little girl in this future, I know. Q's explained it all to me. But I will be your little girl, Mommy. When you've done what you have to do, I will be your little girl."

A light filled Kathryn's eyes at these words. No one knew of her secret plan, her plan to rewrite history and get Voyager home through a Borg transwarp aperture. No one could know it except Q or someone from that new future. But if this little girl belonged to that new future, a future that had not yet been created, how could she exist in this one? But if she was not dreaming, and she certainly felt awake, such a scenario had to be possible. There was so much about temporal mechanics that she didn't know or understand, and she had long given up trying.

"Do you know," Kathryn found herself asking, "what I have to do?"

Angelica nodded. "You have to go back in time and get Voyager home. And you do, Mommy. You do it. So, don't be afraid. That's why I'm here. I'm here to tell you not to be afraid. I know that you are. While you want to get Voyager home sooner, you're afraid your plan won't work or that it isn't right to try because of some digestive...or some word like that. But it is, Mommy. Q says it has to be."

Tears filled Kathryn's eyes. The child was right. As much as she wanted to get Voyager home sooner, and as hard as she had worked to achieve that, there were times where crippling doubt entered her mind. This future was not bad for everyone. When she looked around and saw the smiles of children, children like Sabrina, terrible guilt consumed her at what she was planning. For what she was planning would wipe them out of existence, perhaps never to exist again. How could she do that? What right did she have to decide the fate of millions? No right. And for that reason she had serious misgivings about her quest, almost to the point of abandoning it.

"So, don't give up, Mommy. We all need you."

The child smiled, a beautiful smile that reminded Kathryn of Chakotay, and then she disappeared. Slowly, tearfully, Kathryn looked away from the tree to the blue bauble in her hand. It was identical to the first, except for the color, and it was also engraved with the intertwining letters KCA. As she gazed at it, joy filled her heart, the joy of a better future, and for the first time in years she felt at peace. Then, she got to her feet, went over to the tree, and happily hung up the bauble.

A FEW MONTHS LATER

"Tell me," Kathryn said to her older-self as they shared a last drink in her quarters, "why did you give up coffee? Or, more to the point, how?"

The old Admiral smiled. "Let's just say I lost my taste for it."

"I find that hard to believe. It's been my lifeline for seven years."

"Lifeline's can break," the old woman answered. "Just like a heart." She paused. "Just like I know yours is over what I've said about Chakotay and Seven."

At this, Kathryn lowered her eyes.

"But nothing will come of it, Kathryn. They don't belong together. They didn't in my future and they don't in yours."

"You can't know that. Chakotay wouldn't get involved with her if he didn't...if he didn't love her."

"He loved her in my future, very much. But love, real love that is more than the giddiness of attraction, takes time to grow. They've only been on a few dates. They don't love each other, not yet. Chakotay's just...he's just lonely. He doesn't think you will ever return his feelings and, as hard as it's been for him, he's had to move on. Seven is lonely too, more so than you realize, and in each other they've found companionship and comfort. But there's a whole Federation of opportunities awaiting Seven in the Alpha Quadrant and their fledgling relationship won't survive. Trust me, I have it on good authority."

Kathryn raised her head at this. "Whose?"

"A Christmas Angel's."

Kathryn's eyes brightened. "You mean...?"

Her older-self nodded. "I had another visit. This last Christmas Eve." She tapped a rhythm onto her commbadge and seconds later a silver bag materialized on her lap. The Admiral opened it carefully and pulled out the blue bauble. "She told me not to give up and she gave me this. I'd like you to have it."

Kathryn took the bauble and studied it. Apart from the color, it was exactly the same as the bauble that meant so much to her.

"Our little girl will still exist, Kathryn," the Admiral said. "But only if our mission is a success."

Kathryn looked up from the bauble into the tired eyes of her future-self. "It will," she declared. "We'll make it a success. We'll get Voyager home."

Admiral Janeway smiled. "We will," she said. "Finally, we'll get Voyager home."

END OF CHAPTER 3