A/N: This is the second of two new chapters. The first is entitled "Honey, I'm Home."

Disclaimer: I do not own the Bleach characters, manga, anime, movies, etc. They belong by copyright laws to Tite Kubo et al.

Every Teen's Worst Nightmare

My, How Time Flies

Ichigo's first night at Byakuya's had been spent staring at the ceiling and taking turns checking on Raiden with Rukia. The "nursery" had been transformed by the maids via the noble's orders, leaving it looking like something out of a rich man's fantasy. Everything had been Westernized, leaving the daiko to wonder just why Byakuya hadn't made things that way throughout the entire house. Surely if he was doing this for his sister, he would have given her a bed that was up off the floor. Maybe he didn't know that she preferred to sleep on a mattress that had springs beneath it instead of tatami mats. Not that he was going to bring the subject to the captain's attention. It would only make the male Kuchiki wonder how he knew such things. All in all, Raiden was one spoiled doll.

Eriko had been a big help, keeping the nuisance with her so that they could eat and do their other homework in peace. Ichigo had even managed to doze off to sleep before the electronic baby had decided to wake the entire household. The only upside to the whole thing was that Byakuya had been disturbed too.

Now the three of them walked to school together, the doll held by Rukia while Ichigo carried their bags and Byakuya numbly followed their reiatsus, a briefcase hanging almost limply from one hand. While he wanted to make a snide comment about Byakuya's "bright idea" of living together, the daiko was in too much sympathy with the other man at the moment to snipe at him.

Coming upon a coffee house that he normally ignored, Ichigo made the siblings wait while he went in. Returning, he stuck a steaming cup in the captain's hand and took a long drag of another before passing it off to Rukia. Neither minded about the "indirect kiss" that would result, the only thing concerning them at the moment was the necessity of waking up.

"What is this?" Byakuya questioned, still not used to living in a house with an infant.

"It's coffee, Nii-sama. Ichigo introduced it to me when I first came back from the Soul Society. It helps one 'wake up" in the morning." Rukia took a grateful sip from the cup her friend had given her, savoring the warmth and caffeine kick to her system. She didn't often drink it as it tended to make her hyper but in this case she rather thought she'd make an exception.

Byakuya didn't exactly grunt his appreciation for Ichigo's gesture but he gladly consumed the offering. They made their way to the high school in silence, the teens taking turns drinking from the second cup. Rukia was just handing it to Ichigo for the last time when they were met at the gate by Keigo and Mizuiro.

"Drinking out of the same cup?" the brunet asked suspiciously. "Isn't that unsanitary?"

"Actually, it's considered an indirect kiss," the playboy answered his friend in what was supposed to sound like an aside. Both were unaware of Byakuya's presence. Lack of sleep had done nothing for their ability to sense reiatsu or impending doom.

Instantly embarrassed, the two Shinigami quickly got rid of the evidence as soon as they came upon a garbage can. The elder Kuchiki's presence was probably the only thing preventing the two mischief makers from spreading some inconsequential rumor. As evidenced by the glare they were receiving the entire way to the classroom. After being escorted, Byakuya left them to go to the teachers' room, his awareness considerably greater after the coffee and perceived threat to his sister.

Ichigo took over glaring at his friends as they settled into their seats, the others noticing that something was wrong from the way Rukia was avoiding Ichigo's gaze. She'd never shied away from his bad mood before. The "Substitute Group" kept their thoughts to themselves, figuring that if they wanted to share what was wrong, they would when they were ready.

"You know, Ichigo, it is quite unfair. You've had an advantage over the rest of us since the very moment Kuchiki-san came to us." Keigo took his doll dispassionately from his partner; Honsho was no more immune to the crying of the babies than the other females in the class.

"One more word from either of you and I'll invite Ikkaku and Yumichika to stay awhile and say you volunteered to house them while they're here." Keigo squeaked, not needing any further elaboration. Mizuiro, who hadn't had the pleasure of housing a Shinigami, looked briefly interested.

"Well, I wouldn't mind having that strawberry blonde I met during our time in the Soul Society," he mused.

It took a moment to figure out who he meant but Ichigo eventually recalled that they'd encountered Matsumoto when she'd tried to save them from Aizen. "If Rangiku-san came, so would Toushiro because he doesn't trust her to stay out of trouble. You'd have no chance to flirt with her." The others who had had more interaction with the busty lieutenant shivered in apprehension. Toushiro Hitsugaya was a force to be reckoned with when in a bad mood. "Just think of him as a son or little brother that's far more responsible than his big sister or mother."

"She has a son?" Disappointment colored the playboy's voice. He didn't like sharing his women's attention.

"No!" Rukia shouted. "Ichigo, don't be telling him false information. If Captain Hitsugaya hears about this, he'll come after you." Annoyed, she sat down at her desk and took out the worksheet for their class project. Ichigo's neat handwriting stared up at her and she sighed.

"I'm just saying. I'll make your lives miserable if I hear anything false." The daiko narrowed his eyes meaningfully at Keigo and Mizuiro. He might have said more but the classroom door slid open and Byakuya entered, saving them from further torture.

"You will take your seats now, please." Displeasure still colored the aristocrat's voice and face but luckily he wasn't threatening anyone with Senbonzakura. Once everyone was seated, he accepted the worksheets and tucked them away to look at later. "Now we will begin the next phase of this project. Please remove the top part of the doll's clothing and open the access panel to the controls."

"Is this punishment for the doll's crying all night?" Ichigo asked, laying Raiden out on his desk.

"I am not so petty, Kurosaki. This is part of the plan Ochi-san came up with in the beginning with the help of Urahara."

"That's worse," Uryuu commented, the others murmuring their agreement. "Just what does he have in store now?" the Quincy asked suspiciously.

"We will be 'aging' your dolls to an age where they will begin, according to my notes, to display what doctors call babies' firsts. To what degree and exactly what traits will have already been predetermined by the computers' programs." Byakuya was also dreading what the ex-Shinigami genius had come up with. Knowing Urahara, he'd made something special for those humans who had spiritual abilities. He already suspected that "Raiden" had been programed to be just as loud and annoying as his "father."

Tatsuki looked at her doll, its buttons exposed for the transformation. "Mom has been amused so far but if it does something obscene, I'm telling her it's all your fault, Ichigo."

"Oh, come on, Tatsuki, what's obscene about a baby's firsts? A word, a step, a tooth? Even Urahara wouldn't risk getting several parents angry at him by doing something stupid. We can always have Yoruichi-san beat the crap out of him." Privately the daiko thought the cat woman was having her own laugh over the entire situation.

"If you are through, we will begin. Please follow my directions exactly. Any mistakes will result in an error of disastrous proportions. Knowing the inventor as I do, 'disastrous' is probably putting it mildly."

"Gee, great way to inspire confidence, sensei," Ichigo said, looking at his "son" warily. For all they knew, there was some sort of kido bomb attached to the system.

"Forgive me, but as you know, technology is not a hobby of mine, Kurosaki. Let us begin. Opening the panel, press and hold the third green button on the right. While holding the green button, press the second blue button from the left once. After pressing the blue button and while still holding the green, press the first red button on the right. Immediately release the green button afterwards." Ichigo and his classmates did as they were told, several different tones echoing throughout the room. When they were done, they were treated to Urahara's cheerful voice greeting them.

"Congratulations class 1-3! You are now proud parents of children ranging in ages eight months to eighteen months! Time flies when you're having fun, doesn't it? Enjoy!"

In one of those rare occasions when Ichigo and Byakuya actually agreed on something, the two hot headed Shinigami males exchanged looks of absolute horror. "Ah, hell."

"Indeed."