*Note*I am so sorry this is so late. I am really not on a schedule with my chapters, but I write as I go, so when real life gets in the way, my writing takes a backseat. My 5 year old daughter has been off school for Thanksgiving break for the past few days, so being a single mother with her father not around it is hard to get time away to write. Plus the holidays, having my four nephews (17, 11, 5 year old twins) come spend the weekend with me, and still trying to get my college assignments completed; you can now see why my chapters can be a bit sporadic.

Chapter Four

She knew it was wrong to confront him after the day they had. Telling Rick the truth now was the last thing he needed after the crime scene earlier in the day. She didn't want to find Gina in his loft. How was Kate supposed to compete with his ex-wife? He had got involved with Gina before and she was still around since she was his publisher. Yet here Kate was standing outside Rick's loft.

Kate had not seen Rick since her team and she had left the penthouse where Gina had lived. Rick stayed behind to help Gina; and Kate understood why, it was one of Rick's many deeming qualities. Yet Kate was still a bit jealous, something she had not dealt with much until Rick Castle came into her life.

Kate took a deep breath and knocked on the door. It only took a couple of minutes before the door swung open revealing the fiery red haired-dame, Martha.

"Oh Kate, darling, Richard did tell us you were coming bye. We are just putting the finishing touches on dinner," Martha stated turning away from the door walking back towards the kitchen where Alexis was mixing a salad.

"He didn't know I was coming. Hell, I didn't realize it until the taxi pulled up to your building," Kate replied walking into the loft. She looked around and noticed Rick nor Gina was nowhere in sight. "Where is your charming son?"

"He's in the office. He told us about Gina when he got home. I can't believe she is a suspect in that man's murder," Alexis commented as she walked over to the table putting the salad on the table.

"Oh, he told you about that," Kate wondered looking over to his office where the door was partly closed.

"Kate, dear, you have to realize there is very little that Richard keeps from us. He tells us almost everything," Martha said walking over to the detective. "But I do know this, as much as I dislike Gina, I don't really see her as a killer."

"I don't really either, but I do have to go where the evidence leads me."

"Even when it involves one of Richard's ex-wives, which is one way to keep the man on his toes."

"I wish I didn't have to worry about it though," Kate murmured.

"You have nothing to worry about dear. Unfortunately, one thing Richard has done is follow in my footsteps when marriage is concerned. He married Meredith and Gina for all the wrong reasons. They say the third time is the charm, I wouldn't know that, but my Richard does. So if he did get married again, he would marry for the right reason and to the right woman. And who all know who that woman is, don't we?"

"Grams don't scare her like that," Alexis interrupted. "I am my dad wouldn't mind being interrupted."

Kate looked over at both ladies then towards Rick's office. She had never thought of marriage before especially because of her mother's murder. She had one foot out of the door whenever it came to relationships, but Rick Castle had broken that rule when he stepped into her precinct, her life, and her heart.

She walked over to his office and knocked lightly on the door. When he didn't say anything she opened the door more to find him on the phone sitting at the edge of his desk with his back to her.

"I don't care how much it is going to cost, Ralph, just find out what you can on him," he ordered. "I know he's a famous writer, but so am I and I still have secrets."

Kate couldn't help but smile at that last comment. His latest secret was he was romantically involved with his partner, yet part of her was worried what other secrets he may be keeping. She was in her own world for a moment there and didn't realize he had hung up the phone until he turned around.

"Kate, what are you doing here," he wondered seeing her stand in his office. "How long have you been here?"

"I thought we could talk about this afternoon, but now I am wondering why you are hiring a private investigator."

"Something doesn't make sense, Gina told me she had not heard from him in months and he wasn't even in the process of having another book written. Suddenly he appears without warning and tells her he wants to see her about something important-something about one of her clients."

"And you think that is why he was murdered?"

"Of course," Rick answered.

"Castle, don't you realize that is what we are for," she replied pointing to the two of them. "We are detectives, the ones that investigate why he was murdered. Hiring a private investigator will just be useless."

"Kate, I have to do what I can for Gina and if that means hiring extra help then I will do it."

"Why is she so important?"

"Kate, you know why. We may not be married any more but I know she didn't do this, she couldn't have."

"I didn't come here to fight with you, Castle. I am tired of fighting," Kate admitted dropping her shoulders. She walked away from him and went towards the glass door leading to the balcony. She looked outside to the city filled with murder and mayhem. At times she hated this job, yet it was what kept her standing for so many years. Now she had something else, something more important and she was about to lose it.

He watched her looking outside towards the city they both loved. He could tell that something was on her mind. She was everything to him, one of the most important people in his life. Only two other females were as important as Detective Kate Beckett was and that was his mother and daughter. He loved Kate with all his heart, but was it enough.

He walked towards her and stood right behind her. He wanted to make this work, he did, but there were too many secrets between them.

"Kate, why did you come over tonight," he asked putting his hand on her shoulder.

She covered his hand with her own still looking outside towards the city. Kate knew this was the moment of truth, the moment where the thing she treasured the most could be torn away from her.

"Today when Josh came by my apartment, he came to tell me he was getting married. I'm happy for him; he deserves it after what I put him through. Yet part of me realizes what we could have had if things had turned out differently last summer."

"Oh," Castle whispered trying to pull his hand away but she wouldn't let him.

She turned around to look into those blue sparkling eyes that melted her heart. Kate moved their clasped hands to her heart with tears in her eyes.

"We talked at Ryan's wedding about me hearing you the moment after I got shot, and that was one of the reasons I didn't call you. What I didn't tell you was after a few weeks, I found out I was pregnant."

"What," Rick asked his heart suddenly dropping. He knew that Josh and Kate were intimate, but pregnant. "How?"

"The night Montgomery was killed. I was so angry with you for pulling me away. I knew why you did it, and I forgave you long ago for it, but at that moment I needed something, anything to make the pain go away. So I went to Josh's place."

"Kate, you don't have to tell me anymore."

"Yes, I do. After that night, we were never intimate again especially after the shooting. I found out about 4 weeks after the shooting, and two days later I was rushed into the emergency room. The doctors recognized me and paged Josh without me knowing. I had to tell him that I lost the baby, his baby before I even had a chance to tell him I was pregnant."

"Wow."

"The baby would have changed things between all of us. Josh blamed me for losing the baby saying my job was too dangerous and that the shooting caused too much trauma to my body. I blamed myself for it too," Kate explained in tears. "I wanted to tell you for so long especially the past couple of months when we began getting closer. I just didn't know how."

"I'm sorry," Rick commented pulling her into a hug. "I don't know what to say. Wait, yes, I do. This doesn't change anything between us, Kate. I still love you and this doesn't change that. I don't want you to ever feel like you can't tell me something."

"Why are you being so calm about all of it?"

"It's not your fault you lost the baby, Kate. Your job and your shooting had nothing to do with it. I still don't get why Josh would turn up today of all days though."

"His wedding day is around the same time the baby would have been born from what the doctor had told us. Today was the first time I saw him since the day I kicked him out of my apartment. He kept saying that I didn't deserve to be a mother after I lost our baby. I had lost so many people that I cared about; my mother, Captain Montgomery, you, and then the baby. I had enough, so I told him to leave and never come back, then I packed a bag and went to my father's cabin."

"But Kate you didn't lose me, I'm right here. You will never lose me, and I hope after today you realize that because I love you."

"I do, Rick," she mumbled pulling away from him for a second. She looked into his eyes and gained the courage to tell him the one thing she had held back for so long. "I love you, too."

*Note* Thank you for the reviews, I do appreciate them, and if I had more time I would personally send a response telling each of you how much I do appreciate them. So please review, because you never know when you will get a PM from me (where I tend to give spoilers) thanking you for the review. This is not how I wanted this chapter to end, but like I said before I write as I go, and even though I had plans for her to storm out on him, it's not what I ended up writing. So I think I may like this ending a little bit more. I am going to try and get another chapter completed by the middle of the week or at least by the new episode of Castle on December 5th. Thank you again.