A/N The Doctor had hoped for a second chance to start over with Rose. He never imagined it would come quite like this...

Chapter 16

The Doctor struggled to get to Rose while fighting against the searing pain clawing through his mind, made all the more agonizing knowing that the pain he was experiencing was not his own but hers.

Upon reaching her room, the Doctor and Jackie found Rose lying on the bed and curled up tightly on her side. Her hands gripped her head under the intensity of the pain coursing through her mind. Pete moved back from her as the Doctor rushed forward. He dropped to his knees beside the bed and placed his hands on her temples, centering his focus and pouring all of his concentrated effort into what had to be done to save her.

After a few breathless seconds, Rose went limp, and the Doctor removed his trembling hands.

Breathing heavily, he pulled himself up and looked back at Jackie and Pete. "I have to get her into the TARDIS," he said urgently.

Pete moved back to her side to lift her, but the Doctor insisted he would take Rose himself. "Just open the door," he said, quickly handing Pete the key.

The Doctor lifted Rose's unconscious body in his arms and carried her out of the bedroom, through the living room and into the waiting TARDIS.

Jackie and Pete followed closely behind as he swiftly made his way to the infirmary and placed Rose down on the bed. He then turned and hastily began gathering the equipment he needed.

"What's happened to her, Doctor?" Jackie asked frantically. "What's wrong?"

"Not now, Jackie!" the Doctor replied briskly. "Just wait outside. Please. I'll let you know as soon as I have her stabilized."

Jackie stood rigid, her eyes rooted on Rose's unmoving form. She was roused by Pete placing his arm around her shoulder. "C'mon, Jacks," he urged. "The Doctor is doing all he can. Just trust him. Let's give him the space he needs."

Jackie let him guide her out of the room, but turned her head back over her shoulder, looking once more at Rose's lifeless body as the Doctor worked frantically around her.

-:-:-:-

The anxious waiting while not knowing what was happening was driving Jackie's mind to the worst-case scenario. She tried to fight it, and Pete did his best to reassure her, but as time ticked on, both their fears increased. It felt as if an eternity had passed by the time the Doctor finally emerged from the infirmary and met them out in the corridor.

"How is she?" Jackie quickly asked, rushing forward.

The Doctor looked and sounded worn. "She's stabilized. But she's still unconscious and probably will be for the next few hours."

"And the baby?" she tentatively questioned.

"Both stable, for now," he confirmed, as Jackie sagged against Pete in relief, his arm wrapping around her.

"What happened to her, Doctor?" Pete asked. Neither he nor Jackie had known what had suddenly overtaken Rose, other than her condition seemed critical.

"The baby," the Doctor replied, letting out a ragged breath. Jackie and Pete looked at him blankly as he explained further. "The baby began to form a telepathic link to Rose. Gallifreyans being a telepathic race, the child links with the mother during development if gestation takes place through pregnancy. Since this child is part Gallifreyan that's to be expected." The Doctor's voice and very countenance was filled with guilt. "Or at least I should have expected it."

He paused, leaning heavily against the wall of the corridor before continuing. "In a fully-human embryo the neural tube begins to form and differentiate during the fourth week of pregnancy. In Gallifreyans it begins much sooner, though the entire process is one of the complex physiological aspects that takes longer to fully develop. As the neural pathway is forming, the telepathic link begins to establish itself. That's what was happening here. The problem was, by forming a link with Rose the baby naturally merged with the link she and I share. But our link is only a partial one. I've never been able to open my mind fully to Rose because the magnitude would be too much for her." The Doctor briefly closed his eyes. "She would literally burn. The baby did that, though. By linking with Rose in that way, it magnified the strength of her bond with me, allowing it to open fully. Everything suddenly rushed into her mind like a tidal wave, and it was too much for her to withstand."

Jackie and Pete tried to process this information. Jackie recalled that Rose and the Doctor had explained to her when they first broke the news of their relationship that they shared some sort of Time Lord Marriage Bond. She didn't completely understand it, and she just saw it as yet another alien aspect of the Doctor she would never fully grasp. She still wasn't sure if she totally understood it, but she was able to glean enough information to begin making sense of what had suddenly happened to Rose.

Jackie studied the Doctor's face, trying to gauge his full emotional state towards this. "You...you don't blame the baby for this though, do you?" she questioned, fearing this could make the tenuous situation with the Doctor's feelings about the baby even worse.

The Doctor scrubbed both hands down his face. "No, of course not," he replied wearily. "It's my fault. I should have expected this. I just didn't realize it would be this strong, and truthfully...I...I hadn't considered this very much at all. I should have taken precautions and put more barriers in place to prevent this very thing from happening. If I had just...if I had been more focused..."

"Placing blame isn't helping anyone right now," Pete reasoned. "But is Rose going to be alright in the long term?"

A dark shadow fell over the Doctor's face, pain seeping through his voice. "I've all but severed our bond. All but a remaining trace. It was the only way. It can eventually be re-formed again, but not until it's safe for her. But before I was able do that, neural damage had already been done."

The rising fear could be heard in Jackie's voice. "Doctor, how bad is it?"

"I've managed to repair some of the damage, but not all. The brain is a very, very delicate thing, and there's only so much I can do. I don't believe she's suffered impairment to her motor or somatosensory regions, but I won't know the full extent of the damage I wasn't able to reverse until she regains consciousness."

"Can we see her?" Jackie asked.

The Doctor nodded. They turned and followed him down the corridor and into the infirmary. Jackie and Pete approached where Rose lay in the bed on the far end of the room. The lights had dimmed, and the still atmosphere was a contrast to the earlier frenzy as Rose now lay draped in a light blanket, appearing as if she were merely sleeping peacefully. Reaching forward, Jackie stroked Rose's hair and spoke softly. "You're gonna be just fine, sweetheart. You hear me?"

The Doctor kept his eyes on Rose as he spoke. "One of the most important things we can do when she wakes up is to make sure she isn't under any kind of stress whatsoever. Her mind needs to heal, and any stress could be detrimental." He paused, his gaze shifting from her. "I think it would be best if I move her back to her room in your flat."

Pete looked up from Rose and back to the Doctor. "Why?"

"Shouldn't she stay here where you can monitor her?" Jackie asked.

The Doctor shook his head. "For now I've done all I can for her. Her mind will have to heal on its own from here." Guilt once again laced the Doctor's tone as he continued. "When she wakes up I don't want her to be further stressed by...by being here. If Rose wanted to stay with you for the time being and be in her old room in your flat, then that's where she'll be."

Neither Pete nor Jackie brought up the reason Rose had been feeling that way. They didn't have to. The reason was written on the Doctor's pained face. He only hoped he wasn't too late for the chance of making amends to Rose for that now.

-:-:-:-

It was late into the night when Rose was moved out of the infirmary and back into her room in the flat. The Doctor placed Rose gently down on the bed and took a step back. Jackie drew the covers up over Rose as the Doctor scanned her once more with the sonic screwdriver to check her vitals.

He switched off the sonic and turned to Jackie and Pete. "You should both get some rest. I'll let you know as soon as there's any change."

"I don't want to just leave her," Jackie objected.

"She'll need you when she wakes up, and you're going to need some sleep before then. I'll be here with her the whole time Jackie, I promise," the Doctor assured her.

"The Doctor's right, Jacks," Pete gently urged, knowing how exhausted his wife was. "There's nothing more we can do right now, and she's in good hands with the Doctor."

"S'pose so," Jackie murmured. "But tell us the minute there's a change," she insisted, as Pete took her hand and they turned to leave. The Doctor nodded.

As Jackie and Pete left the room, the Doctor turned his full attention back to Rose. He wouldn't even allow his mind to go to the place of considering she wouldn't come through alright in this. That wasn't even an option. He pulled over a chair and sat down next to the bed, gazing into Rose's unresponsive face. The Doctor reached forward, lightly trailing his fingers across the pale skin of her cheek. "I'm here," he murmured as he began his vigil, his words also a vow to never distance himself from her as he had these past two days. "I'm right here with you, Rose. Always."

As the hours passed through the night, the Doctor spent the time in deep contemplation, finally reaching some much-needed conclusions as acceptance found its way into his hearts and settled there. He had been focusing on what could slip through his fingers, letting that blind him from seeing the precious possibility of what he could hold within his hands. Even if it only lasted a moment, that moment would be worth a thousand lifetimes.

Though he had already lost in life so many he held dear, would it have been better to have never had them in his life at all? No, he finally realized. Each person who had touched his life had played a part in shaping him into who he was. It was his dear Sarah Jane who said it best: "Pain and loss – they define us as much as happiness or love." Even if they were no longer with him, a part of those he loved would always remain. Despite the deeply-etched pain of loss, it did not have the power to steal what had been his for the length of time it lasted.

The light of this truth began to chase away the darkness that had been clinging to him like a shroud. If he only had a single day with Rose, that one day would be worth any pain that followed from a lifetime without. He knew that full well. How could he have ever seen it any other way? And now this child had the potential not to double the sorrow in his life, but to multiply the joy as long as he had the courage to grasp that and never let it go.

Rose was one of the greatest gifts ever to come into his life. She took his empty hand, ran with him and never looked back. She loved him without reservation and deserved the same from him. Rose once told him, in what she thought at the time would be her final words, that she wouldn't have missed it for the world. Neither would he. She was teaching him how to love again, unrestrained and without fear; and though he might have slipped up, he vowed here and now his mistakes would not be repeated.

Now that his focus was fully on Rose, he began to realize just how difficult he had made this situation for her. Yes, he had been scared, but so had she; and he had done nothing to give her reassurance. The first words spoken from his mouth upon learning of this was to say that this could kill her. He had no doubt terrified her all the more in a moment that had already left her reeling. He had then gone on to say this would destroy his life. The Doctor grimaced with painful regret, replaying that moment in his mind. He hadn't even been thinking of her feelings in that moment, only his own. It killed him inside to think of how he had made Rose feel, to the point of her being driven to ask if he would be happier if she lost this baby. He squeezed his eyes shut as remorse flooded him.

Up to this point he had not allowed himself to reflect on it, though Rose had tried to remind him of how this child had really been conceived – created out of their love. "They said I was one week along. Do you remember last week? That night?" she had whispered, her heart open before him as she held out the truth. "We did this, Doctor. Through our love."

His mind fell back to that very night where the ardent passion flowing between them had affirmed their love, and he nearly trembled with emotion. This child, their child, was meant to be.

The Doctor reached down and picked up Rose's limp hand. He enveloped it in both of his and cradled it near his face. "Oh, Rose," he whispered. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. But not about having you or this child in my life. Never, never for that. I'm sorry for the things that were said and my outlook on this that caused you so much pain." He brushed his lips across the tips of her fingers. "Pete was right, you know. This baby we created is a miracle. And that is exactly how I will see our child every day for the rest of my life. Even if I only had one moment to spend with you both, it's worth it. It will always be worth it to me. Always."

His eyes slowly traveled down Rose's form and came to rest on her belly. He didn't just accept this child. He began to feel the deep ache of longing, of wanting this child. The longer he allowed himself to dwell on that feeling the more intense it became. He wanted to see the brilliant being that would emerge from the center of the love he and Rose shared. The universe held many things which enthralled and even awed him; but this, this took his breath away.

The Doctor carefully eased the sheet down to Rose's middle and nudged her shirt up, revealing the place where their child now grew within her. Reverently, he placed his hand over her womb as a sense of awe enveloped him. He was finally allowing himself to see this child as his – not as something devised by someone else. He saw it as something precious, and not an object of fear or dread.

"Hello," he spoke ever so softly, addressing for the first time the tiny being within Rose. A faint smile came to his lips as his fingers lightly brushed across her skin. He decided it was time he introduced himself. "I suppose it's time we got to know each other, isn't it? I'm the Doc–" He halted the familiar words and realized they needed to be replaced with a title he thought would never again belong to him. "I'm...well, I'm your...I'm your dad." He laughed softly to himself in amazement. "And this wondrous person you're currently living inside is your mum. Someday I hope you'll be just like her, because as for me...well, it's time you learn this now: sometimes I can be Mister Thick-Thickity-Thick. But for some reason I still haven't quite figured out, Rose loves me anyway; and someday I hope you will, too, because I..." He swallowed down the lump that had risen in his throat. Old habits die hard and some words were still difficult for him to set free. "Because I love you."

The Doctor heard a quiet noise behind him and turned his head to see Jackie standing in the doorway. She had woken and come to check on Rose. His shining eyes met hers as she walked closer. "They are worth it, Jackie," he declared thickly, having fought this battle within him and won. "For however much time I can have them in my life, for each and every second, they will always be worth it."

Jackie continued closer and sat down on the other side of the bed, taking Rose's other hand in hers. "Well, I'm glad you finally came to your senses, you daft alien," she said softly, a fond smile crossing her lips.

He let out a watery laugh. "Quite right, too."

They both sat in silence for several minutes, watching over Rose. "Do you think she'll face any more serious complications with the pregnancy?" Jackie asked him.

The Doctor breathed in deeply. "It's too early to say. But I promise I will do whatever I can through this to–"

His words were cut short as Rose began to stir. The Doctor quickly stood and pulled out the sonic screwdriver to scan her as Jackie leaned forward and placed her hand on the side of Rose's face.

Slowly, Rose's eyes fluttered open and her bleary vision focused on the sight of her mum leaning over her.

"M-Mum?" she rasped.

"Shhh, it's alright, love," Jackie soothed, stroking her cheek.

Rose's hand went to her temple as she squeezed her eyes shut. "My head...s'killing me."

The Doctor flinched at the ominously-familiar words. How many times would Rose burn because of him? Hopefully never again.

He wanted to rush to Rose's side and draw her into his arms in a crushing embrace, but he didn't want to overwhelm her in the moment, so he drew near slowly.

"I know, sweetheart. But it's okay," Jackie said reassuringly. "The Doctor's right here and he's lookin' after you."

"I must be bad off if I need a doctor," Rose murmured groggily. She slowly turned her head in the Doctor's direction and blinked several times as he moved closer. She peered at him through a haze of disorientation and spoke a question that made his hearts momentarily cease beating. "Are...are you the doctor?"