I thought this was done but my brain gifted me with a couple more good ideas

September 2011

"You're kidding, right?" Bobby said, a sarcastic glitter in his eye.

EY walked around the room, a towel wrapped around his hips, heading towards the mirror to start getting ready. "Nope. I'm totally serious. It's just for a couple hours, and it's a big house, you probably won't run into each other more than once or twice. Come on Bobby, I really want to go."

"So, go," Bobby said, making no moves to get ready himself. "You don't need me to have fun."

"Wrong, dude. I need a wingman tonight. I need you to keep the girls off me. How would it look if I came home and still had a girl superglued to my hip? You ever tried to explain that to a sales clerk as you buy all the nail polish remover they have? Been there. Not fun." EY poured lotion into his hand and started rubbing it into his skin. "I've got to pre-moisturize so the glue doesn't stick as badly. Come on, Bobby. Carry my emollients."

Bobby grinned in spite of himself. "I almost want to go now because you used that word."

"It doesn't get nearly enough love in everyday conversation. Come on, bro. Don't leave me..." EY paused dramatically and looked at Bobby in the mirror, "dry."

"Oh, now you're taking it too far."

"Proper skin hydration is serious business. The girls down here use industrial strength adhesives. Don't leave me to face that all by myself."

"I'm not going to a party for James. I don't care how many women you get stuck to. I don't care if you have them strung around your waist like a hula hoop. Not going. No."

EY dropped the towel without a hint of shame and began to dress. "Yeah, I heard you. But just this one time, Bobby. I really want to go. Please? I'll do anything you want." He stepped into his boxers and wiggled his butt at Bobby, who was unimpressed. "I'll even give you a discount."

"No."

"Freebie."

"No."

"Fine." EY stepped into a pair of jeans. "I'm going to follow you around all night and be extra whiny and annoying. You think it's bad now? I'm taking it up to 11. No, fuck that, I'm taking it up to 21. I'm gonna whine and whine and whine until you come to this party and hang out with me for an hour or else you're gonna throw yourself off a bridge and I'll nag you all the way down. I'll buy you nonalcoholic beer and nothing but for a month straight. I'll switch your iPod with Robbie E's. My reign of terror will make the history books. You know what? Let's not go." He put down a shirt and turned to Bobby with a sappy smile on his face. "I have a whole BUNCH of fun ideas!"

Bobby stared at him in horror. Twenty minutes later, they were in the car.

"I hope you don't think I'll ever forgive you for this," said Bobby.

"Eh, I don't really care," replied EY. "I'm doing what I was asked to do."

"Who asked you?"

"You can guess."

Bobby rolled his eyes. "Is it James? Turn the car back around."

EY drove on without stopping. "He just asked me to bring you around tonight, that's all." He pulled up to a stoplight behind a car and looked at Bobby, his face exasperated. "Sometimes I get tired of hearing him talk about it, that's all. You know the feeling."

Bobby nodded, but turned away and stared out the window until they drove up to the party. It was at someone's house, and the house was so full it was spraying people on the lawn like a busted popcorn popper. EY parked the car about a half a block away, and the two of them walked to the house together in silence. EY waded right into the crowd and Bobby followed, noting the time on his watch so that he knew exactly when to start nagging. EY scanned the crowd, and as Bobby caught up with him James materialized out of the crowd. He gave EY a hug - "glad you came, man" - and gave Bobby a nod, but his body language said he wanted to give out another hug. Bobby refused to give in and simply nodded back. James' face fell a tiny bit; he looked away and took a hefty swallow from a plastic cup. EY stepped into the gap in conversation with an important question.

"Where's the beer?"

Throwing an arm around EY's shoulders, James led him off to the bar. Even after a whole bunch of people had already been at it, the bar was still bursting with some of just about every liquor known to man. Bobby was a little impressed. The bartender handed them two cups of beer, and, before James could say a word, Bobby turned and slipped into the crowd, looking for someone without baggage to talk to. It wasn't too long before he was lost in a talk with Elijah, who had a case of the raps.

And so the party passed. Bobby had a lot of fun in spite of himself, but after a couple hours, he needed a break. He said as much to Elijah and some friends and excused himself to wander around upstairs, hoping to find an empty bedroom. The first door was locked and moans were slipping out. The second door was a bathroom. The third door was unlocked, and he gratefully closed it behind him and sat down on the neatly made bed. The floor shook with music, and he closed his eyes and quietly drank a little more of his beer. As soon as he remembered he hadn't locked the door it opened and James and Tommy barged in. Both were holding cups and bottles. Bobby sighed and stood up.

"Great," slurred James, "just the man we've been looking for. Hey man, how have you been? Been trying to catch you all night long. Me and Tommy both. Right, Tommy?"

"Yeah," said Tommy, avoiding Bobby's eyes. There was a loveseat across from the bed with a few shirts piled on top of it. He pushed them aside and sat down, still looking anywhere but in Bobby's direction. James pretended not to notice. He sat on the bed and looked up at Bobby, who was still standing.

"Sit down, motherfucker," James said. "You act like we're gonna jump you. I'm way too drunk to jump on anything but a sandwich right now. Sit."

Bobby kept standing.

"Fine," sighed James, "have it your way. I'm glad you came out, man. Haven't seen you in forever plus half a minute. How have you been?"

"Fine." The word came out curt and sharp.

"Well, that's good. Glad EY could talk you into coming." James looked over at Tommy and jerked his head significantly. Tommy rolled his eyes but started talking.

"Bobby, I apologize for being an asshole to you. I was wrong to accuse you of...well, what I accused you of. I'm sorry for starting a fight with you over it. And I honestly apologize for going to Eric Bischoff and-" he cleared his throat - "trying to get you fired. That was fucked up of me, and I wasn't thinking clearly. I was angry and I lashed out and I didn't think about what I was doing. I only wanted to hurt you. I know this doesn't make things right, but I was wrong, and I'm sorry."

"Hmm," said Bobby, "you practiced that a lot, huh?"

"Yes," Tommy said, not able to cut off all the hiss from the word. Bobby looked back at James, who shrugged and tried not to look like a proud papa.

"Well done, Redneck Yoda," Bobby said. "I hope you don't expect us to kiss and make up, now."

"Nah. But maybe you can at least hold the hostilities in check so we can be cool again? I kinda miss your stiff ass. I know you miss me. Oh you won't admit it, but deep down in that heart full of maple syrup, you do."

"Always going for the Canadian jokes, eh James?"

"It's such an easy target, man, how can I miss?"

"You can't, I guess." Bobby's lips turned up in a small grin despite himself. James saw it and answered it with his own smile, and then stood up and threw an arm around Bobby's shoulder. Bobby patted him awkwardly on the back. "I'm not saying we're friends again, though, but since you tried so hard-"

"MAN," James almost exploded, "do you know how much I had to talk to this redwood looking motherfucker just to get him to think about saying that shit? He had me in the chair looking like Dr. Phil and shit. I should have shaved my head and charged him money. Old stiff Raggedy Andy ass, talking about he was a man and men don't apologize and shit."

"You can tell he's not married," Bobby said. They both laughed. Tommy smirked and went back to drinking. His bottle stood open at his feet. James hugged Bobby again, closer this time. Bobby put his hand on James' shoulder and politely nudged him back.

"Sorry, Bobby, I'm drunk. You know how I get. In a minute I'll be squeezing your ass."

"You've done that sober."

"You were in a better mood then."

"Got me there." He cut his eyes towards Tommy, then looked back at James and lowered his voice. "I'm still not gonna trust him, you know that right?"

"I ain't stupid."

"Debatable."

"Look at you, back with me five minutes and already getting smart. One day your mouth is gonna get you in trouble, and I hope I'm gonna be there. I'm gonna laugh my ass off." James' phone rang and he checked the display. "Excuse me for a minute. Don't kick the shit out of each other until I get back cause I wanna watch." He laughed again and left, answering the phone as he went, closing the door gently behind him.

Bobby sat down on the bed and finished off his beer. He looked glumly into the bottom of the cup, and right then Tommy said, "want some bourbon?" Bobby thought about it and then held out his hand for the bottle, checking the label before pouring a healthy belt into his cup. He passed the bottle back and they drank in silence.

Tommy broke it by saying, "Do you think I should apologize to AJ?"

"What for?"

"I don't know. Thought I'd ask."

"New rule - leave AJ out of our conversations."

"He's a sensitive subject, huh?"

Bobby regarded Tommy over the lip of his cup, and as the liquor hit the bottom of his stomach, he got a mean idea and decided to go with it. "Yeah. He's not involved in this and there's no reason for you to bring it up. We're friends. That's all. Why do you want to know who I'm fucking?"

"I don't." Tommy's skin belied his feelings; blood was pressing against his skin, turning it rosy red.

"Well, good, because unless we're fucking, I'm not telling you. Of course if we were fucking, I'd tell you if I was fucking someone else. That would be the polite thing to do, you know, if I was fucking the shit out of you every night."

Tommy's eyes were skittering around the room - on Bobby, on the bed, on the floor, back on Bobby. "Every night, huh? You think you got it like that?"

"Don't think so," said Bobby, his eyes not moving from Tommy's face. "Know so. This dick has affidavits."

Tommy's flush had deepened to a brick red and as he stuttered trying to find something to say, Bobby thought, Mission accomplished. The door opened and James came barging back in to find Tommy sputtering away and Bobby trying to look innocent. He looked right at Bobby. "What'd you do?"

"Nothing. Just pulling his chain a little bit. No harm, no foul. After all, he's a man, right?" Bobby slid his eyes over to Tommy again. "He can take it." Tommy, who was just starting to recover, blushed again.

James, on the other hand, got a little mad. "Stop messing with him, Bobby. Damn. Trying to undo all my work. Get your rocks off somewhere else. Aww damn, now you got me into this. Think about church, okay? CHURCH!"

"Come on," Bobby said, chuckling a little, "your face was the funniest thing I've seen all week. If you want to be cool with me, Tommy, you got to be able to take a joke. Laugh, that makes it better, man."

"Maybe I should call you Lumberjack Yoda," smirked James. Bobby made as if to smack him in the head, but James ducked and gave Bobby the finger. He turned to Tommy and said, "You know, if you laugh at him, he stops. He's just turnip truck smartass, is all. Go get us another bottle, man, and fix your face."

Tommy got up without a word and headed for the door. As soon as the door closed James's smile vanished. "Please do not fuck with him that way. You're just making it worse. He ain't coming out of the closet no time soon, so please, just stop playing. It makes him so mad, man. That's a dude who would stab you over that shit."

"Message received. I had to yank him a little though. He's made my life hell for months."

"I know, man, and I don't really blame you, but please do me this favor. The last thing I need is for you to end up dead or something."

"You really think he would do something like that?" Bobby said, shocked.

"Honestly? Yeah. He has some disturbing shit in that head. Closet cases, man."

"Yeah. They're the worst. Good fucks, though."

"You wouldn't! Or...would you?" asked James, a smile running up his face.

"Eh, I'd have to gag him so he didn't talk, but I would, if we were on a desert island or something. He's not on my list otherwise."

"I suppose not, if you have AJ around."

At the mention of his name, Bobby smiled and blushed himself. James said, "Things going good between you two?"

"They are going great. He's a great guy. You know I wanted to break up with him last month but he talked me out of it. My head was so messed up, James, that I got a cigarette off Mickie one night."

"I heard about that. Knew something serious had to go down for that to happen. Either that or someone hypnotized you to make you think it was a grilled chicken lollipop. I would have talked to you, if you needed me."

"I appreciate that." They shared a meaningful glance, and after a moment, Bobby gave in and hugged James. James hugged him back, then sneaked a hand around and squeezed an ass cheek. Bobby yelped in James' ear. "James! Ugh. You're such a fucking tease."

James stepped back with a mischievous smile. "I'll never change if I can get away with it. Come on, let's head off that big ginger fuck and go back downstairs to the party. The last thing I need is Tommy opening the door on us with my legs in the air."

"I'll try to remember to hold them down."

"That's the spirit. Come on, let's go." James opened the door and waved Bobby through it with a wide grin, then closed it quietly behind them. Tommy met them in the hallway with two bottles, and James took both. "We're going back to the party for a while," he said as he walked down the hall.

Tommy hung back a little and risked a glance at Bobby. Bobby quickly said, "You know I was just joking around, right?"

"Yeah, I got that. You just liked seeing me stutter."

Bobby shrugged, not denying it. Tommy looked at him intensely, and said, almost in a whisper, "Did you like it?"

Bobby averted his eyes and said, just as quietly, "Let's not go there." He slipped away and followed James down to the party. Tommy stood alone in the hallway, and as Bobby went down the stairs, he touched his mouth.