"So, your birthday's coming up," Quinn mentioned casually as her and Santana sat at the small table in the kitchen armed with their respective bowls of cereal.
Santana grunted in response and Quinn couldn't help but bit her lip to hold back a smile.
"Does that mean it's still to early for you to hold a conversation or that you just don't wanna talk about it?"
"Both," Santana mumbled before spooning another bite of cereal into her mouth. Suddenly Quinn wasn't smiling anymore.
"Oh, alright," Quinn consented with a nod and got up to put her bowl in the sink.
Quinn had been worried that this would happen. Yes, Santana was making good progress considering what a loss Brittany had been for her. She wasn't wallowing around in misery all too much but she definitely had a problem with having fun. Fun made her feel guilty because when she had fun, she wasn't thinking about Brittany. Santana was definitely still at the point where she felt like it would be betraying Brittany to let her go; not so much as in the beginning, but it was still there.
All of that meant that celebrations of any kind were out of the question so long as Santana could help it. Sure she would attend the birthday celebrations of her friends so as to not be completely anti-social and rude, but celebrating her own? Out of the question.
But not if Quinn could help it. No, Quinn Fabray was a woman on a mission and she would make sure that Santana's birthday had something special to distinguish it from just another day. Even a single cupcake with a candle would do, but that was a last resort. Quinn wanted Santana to have fun, actual guilt free fun. For once. But, despite her good intentions, Quinn knew that if she tried to spring it all on Santana as suprise it would be rather insensitive and go over poorly. Some persuasion was in order.
So, an hour later after Santana was showered and caffeinated, Quinn decided to try again.
"Santana!" Quinn called from her spot on the couch. "Come in here!"
A moment later, Santana came in and dropped down next to Quinn.
"Yes?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.
"What do you want for your birthday?" Quinn asked.
"Not this again, Q. I already said I don't want to do anything," Santana said with a sigh.
"Absolutely nothing?" Quinn asked again. "No friends, no food of your choice, no going out? Nothing?"
"I'm glad we're on the same page," Santana said with a faux-smile and patted Quinn's knee before standing up to retreat back to her room.
Quinn just leaned her head back on the couch and sighed before pulling out her phone and shooting a text to someone she felt could help.
Can you meet me for coffee? I need some sage advice- Q
Well you've come to the right man, the usual place in 15? - B
Sounds perfect, see you then- Q
xXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
Fifteen minutes later on the dot, Quinn walked into her and Blaine's coffee place to see that Blaine had already grabbed a table and had ordered their drinks. She waved before walking over and sliding into her seat.
"The doctor is in, how may I help you today Ms Fabray?" Blaine asked as he slid Quinn's coffee over to her.
"It's Santana's birthday next week," Quinn explained. "She doesn't want to do anything. I mean she literally wants to do nothing."
"Well, you can't force her to do anything," Blaine said. "If she doesn't want to celebrate she doesn't have to."
"I know," Quinn sighed. "But she has to start letting herself have fun. She just won't let herself go and it's driving me insane."
"She's not getting better fast enough in your opinion," it was a statement, not a question. Quinn nodded, suddenly swamped with guilt over feeling that way.
"I just want her to be able to have fun again. At least she smiles and stuff sometimes now but I can see that part of her is still holding back."
"Everyone has their own healing pace, you can't rush it," Blaine said as he took a sip from his drink.
"What about when your mom died?" Quinn asked. "Was your dad all depressed and unwilling to have fun like this?"
"My parents situation was far too different to really compare them to Santana and Brit. They were married for years before she died. Brittany died in what should have been her prime years, when her and Santana's life together should really have just been getting started," Blaine explained. "Their situation is much more traumatic and unfair than my parents. My mom was older, she'd already done the things she'd really wanted. Yeah my dad was torn up by it but he didn't feel like she'd be missing anything major aside from grandkids, that made it easier."
"So Santana doesn't want to do amazing things because she feels bad that Brittany never got to do them?" Quinn asked.
"I'd say that's a fair assumption," Blaine nodded. "But I couldn't say for sure. You should just talk to her, she opens up to you way more than any of us so you'd have the best chance their."
"That may be true but she still has her moments where she just brushes me off and throws up the walls," Quinn sighed. "I swear it makes me feel ridiculously weak when I can't get in."
"That's because you take it personally when she shuts down," Blaine said and Quinn nodded sheepishly.
"I just want to understand her and have her trust me completely," she explains and wraps her hands tighter around her coffee cup.
"You love her," Blaine says simply. "But you shouldn't take it personally, when she shuts down it's about her not you."
"Easier said than done," Quinn smiles weakly. "I just want to be there for her so bad and it sucks when I know she's in the other room feeling like shit and I can't do anything about it."
"There's not really anything you can do about that," Blaine says with a shrug. "Kurt's worried about you, you know."
"Wait Kurt knows?" Quinn hisses, ducking her head as if she were expecting him to pop up at any moment.
"Sweetie, I think everyone has their suspicions," Blaine says with a chuckle. "I mean Kurt brought it up one day and I confirmed because I can't lie to him, so he definitely knows. But we haven't said anything to anyone else, but Rach and Cam probably know just because it's semi-obvious."
"Oh God," Quinn moans and lays her head on the table. "I can't believe this is happening."
"You're really channeling high school Rachel Berry right now," Blaine teases. "Come on Quinn it's not so bad, no one thinks poorly of you because of it. It's just that you've never dated anyone else and you look at her this certain way that makes it obvious."
"Wait if I look at her and it's obvious does she know?" Quinn's head shot up and the desperation in her eyes made Blaine recoil slightly.
"She's a little too caught up in her personal turmoils to notice other people looking at her like she's the greatest thing to grace the planet," Blaine says carefully.
"Oh thank God," Quinn sighs and runs a shaking hand through her hair. "She can't know, she'd hate me."
"I don't know about hate," Blaine says. "I highly doubt she'd hate you. But, she's definitely not ready to know that someone else out there loves her like that."
"Don't I know it," Quinn grumbles before asking. "Wait, why's Kurt worried?"
"Because you're worrying yourself into a hole in the ground over her," Blaine says like it's obvious. "You've just invested yourself in her so strongly and it's like your happiness depends on hers. We just don't want to see anything happen to you because, well..."
"Well what?" Quinn askes.
"Well," Blaine sighs and furrows his brow in concern. "I'm sorry to say this and please don't take it the wrong way; we just don't want to see you hurt because there's a pretty good chance she won't ever feel the same way about you as you feel about her."
Quinn sighs and stares at her hands for a moment. Blaine fears that he should have just kept his and Kurt's concern to himself before Quinn finally speaks up.
"I know," she says so quietly Blaine almost misses it. "Believe me, I know. I would love more than anything in this world to be with her like that but the rational part of me knows that that glass is half empty rather than half full. But I can't just stop loving her. If I could I would have done that already."
"Just don't let yourself get hurt," Blaine reaches across the table and puts his hand atop Quinn's. "We all love you both. Just know that whatever happens Kurt and I will always be there for you."
"Thanks," Quinn says, offering up a smile. "I should head home. I need to work on Santana to get her to at least allow me to give her a cupcake on her birthday."
"Good luck with that," Blaine laughs. "We'd all love to do something with her, but we'll understand if we can't."
"Alright, I'll see you soon," Quinn says as she gets up from her seat. Blaine gets up too and pulls her into a hug before she leaves.
"Don't take it personally," he says once again.
"I'll try not to," Quinn smiles at him once again before leaving the cafe and starting on her walk home.
xXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
"Santana, I'm home!" Quinn called as she channeled her inner Ricky Ricardo. After her talk with Blaine she was determined to make some sort of birthday plans with Santana and she figured a little joking around would be a good way to listen her friend up.
"In here!" She heard Santana call from the living room.
"You know, you should be the one calling to me when you get home," Quinn pointed out as she dropped onto the couch next to Santana.
"Well, that's racist," Santana dead-panned, looking semi-offended.
"Oh shit, no!" Quinn said quickly, realizing only now how that may have sounded. "I mean 'cause I'm Lucy."
"I'm just kidding, I know what you mean," Santana said with a small smile. "You should have seen your face, Luce."
"Luce?" Quinn asked, her heart swelling at the thought of having that be a pet name for her from Santana.
"I don't know, I kinda like it," Santana shrugged. "It's something no one else calls you, it could be our thing."
"We get a thing?" Quinn asked, putting all her will-power into remaining casual.
"Makes sense. I mean we're like best friends and all, best friends have names for each other. It's not like I'd use it all the time, it's just cool to have somethiing like that in my back pocket," Santana explained non-chalantly.
"Okay, I like it," Quinn bit her lip and sent up a small prayer that Santana wouldn't notice the blush. She also wondered when she turned into a teenage girl once again and she also wondered why her mind wouldn't just heed Blaine's warning and realize she was leading herself on. But be rational was a little hard when Santana was giving her a pet name.
"Cool," Santana said with a curt nod and put her attention back on the tv show she'd been watching.
"S," Quinn said quickly, not wanting to lose Santana's focus quite yet. "I wanna talk to you about your birthday."
"Quinn," Santana said as she ran a hand through her hair. "I said no, okay?"
"Just hear me out, please?" Quinn asked, trying to pull off a pout. Santana shook her head and laughed a bit, which Quinn took as a sign to continue. "I just wanna do something small. It doesn't have to be with everyone if you don't want. Just let me buy you a cupcake and come to Central Park or something small like that, I dunno. I just want you to do something fun."
"I just don't know," Santana trailed off and looked down.
"You only turn 29 once," Quinn said, gently elbowing Santana's side to get her to look up at her. "Come on, this is your last birthday before you're an old lady, we have to have some fun!"
"I don't want a bunch of people doting over me and acting like I've done something amazing when all I've done is lived another year," Santana sighed and Quinn suddenly understood the guilt thing that Blaine was talking about at the cafe.
"She wouldn't be mad at you for living you know," Quinn said quietly, putting a hand over Santana's knee that was bouncing up and down rapidly. "You don't have to feel like you're betraying her whenever you have a bit of fun."
"I can't help what I feel," Santana muttered. "I know you think I'm not getting better but I am. Before I didn't even want to have fun, now I do but I just can't."
"Let me help you then," Quinn offered. "Just come out with me on your birthday and we'll do something small. If you start feeling bad just tell me and we can come home and watch a movie or something."
"Fine," Santana sighed. "But don't tell the others we're gonna hang out, I don't want them to feel bad that I'm only doing something with you."
"Deal," Quinn said as she broke out into a wide smile. "Trust me on this, we'll have a good time or my name isn't Lucy Quinn Fabray."
"I hope you're right Luce, I really do."