Santana opened her eyes and found herself in the William McKinley choir room. She stood up and brushed herself off, choosing to ignore the strangeness of the fact that she had been sleeping in the middle of the room. With a yawn and a stretch she let out a satisfied groan as her back cracked.
Now that she somewhat had her barings, Santana looked around the room and noticed that it was empty. The chairs were all lined up the way she remembered them and the piano was off to the side as always. Everything was exactly how it should be.
"It's like we never left, isn't it?"
Santana's heart fluttered at the voice that came from behind her. Every fiber of her being wanted her to turn around because she was sure of who it was but on the other hand she didn't think she could stand the dissapointment of finding out her mind had just been playing tricks on her.
"I wish you'd turn around," the voice was softer this time and Santana couldn't resist it any longer. With a sigh, she turned around and was greeted by the greatest sight of all.
"B," she gasped and ran foward towards the woman she'd missed so much. Brittany looked healthy and full of life, just like before she got sick. Santana reached out to pull Brittany into a hug but ended up stumbling through the figure.
"We can't touch here," Brittany explained sadly. "That's the way it works here, I don't know why but I can't change it."
Santana felt sick. She wanted to cry, she wanted to scream, and she wanted nothing more than to just be able to hold Brittany.
"It's not fair," she choked out, trying desperately to hold back the onslaught of impending tears.
"No one ever said it was," Brittany sighed and made her way over to a seat. "This is where I sat when you sang to me," her fingers danced over the back of the chair. "This is where I was sitting when I knew once and for all that no matter how much you hurt me that you'd always love me and we'd be together eventually."
"I'm so sorry Brittany, I was so stupid," Santana ran a shaky hand through her hair. "I wasted so much time by not being with you back then."
"But I knew you loved me," Brittany shrugged before turning to face Santana. "But now isn't the time for regrets, they won't get you anywhere."
"All I have left are regrets," tears were starting to spill now and Santana wanted nothing more than to be wrapped in Brittany's arms. "There are so many things I never got to say to you or give you." Santana sighed and dropped into one of the chairs in the front row. "You know, I bought a ring. I never got to give it to you."
"I know, I know all of that now," Brittany said with an air of knowing that Santana felt awed by.
"But it never happened, it can't happen. It's not fair!" Santana wiped profusely at the tears streaming down her cheeks. "I feel like I barely had any time with you B. It's not fair. I never got to do all the things I wanted to for you."
"I died knowing you loved me and knowing you would have given me all those things had you had the time," Brittany sighed and sat down next to Santana. "That's enough for me, just knowing."
"How can you be so calm about this?" Santana asked with anger in her voice. "How can you be okay with being ripped from the earth and not getting to do all the things you wanted to do? You deserved it all more than anyone else and you don't get to have any of it!"
"Because what other choice do I have," Brittany stated calmy and Santana instantly felt guilty for yelling. "I wish you'd be okay with it too."
"I can never be okay with having to walk, no crawl, through life without you," Santana said, defeat plain in her voice.
"You can be strong without me," Brittany insisted. "You have to be strong without me."
"I'm not even gonna get the chance to be strong without you, I'm dead now aren't I?" Santana asked.
"Nope," Brittany said casually. "You're not dead."
"Well why the hell not?" Santana felt even more frustrated than before. "I want to be dead, I want to stay here with you."
"The selfish part of me wants you to stay too, but you can't. It's not your time," Brittany said.
"How do you know when my time is?" Santana asked.
"I just know when your time isn't," Brittany shrugged. "I know a lot of things now but not that."
"I want my time to be now," Santana mumbled. "I can't face a world without you."
"That's where your wrong," Brittany said sternly. "Santana you can do anything. You can be happy, you can be successful, you can have a family."
Santana's head shot up and she looked at Brittany, "I can't have a family with someone who isn't you. I can't even feel anything for someone who isn't you. Even if I did ever feel something for someone else I couldn't betray you like that."
"You wouldn't be betraying me. I understand that you need to move on, I want you to move on," Brittany's voice was soft now, encouraging.
"I can't love someone who isn't you," Santana voice was shaking now as sobs began coursing through her.
"You can, I want you too."
"I just can't! Why don't you get that?" Santana tried to yell but suddenly felt too weak to muster up the energy.
"Santana if you really love me you'll move on!" It was Brittany's turn to yell. "I can't stand the idea of you living in the shadows all miserable. If you want me to be happy go be happy. I don't care who it is that makes you happy but I want you to find that person and let yourself love them. The time for loving me is past, and no it's not fair but neither of us can change it and you have to accept that."
"Can't I just stay here forever?" Santana asked again after a moment of silence passed between the two.
"I already said no, besides you're leaving," Brittany's voice was calm and soothing again but Santana was suddenly on edge.
"Not yet!" she insisted. "Just a little longer."
"I don't make the decisions, I just let you know they've been made," Brittany stood up and walked towards the door. Santana jumped up and ran after her.
"Brittany don't I can't lose you again," Santana pleaded, making Brittany stop and turn to face her once more.
"This isn't easy for me either you know," Brittany sighed. "This is goodbye."
"Can't it be see you later?" Santana asked weakly and Brittany couldn't help but smile slightly.
"No, this is it," Brittany deadpanned.
"What am I supposed to do then?" Santana placed her hands on the back of her neck in a display of agony. "Where the hell do I go from here? You apparently have all the answers now so tell me what to do!"
"All I can tell you to do is move on," Brittany stated simply.
"I can't just stop loving!" Santana cried in exasperation.
"I never said you would or could. You'll always love me but you'll love someone else too.
"I only want you! I just want to hold you and kiss you and tell you I love you! That's not so much to ask, is it?" Santana asked.
"Santana we really have to leave now so I'll just say this. You can move on, you will move on, I want you to move on. I never said forget me because that's just impossible. Remember me, keep loving me, but know that there is room for someone else. I love you," Without another word, Brittany reached for the knob of the choir room door and twisted it open. She stood still for a moment, sighed, then walked out; the door closed behind her with a sickening thud.
Santana ran at the door and grabbed the handle, fighting to twist it open but it was locked now.
"Brittany!" she slammed her fist against the door and yelled out at the empty hallway through it. "Brittany come back!"
With a yell of defeat, Santana slid down the door and leaned against it. She hid her face behind her hands and cried like she'd never cried before. And then, without warning, a blinding flash of white engulfed her and the choir room was gone.
xXxXxXxXxXxXx
"Santana?" a quiet voice asked. "Are you awake?"
Santana opened her eyes and saw the ceiling of what she assumed to be a hospital room. She clenched her eyes shut again immediately, hoping that this was a hallucination and maybe she wasn't actually alive. But when she felt no changes she knew that this was real and that she had been unsuccessful in killing herself. So, she did the only thing she knew how to do anymore and surrendered herself to the tears that had already begun spilling down her face.
"Oh my God Santana you're awake!" the voice exclaimed.
Santana opened her eyes and saw Quinn standing next to her with a mixture of emotions playing across her face.
"Santana we thought we'd lost you," Quinn said, her voice quiet once again and her own tears starting to fall as she saw that Santana was crying too. "Don't do it again, please just promise you won't do it again."
"I'm sorry," Santana whispered. "I can't make that promise."
Quinn's breath hitched in an unpleasant way and her face contorted as she began sobbing.
"I can't lose you Santana I just can't. I know you're hurting but I just can't. I know that's selfish but I don't care," Quinn choked out. "You're my best friend, I don't know what I'd do without you."
"I want her back," Santana said so quietly Quinn almost missed it. "I just want her back."
"I wish I could give her to you but I can't, no one can," Quinn sat on the side of Santana's hospital bed and took her hand. "Just hang in there San. You have so many people here who love you, just don't forget that."
"I never did forget it. But all that love can't replace her."
Quinn sighed squeezed Santana's hand tightly, "Lets just rest for now. Everyone's gonna want to see you in the morning."
Santana nodded in agreement and let her head fall back against the pillow. Quinn moved from sitting on the side of the bed to the chair next to it and closed her eyes in an attempt to fall asleep. Neither let go of the others hand.