GRELL SUTCLIFFE: User Guide and Manual

CONGRATULATIONS! You have just purchased your very own GRELL SUTCLIFFE unit. This manual was made to ensure that you, the user, could get as much potential from your GRELL SUTCLIFFE unit as possible.

Technical Specifications:

Name: GRELL SUTCLIFFE. He will respond to anything you call him, including "Sexy Butler Man," "Sexy Reaper Man," and "Mangosteen." We do not suggest using "Red-Headed Stepchild," however.

Age: Never ask a lady his age!

Place of Manufacture: Dispatch Management Division

Height: 167.64 cm (5'6'')

Weight: The GRELL SUTCLIFFE unit firmly believes in the rule that it is inexusably rude to ask a lady her weight. Or his.

Length: Relinquishing such information is not befitting a proper lady.

Your GRELL SUTCLIFFE unit comes equipped with the following:

One (1) woman's coat, red

One (1) pair of ruby red glasses, neck chain included

One (1) Shinigami suit, with red and white ribbon instead of black tie

One (1) pair of high-heeled boots

One (1) SEBASTIAN MICHAELIS plush doll

One (1) WILLIAM T. SPEARS plush doll

One (1) modified Reaper's Death Scythe, chainsaw, red

Two (2) Reaper's Death Scythe replacement scissors

Six (6) packs of colored craft paper

One (1) copy of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet

Three (3) tubes of lipstick, red, Red Hot Mama, and Sex Me Up Red

Two (2) women's dresses, red and brighter red

One (1) tube of mascara, black

One (1) case of rouge

One (1) camera, red

Programming

While there are many available functions for your GRELL unit, here are a few suggestions and warnings:

Butler: Your GRELL unit can be utitlized as your personal butler. This function is not recommended, as GRELL SUTCLIFFE has been programmed to be the worst butler in the history of butlers. GRELL brews awful tea, breaks nearly everything she he touches, and has a tendency to get lost very easily. GRELL's butler function may be used as suitable comedic relief, but we advise you to be prepared when GRELL fails and begins to attempt suicide. Of course, he she will fail, but in the rare event that she he doesn't, we recommend having SEBASTIAN MICHAELIS unit on hand to clean up the mess.

Mercenary: GRELL SUTCLIFFE, while a God-awful butler, is an exemplary killing machine. Despite the fact that she he is supposed to be a Reaper, only collecting souls after a person has died, GRELL is happy to speed the process along, especially if she he finds your reason for doing so relatable.

Semi-Professional Actor: GRELL is naturally dramatic, relishing in the attentions, whether positive or not, of others, and he she adores the stage. GRELL is perfect and always ready to play the role of the leading heroine or damsel-in-distress. As long as he she believes that no one else's role is better or more important that his/hers, the show will go on successfully. Otherwise... a "No Refunds" sign might be necessary.

Party Entertainment: GRELL could be a wonderful party host, as she he is very open, dramatic, social, and loves attention. GRELL loves to sing and party, so shove a microphone into her his hand and shove her him out onto the stage or dancefloor and watch magic happen. Believe us when we say that no one will ever forget a party with GRELL SUTCLIFFE. Especially the handsome male guests.

Babysitter: GRELL SUTCLIFFER harbors a deep desire to bear children of his her own, and as such is extremely envious of other women. If you have children, especially babies, GRELL might actually prove to be a wonderful caretaker. Or he she may not. However, please be advised that GRELL may become jealous of your ability to have children, and she he may kill you and steal your kids from you.

Model: GRELL is extremely comfortable in his her own body, and will be more than happy to pose for your art. As long as you keep him happy with promises of special attention from his "true loves," he will perform anything you ask, even nude photos.

Removal of your GRELL SUTCLIFFE unit from packaging

Your GRELL SUTCLIFFE unit is unpredictable, moody, dramatic, bloodthirsty, and slightly selfish. Removal from her his box can be a perfectly easy task, or it can be the worst idea you've ever had. Please read the following suggestions to ensure safe and successful box removal.

Method 1: Place a lovely and expensive red outfit, preferably a dress, in front of the GRELL SUTCLIFFE box and wait. Your unit will burst out of the box and happily attempt to try on the outfit. For best results, compliment the unit, whether she he looks good or not. Especially if she he doesn't. Use feminine pronouns and adjectives.

Method 2: Have WILLIAM T. SPEARS stand in front of the box and order GRELL SUTCLIFFE to come out. She He will, but she he will immediately begin flirting with WILLIAM, which may result in the maiming of your GRELL unit. If damage occurs, baby your GRELL unit as much as you can, and remind her him of how beautiful she he is, especially if WILLIAM stabs GRELL'S face.

Method 3: Have SEBASTIAN MICHAELIS stand in front of your GRELL unit's box. GRELL will immediately burst out of the box to flirt with SEBASTIAN. This can end in one of two ways: your GRELL unit may be berated and damaged by the SEBASTIAN unit, or she he will initiate a battle. If the former occurs, act as Method 2 dictates, but if the latter occurs, order your SEBASTIAN MICHAELIS unit to stand down and call in WILLIAM T. SPEARS. Stand a safe distance away as WILLIAM diffuses the situation.

Method 4: Stand in front of your unit's box and begin a steady stream of compliments and praise. Your GRELL unit will come out on her his own, flattered. If you are male, be aware that GRELL may suddenly fall deeply and helplessly in love with you. If you are female, she he may befriend you on the basis that she he finds herself himself much, much prettier than you, or she he may become jealous of you and try to kill you.

Method 5: Stand outside of your GRELL unit's box and begin playing an instrument. Your GRELL unit will burst out of the box and begin singing along. Surprisingly, GRELL has a gorgeous voice. Be sure to tell her him so. Often.

Reprogramming

Your GRELL SUTCLIFFE unit is reprogrammable with the following modes:

Flirtatious

Bloodthirsty

Drama Queen

Slash

Obedient (locked)

Murderous (locked)

*Note: While GRELL will perform the same actions in both the Bloodthirsty and Murderous modes, the difference is that while in Murderous GRELL cannot be stopped in her his intense desire to kill everyone that has offended her him. Not even WILLIAM T. SPEARS can save you from GRELL's wrath if you manage to incur it upon yourself.

Your GRELL SUTCLIFFE unit comes preprogrammed in the Flirtatious and Bloodthirsty modes. In these modes your unit will act as she he pleases, happily killing what or whoever she he is ordered to, or wishes to. She He will flirt with everyone she he finds appealing, especially handsome young men. She He is playful and coy, but make her him angry or spurn her him too much and Bloodthirsty mode may slide into Murderous mode.

Drama Queen mode will initiate whenever your GRELL SUTCLIFFE unit pleases, but especially after being rejected by yourself or another unit. In this mode GRELL will not respond to any of your orders and she he will whine and complain until you find someway to placate her him. GRELL has been known to do things out of spite in this mode, such as destroying your favorite piece of clothing with his Death Scythe or Scissors. To get your GRELL unit to grow up, agree to do something nice for her him, such as get her him a kiss with SEBASTIAN (you may have to order SEBASTIAN to agree to this), or buy her him a new pair of shoes.

GRELL is the second unit of the KUROSHITSUJI product line to have Slash mode unlocked and readily available. She He may enter this mode herself himself, at any time. While in this mode, her his playful come-ons will increase in intensity and X-rating, and no male or super-gorgeous female is safe. It is extremely easy to pair your GRELL unit off while in this mode, especially with SEBASTIAN MICHAELIS, WILLIAM T. SPEARS, or UNDERTAKER. While GRELL is not entirely picky about her his partner in this mode, you may have some trouble getting her him to pair with units such as CIEL PHANTOMHIVE, ANGELA/ASH, CLAUDE FAUSTUS, or ALOIS TRANCY. Also, if rejected while in this mode, GRELL has an even higher chance of unlocking Murderous mode.

Obedient mode is locked because GRELL likes to do things herself himself, when she he chooses. To unlock this mode, somehow gain GRELL's fear or deep admiration, or use WILLIAM T. SPEARS to literally beat her him into shape. When in this mode GRELL SUTCLIFFE will obey your every command, more or less, without all the mouth that she he may give you otherwise. GRELL is a competent ally to have, but make sure you tell her him so to keep Obedient mode unlocked.

Your GRELL unit has a fiery, kill-happy temper that is unlocked at a moment's notice. Often she he will unlock Murderous mode without warning, and if you manage to catch it in time, make sure you have a SEBASTIAN unit readily available to protect you or whatever has incurred GRELL's wrath, because she he will stop at nothing until she he sees the object of her his rage dead and painted her his favorite color.

Relationships with Other Units

SEBASTIAN MICHAELIS: GRELL SUTCLIFFE finds SEBASTIAN attractive and firmly believes in flirting with him as much as possible. SEBASTIAN does not reciprocate any of GRELL's feelings, unless you order him to, and will most likely harm GRELL in some way if the reaper gets too touchy or threatens SEBASTIAN'S master. GRELL also enjoys a good battle with SEBASTIAN and will often skip the flirting to goad him into a fight.

*Note: Slash mode between GRELL SUTCLIFFE and SEBASTIAN MICHAELIS may occur if the two are left alone and SEBASTIAN remains in Demonic mode for too long. While this may be GRELL's dream come true, have a back up plan handy to save her him, for she he may not come out of the pairing in one piece.

WILLIAM T. SPEARS: WILLIAM is GRELL's "true love," despite the fact that WILLIAM finds GRELL exceedingly annoying and useless. GRELL will shamelessly flirt with WILLIAM even as the former is smashing her his face in. If left alone for a long enough time, WILLIAM may grudgingly come around to GRELL's insistent flattery and Slash mode may finally come into play.

ANGELINA DURLESS: GRELL empathizes with ANGELINA's despair at not being capable of bearing children. As such, the two make a good pairing when bought together. GRELL may also end up killing your ANGELINA unit, if she he so happens to become bored by her.

*Note: Be careful when owning both units together, as there may suddenly become an increase in prostitute murders in your area. If you suspect your GRELL and ANGELINA units to be the culprits, buy a CIEL PHANTOMHIVE, SEBASTIAN MICHAELIS, and ALEISTER CHAMBER unit to solve the case.

Cleaning

Your GRELL SUTCLIFFE unit is perfectly capable of cleaning herself himself, though if you are handsome enough he may allow you to bathe her him. She He may even offer to bathe you, but we reccommend watching her his hands during both processes.

Feeding

We are not sure what a Reaper eats, though we have seen GRELL units eating human food, so it may be safe to offer him her some from time to time. GRELL is an even worse cook than the PHANTOMHIVE SERVANT BARDROY, so for fire-safety and personal health's sake, do not have him her prepare any of your meals or any meals of her his own.

Rest

Your GRELL SUTCLIFFE unit does not need to rest very often, but when she he does he has a tendency to stop breathing in her his sleep. We do not reccommend waking her him up if this happens. She He prefers to lie amongst lovely things like flowers.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q. Is the GRELL unit a male or a female? It's so pretty and feminine, but...

A. The GRELL unit is male, though we recommend not reminding her of this.

Q. What is the GRELL unit's sexual orientation? I can't tell if he likes men or woman or...animals.

A. ...Bisexual...? Your GRELL unit will hit on anything that he she deems pretty and/or mysterious.

Troubleshooting

Problem: My GRELL unit keeps killing my neighbors. How do I get him to stop?

Solution: Take away his her Modified Reaper Death Scythe and give him her the Death Scissors we have included in her his packaging. Your GRELL unit will whine and complain about it, but it will force her him to find other ways to release her his "creative spirit."

Problem: My GRELL unit keeps putting on my mother's clothes and won't stop trying to reap my soul!

Solution: Threaten your GRELL unit with WILLIAM T. SPEARS, but don't hold your breath. GRELL likes to kill things, likes reaping souls, and is very hard to control. We suggest offering something of equal value, like a new dress or a new SEBASTIAN plush doll.

Problem: My GRELL unit is acting very stiff and arrogant. All he wants to do is paperwork, though he complains and mutters to himself while he does it. How can I get him to loosen up?

Solution: It seems we have sent you a WILLIAM T. SPEARS unit instead. Please feel free to send him back, or if you still want to try to "loosen him up," buy another GRELL unit and try to make the two interact.

*Note: This method may result in the maiming of your GRELL unit, or the raping of your WILLIAM unit. Be careful.

End Notes

You have picked a flamboyant and carefree spirit to spend the rest of your life with. GRELL SUTCLIFFE has a very independent and creative personality, and will be the perfect girlfriend to keep you company.

Good luck!

I'm sorry I couldn't reply to your messages, but I want to thank everyone that's reviewed this ball of craziness so far! :D I honestly wasn't expecting any attention at all, so thank you thank you!

Anyway, I got a request for a GRELL unit manual, so I got to work, and I hope it is useful as well as amusing. Oh, and I don't own any of the Kuroshitsuji characters. Nor the Hellsing characters. Just so we're clear.

~SMOL3