A/N At last, some significant progress is made in more ways than one.

Chapter 32

The Doctor showed Rose around the inside of the bungalow, re-familiarizing her with this place he once never thought would have ever been forgotten.

For Rose, just knowing this was where they essentially spent their honeymoon made her see the space with an even greater sense of wonder. The bedroom, open to the veranda facing the ocean, with its gorgeous four-poster mahogany bed and white gauze canopy fluttering softly in the breeze was the picture of romance, but in all truth Rose would have been swept away by a bare room with nothing more than a mat on the floor. Just knowing this was a place that held such significance for them took her breath away every bit as much as the visual beauty.

After showing Rose the interior, pleased once again to find that she very much approved of this place, they stepped out onto the veranda together. The Doctor then made a suggestion of an activity for the day. He didn't want her to be feeling glum over still not remembering. He wanted this to be a good day.

"How about a picnic, Rose?" he asked. "It's a perfect day for it, and I know just the place. Green Island, off the eastern coast. It's uninhabited – the ideal place for a bit of exploring," he waggled an adventurous brow. "And perfect for a picnic, too. We can pop down east in the TARDIS and then, to get the full experience, rent a boat from there to take us to the island. How does that sound?"

"Oh, that sounds lovely!" Rose beamed happily in reply.

With the psychic paper acting as the Doctor's license, they rented a small runabout and set out on the clear blue water, glittering brightly in the midday sun. Fortunately for Rose, her stomach cooperated for the boat ride, and she had even worked up quite an appetite by the time they reached the small island and took an exploratory walk together, the Doctor enthusiastically lecturing on any and all local flora and fauna they came upon. He could make every moment feel like an adventure. Rose loved each minute of it, just being with him like this. Afterwards they set up their picnic on the beach at the water's edge, the Doctor's long brown coat spread out for them to sit on. A sampling of delicious sandwiches was shared between them, and Rose wasn't sure if she had the Doctor or the TARDIS to thank for preparing their delectable fare (though she suspected the latter), but it was thoroughly enjoyed either way.

Rose had taken off her shoes, and she sat with her feet stretched out off the Doctor's coat they reclined upon, curling her toes into the warm sand. The bright sun felt divine, chasing away the chill she'd been feeling since the day before. Rose closed her eyes and inhaled deeply through her nose. Mingled with the fresh scent of the ocean, she could almost detect something more...like...apple grass.

The Doctor's head snapped around to look at her. "What did you say, Rose?"

She opened her eyes. Had she said that out loud? Where had that thought even come from? "I...guess I said something about apple grass," she shrugged.

The Doctor gaped at her for several seconds. "New Earth," he murmured.

"The place with cat-Nuns and Cassandra you told me about?" she asked.

He quickly nodded his head, eyes fixed on hers and a smile coming to his face that could only be described as huge. "Cat-Nuns, Cassandra, and apple grass. But I didn't mention the apple grass."

Rose racked her mind trying to recall the specific memory. She couldn't quite place it, but some part of it was undeniably still there, trying to break the surface. The entire day was that much brighter for them just knowing she was still making progress.

As the two ate their lunch together, the Doctor had been telling Rose more tales of their travels hoping to spark more memories, but there was one story in particular she wanted to hear more than any other. During a brief lull in the conversation, Rose took the opportunity to ask what had been on her mind, nearly from the moment she learned of the life she now shared with the Doctor. He had offered to tell her this before when she was first learning of everything, but she wasn't ready. Now she was.

Taking a sip from her thermos of water, she then flipped the cap closed and sat it down, turning towards the Doctor as he finished off the last of his sandwich, licking a bit of mustard off his thumb. "I want to know more about...us," she began, gaining his full attention as his eyes found and settled on hers. "How did this happen? I mean, how did we get to this point together? It's just...something I didn't think would ever happen for us – for a lot of reasons," she admitted. The Doctor she had known had been so guarded with his feelings and that wasn't something she could see changing easily, even with a new regeneration. How had those walls come down?

The Doctor curled his hands on the fabric of his trousers as he knelt beside her, contemplating her question, his mind falling back to how things had developed to this point between them. "It didn't come easily," he confessed. "You could say it was a slow fall. I suppose it all started when we temporarily lost the TARDIS." The Doctor smiled and shook his head slightly as he corrected himself. "No. It started in a shop basement when I told you to run." Rose felt her heart skip a beat at his words. "But I suppose losing the TARDIS was the catalyst that sped the inevitable, because the truth of it is we were always destined for this, you and me. I couldn't have resisted it if I tried – and I did try," he said regretfully. "Oh, there were so many reasons why I thought we couldn't be together. I didn't think I deserved you – I'm still not convinced on that point – and I didn't think you would want to be with someone like me once you truly knew me. I had so much darkness within, Rose. That is something that I will never fully escape, but you have made me so much better."

Rose felt a little overwhelmed by his words and undeserving of such veneration. What could she, a shop girl, have done to ease the unimaginable burdens of such an ancient being? "But I've never done anything...remarkable. I don't see how I could–"

"By being you," he interjected. "Just you. You have taught me so much about life and love and forgiveness, Rose. You stood between me and a Dalek and made me put down my weapon and let go of hatred. When I trapped you on an impossible planet you didn't blame me for it, and you were the strong one who came up with a plan for what to do next if I hadn't been able to bring you back home. You saved me when I was trapped within a drawing by a creature harnessing ionic energy because you recognized the sheer power of love." He smiled slowly, his eyes sparkling in the sun. "And you stood up on a stage, looked me in the eyes, and sang to me from your soul of the love you felt inside. That's when I knew I didn't stand a chance. What man or Time Lord could?"

Rose was bemused. "I...hold on, what?"

"It was during the time I mentioned when we were separated from the TARDIS. We were sent four months into the past by a temporal displacement wave, and we had to spend that time living together on Earth, waiting for the point in time when we could return to where the TARDIS had been. We shared a flat. A very small flat..." His voice dropped a deliberate note lower with those words. "And we both found jobs. I took a position teaching and you found work singing at a local club."

A troubled look crossed Rose's face as the name 'Jimmy Stone' invaded her thoughts, but the Doctor placed his hand on her shoulder in reassurance. "It's okay, Rose. You told me about the past. And I was so proud of how you overcame that and didn't let those painful memories stop you from singing again." Rose smiled tentatively as he continued. "Day after day I found myself wanting you – needing you all the more, but I was afraid. I was afraid of letting go only to lose you. But then something happened that made me realize just how easily I could have lost you, and I knew then that having you completely, come what may, was infinitely better than holding back and forever regretting what I never let us have, never let us become." He paused, taking a deep breath. "So I brought you here, to this place, and gave myself fully to you."

Rose struggled to find the words to say in response. She was caught between wanting to fully let go, yet still fighting past lingering feelings of insecurity. In some ways she had loved the Doctor and wanted him for so long, but in other ways she was just getting to know who he truly was – had just learned who he was now and of their life together the day before.

The Doctor could see the struggle within her anxious eyes. That fear of fully letting go was something he was all too familiar with. Gently, he took her hand, curling his fingers around hers. "You once told me that I made simple things too complicated, and that, Rose, was an understatement. I know this isn't exactly a simple situation for you to suddenly find yourself in, but it doesn't have to be unduly complicated, either. I don't want you to feel pressure to fit into a life you don't remember. Just be you and I'll be me, and the rest will come, I promise. What I said to you yesterday will always be true: I will wait for you, Rose, for as long as it takes."

Rose dipped her head, then turned, her eyes drifting out across the water as his words settled within her, soothing her, healing her. When she turned back to face the Doctor, tears were brimming in her eyes and began tracking down her face. Her swelling love for him in this moment felt like it might overtake her, and any last remaining uncertainty of feeling as if she didn't fully know him began to vaporize. She did know him, in her very soul. Her tear-filled eyes were locked on his, transfixed. She couldn't turn away. The Doctor reached forward, cupping her face in his hands and wiping her falling tears with his thumbs. As his hands made contact with her skin, her heart felt as if it was going to pound out of her chest, blood rushing in her ears. Rose drew a sudden, sharp breath, her eyes squeezing shut as something powerful began crashing over her, uncontrolled, surging. It felt like release.

The Doctor's hands moved to her shoulders, gripping firmly. "Rose, what is it? What's wrong – are you alright?" His words were spoken quickly in concern, and the sound of him only amplified what was taking place. She knew that voice; and not as a voice she'd just heard for the first time mere weeks ago.

Her breathing was rapid, her chest heaving, and several moments passed before she was able to even reply as previously-distorted images of her life began to become clear. Slowly, she opened her eyes again and focused on him. As she took several deep gulps of air and her rate of breathing slowed, the look in her eyes had changed. There was clarity. This time, she was seeing him. She had been trying so hard to force it, yet it began to come once she simply let go.

"I remember," she whispered, the words trembling on her lips. She then repeated it, her voice rising louder. "I remember you. My Doctor." She gulped in one more breath, and her grin nearly split her face in two as a watery laugh burst forth along with the words. "You're rude and not ginger with a gob that never stops, you love the Muppet Movie and edible ball bearings, you have a mole between your shoulder blades, a slight weakness in the dorsal tubercle, you need a hand to hold to get across the universe, you never stop running, and trouble is just the bits in between!" She finished with a gleeful shout.

The Doctor's eyes were as wide as his open mouth. "Rose, do you...do you remember it all? Everything?"

Rose shook her head, her smile slightly faltering but still in place. "Not everything, but I know I will. I don't remember us getting to the point we're at now. But I remember us from before, you and me, the Stuff of Legends. The trips you were telling me of – I remember them." Rose laughed breathlessly to herself as she stared off, reveling in being able to remember those times together. She frowned momentarily, then looked at him with a raised brow. "And you conveniently left out Reinette. But I'll let you pass this time." Her smile grew wide once more. "I remember you!" Rose launched herself towards him and into his open arms. "I remember you," she repeated into the side of his neck.

The Doctor tightened his grip around her. "Rose. Oh, Rose, you never stop amazing me."

-:-:-:-

The Doctor and Rose returned to the bungalow that evening, each one feeling like a thousand pound weight had lifted. Rose still had the most recent memories that were missing, but both were certain it would just be a matter of time before they returned. Surely. Rose no longer felt torn trying to accept him as the Doctor and reconcile two men in her mind. She knew him as the Doctor – her pinstriped Doctor. The man she loved.

And oh how she loved him. The feeling of being overwhelmed by it all continued, but now it was for quite a different reason. It was almost beyond her comprehension to know that her deepest desire, her most intense longing, had come true. The Doctor, this Doctor, loved her in the same way she loved him, and he had been able to open himself to her and share that love in a way she thought would never happen. It was astounding. And she was having his baby. Never – even in her fantasies – had she allowed herself to even dream of that possibility.

Rose wanted the return of every single memory of her time with him now more than ever. But she didn't need to remember loving him in the past in order to love him in the present. She already knew how it felt to be in love with him, with this version of him; what she still longed to know, however, was how it felt to be loved by him, completely, without restraint. Knowing that this was something he would not withhold from her made Rose almost lightheaded at the thought. He had said he would wait for her. Rose no longer wanted to wait.

She wasn't sure how far he would allow himself to take things with her right away. He had been so restrained, not even coming close to doing anything he thought she might not be comfortable with. She needed him to know she felt no more hesitation. Well, in truth she still felt more than a little overwhelmed at the thought, but she wanted more of him. Even if it was just a press of his lips to hers, a touch of that fire, she craved it. She needed him as much as he needed her.

Rose decided she wanted to sleep in the bungalow tonight. The balmy air sweeping from the veranda into the bedroom felt blissful. She had retrieved a pair of pajamas from the TARDIS and brought them into the bungalow's bedroom to change. Rose didn't know just how much would happen between the two of them tonight, but she did know without a doubt she wanted the Doctor beside her as she slept. He had offered the night before to sleep with her, causing Rose to flush at the memory and unwitting connotation, so she knew he would accept if she requested this of him. Once she had changed for the night, Rose settled in her mind that she would go find him in the TARDIS and ask him. He was still being the utmost gentlemen, giving her as much space as she needed. She was steadily beginning to want less space.

Rose had already removed her shoes and pulled off her jumper, but paused at her waist as her fingers went to the button of her jeans. She walked over to the floor-length mirror in the room and stood in front of it, gazing at her reflection. Her hands moved down to rest over her smooth, flat stomach, imagining the changes that would take place in her as their baby grew. She was again filled with awe in knowing that a new life was now growing inside her – a life she and the Doctor created.

She heard quiet movement behind her. Rose lifted her eyes from her belly, and in the mirror caught sight of the Doctor standing in the doorway. Her heart immediately began thudding hard in her chest. His dark eyes gazed at her with a look of passion so intense it made her breath catch on its way up her throat. She wondered what it would be like to have him look at her like that without holding himself back.

She was still wearing her jeans and bra, but Rose felt completely unclothed before him as he took her in, as if his eyes penetrated not only through cloth, but through to her soul. Something passed over his heated countenance and he snapped himself to attention, standing more rigid. His eyes that had swept over her body found hers and looked apologetic and hesitant.

His Adam's apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed heavily and spoke. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...I just...I was just checking on you to see if you needed anything." His eyes darted away, settling on anything but her half-clothed form. "I'll just...be back out here if..." His words trailed off as he retreated out of the room.

Rose's heart was still pounding, but that rush of adrenaline gave her the boldness to do what she did next. "Doctor?" she called, somehow managing to find her voice. She wondered if it was possible to die from wanting someone so much in a single moment.

The sound of his trainers squeaking on the smooth wood floors stopped, then slowly grew near. He reappeared in the doorway, his face questioning.

"I...I do need something."

He nodded. "Anything, Rose. What is it?"

"I need you."