I've had this cool English teacher for awhile, but it's hard to keep the good stuff fresh when you finally go home. Sorry.
For readers of "Rough Around The Edges," I'm working on an update.
--Phanny
"All right class, before we get started I'd like to have a little discussion about your book reports," Mr. Lancer told his sophomore class after the last bell had rung. Each student had a nervous look on their face -- wondering which one of them he was going to pick at first.
"I really shouldn't have to say this," Lancer sighed, shaking his head as he turned to the whiteboard. After writing something, he turned around for his students to see it.
i, u, lol, ur, omg, fyi
"I want an honest answer, here -- why do I find these things in your papers? You are writing reports, not sending me a text message or chatting with me online, this is an English class," Lancer addressed his students, a few of whom had lowered their heads in shame.
"I don't ever want to see this in a report on Tess of the D'urbervilles ever again--"
i loled wen she died
"--got that?"
Now a few students were snickering.
"All you need to do is not grade the paper," Tucker Foley began, "just give it back and write on it -- 'u get eff.'"
Lancer nodded and turned around again.
Lol u fale
"Oh great," Danny moaned, "now I'm gonna forget how to spell 'fail'!"
"Surprisingly Mr. Fenton, you're not the one I'm worried about here," Lancer said, "you capitalize your I's.
"Ms. Sanchez, however," Lancer continued, glancing at Paulina, "I can tell by your writing exactly at what point where you get a phone call. You answer, chat, and forget what you were writing about and it all goes downhill from there.
"Mr. Foley, stop using words you don't know the meaning to," he pressed on, "and Ms. Manson, I know you're opinions are very important to you, but your use of very…colorful language is inappropriate. And Fenton, I know you have spell check. Use it. Your history of the 'emocrats' and their struggles was interesting, but I did have to take points off."
Lancer realized that his students were laughing in spite of themselves, and he smiled.
"How do you know it wasn't on purpose?" Asked Ashley, a girl near the front of the class, "you must be a prepublican, sir."
"Says the girl who forgot the 'r' in 'shirt' in our group project,'" Sam spoke up from her seat.
"Let it go," Ashley pouted, "one time…"
"All right, now that this little lesson is taken care of, take out your books and turn to page three-hundred."
"Oh em eff jee," Danny moaned, "he's tee tee ell why gonna make us work now. Double-yew tee eff, man!"
"Ess tee eff yew, Danny," Sam sighed.
The emocrats and prepublicans have a long, violent history.