This is because too much funny stuff happens in my second period that I just HAVE to put it all here.

This happened on Thursday of last week. My classmate talks about Uncle John's Bathroom Reader on a regular basis, but he actually brought it to school that day.

Hilarity ensued.

But this isn't quite how it happened. I changed it up a bit to make it a teensy bit more humorous.

So. I do not own any books or lines you recognize in this oneshot. Enjoy.

Mr. Lancer's eye twitched as he stared at the confiscated book on his desk. This book had caused many a disruption in his second period class when Danny Fenton and his friend Tucker Foley had obviously thought it would be a good idea to bring it to school. He wouldn't have objected if Mr. Fenton, egged on by Mr. Foley and even a bit by Ms. Manson, had started to interrupt the class by reading it aloud whenever there was a slight lull in the lecture.

Glancing at the tattered copy of Uncle John's Bathroom Reader, Lancer frowned when he found himself trying not to laugh at the memory.

"Now, in the Grapes of Wrath, the line between the haves and the have-nots is expressed very clearly through Steinbeck's imagery and the dialogue and thoughts of the Joad family. This is still prevalent in today's times. There are only two types of people in the world…" Mr. Lancer trailed off as he reached up for more room on the board.

"The ones that entertain and the ones that observe?" Tucker Foley asked innocently. "Ow!" Sam, who sat behind him, kicked his chair, knocking him forward a bit.

"Do not start that again."

Lancer frowned deeply. "Mr. Foley, I'd appreciate it if you didn't make irrelevant pop culture references during my lectures."

"Right." Tucker nodded, not really agreeing to anything. Lancer surprised he hadn't heard Fenton back his friend up. He knew very well that the boy was present, so why was he so silent in the back?

"Hey, did you know the largest web-footed bird is the albatross?"

It was common for teens to laugh at merely the random timing of the statement, whether or not said statement was funny. Lancer turned around.

"Danny, what on earth does that have to do with anything?" He asked. The blue-eyed boy raised his head to look at him.

"Nothin'." He held up the book he had been scanning. "This book is really interesting. It's like, the first book I haven't stopped reading after five pages. Uncle John's Bathroom Reader?"

"I haven't heard of it. Put it away, please." Lancer raised an eyebrow when Danny merely started to flip the pages of the book.

"You mean you don't want to hear the birth of the bagel?" The boy asked. "I for one would like to know how my preferred breakfast pastry came to be."

"Danny, put it away." Lancer repeated more firmly before turning back to the board. "Now, as I was saying, there are the landowners and the "Okies" who wish to work for them. How many of you have read up to chapter eighteen?"

Only a sparse number of hands rose.

"The longest game of Monopoly played was 1, 680 hours long."

"Mr. Fenton…"

"The longest game of Monopoly played in a bathtub was 99 hours long."

"Danny, I swear…"

"The number one shoplifted book in America is the Bible."

Now Lancer could barely be heard over the laughter that spread throughout the room. Whether it was because of actual humor or just because Danny would not shut up was debatable.

"Danny!"

"What?" Those innocent blue eyes made him look like a hurt puppy.

"Give me the book."

"But--"

"Give me the book."

"But I--"

"Give. Me. The. Book."

Danny took a deep breath and despondently shuffled toward Lancer's desk. The teacher held out his hand and Danny hesitantly handed the book over.

"Thank you. You may have it back after class."

Danny mumbled something incoherent, but Lancer caught what sounded like a "I can't do nothing here.".

"Now, if we can get back on track, in chapter eighteen…"

"Did you know you can't plow a cotton field with an elephant in North Carolina?"

"Principal's office! NOW!"