The phone woke Bobby up. He rolled over and squinted at the alarm clock - 8:30. He'd forgotten to set his alarm and overslept again. The phone kept ringing, and he checked the display - it was James. He answered with a groggy hello.
"You ain't up yet? Come on Bobby, time's wasting. Get up and let's go to breakfast."
"Mmmm. Yeah. Coffee. Where do you want to go?"
"Bob Evans."
"They have healthy food there, right? It's not all coated in gravy?"
"I think they have one or two things. Like pancakes, or something. I've been craving some sausage gravy for like a whole damn day though, so that's where we're going. Get up. I'm hungry."
"Yeah. Give me ten minutes."
"Any more than that and you're paying."
"Deal." He hung up the phone and crawled out of bed. His headache wasn't as bad as he thought it would be, but pain still gnawed at his temples. He dry swallowed two aspirin and got dressed in jeans and a zip up hoodie. The phone rang as he was putting on his sneakers, exactly ten minutes later.
"You up or do I win?" asked James.
"I'm up. We're splitting it."
"We ain't splitting shit unless I see you outside your door in a minute. This ain't gonna be one of those 'I came close so we're still good' things, because I don't feel like-" James paused as Bobby opened his door and stepped outside the room "-cutting you a bit of slack. Also, you look like stir fried chicken shit."
"Hang up the phone and come on," said Bobby, his usual frown dropping onto his face. James grinned and ended the call. They headed down in the elevator together. Bobby leaned against the wall and resisted all efforts to start a conversation. "Need coffee," was all he said.
"How much soy sauce did Tommy dump on your ass last night to make you this salty?"
Bobby rolled his eyes and shot James the finger.
They picked James' car since it was closer, and headed out to the restaurant, which luckily for Bobby's caffeine thirst was only a few lights away. The restaurant was a little over half full, and they were able to get a booth and some relative privacy. The waiter poured them both coffee and Bobby started gulping his the second it was finished pouring. The hot coffee almost burned his mouth, but Bobby savored the pain. James leisurely took a sip of his own and looked over the menu.
"I can't wait to get some of that gravy in me. I'm gonna make it call me daddy today."
Bobby snickered.
"You think I'm playing. I'm serious. That gravy is gonna speak and holler when I'm done with it. Mmm. Bring it on."
"I'm glad I'm going to get to watch this. It's going to be the highlight of my day. I can feel it."
"Yeah, probably, since you fucked up so bad last night."
"Don't I know it."
James took another drink of his coffee. "Heard anything from AJ this morning?"
"Not a word."
The waiter came and took their orders. James took great pleasure in ordering extra biscuits. Bobby stuck with egg whites and turkey sausage.
"You and that protein, man. It ain't gonna kill you to relax and have some of those pancakes once in a while."
"Nothing wrong with egg whites. And isn't this place known for sausage anyway? Even their turkey sausage should be good, right?"
"You got me there. So tell me your side of the story. That's why I got you here."
Bobby laid it out for him in spare strokes. He added the details of the phone call between him and AJ, and after he finished, James sighed and concluded, "you are up shit creek, son, and your paddle just broke off."
"Yeah," Bobby said, looking down at his coffee and signaling for a refill.
"At least it lines up with what Tommy told me, so I know he is telling the truth. I thought I told you to leave that boy alone. But no, here you go pushing and prodding and fucking baiting that motherfucker. I should just leave your ass to dry, but I'm a kindhearted humble motherfucker, so I won't."
"Sexy, too."
"Yeah, that too, but like I said, I'm humble."
Their platters came, and James attacked the gravy, just like he said he would. He dipped his biscuit and started eating with an almost obscene joy. Bobby propped his chin on his hand and watched, smiling the whole time. James wiped a little gravy off his chin and asked, "you want in on this?"
"No. I'm enjoying the show, though."
"You don't know how bad I wanted some of this when I woke up this morning. It's enough to make a man holler and shoot a pig, I tell you." He slurped down another gravy coated biscuit and moaned loud enough to make the couple at the next table turn and stare.
"You've got some stuck in your beard," Bobby said.
"It'll be alright there, it ain't going nowhere," replied James. He took a quick break for a bite of sausage. "Anyway - mmm, this is the good shit right here - you need to stay the fuck away from Tommy. I mean, for good. Like, you can come to party with me sometimes when he's there, but don't make a habit of it, and for God's sake don't see him alone. You and him are trouble together. I got to hop around like a bunny with his ears on fire just to keep him from starting shit on a good day, and here you go, throwing gasoline. Leave well enough alone."
"I didn't mean to start anything."
"Yeah, yeah, I get the didn't mean to, I didn't want to, things just happened shit. That don't fly with me. You know it don't. What happened was that he caught his attitude and you caught an attitude with him and you fucked with him at every opportunity, which is just like you, and sometimes I want to break my foot off in your ass for doing it. I thought AJ would mellow you out. Little did I know it would make you even more insane."
"You think I'm insane, eh?"
"Sometimes."
"That's weird coming from you."
"I'm insane in a fun way. You could learn a lot from me. You don't see me starting no Jerry Springer shit like this."
"What about that time you fucked that girl in one town and fucked her sister in the next? You were sweating that time."
"See, now, why you bringing up that shit? Damn."
"You were looking over your shoulder for a whole fucking month."
"Well, wouldn't you be? One of them sent a whole gang of big toothless motherfuckers after me. Looked like a football team was coming to stomp my ass and strain me through a gate. I couldn't sleep for weeks. You bet your ass I didn't do any crazy shit like that again. Mmm. I kind of miss the sister sometimes. She did things with her tongue that had me shook." James chewed reflectively. "Almost wish I kept her number. It's the crazy hood chicks that have the best ass."
"Heard you say that before."
"Cause it's true."
Bobby's phone rang, and he pulled it out to check the display. It was Eric Bischoff. He sighed and said, "it's Bischoff. I gotta take this."
"You know it's bad news if he's calling this early in the morning."
"Of course." He answered the phone with a terse hello. Eric wasted no time.
"Bobby. Yes. I'm calling to tell you you're off the cruise."
"What? Why?"
"AJ called and asked for a favor. I'm happy to grant it." Eric's voice rang with barely concealed glee. "I guess things aren't going so well for you, are they? Trouble in paradise?"
Bobby closed his eyes and took a breath before speaking. "Things are fine. Just fine."
"Oh, that's your approach today, huh? Fine by me. We'll come up with something to explain it. That's all." He hung up. In his mind's eye Bobby could see Eric at his desk, practically rubbing his hands together with that smug smile on his face.
"What's going on?" asked James. "What did that slick piece of shit have to say?"
Bobby looked down into his coffee and was surprised that he was close to tears. He cradled his cup in both hands for a few seconds, and then drained it. James waited for him to finish and start talking, but the words didn't want to come out for Bobby. He kept looking at the empty bottom of his cup. His lips quivered as he fought to get his sadness under control. The waiter came by and refilled his cup as he stared at it; the black liquid swirled and settled, and in a bit a single tear dropped into it.
"Bobby," James spoke again, "what's going on?"
"I'm off the cruise," Bobby whispered, not looking up.
"What? Did Tommy talk to him? Lemme call Eric and get to the bottom of this shit right here." James dug in his pocket for his own phone, but Bobby stopped him.
"It wasn't him. It was AJ."
James stared at Bobby, astonished. "Damn. Damn man, I'm sorry." He reached out and covered one of Bobby's hands with his own. They stayed like that for a while. Bobby sniffed and tried to smile a thank you, but his lips would curve no higher than half an inch, and only briefly.
"Bobby," James said, "we are all taking our wives anyway. You wouldn't have had any time together."
"I know," Bobby said, "but it still sucks. I know I deserve it, too, so don't start." He looked forlornly down at his coffee again. James rubbed his hand once more and then took it away.
"I don't know what to say, man." James sighed.
"Me either. You got any of that gravy left?"
"Little bit."
"Let me have some."
James handed it over, plus the last biscuit, without a word. Bobby dipped and chewed slowly, trying to distract himself with the taste. "You know what?" he said between bites, "this stuff is pretty good."
"You really never had sausage gravy before?"
"It's not healthy."
"So? It's good, isn't it?"
"Sure is." Bobby chewed some more. "I see you got all the gravy out of your beard."
"Thought about leaving it there but they ain't paying me to advertise. If they comped the check I might rethink it. I almost wish they would sponsor us so we could eat free, but I know I'd be 450 pounds in no time breaking ring ropes and shit."
The reference brought a ghost of a smile to Bobby's lips. "Oh yeah. I remember that. Whatever happened to that guy?"
"I heard he works at Office Depot or something now. Dunno for sure." James settled back in his seat and looked for the waiter. "Don't worry about the check, man. I got it."
"Thanks. I'll get you next time." Bobby had finally gotten control of himself and was raring to leave. "See the waiter yet? I need to get a workout in before I start driving."
"Fueled up with that gravy, huh?"
"More or less."
"Shit'll have anybody walking right. Here he comes."
The waiter dropped off their check with a smile and a wave. James picked it up and took out his phone to figure out the tip. "So, Bobby, you gonna be all right?"
"Yeah. I don't want to talk anymore. I need to get to the gym."
"Well the next show isn't that far away, so you have time."
"Right."
"And if you don't know, now you know," James said, bobbing his head and smiling. Bobby smiled back, a little better this time. James pulled out a wad of dollar bills and dropped them on the table. "Alright, let's go."
They paid the bill and left. As they were driving back, Bobby texted AJ: "I apologize for what happened. understand why you did what you did. hope we can talk sometime soon." He didn't get a response.
"Texting AJ?" James asked.
"Of course."
"Yeah, he ain't saying anything to you no time soon."
"Nothing personal, anyway."
"That kind of sucks that you're working together. At least it's only one more month." At that, Bobby's mood sank again. James continued on, "And you know he's going to be a professional about it, at least."
"Me too."
"Wouldn't expect any less out of you."
Bobby looked out the window and said nothing. They drove back to the hotel in silence. Once they got back, Bobby said goodbye with a wave and went straight to the gym. He headed straight for the nearest treadmill and hopped on, not even bothering to set a time. Instead he ran faster. And faster.