A/N: I had nine reviews for chapter nine, interesting, isn't it? Thank you, Kauro Kato, JaegerjaquezLover101, Reason to Scatter, Assault Godzilla, Rukia's Reflection, XIce-and-SnowX, novicestar, Dark Inu Fan, and Sadie(dot)spotty. And thank you to everyone who added this or its author to their lists. This chapter would probably be one of those that you want to read in a quiet corner with no one else in the room.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Bleach characters, manga, anime, movies, etc. They belong by copyright laws to Tite Kubo et al.

Every Teen's Worst Nightmare

Out of the Pan and into the Fire

Rukia and Ichigo slumped on the way home, trudging after Byakuya with none of their normal diffidence or disregard for the noble. For his part, the older Shinigami was dreading the homework assignment. If it hadn't been so unfair to the rest of the class, he would have warned the two teens the night before. While he wasn't too worried over what the clan would think (most would ignore the doll as a piece of Real World oddity), he wasn't so convinced that his division would see the whole project with the same disinterest. Renji especially would no doubt make things entirely more complicated than they had to be.

"We will leave for the Soul Society after your other homework is done." Trying to sound normal, the captain opened the door to the house he was renting and nodded a greeting to the maid who was waiting for them.

"Yes, Nii-sama."

"You know, maybe you should go ahead of us, Byakuya. To get the lay of the land, so to speak." Ichigo was sure that there was wild speculation about him and Rukia all over the Seireitei by now. "You can help dispel any rumors that might be making the rounds. It would give you a little time away from the doll. Since it's the weekend, I suppose you'll want us to stay with you at the manor."

Rukia tried to smile at the daiko, showing her pleasure at his consideration for her brother. "That's nice of you, Ichigo. Nii-sama must have a lot to do since he's staying here for a while longer. We'll follow as soon as the others have picked up their dolls and our work is done."

Byakuya glanced back and forth between the two and considered their offer. If he went back first, he could no doubt find time to himself away from the craziness that the doll was bound to create. "Very well. I expect you at dinner." Going to his room, the noble changed and packed what was necessary for the trip to the Soul Society.

It never occurred to him that Ichigo had just offered him up as the sacrificial goat.

Eriko slid the door shut on the nursery, letting Kei and Hana sleep another few minutes while she returned the eldest electronic child to his parents. Even on "babysitter" mode, Raiden was a handful. While she didn't mind being of assistance to Rukia-sama and her friend, she would be glad to go home when the project was all over. She and the other maids had come to the conclusion that the only babies they wanted to help take care of were real ones. Perhaps in a few years, her lord's sister would marry and gift the clan with an heir.

"Rukia-sama, Kurosaki-san, someone wants to see you," she said quietly, not missing the flashes of apprehension that crossed their faces.

"Mama!" the doll called, its internal computer recognizing Rukia. He ignored Ichigo in favor of the petite woman.

"We're back, Raiden," Rukia said patiently, all thoughts of foreboding wiped from her face. The doll really was cute. It's eyes had darkened to match hers, something she figured Urahara had programed to happen according to what doll was assigned to what person as she'd noticed it on the others in class as well although theirs had certainly been tailor made. Raiden's hair, which was just a fabrication, had been… She blinked, thinking that she was seeing things.

"Hey, his hair changed color. How did that happen?" Ichigo checked the baby's head, finding small fiber optics threaded through the fake hair. "Ah, that's pretty neat. Urahara's program made it look like a cross between the two of us. Not bad, at least he got Mom's hair and not mine." The Vizard grinned at the maid. "Did the other two do the same?"

"Yes, it was quite disconcerting at first but your father stopped by and explained things. It seems he and the inventor are acquainted with one another." Eriko smiled gently before turning to go. Now that the lord of the house wasn't home, she felt not a smidgen of guilt in leaving the two alone together. If they hadn't done anything inappropriate by now, then it was likely that they wouldn't.

"Ichigo, is this normal?" Rukia asked, lifted Raiden to her hip.

"Yeah, some babies' hair lightens or darkens as they get older. It's really no big deal although they usually don't do it so drastically. Dad has a couple of kids that come to the clinic who took after one parent when they were born but now look like the other. Don't worry, as long as the kid doesn't start performing kido spells, no one will suspect this is anything but a high-tech doll." Ichigo ruffled Rukia's hair gently before sitting down at the table to start his homework. The others had taken the opportunity to do theirs in peace and quiet before getting their dolls from Eriko. He had a feeling there would be some very appreciative teenagers coming to the door soon. Rukia soon took her things out to join him, leaning over to see what subject he was doing. While she wouldn't exactly copy answers, she wasn't above watching how he did it.

The two finished their homework in relative peace, only being interrupted by the arrival of their friends. Both sets of partners stared in open confusion for several moments at their dolls, wondering if they had gotten the wrong house. After assured that it was "normal" for a child's appearance to change as it got older, they shrugged and left. Ichigo didn't tell them that the extremes Urahara had gone to was out of the ordinary.

"We can't put it off any longer," Rukia said, seeing the look of dread on his face.

"I know. Who should we visit first?"

"I'll need to report into my division when we arrive. Then we can go to Nii-sama's." Her answer obvious didn't satisfy him as he groaned and got to his feet unwillingly.

"You do know that all the trouble we've encountered so far can be laid squarely at the feet of your division's two third seats. Or at least at Kiyone Kotetsu's."

"That's all the more reason for us to visit there first; just in case Nii-sama hasn't made the rounds completely yet." Rukia missed the devilish smirk that crossed her partner's face.

By his estimation, Byakuya was still getting mobbed and it wouldn't have surprised him if the soutaicho or Central Forty-Six had summoned him to explain the situation. "Fine, let me go pop Kon into my body and warn the maids. You might as well leave Chappy in your gigai too. It's only for a couple of days and the others can make sure those two souls don't do anything stupid."

"I'll pack Raiden's things and give them a call." She scooped the doll up into her arms and went to the nursery. Ichigo put away their books, intent on taking them to their rooms. When he looked up, it was to find Eriko staring at him, amusement in her eyes.

"Eriko-san?"

"By suggesting my lord go first, you made it so he'd get the brunt of the questions about you and Rukia-sama, didn't you?"

"Yeah," the daiko answered, unrepentant.

"He's going to come after you for that," she warned with laughter in her voice as she walked away. "That's always assuming you're still in one piece after his sister is through with you."

"It'll be worth it," he called, shutting the door behind him. He'd worry about the siblings' reactions later.

Electronic child and paraphernalia in hand, the two Shinigami stood in front of the Senkaimon and prepared to enter into the Soul Society. Two Hell Butterflies flew out of the passage, guiding them into the other world. When they came out of the regular gate, the courtyard was conspicuously empty. "Ichigo, I don't like the looks of this," Rukia said, unnerved by the lack of greeting. Since it had been an official gate, their entrance would have been noted. And because of all the commotion the doll had created, she had assumed that there'd be at least one Shinigami present who would have wanted to tease them, or tease Ichigo anyway.

"Right, so let's do what any prudent warrior would do in this case—run. If they're not here now, they will be soon. Even if your third seats are a pain and bound to do something stupid, at least Ukitake-san is level headed." Even as he made the suggestion, he felt several reiatsus headed their way. In a panic, the orange haired war hero transformed, using his bankai state to beat an even quicker retreat with Rukia and the doll in tow.

They made it to the thirteenth division, surprising Kiyone and Sentarou with their mad dash for safety. "Kurosaki-san, Kuchiki-san!" the young woman shouted, staring in open mouthed astonishment at the two and the "child" Rukia held.

"Third Seat Kotetsu," Rukia returned when Ichigo finally put her down and returned to his normal state. "We apologize for the interruption."

"You had a baby!" Sentarou cried disbelievingly. "I heard the rumors but…"

"You idiot, she didn't have a baby! When in the last year would she have been pregnant? You've seen her off and on the whole time!" Ichigo took a threatening step towards the other male but was forestalled by Raiden reaching out for him. He took the doll and held it on his hip like Rukia did. "It's a class project. I knew there would be rumors flying about us but I didn't think anyone would be that stupid. This is Raiden, and he's supposed to be about one and a half years old."

"Hello, Raiden," Kiyone said, for once keeping her voice down. She reached out to touch the little boy but was shocked to find that instead of human skin, she felt a synthetic material for the doll's surface. Looking at the two in front of her, she frowned in concern. Moving closer to Rukia, she whispered, "It's not real, Kuchiki-san."

"Of course, not!" she snapped back. "We just said that it was a class project. Hasn't Nii-sama explained things yet?"

"We haven't received any message from Kuchiki-taicho," Sentarou said, looking with confusion at the doll. Raiden for his part was acting shy, as if he were a real child uneasy about being with people he didn't know.

"Forget it," Ichigo sighed. "Can we just see Ukitake-san?"

"You want to introduce a doll to Taicho?" Kiyone asked loudly.

Raiden, not liking the volume of the woman's voice assaulting his sensors, whimpered once before crying loudly. "Great, thanks a lot," Ichigo groused, gently bouncing him on his hip.

"Perhaps you should see Taicho," the female third seat murmured. "He hasn't been feeling well, but maybe this will cheer him up." It'll either cheer him or cause him to collapse; Kiyone went on to think but didn't voice her concern out loud. The orange haired war hero was already irritated. His reiatsu might not affect his friends or family but that didn't mean it couldn't make someone else sick but its pressing closeness.

As one the four Shinigami and Raiden turned towards the division's office, only to halt in their tracks when they came face-to-face with Shunsui Kyōraku and his lieutenant. The eighth division leaders stared at the doll, only one of them daring to voice his thoughts. "Yare, yare, Nanao-chan. It seems that some of the rumors are true. What have you been up to Kuchiki-san, Kurosaki-kun?"

"I do believe you are mistaken, Captain," the dark haired woman said, pushing up her glasses. "That child is clearly a doll."

"Really?" he questioned, leaning over to get a closer look. Radien's nose, whose sensors were probably just as good as the ones that made up his hearing, was assaulted by sake fumes. In response, Shunsui was gifted with the loudest yell the doll could generate. The captain reared back, the sound clearly throwing him for a loop. "I do believe you're right, Nanao. My, this interesting. So that's what Byakuya-kun was trying to explain."

"Trying to explain?" Rukia asked, a nasty suspicion starting to enter her head.

"Kuchiki-taicho had called a meeting for captains and lieutenants to clear up any misunderstandings that may have been perpetuated by the incomplete report about this doll," Nanao began to explain. "Unfortunately, the truth had been so misconstrued, that he wasn't able to get very far in his explanation before he was bombarded with questions. And that was after he was mobbed by Kurosaki-san's fan girls on the way to the first division. Apparently, while they didn't believe he had had a child with you during the last year, they did believe that you two were now expecting a child. I'm sure you can imagine the chaos." Giving her captain a disapproving look, she sighed. "Comments from certain people did not help."

Shock went through her and she turned on her partner. The biggest grin she'd ever seen on Ichigo's face graced his mug now, making her suspicion fact. "I'm going to kill you! You knew this was going to happen!"

"I didn't know I had fan girls here!" he protested, unable to stop the grin. He shunpo'd out of her reach when she tried to hit him. "Now, now, Rukia. You shouldn't try to hit me in front of our son."

"Prepare yourself, Ichigo Kurosaki!" she shouted back, pulling her Zanpakutou.

Ichigo felt the temperature drop drastically as she called forth her shikai. Knowing that he would have to run for his life now, he turned to the only responsible adult in the room. "Raiden, this is Lieutenant Ise. Ise-san, this is Raiden. Hold him for me, will you?" he asked before running away.

Nanao held the doll out and watched as the two teens left the thirteenth division in a hurry. "Hello, Raiden," she said dryly.

"Nanao-chan! Would you like to practice being parents?" Shunsui asked, once again seeing the humor in the situation.

"Not on your life," his lieutenant snapped back. Sighing, she wondered briefly if she shouldn't have warned Kurosaki that Kuchiki-taicho was in the direction he'd fled in.

"Kurosaki!" echoed through the Seireitei and she shrugged. It was too late now.

The daiko had just gone from the pan straight into the fire.