Five days now Santana had woken up and tried to wrap her arms around the air next to her where Brittany should have been. Five mornings Santana had opened her eyes and traced the slight indentations on the mattress left from Brittany's form as she cried and wished more than anything that this had never happened. Today, the fifth day, Santana finally decided to pick up her phone and see if people had sent her anything. Thirty missed calls, nine unread personal emails, and a plethora of text messages. She decided to start with the emails as those were from people who weren't in New York with her.

Finn Hudson:

Santana,

I already told Rachel but I couldn't take a leave in time for the service but I'm flying out to visit soon. I'm sorry this happened but I really do think it'll get better in time. Hang in there, I'm here for you even if I can't be there.

Sam Evans:

Hey San,

I'm sorry I couldn't make it to New York but money's been tight and it just wasn't a possibility. I just want you to know that everyone here in Lima is devastated and we wish you the best. Please don't hesitate to call if you ever want to talk, I know we haven't seen each other in a while but I'm still your friend and will do anything I can to help.

Mercedes Jones:

Hey girl,

Everything's a little surreal now isn't it? If I'm feeling like this I can't imagine what you're feeling right now so I want to be able to support you how ever I can. I couldn't get out of my video shoot for the service but I can fly out any time now and visit if you want, just tell me if and when and I'll be on a plan faster than you can say 'tots' (yes I'm trying to get you to laugh, I hope it works :]). Anyway, I love you and hope to see you soon. Best wishes.

Mike Chang:

Hi Santana,

I just got the news and I'm not sure what to do with myself or what I'm supposed to say to you. So I'll just say that I'm going to miss my dancing buddy and that if you're still the same Santana Lopez from high school I know you're strong enough to get through this. Tina and I want to see you, it's been too long so when you're up to it let us know and we can fly out there or you can come here if you want a vacation. I miss you more than I thought I would and I sincerely hope things start looking up for you soon.

Tina Cohen-Chang:

Hi San,

I know Mike just sent you an email but I still wanted to send you one. Like Mike said, we both miss you and hope we can see you soon somehow. But, more importantly, I'm so sorry about Brittany. It's terrible that this had to happen but knowing you two you loved each other until the end and even after and that's something special, never forget that. I hope you focus on the good times and don't dwell on the bad, it's better to remember than mourn. You've always been a fighter so I know you'll get through this.

Noah Puckerman:

Hey best lesbro,

I feel like a total bastard for not being there for everything but I've saved up enough to come visit, just tell me when works. I know everything's hard and the world probably feels pretty empty right now but I hope you're fighting to see some light. I miss her too, everyone misses her. But you have to remember it's Brittany we're talking about here, she'd want people to be happy again and move on; not forget, move on. Especially you. You know as well as I that she wouldn't want you to fall into a bad space and never come back out, she'd want you to be living your life still. If I know you you'll probably think that's some sort of betrayal but like I said, you're moving on and not forgetting and that's totally okay to do. I'm not saying you have to start moving on right away because everything takes time but just remember it's something you need to do. Anyway, I love you, I miss you, I want to see you ASAP.

Artie Abrams:

Santana,

I hoped it wasn't true but multiple people have confirmed it is so here I am writing to you. I know we've had our differences in the past, mainly because of Brittany, but I still want you to know that I never hated you. I was jealous but I didn't hate you. I also know that she loved you so much, more than I've ever seen anyone love someone. Never forget that.

William Schuester:

Santana,

Wow... this is all so unbelievable, to say the least. It seems like just yesterday that the two of you were linking pinkies in glee club and thinking that no one knew that you were more than friends. To see you all grow up has made me so proud of each and every one of you. But you and Brittany had something so special that I saw as more than some typical teenage romance. You guys were just kids and you're love inspired an old man like me! I know this email might seem out of no where seeing as I haven't spoken to you guys all too much since graduation but I just want you to know that I'm proud of all of you and send my deepest condolences your way. Lastly, I don't know if you know this but a two years after you guys graduated McKinley built a dance room next to the choir room for the dancing portion of glee club. I've talking to the administration and we've decided to name it after Brittany. She was one of the greatest dancers I've ever seen and she deserves to be honored in some way, so the Brittany S Pierce dance studio at McKinley is my way of remembering her. Stay strong Santana, she would have wanted you to.

Sue Sylvester:

Sandbags,

The loss of one of the greatest Cheerios to have the privilege of being on one of my squads is heartwrenching. Though I'm still not happy about her abstaining from the cannon launch, I still think that she's without a doubt one of the most talented people I've seen in my many years as a cheerleading coach. The world has lost something special in Brittany Pierce but that girl was painfully optimistic so I know that she's at peace now. In a rare display of affection I'm going to say that I hope you find peace too.

Santana sighed as she finished the last email. Move on, you're strong, everything's going to be fine. That's easy for all of them to say, they haven't had their soulmate taken away from them. She knew they meant well but she wished that they would just leave her alone. Their apologies and words of encouragement were all reminders of the fact that something was wrong. Santana could remember that something was wrong all on her own.

To top it all off, she was crying again. Santana had stopped trying to wipe away tears a long time ago, finding it was best to just let everything runs it's course before wasting the time to clear her face. Had she not been so weighed down by her depression, she would probably marvel at the sheer quantity of tears her body had proven to be able to produce over the past few days.

Tossing her phone to the floor beside her bed, Santana lay back down and chose to ignore the text messages that would most likely serve as more reminders that Brittany wasn't her. Rolling onto her side, she grabbed Brittany's pillow and buried her face in it. The blonde's scent was still there and Santana only cried harder shen she realized it would only be a matter of time until that was gone too.

Santana thought back to what Puck said, about how Brittany would have wanted her to move on and be happy. But Brittany would have also known that wasn't a realistic possibility. It wasn't that Santana wouldn't move on, she just couldn't; there is absolutely nothing that could make Santana happy again. Even if she tried to be happy she'd think that Brittany should be here being happy with her. If Santana went for a walk in the park she would remember that Brittany loved walks, if she went to a club she'd remeber Brittany loved to dance, if she saw a cat she'd remember that Brittany loved cats, and if she ever started a family she'd always have the aching feeling that she should have been doing it with Brittany. It would always come back to Brittany.

Now that Santana thought about it, not only was it a matter of not being able to move on from Brittany. Even if she could she knew she wouldn't truly want to. She was going to be alone from here on it, she had come to accept that. The wildcard for Santana at this point was could she handle being alone? She had spent five days wrestling with that question and she was leaning towards no: she couldn't do it. No amount of emails laced with sympathy and positive reinforcement was going to change that.

And so it was that Santana got up from her bed and dragged herself into the bathroom adjacent to the bedroom and opened the medicine cabinet. She pulled out a bottle that Brittany's doctor had prescribed a month before but had gone unused, prescription strength sleeping pills. She filled a glass perched on the sink with water and took it as well as the bottle back to the bedroom, where she placed them on the bedside table. Santana pulled open the closet and grabbed one of Brittany's old hoodies that she would wear whenever they lounged around the house and pulled it on over the tanktop she'd been wearing for the past few days. Pulling the hood over her messy hair, Santana buried her nose in the material and inhaled deeply, letting Brittany overwhelm her senses once again.

After a moment of reveling in the scent, Santana sat on the edge of her bed and thought about jotting down a few words for her friends before deciding against it. They weren't stupid, surely they'd know why. She grabbed the bottle of pills and stared at the label, tracing her fingers across Brittany's name on the prescription registration. She remember the day the blonde had gotten them. It had been getting harder and harder for her to sleep so the doctor said these would do wonders. Brittany insisted against it, not wanting to sleep away her last days but he gave them to her just in case. With an eyeroll, she had accepted the pills and headed home only to shove them into the medicine cabinet where they'd stayed until now.

Finally, Santana untwisted the cap and poured the contents into the palm of her left hand. She stared at them, somewhat shocked by the fact that some simple little pills were all it would take for her to be back with Brittany. It all seemed too easy, not that she was going to complain. With a heaving sigh, Santana closed her eyes and tossed the bottles worth of pills into her mouth before grabbing the glass and chugging it's contents.

It took five minutes for her to start feeling something. She was dizzy and her vision was starting to go in and out of focus. Unable to keep her head up, Santana lay down and pulled the covers over herself then pulled the pillow that smelled of Brittany into her embrace. She closed her eyes but still felt the room spinning, it was like she was on a raft at sea during a violent storm. She should have been scared, but with her nose buried in the pillow Brittany's scent reminded her that it would be over soon and they would be together.

Ten minutes later Santana knew it was coming to an end. She couldn't feel anything, not even the softness of the hoodie clinging to her skin. Her breaths were getting shallower by the minute. It was time to let go and she was ready. With the weakest of exhales, she surrendered completely. The last thing she heard before falling into unconciousness was a banging on her front door that sounded much further away than it really was.