late April 2011

Hi, this is Bobby. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you when I can.

"Bobby, this is AJ. Call me back."

Bobby deleted this voicemail, and several other similarly terse voicemails in the same vein. He was too tired and still too raw from the rejection to listen to any more excuses or Bible verses. AJ had tried to corner him last night, outside his hotel room, and he'd fobbed him off by telling him he needed to Skype with his kids. It was true...but he enjoyed pushing AJ aside regardless. There seemed to be a small man wearing his skin now; a small man who was more determined than ever to keep his passions private and, above all else, to keep AJ out.

He was sitting in a 7-11 parking lot waiting for Abyss and EY, who were no doubt horsing around in the store. It was the middle of the run, a warm and crisp April afternoon, and he was already looking forward to it being over. AJ had just returned from an injury and he was starting to become a little bit of a pest. Friday night they'd passed each other backstage and before AJ could get out more than "hey, Bobby, what's up", Bobby had already dashed away. Yet even though they were only close for a moment, Bobby had seen and understood the question in AJ's eyes, and he lay tossing and turning that night trying to ignore his thoughts and his frustrating erection.

EY came out of the store, talking with a couple of fans, and posed for pictures outside the store. Abyss came straight out and got into the car.

"Did they have any almonds?" Bobby asked.

"Shit, Bobby, I'm sorry. I forgot to look."

"You think EY got them?"

"No, I know he didn't."

"Fuck. I wanted some almonds." He looked out at the fans, who were still clustering around EY. EY was clearly enjoying this to the hilt, and was taking multiple pictures and signing autographs. "He's gonna be a while. I don't want to go out there and get caught up in picture taking or signing today. I just want some damn almonds."

Abyss glanced back, his mouth already working a donut overtime. "Mmmph mmmph mmffph grumpy."

"What?"

"I said, get them yourself, grumpy."

"As soon as EY gets back in the damn car, I will. Don't put yourself out on my account."

Abyss raised both eyebrows, but turned back around anyway. Bobby resumed staring hatefully out the window. After a couple of minutes, EY waved goodbye and got back in the car. "That was nice, guys. Put me in a good mood. Ready to get back on the road?"

"Hell no. I want some almonds."

"Well go get them. What are you waiting for?"

"I was waiting for YOU to finish up fucking glad handing and shit. The last thing I need today is some fuck coming up to me and trying to take my picture when I just want something to eat!"

EY and Abyss exchanged glances, and then they both turned around to stare at Bobby, who was turning red in anger. "What the hell has gotten into you lately?" asked EY.

"NOTHING. God. I'll be right back." Bobby got out of the car and slammed the door. He stomped across the parking lot, narrowing avoiding a car that was pulling up, and pulled the door open hard enough to make it slam against the window. He didn't notice the man who was hurrying out of his own rented car and following him inside.

He stalked into the store and went straight for the snacks aisle. As he grabbed a pack of nuts, he felt a hand on his arm, turned, and stared AJ in the face. Hot blood slammed into his head and he frowned, hard.

AJ didn't bother with any pleasantries. "Still ducking me, Bobby? See what I gotta do? Following you around stores like you're shoplifting or something."

"Make it fast AJ. I don't have time."

"I want to know why you're ducking me. I call you, you don't pick up. You don't return any of my messages. I called you three times last night and I know you were up. I thought we were supposed to talk? How the hell are we supposed to work together when you act like I spit on you or something?"

Bobby checked for bystanders before answering. "I don't even know what to say to you right now. This isn't the time or place to talk about it."

"When is the time then? Give me a day and an hour, and I'll be there. I mean, we've known each other for years and all of a sudden we can't even pass the time of day?"

"Look-"

"Nuh-uh, none of that. I want to see you. We can hang out at the movies or something, if you want to play it that way and pretend like you don't have a phone like I'm somebody you need to hide from. Yeah, what happened was messy, and maybe I didn't handle it the right way. But Bobby, that doesn't mean I'm going to treat you like some kind of leper."

"Well thank God for that," Bobby said dryly. "I do love to be treated like a human being. It's such a difference."

"You're mad, and I can understand that. But Bobby, please, put yourself in my shoes for a second." AJ sighed and scratched the back of his neck. "Look, buy your little almonds and let's talk in the car. I'm driving by myself. We can talk for a little while."

"Fine."

Bobby grabbed a second bag and went over to the counter. AJ slid a bottle of Gatorade that he'd grabbed from a nearby cooler onto the counter and then, with a sly grin, tucked a $5 into Bobby's pocket. Bobby gave him a side eye but AJ sauntered away and actually started whistling as he walked out of the door.

That guy, Bobby thought, is just too much for words.

Bobby paid for the food and walked out into the parking lot. He waved to EY and raised his hand - five minutes, he mouthed, and before EY could protest, he opened the passenger door of AJ's car and got in. He handed over the drink and the change to AJ, who opened the Gatorade and drank nearly half of it down.

"Okay," said Bobby, tearing open a package, "start talking."

"If we were on better terms, I would have told you to keep the change," replied AJ.

"When did you become such a smartass?"

"Since I met you. Anyway. I've been doing a lot of thinking the past few weeks. I'm going to be totally honest, Bobby. I never thought I'd end up in this position. I keep the Lord first and foremost in my life and I've always said that this was wrong. It's written in the Bible that man shall not lay with man. I don't know if you remember I talked to OJ about this once - "

"I remember. I remember everything you said to him."

"And at the time, I meant every word. The light of Jesus can bring many good things into your life. It's done wonders for me. But you...I mean, I've known you for such a long time. I thought what I felt for you was just good friendship. I always noticed that you would get nervous, and sometimes when you were drunk you would get really huggy and weird, but I just never made the connection in my head. I never even thought about the possibility. Granted I'm not the brightest bulb in the lamp but once I really sat down and thought about it, I realized I've been missing things for years because I could never put it all together in my mind. And it's like, I don't hate you, I don't want to lecture you, I don't want to put you down. I don't want you to change. I like you a lot...more than I have ever admitted to myself. Now I'm saying it out loud. I like you a lot. Okay. When you took my hand that night, it set off something in me. I never wanted to kiss a man before but holding you and touching you, it made me want to go farther. But it's like, hello, even if I didn't think it was wrong I'm married and so are you. I have a feeling you've worked something out for yourself, and that's cool, but...I don't know if I can go there with you right now. But maybe I want to? I don't know. I don't know what's going on in my heart and mind anymore. So yeah. That's where I'm at. I don't even know if I'm making sense right now."

Bobby didn't say anything right away. He looked out the window at Abyss and EY talking. Fear and anger and delight roared and swirled inside of him. He had to fight down the urge to grab AJ and press against his body and whisper to him that it was going to be all right, right before their mouths came together for a kiss.

Instead, he said, "Okay. I understand."

"Are you still mad at me?"

"I'll get over it. That's a hell of a lot to take in at once."

"It was a heck of a lot to say. That was sitting in me for the longest."

"I believe it. This puts us in a shitty situation though. What are we supposed to do now?"

"Don't have the slightest idea."

"Maybe," Bobby said, turning his head and grinning, "we could go to the movies."

"There's another thing I like about you. You're a cheap date."

"Indeed." Bobby gazed intently into AJ's eyes and AJ returned the favor. A slow hot flush started to creep up AJ's neck. Bobby's grin widened. "Plus you can't see any wedding rings in the dark."

AJ's mouth dropped open, and he gasped, "Bobby!"

"That's for feeling me up in the store!"

AJ's flush had gone completely to his hairline, and he dropped his gaze and stared furiously at the steering wheel. "You are mean!"

Bobby laughed. "But seriously, I don't know what's next. Maybe we'll work something out with time I guess. I was really hurt that you ran off after I opened up to you," he admitted. "It took me a long time to admit it to myself too. Four years, at least. Also, I mean, no offense, but it would have been a lot easier falling for someone else. It's you though. It's been you for a long time."

"Yeah," said AJ, not looking up. He was still totally red.

"Right, I don't know either. But this is a start I guess. I better get back on the road with them before they start asking too many questions."

"Yeah."

"You okay?"

"Yeah."

"You sure?"

"I said yeah, all right?"

"Fine. See ya." Bobby thought about reaching over and stroking AJ's leg, but he figured that was enough for one day. He got out of the car, closed the door, and knocked once on the window; AJ gave him a small smile in response.

He walked over to EY's car and got in the back seat.

"What was that all about?" asked Abyss.

"Personal stuff," answered Bobby, who was digging into his almonds again.

EY started the car and went to back out of the space. "Well whatever it was, I'm glad it got you out of that fucking mood you've been in."

"Well," said Bobby, "I don't know about that."