You've Always Been My Shining Star:
"It's you..." The diva repeated. Rachel was speechless, she didn't expect the mysterious man to be female, but she also didn't expect it to be Quinn Fabray of all people.
"It's me, Rachel. To me however, it's always been you." The blonde finally said as she released the brunette from the embrace.
"Can we go somewhere a little quieter?" Quinn asked. The diva couldn't speak, so she simply nodded her head in response.
The pair set off down the street in silence. Quinn didn't know what to say, she kept her hands firmly in her jacket pocket unaware of what the diva would do if she accidentally touched her. Several times the diva looked at the woman walking next to her and felt a smile breaking across her face. As they walked Rachel tried to process everything. She couldn't seem to get her head around the blonde walking beside her. The blonde who had isolated her and tortured her during high school was now walking seamlessly beside her and had unknowingly so helped the diva through her darkest times when she simply hated life and her dreams.
They arrived at a small coffee shop and Quinn held the door open as Rachel entered first. They ordered their drinks and continued walking through the city. They made their way to a small park and found a vacant bench. It was a crisp October night and the moon was out. They sipped their coffees both figuring out what they should say. Quinn decided she should be the one to make to open the conversation, funnily enough, at the same time so did Rachel.
"I sh-" Quinn began.
"Wha-" The diva began.
"Sorry, you start." Quinn laughed, knowing the diva was going to take control of the conversation anyway.
"What's going on, Quinn?" She asked simply.
"Well, it's a long story, where would you like me to start?"
"Preferably from the beginning..." The diva replied. Quinn inhaled deeply and began working out what she should say and how she should say it.
"Well, as I told you this morning, I wrote my novel during college to escape my boring life. The words of other authors captivated me. I wanted to do the same to other people. I revisited my life during high school and felt that the only way I could alleviate some of the guilt was by writing the novel about me and you.
I wrote about friendship and about redemption, but I wrote about more than that. I wrote a love story that only by the truest of reader and the deepest of romantics would notice. Rachel, you were the inspiration for the novel. As I revisited the person I used to be, I tried to find the cause of the anger. You were the cause, but not for the reasons you're thinking. I disliked you because I wanted you. I wanted to be friends with you but I couldn't be. I knew a part of me would always want more, that's why I rejected your offers for friendship...until senior year. When I saw you and Finn together it broke my heart but I realised that you and I were never going to be together, so I thought why couldn't we be friends? If your interests were elsewhere there was nothing to risk by having a friendship.
When I truly thought about this it inspired me to write a character around you Rachel. A character with such grace and love that it fills the reader's heart and inspires them to be more like you. Every word I used to describe you, I meant Rachel. I meant it when I said "The girl before me has the biggest heart that I've ever known. Her beauty and personality illuminates the room. It illuminates the darkest of rooms and the darkest of nights."
You inspired me to write such a deep and focused novel. I thought that if I wrote that then I'd feel better; I'd feel like I could inspire anyone to overcome their difficulties and that if the opportunity is there for forgiveness they should take it because life's too short." The blonde explained, playing with her own hands.
"How did you know that I needed to read that?" Rachel asked, desperate for a further explanation.
"I've followed your career Rachel. I've managed to siphon through the hundreds of fan sites online to find ones that have accurate reliable information on. I noticed that in interviews, your responses seemed shorter and more to the point. That's not the Rachel Berry I wrote about. The Rachel Berry I wrote about is loud. She babbles on and doesn't let you get a word in edgeways. Her confidence and enthusiasm bursts through anything: interviews, performances and even when she's out doing something simply like grocery shopping. So I figured you could do with reading my book, if you hadn't already.
I got a special copy published so that if you happened to show it to anyone they wouldn't really think much of it. I covered my name and wrote you a cryptic message so that you wouldn't be put off. I wanted you to need me, as selfish as that sounds, but I knew if I approached you, you'd be put off by our past. I wanted you to read my apology before I said it out loud and in person. I wrote the letter that I gave you yesterday a long time ago. The Quinn I referred to was the one I've grown into. The one I said I'd known for years is one you have known for years. I'm the Quinn Fabray you always thought I'd be. She's always been there and I guess I was just afraid of letting her out." The blonde finished.
She looked into the diva's brown eyes, searching for any recognition. The diva placed her hand over the blonde's and mumbled a very quiet "Thank you."
"To you: My words are the moon to your shining star. The meanings can fill up an entire galaxy, but to you there is only one meaning... Rachel, you've always been my shining star." The blonde whispered as she laced their fingers together so that their hands were joined.
The two sat on the bench for what seemed like hours in silence. Neither fully aware of what they should say next. Quinn felt like she'd said everything she'd needed to say since high school. The diva was evaluating what the blonde had told her. Quinn had just bared her heart and soul, something Rachel always hoped she'd be comfortable enough to do. Rachel realised that now it was her turn to do the same.
"Quinn, I'm having trouble forming the words to tell you how I feel about everything. I guess I should start at the beginning too, huh?" The diva began. Quinn gripped her hand tighter that silently said she was safe.
"I moved away from Lima when I was sixteen, and I've never fully looked back. I go back to visit my Dads but that's it. The only person I'm friends with properly is Kurt and by default, Blaine. The two are the only people from high school that I'm close to. I moved away from Lima and left everything behind me. I left Finn. I left the painful memories of high school..." Quinn cringed and turned her head away when Rachel mentioned her memories being painful. The diva noticed and placed her free hand on the blonde's cheek, turning her head back towards her.
"I left them behind and moved on. Everything about my life screamed high school, I wanted to start a fresh. Kurt and I excelled at NYADA. We moved into our own little apartment like we'd planned. Kurt's been my saviour these past couple of years. I got my first role off-Broadway during my final year at NYADA, so about, three years ago. Since then everything's spiralled out of control.
I moved onto Broadway pretty quickly and got lost somewhere along the way. I wanted to keep onto the Rachel Berry I had always known. The Rachel Berry who stood up for what she believed in, but I lost her. The second incarnation of me took over, a girl who couldn't find her place in the world. I was too caught up in my work that I couldn't stand back and appreciate what I'd done or what I was doing. I looked at the pictures on my dressing room mirror and tried to find my place in them, but I couldn't. Words failed me...and that's when I discovered your novel.
It captured me, Quinn. Your words reminded me of someone I used to know. They reminded me of the girl I used to be. The girl who was happy-go-lucky, who never thought something was out of reach no matter how many obstacles were in her way. I got lost in your words Quinn. Everything seemed to read perfectly. Once I'd read your novel, I had to read it again, to ensure I hadn't missed any little detail. I analysed the dedication and hoped that someone would write something as beautiful as that about me some day. To have your love immortalised in writing is magnificent and I realised that's what I was missing: love.
I couldn't remember the last time I'd truly loved something or someone. My passion and love for the stage has gone. I can't wait for the day my contract is over. I've never been so alone in all my life; even during high school I had the glee club and all of the other student groups I was involved in. I may not have had many friends, but I was never truly alone.
When I found out you were the one who had written something that had so much direct meaning to me, I was frightened Quinn. I won't lie. It terrified me. I hadn't worked out that the character was me, but I was terrified. You tormented me, but then you told me that the novel was about me and my feelings changed. I wanted to dislike you Quinn, I truly did, but the Quinn that met me earlier today was someone I always knew was there. I expected the mysterious person to be male and I was worried that he wouldn't live up to the high expectations I'd set for him...and in true fashion, he clearly hasn't." The diva finished, starting to chuckle as she finished her story.
"I can assure you, I'm definitely not male." Quinn replied, laughing with the diva.
"The point is, I'd built up this idea of you as the still bitchy ice queen I knew from high school and you surpassed those expectations. You are this warm, inspiring, beautiful woman that I knew you always would be. I'm going to keep saying that because it reminds me that I was right to want to be friends with you all those years ago. I didn't want the mystery man to let me down when I'd got so far."
"Apart from the fact I'm female have I let you down, Rach?" Quinn asked needing to know if she was wasting her time. They gazed into each other's eyes and slowly Rachel shook her head.
"Never." She finally uttered.
"Good." Quinn simply replied. Still holding onto the diva's gaze, Quinn slowly leaned forward and captured the brunette's lips.
The diva's stomach filled with warmth as Quinn kissed her. She released the blonde's hand and wrapped her hands around her neck, pulling her further into the kiss. Neither had experienced a kiss this desirable before. The kiss said everything that they couldn't. Quinn couldn't express her sorrow and regret any more than she already had, the kiss expressed those feelings to Rachel. Rachel couldn't express how grateful she was for Quinn; the kiss expressed those feelings to Quinn. Where words failed the kiss represented those feelings that they couldn't describe.
They broke apart and both had huge grins plastered across their faces. Quinn had finally kissed the woman of her dreams for the first time and Rachel was finally free of the demon that was preventing her from happiness.
"I guess this means I have to take you out on a date now then, huh?" Quinn joked.
"I wouldn't expect anything less!" Rachel joked back.
"Well, what about now? No time like the present. We've missed so much time together, that it'd be a shame to not take up on the time we have together right now." Quinn asked.
"Together?" Rachel questioned.
"I mean, if you want to, we still have a lot to learn about the adult versions of each other, but I'd like to explore the possibility of us being an 'us' and that can only really happen if we're 'together'" Quinn explained. She watched as the diva pondered her response.
"I'm not ready for anything to become public knowledge, Quinn. What was it you said earlier? Just because it's not explicit, doesn't mean it doesn't happen."
"To the outside world, we're just friends, but if I were to ask you what we were, what would your response be Rachel?" Quinn asked.
"You're someone that I can't label, Quinn. I'm looking forward to spending more time getting to know the real 'you'. I'll never be able to label you Quinn. Now I know how you truly feel I think you'll always deserve something more than any label." Rachel confessed. Quinn blushed at her confession.
"...and they say I'm a smooth talker!" Quinn joked.
"Oh you are! Do you know how many times I was in tears when I read your book?"
"No, but why don't you tell me over dinner? I know a great place not too far from here." Quinn replied.
She took the diva's hand and helped her off the bench. She held onto it as they walked down the street, knowing that if it all became too much the diva would pull away, but she never did. Instead Rachel held on tighter. She held onto the security that she was receiving from Quinn. They couldn't put a label on what they were yet, but whatever they were excited both of them immensely.